Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
by Mayonaka no Ame
Summary: Near the end of her pilgrimage, Yuna decides she needs to extract a little more from life. One guardian is more than willing to help, til the end. An inevitable end made all the more horrifying, because she dared to love him.
1. CrazyBeautiful

"_Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the _

_imagination and bottling the common sense. "_

--**Helen Rowland **

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 1 …_Crazy/Beautiful_…**

"Yuna…?" he whispered in her ear, so close she could feel the breath of his words on her neck.

She smiled…

Her own sweet, secret smile and yet continued to feign sleep and be comforted by the gentle rubbing on her upper arms in an attempt to rouse her. His words were involuntarily lulling her into such a blissful reverie of which she not dare disturb for fear of losing this perfect moment of peace. And yet he pursued…he having always been the more pushy one of the two.

Glancing around the camp once again to assure himself that his comrades were indeed still in deep sleep, Tidus dared to speak again.

"Ohh Yuuuunnaaa….?" He cooed, brushing away a few errant strands of hair from her face, placing them gently behind her ear and thus revealing her glowing smile. "I know you're awake" he said, while un-intentionally matching her playful expression "you're grinning like an idiot".

The jig being up, Yuna regrettably gave up the charade and opened her eyes with a sigh. He was behind her, and even though it was too dark to see an inch in front of her nose, she felt him enveloping her, and saw in her mind's eye the arrogant smirk now obviously adorning his lips.

"Of course I'm awake…"she whispered to the empty darkness in front of her, not daring to face him yet since her giddiness was far past the point of embarrassing. "How could I sleep? Today being the day that it is…"

She heard him laugh mildly, followed by the sensation of strong arms wrapping themselves around her waist and a soft kiss on the back of her neck. Though his actions were harmless, Yuna couldn't help but tense up, her back rigid against his warm embrace.

Everyone was around them…what if Lulu just peeped an eye open for a second and saw this?...they weren't suppose to know…they wouldn't approve…their plans would be ruined…

"Not now Tidus." She hissed in the strictest voice she could muster, which, to say the least, wasn't at all very threatening coming from someone so small. And yet still, the fluttering kisses continued down her neck, her resolve melting a little with each. "You're crazy!"

"And you're beautiful."

"Tidus…please…"

He was teasing of course. He understood. He always understood, and as silently as he arrived from his original place across the camp ground, she felt his warmth slip away and only heard him again as he nestled back into his own sleeping bag a good 20 feet away.

With his abrupt departure, Yuna shivered, suddenly feeling hollow as she pulled her blankets more tightly around herself to ward off the chill of night in the Calm Lands…sending Tidus away suddenly seemed like the most foolhardy decision she had ever made (and that included the decision to marry Seymour). But regrets were for the weak...the future is what to look forward too. And according to the moon's position in the sky, there were only another 20 minutes left until things were set in motion...

Twenty minutes until her life changed forever.

For the hundredth time that night, she checked that the blaring lights of Rin's Calm Lands travel agency were still visible on the horizon. Her heart almost stopped when her eyes met nothing but darkness in front of her…that is until she remembered that the travel agency was in the complete opposite direction. She glanced over her shoulder, where of course the faint glow of the tented inn was stationed exactly where it had been five minute prior. And upon its sight she found she was able to let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

Paranoid didn't even begin to describe her trepidation.

While letting out a sigh of relief, Yuna noticed how nervous she actually was as her hands began to shake even under the protection of both her quilt and the gloves she had put on in anticipation of the event. The outside temperature could even be described as somewhat warm this specific evening…needless to say, it wasn't the cold causing her tremors.

In a desperate attempt to calm her nerves, Yuna triple checked her small pouch of items she had scrounged up during this last few weeks of planning: Guard Bangle, potions, wild flowers, Sake (stolen from Auron at the risk of Tidus' neck) and her white gloves…all there…nothing to fear…and yet still the tremors continued. In fact, they had gotten worse.

While closing her eyes and clutching her hands to her madly beating heart, Yuna took several deep breaths of moist, grassland-air, practicing her calming exercises that had been part of her summoner training in the event of an emotional breakdown (which happened more often that Yevon cared to mention in their scriptures). She, herself had had several small, internal episodes with every final goodbye, more strongly as she neared the end of her journey…not that any of those small "episodes" came close the sensory overload that she had experience that night in Macalania…

'_Macalania'…_

With a sudden clarity, Yuna's eyes popped open and her pulse slowed to a healthy rhythm, abruptly dissolving terror into peace as the bliss of memory enclosed her. That night was now six weeks past and yet still she could picture the scene as though it had happened yesterday. The feel of his lips upon hers had caused an almost feverish reaction in her body…a stimulation which both excited and scared the hell out of her at the same time: a confusing buddle of sensations that stumped her to this day as to how to interpret them.

Not much had happened since then. The Calm Lands were indeed worthy of the title seeing as it was nothing more than a deserted plain on which nothing ever happened. Even the occasional fiends they stumbled upon were sleeping half the time, making the battles painfully easy. Lulu however, had been the one to come up with the brilliant decision of using this, their last link to civilization, as a good place to hang around and level up before conquering Gagazet and Zanarkand. For two weeks that had been doing nothing but that, and though everyone was bored out of their minds, Yuna and Tidus were more than grateful for the extra time to organize, though they made sure to complain as much as the others in an attempt to hide their scheming.

So as not to alert the others of their growing relationship, secret rendezvous (such as that night at the lake) had been few and far between, each one more eager, intense and _shorter_ than the last. In summary, due to the crowded nature of their journey and the concession that getting caught was not an option; the physical intimacy they so craved was moving slower than a snail with a limp.

Patience, however, was one of Yuna's virtues (if not one of Tidus', who still made several daily advances despite the danger) and she had rather be slowly digested in the belly of a Bikanel Desert worm than cause any of her guardians shame, grief or even discomfort. And as such, the decision had been made that the others must never know, for the sake of her honor (she **was** just recently widowed), for the sake of their peace of mind (the label of "traitors" already a difficult enough burden to bear), and _mainly_ for Tidus' physical health! Having been repeatedly warned against "seducing" Yuna at regular intervals in the journey by every senior member of the party, the option of castrating him upon discovery was a genuine concern.

Yet still, despite the extreme caution taken not to be alone, not to touch or even glance longingly, his every chaste gesture, such as helping her up a slope, brushing her fingers when passing her a bowl, even just knowing he was standing behind her in battles at the ready to jump in and defend her from attacks…everything, his mere existence sent bolts of electricity up her spine.

And when they spoke? It was mainly about trivial things, incorporated with the group's general discussion but Tidus, however, somehow always found a way to sneak in some suggestive comment, aimed away from her of course but still causing enough of a reaction to make her blush madly and need to excuse herself.

A rustle from Lulu's sleeping bag next to her, followed by a yawn, swiftly pulled Yuna out of her trance.

'_Lulu…awake? Why?...why now? With only minutes to go? She knows of course! She knows the entire plan, since she always knows everything! I was stupid to think we could get this past her. Stupid! Stupid!'_

Panic seized her as she tore off her gloves and buried them and her pouch of items under the folds of her skirt, already hidden by the quilt, just in case Lulu had x-ray vision. She dare not move…dare not even breathe for a full minute, waiting for blaring lights to suddenly shine in her face at any second as the black mage's interrogation began. She would crumble of course under the pressure, let the entire plan slip out in a fit of sobs and from then on she would be chained down during the nights and Tidus would have his legs broken and everything, EVERYTHING would be ruined!...

Another minute passed…and still nothing…then another and another…nothing.

Spurred by potential hope, Yuna dared to poke her head out from under the covers where she had been hiding, and to her relief, the first sound to fill her ears was the smooth deep breathing rhythm of a black mage, deep in sleep.

Paranoid didn't even begin to describe it…

Falling onto her back in relief, the young summoner clapped her hands over her mouth in a desperate attempt to muffle her giggles at her own ridiculousness.

'_Ten minutes now'_ she reminded herself, staring at the night sky and acknowledging the moon and stars position. It was beautiful night…perfect in fact for such an occasion. Whichever God was indeed in control of her destiny, he was smiling down upon her tonight, giving her his blessing.

Letting the wind tickle her face, she let her eyes gradually close and her nervousness melt away into the serenity of the night.

Tonight would change the way things were…the way things would be at the end. Of course she knew she were breaking all the rules for young female summoners, who are all meant to remain virgin statues until the day they died, but she had already thrown caution to the wind. It was too late. It had been too late the moment she had laid eyes on him and asked him to accompany her on her journey. Everybody had been so confused as to what prompted her decision, and she too, in fact, had had no idea what provoked the invite. Only now, almost a year later, did she realized that some buried, subconscious part of her mind had always had cruel intentions towards this attractive young athlete who was thrown into her path.

Though the thoughts were completely unconscious, Yuna only now realized that her death would be that much more terrible if she were not to experience certain things first. Tidus' kiss had brought these thoughts finally bubbling furiously to the surface and her indifferent demeanor had instantly crumbled. She didn't want to die, she realized. Not like this. Not without having even done one spontaneous, "immoral" thing in her entire existence. She had only ever lived for her mission, if that was to be called living at all.

She would die though, her continuing the pilgrimage was always, and will forever be, carved in stone. Her people were still the first on her list…but a close second was a certain blonde, blue-eyed blitzer: a goofy, impulsive, live for the moment kinda guy who had all too easily stolen her heart. First with attraction (she may be a virgin summoner but she wasn't **dead**!) then with his coy, boyish charm, his arrogance at all things blitzball related, his kindness, his innocence to all the terrors of Spira and finally, only recently, with his touch.

She remembered one time…a month ago upon their traveling along the endless valley that linked Macalania to the Calm Lands…the night when all this had been put into motion. Their kiss at the spring had been two weeks prior and Tidus had since been constantly attempting a repeat, to Yuna's chagrin. Both of them were still confused and had yet to have any time alone to discuss things. All too enthusiastic about the prospect of a potential relationship with Yuna, Tidus had yet to understand that discretion was the better part of valor.

'_He is indeed crazy'_ she affirmed with her memories of that day, giggling to herself. _'Crazy and Beautiful'. _What a night that had been…so painfully long ago, their last encounter…

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yes, I know. The Crazy/Beautiful idea is a shameless rip from the movie. But only that line! My original rough draft went something like: "You're insane!" "And you're beautiful" and then I suddenly remembered that a movie was based on that same line and I kicked myself saying "dammit! Every good idea has already been taken!" And thus I decided, what the hell, lets go all the way and change it too "Crazy/Beautiful" so that people don't think I'm just stealing an idea and paraphrasing in an attempt to make it my own. It's not my own, I meant it the mirror that line. But please note that I've never even seen that movie so nothing in this fic will relate to it. It's simply a great line. :P

On another note: This is the first fic I've posted in years…During the boring hours of college classes I've written more than 14 of theses from start to finish but this one in particular touched me, as you'll see why with upcoming chapters, most of which are already written out so do not fear me leaving this one hanging like "The Promise" (my other fic). Like it so far? I'm not at all changing the FFX storyline, this pretty much follows the same events from the Calm Lands on, with some added, between the lines romance which I found the story lacked. So enjoy! Next chapter up soon. REVIEW!


	2. Anything and Everything

_"Love is a fire.  
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house,  
you can never tell."_  
**--****Joan Crawford**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 2 …_Anything and Everything_ …**

'_Four weeks ago…our last encounter…it had all started that night in the woods…'_

It was already near dusk when the group finally decided to stop and set up camp. They had been walking for 7 hours straight, at Lulu's demand, and everybody was more than exhausted when the black mage finally found a spot "suitable" to rest for the night. In fact, they had already passed 20 perfect spots for camp in the last two hours, seeing as they were in a valley and the mountains on either side for miles provided millions of stone shelter options.

Tidus and Rikku, true to form, had been quick to point this out…repeatedly and relentlessly. The two blondes had in fact started complaining hours before, only 45 minutes after they had first set out that morning, constantly nagging an indifferent Lulu into settling. Their pleas were of course ignored, that is until now, when even the unyielding mage was starting to feel the pull of fatigue begin to drag her feet.

"We rest here for the night" she said, suddenly stopping short before what was obviously a pre-used campground, causing Wakka, who was following a little too closely, to smash into her and lose his balance. Lulu only rolled her eyes.

"FINALLY!" both Tidus and Rikku exclaimed loudly in unison, promptly dropping their heavy gear to the ground with a loud _thunk_ as they exaggerated flexing their stiff muscles.

"Geez Lulu, are you TRYING to kill us?" Rikku flopped down onto one of the stone seats surrounding a charred depression she supposed was once a fire pit. "Why won't you just let me call my dad to pick us up in the airship so we can skip all this slave labor? It's not like we have any other temples we hafta visit?"

Her request was met with dead silence as they all exchanged apprehensive glances.

Yuna, thank goodness, was still far away enough from the group to be out of earshot, quaintly picking wild flowers in the distance while Kimahri watched over. Upon finding it safe to act, Wakka gave the Al Bhed girl a firm nudge in the ribs and nodded towards her cousin in the field. It took her a few seconds, but she eventually understood.

"Ohhh…" she blushed, embarrassed at her apparent selfishness.

"Yeah…'ohh' is right" replied Wakka, awkwardly returning his attention to his gear in search of his collection of fire kindle.

They couldn't speed this journey up…because the weeks of travel time they'd save using to airship would be subtracted from Yuna's life. And not one of them would consider that option, despite the hassles of taking the long road.

Of course, no one dared to talk about it, and in silent agreement they all got busy with their appointed task of making the wilderness suitable to prepare dinner and sleep.

By the time Yuna returned, the camp was in full swing. Lulu was sprinkling spices into a steaming cauldron, Rikku was chopping vegetables, Auron was leaning against the rocky slope of the mountain, taking discreet swigs from his sake bottle while Wakka and Tidus relaxed by the fire, their tasks of starting the fire and setting up the beds already carried out.

Tidus' back was to her as he discussed something animatedly with Wakka (probably Blitzball) and as she watched his flailing gestures and listened to his echoing laugh, Yuna couldn't help but feel…feel everything.

Butterflies in her stomach, a lump in her throat, fire in her veins, practically every cliché imaginable she was currently experiencing just by the sight of him. It had been two weeks since that night in Macalania and still the memory of it haunted her every waking second. She had hoped it would go away with time. She had hoped that her firm logic could override her emotions…and she still believed that with determination, it was possible. She just needed to avoid him a bit longer.

Even though Lulu and Rikku were more than enough to handle supper, Yuna headed over to the cooking corner, relentless in her mission to block Tidus from her mind until she forgot the whole episode. And yet, with every step she took, the scandalous scene continued to re-play in her mind in a horrifying loop.

'_His flashing blue eyes staring at her with unadulterated hunger…'_

'_His arms around her…enveloping her…hand pressed against the small of her back.'_

'_His lips…his touch…'_

'_The pulsing heat she had felt when he kissed her…'_

Desperate, Yuna clamped her hands to the sides of her head and wished she could scream without drawing attention to herself.

'_Yevon, why can't I forget!... Please just let me forget!'_

"Yuna?"

"Huh?" she hastily let one of her hands fall normally to her side and pretended to use to other to scratch behind her ear. With a deep breath to compose herself, she twisted around to meet Wakka's eyes with her trademark smile plastered on her face. "What's up?"

"This little punk thinks we should trade Botta as Offense with Letty as Keeper! Can you **BELIEVE** that?"

With an exasperated groan, Tidus placed a reluctant hand on his captain's shoulder "It makes perfect sense! I mean look at their stats…"

"They've been playing those positions since any of us can remember! How can you just waltz in here and think…"

"What better reason than that to mix it up then, don't you think?"

Wakka simply shrugged his hand off and pleaded with his eyes for his fellow villager's support. "Tell 'im Yuna! Those guys don't know how to play any other position, ya!"

The young summoner simply fixed her eyes on the ground, pretending to be fascinated with the dirt she was re-arranging with her foot. "Well uh…Tidus…uh, he is captain after all so maybe…"

"Captain Shmaptain!" Tidus interjected angrily, jumping over the log he was sitting on the join Wakka's side in staring down Yuna. "Who says he knows better?"

"I've been in the game longer than you've been alive!"

"Oh…and you've won how many games? Lets count shall we…?" Tidus dramatically raised his hand to his face, preparing to count on his fingers for effect.

"I swear boy you're heading for disaster."

"One…two…two…oh wait." He shoved his two raised digits in his captain's face. "THAT'S IT!"

"And **THAT** was the last straw! You're going down brudda!"

"Bring it on Tubby!"

"Boys please!" Yuna rushed forward to step between her two guardians, pushing them both at either end of her arms' length. Despite her personal pledge to stay away from all things Tidus related, desperate times called for desperate measures. And although she was all too aware of her hand splayed firmly against his bear chest, she swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to endure the tingling sensation resonating from the point of contact. There wasn't much choice after all since she wouldn't put it past either of them to cause serious injury to one another for the sake of a stupid blitzball argument. "It's not like either of you will be playing blitzball for a long while yet anyway. For my sake, can you please burry this argument until then?"

'_At least wait until I'm dead'_…

With a sigh Tidus stepped out of her reach, regrettably breaking the link between them of which Yuna couldn't help but feel stunned in its absence. Then, in the first time in weeks, by complete accident, they made eye contact.

It lasted only a few seconds and yet it seemed like an eternity as every fear and worry of his own radiated from his eyes into her mind. Why she was avoiding him. What had changed? What had he done? And most importantly, did she still feel the same?

In an instant Yuna suddenly felt an unimaginable amount of shame thrust upon her conscience. Her proceeding actions from that night onward had been childish indeed and it was entirely plausible that he was equally, if not more so, confused than her as to how to handle the situation. Right then, she wished nothing more than to have a few moments alone with him, if only to explain things and put his mind at ease. He had to understand that she would not…she could not…fall for him.

_But the truth was…in the back of her mind…she already knew that that ship had long since sailed._

Whatever the outcome, all three of the party couldn't help but notice that the silence had long since become uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry Wakka." Tidus' whispered calmly, seemingly in a trance, his eyes glued on Yuna. "I don't know what I did to push you away. But I'd do anything to fix it."

"Well you can start off by not…"

"It wasn't anything you **did**!" Yuna interjected, taking a step back and sheepishly fiddling with her long earring. "It was an accident. A slip on both our…I mean, your" she pointedly flicked her eyes towards Wakka "parts. It won't happen again."

"It wasn't an accident!" Wakka stated in an annoyed tone, completed oblivious to the underlying argument taking place. "This guy's just an arrogant, cocky, son of a…"

"He's right!" Tidus spat back "It wasn't an accident! It was more! And I think you think so too!"

"Aha! So you admit I'm right?" Wakka sneered triumphantly.

"Ya know what I think?" the frustration Tidus had been bottling up these past weeks was slowly leaking through his calm exterior. "I think you're afraid. Afraid to let something good happen to you. After all, it would ruin the whole 'tortured soul' bit wouldn't it?"

"In what world is switching Botta and Letty to be considered a **good** thing?"

"I…I don't want to talk about this anymore. You boys can figure it out cant you?" her hands shook as she pushed her hair behind her ears and reluctantly yet forcefully tore her eyes away to resume her dirt examination. "I have to help Lulu prepare dinner. Excuse me." And as quickly as she could, Yuna swiveled around with every intention of diving into the Lulu's boiling soup headfirst and thus allowing the inevitable bandages around her head to prevent her from ever seeing him again and thus falling into such an emotional frenzy…at least not until the pilgrimage was over.

But someone up there wasn't smiling upon her today, and in the midst of her get away Wakka caught her arm, knowing her too well than to let her run off when obviously upset.

"I…I'm sorry Yuna." Her guardian said with a guilty smile, an expression which always made her feel at ease no matter what the situation. "I know you have way more important things on your mind than our little squabble. And we promise to be good from now on. Don't we Tidus?"

The blond blitzer, having somehow mastered the art of hiding his emotions, had instantly transformed from angry lover into platonic, caring guardian. "I'm sorry too Yuna." He assured in such a genuine tone that Yuna almost believed it.

"And plus!" Wakka cut in, throwing one of his meaty arms around her shoulder. "Lulu seems to have enough help don't ya think? Why don't you come and hang out with us by the fire? I promise no shop talk, ya? And besides, you look cold."

Little did he know that her shivering had nothing to do with the temperature. Still, despite her former desperate need to get away, the offer of relaxation was indeed tempting, and true to his observation, Lulu did indeed have Auron and Rikku at hand, both looking bored as they stared into the cauldron and watched Lulu stir.

And with no more ado, the three of them settled themselves around the campfire, Wakka and Tidus sharing a log on one side, while Yuna remained opposite. Sipping her canteen of water as a distraction, she watched the boys get back into their blitzball argument, all too soon forgetting the promise they had made to her to keep away from the subject. But she didn't mind, watching them argue was entertainment enough for her seeing as they appallingly resembled a bickering old married couple. She laughed at the thought…it was refreshing to laugh.

Her peace was short lived, of course, for a mere 5 minutes after she had sat down, Wakka had Tidus in a strangle hold, both of them rolling around in the dirt, having fallen backwards off the log, Tidus laughing his head off between gasps for air, while Wakka wrung his neck.

It turns out that another subject that Wakka was overly sensitive to was his all too obvious obsession with his dead brother's fiancée, of which Tidus was all too eager to tease him about at every opportune moment. This time it had been especially embarrassing since Wakka had been caught in a salivating, deranged-like stupor while staring towards the cooking area in the middle of one of their arguments. Upon following his line of vision, Tidus' eyes were scarred with the image of Lulu bending over to fix one of the many buckles on her dress. Even from across the campsite, her cleavage looking dangerously close to popping out. With a belly laugh, Tidus had fallen off the log he had been sitting on, backward onto the sand, pointing at the rapidly reddening Wakka. And thus, how they arrived at the present situation: Tidus refusing to stop laughing and Wakka refusing to give him enough air.

"Oh man! I wish I had a camera!" Tidus somehow strangled out the words, despite to blocked air pipe.

"Quit it, ya?" Wakka bent down to the younger blitzer's level, his hands now busy trying to make their way to Tidus' mouth to cover it while he, still on his back, slapped the intruding heavy hands away, still giggling furiously. The fight eventually turned into a playful wrestling match, of which Yuna interpreted as harmless and didn't feel the need to intervene for the second time. Instead she kept an entertained eye on the boys, while sipping her water and praying to Yevon (old habits die hard) that Lulu didn't notice and demand an explanation. The cooking party, thank goodness, had yet to detect the scuffle.

However, the playful wrestling match had now gone on for a good 5 minutes behind the log. They had been lucky so far but it couldn't hold out that much longer. What if they really hurt each other? With a small annoyed sigh at being the involuntary referee, Yuna made her way to their side of the campfire.

"Children **PLEASE**!" she hissed, failing to sound intimidating but at least loud enough to capture their attention. "Do you _want_ Lulu to come over here and discover that you're fighting over her…her **breasts**!" The word 'breasts' coming out of Yuna's mouth was enough to make both of them relent, Wakka's jaw even dropped a little, "You're adults! And if you want to live to see a new day, I suggest **not** angering the black mage who, need I remind you, recently acquired the Ultima spell."

They both winced, having witnessed that specific spell's power tear several fiends to bloody shreds only a few hours before. Logic, thankfully, was victorious over machismo as they silently helped each other up and began to brush the dirt off their clothes.

"He started it." Wakka couldn't help but interject, giving the half composed Tidus a forceful push back into the dirt.

"Hey! Yuna? Did you see what he…"

But the young, exasperated summoner was already back in her seat, simply shaking her head in dismay. With a grunt of satisfaction, Wakka strode proudly towards Lulu, Auron and Rikku, mercifully ignoring the multiple clumps of dirt that were thrown at his head as he walked away.

"Pft…jerk." Tidus mumbled as he attempted to renew himself from the scuffle, wincing as he returned to his log seat, and began untying the laces of his yellow boots. As he moved, Yuna couldn't help but watch in awe, almost as if her eyes were magnetically pulled toward his body.

He removed his heavy boots gingerly, brushing off the dirt stuck to the yellow leather before upturning them and dumping out an impressive amount of sand onto the burnt grass. With a grimace, he then rolled up his pant legs, taking note of the few bruises and brushing off yet more sand from his tanned calf.

It wasn't much of a peep show…only his legs…His bronzed, sculpted and glistening slightly with sweat from the both the heat and recent exercise, leg. And yet, the fact that she had never seen this part of him exposed before somehow caused her temperature to rise, flushing her cheeks. She knew she shouldn't be doing this. Even just looking at him she felt she was committing the most atrocious of sins. And yet, despite all reason, she couldn't tear herself away. She was definitely pulling a 'Wakka', probably even had the same dopey look on her face. Luckily, the object of her confusion had yet to notice.

Next, while rubbing his shoulder and glaring angrily in the general direction of Wakka, Tidus unclipped the straps of his uniform and stripped off the yellow shirt underneath, exposing at last the toned upper chest she had only caught glimpses of.

Yuna, immediately, started to choke…her sip of water having gone down the wrong tube, dribbling it down the front of her summoner's kimono as she turned, if possible an even deeper shade of red.

Attracted by the sound of her coughing, while still rubbing his shoulder, Tidus' eyes fixed on Yuna across the fire. An amused smile adorned his handsome face as he watched her fan herself, trying to look discreet while occasional coughs escaped her pink lips, the lightest part of her impossibly flushed face.

Truth be told, he hadn't given a second thought to exposing himself in order to relax a pulled muscle, but upon seeing the effect it had on Yuna, teasing was inevitable. No one was immune to his childishness.

"Like what you see?" he joked, posing ridiculously, muscles flexed for show. By Zanarkand standards, Tidus was considered more than a little scrawny for his profession, all the other blitzball players being, in majority, bulky men like Wakka in order to fend off attacks and throw long distances. His specific talents, however, were such speed and agility, that his small size didn't matter since he could almost always avoid full on attacks. He knew very well that his popularity with women was mainly because of his father and his position with the Zanarkand Abes. By normal teenage standards, he was simply "cute". "Attractive" wasn't really a word ever used to describe him. Thus why he thought the 'showing off' for Yuna would be considered funny, it had never occurred to him that his actions were making the innocent Lady all too uncomfortable.

With a panicked glance around to make sure everyone was pre-occupied (which, thankfully they were), Yuna hastily covered her eyes and gestured frantically for him to clothe himself.

"Oh….ok." he said, upon deciphering the cryptic message in her flailing hands. Tidus delicately replaced his shirt, shoes and buckles and before gently announcing that he was decent and secretly stumped as to why she was acting so oddly. She lived on a tropical island after all, where many of the men ran around in only _loincloths_ all the time! What was the problem?

Then again, the rules may be different for summoners and their guardians. Consider Issaru and his brothers? All three of them were draped in conservative clothing in even the hottest climate. But then there was the other end of the spectrum, Donna and Barthello. The etiquette rules of Spira were so confusing.

Whatever the reason, it was amusing to see Yuna all riled up. Even after he dressed she still wouldn't look at him, eyes glued to where the other guardians were preparing the meal, cheeks burning.

As inconspicuously as he could, Tidus dared to make his way to the other side of the campfire, daintily placing himself next to her under the guise of wanting to share her water. Her eyes widened in fear as he drew closer, her grip so tight on her canteen that her knuckles were white.

Upturning his own canteen, illustrating that it was indeed empty, he gestured towards hers. "I'm parched…" he explained with an innocent shrug "And I think I have sand coating the inside of my throat". He gave a raspy cough to demonstrate, and Yuna felt herself unwind a little. The valley passage between Macalania and the Calm Lands was indeed a long dusty stretch and he would obviously be thirsty…that was all…It made sense… she was simply very paranoid.

"Uh, sure." She said with a smile, dropping her tense demeanor and passing over her water, assuring herself that his prior 'scandalous' actions were nothing more than a misunderstanding on her part.

…But as her fingers brushed his…Time stopped.

The canteen fell into the grass with a quiet **thunk**, draining and forgotten.

Tidus had that look in his eyes…that heated gaze and flashing blue eyes she had only seen once before, those few nights ago in Macalania Spring…right before she had thrown all her inhibitions to the wind and done things a young, widowed, virgin summoner shouldn't even be aware of…

Their finger tips pressed together. Those pressed fingers soon became linked hands and Tidus gently scooted closer, his face lowering dangerously close to hers and by whatever brain malfunction had shut down all logic, Yuna felt her eyes close and licked her lips in anticipation.

Millimeters from her mouth, Tidus paused, suddenly becoming the voice of reason. "What if they see?" he asked, a hint of humor in his tone. She knew he didn't consider publicizing their relationship such a big deal, and for the past two weeks he had been constantly trying to trick her into somehow revealing it…like now for example.

And yet, even though she knew it was a trick, the feel of his breath on her cheek was all too intoxicating – wild shoopuffs could not have dragged her away from this moment.

"I don't care." She whispered in reply, her voice musky and foreign to her own ears. Though her eyes were still closed, Yuna could almost sense his victorious smirk. Luckily, he knew well enough when to shut up, and there was no hesitation this time when he finally closed the gap between them, and kissed her.

It was even better than the first time…

This time it was no surprise and after two weeks of mind grueling abstinence she was horrified to discover that she practically ached for his touch. What had begun as a soft pressing of his lips against hers, instantly ignited into an explosion of passion and even though this time they weren't swimming, she still felt as if she were floating away. And yet again, she felt that terrible heat…the heat that controlled her every move.

Before she knew it, she had her hands tangled furiously in his hair, pressing his face closer, honestly believing that she could never be close enough for satisfaction. They pushed themselves against each other, his hands pressing equally hard against her back, trying to get as much contact as possible considering their log sitting positions.

This was horrible…so very horrible!…so amazingly, heart-stopping-ly, explosively horrible…

And then…

**CLANG! **

**GASP!**

Tidus and Yuna sprang apart, pushing each other to other ends of the bench, gasping for breath as they tried to compose themselves.

"**WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE!"** They heard Lulu scream from across the campground. The two, caught in the act, winced at the sound, giving each other solemn last glances that seemed to say. _'Well, it was nice knowing you…!'_ . And then, with last deep breaths, they turned to face their foes, expecting the screaming and beatings to begin at any second.

Surprisingly, the scene they were witnessing was not a murderous rampage but a somewhat amusing tableau. Wakka, in an attempt to impress Lulu, had offered to help her cook the meal, even though it was not his turn. Confused, but too exhausted to deny a helping hand, the mage gave him strict instructions to watch the soup, stirring occasionally, while she gathered some vitamin rich herbs from the plain.

Proud of himself for getting on her good side, Wakka dutifully went to his assigned task of stirring. Several minutes later, he started salivating: the scent of the soup and his growling stomach being a dangerous combination. Considering it harmless, the bulky blitzer dared to dip his finger in for a taste. The result was him screaming as his digit made contact with the **boiling** broth, upturning the pot in the process of removing said digit as fast as possible.

Presently, the soup was being absorbed by some lucky dirt, creating some great smelling mud, Wakka was tenderly sucking his finger, Lulu was screaming, Auron was shaking his head while taking another swig of sake all while Rikku rolled around on her back in a fit of giggles.

Kimahri of course, remained stoic and blank-faced. All the time he was simply staring into the distance, taking his role as camp guard all too seriously. If it hadn't been for the twitching tail one could almost confuse him with a statue. Not even Rikku rolling over his massive paw-feet could produce a change of expression.

In all the chaos of the accident, no one had noticed the couple's all too public display of affection. Still, instead of feeling relief, they remained frozen, neither daring to move until they were purposefully caught doing nothing.

Upon confirming that nothing but a few drop remained in the pot, with a sigh of annoyance, Lulu began designating jobs for everyone, determined not to starve just because her would-have-been brother-in-law was an idiot.

"You two!" she yelled, pointing in the general direction of Yuna and Tidus, too busy attempting to clean up to notice their 'deer in the headlights' expressions. "Head over to those woods over there" she gestured to a small cluster of trees in the distance. "The bark has some nutritive element" she explained, interpreting their blank stares as confusion. "Yevon help me, I **refuse** to starve tonight. We have a long day tomorrow."

The couple exchanged questioning glances…

Lulu…**THE** Lulu, who didn't trust him as far as she could throw him…she was sending her adopted daughter alone…into the woods…with him?

They continued to stare at her, waiting for her to realize her mistake, contemplating how disturbed she must be over the loss of the meal to assign such a task. They contemplated right to the edge of her patience.

"**GO**!" she ordered, hurling a collection basket in their direction, which Tidus barely had time to register and catch before the wicker poked out his eyes.

"Well…" he shrugged, standing up and dusting off his pants "she doesn't have to tell me twice. Shall we?" He held out his hand for her, but she ignored it. She was so ashamed she couldn't even look at him,.

Taking the hint, Tidus let his hand drop, awkwardly fidgeting to disguise his offer. Carefully, he placed the basket next to her before jogging off to retrieve his sword from the pile of weapons, not daring to count on luck to protect them from any stray fiends on the way.

Yuna shuddered the moment he was out of her personal space, wrapping her arms around herself in comfort while practicing her calming exercises.

'_Stupid…so incredibly stupid!'_

And yet, she couldn't have resisted. She had no will power whatsoever! She legitimately feared (should the situation arise in the future) that the moment he fixed her with that stare of his, she would be helpless. Audience or no, she would do anything he asked…'_anything and everything'_.

Her lack of self control was more than just embarrassing…it was downright scary.

"Yuna? Get going!" Lulu insisted, pointing towards Tidus, who was already waiting at the edge of the campsite, pretending to be fascinated with the decorative ribbons of his sword. He couldn't meet her eyes either. Clutching her basket to her chest, the summoner rose from her seat, somewhat shakily following her guardian out into the open, careful to keep more than a few feet behind him.

Whatever temporary insanity had prompted Lulu to send them off together, she was grateful. They needed to talk…**badly**. '_Once in the shelter of the woods…'

* * *

_

**Author's Notes: **Okay, if you haven't realize yet, this whole scene takes place in the past from the first chapter. As will the next two following chapter describe events that lead to their secret "plan" discussed in the first chapter. Sorry about making them so long. I always start with a shot scene I want to get out and then end up stretching the hell out of it. Oh well…Do you have any idea what the mysterious plan in? lol :P. Review with any feedback…good or bad I'm open to it. Also, so you think I should make my chapters shorter? I may even split this one in two. Tell me what you think…REVIEW!


	3. Human Nature

**-Warning-**: This work is rated "**T" for teen **and the following sexual subject matter may be considered offensive or shocking for readers less than 14 years of age and is meant for a semi-mature audience. Please take this rating into account before continuing.

**---Manuel, age 8, on Love…**

_"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, _

_but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." _**  
**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 3 …_Human Nature_ …**

_Whatever temporary insanity had prompted Lulu to send them off together, she was grateful. They needed to talk…**badly**. Once in the shelter of the woods…_

The passage across the plain was excruciatingly long and awkward for both parties as they spent the entire 20 minutes in such a dead silence that they could still hear the pots clanging and Wakka's wailing in the distance as Lulu chased him, hitting him senseless with a frying pan at every opportunity as they ran around the campsite.

Lulu took her meals frighteningly seriously, and especially this one since the day's travel had been the most drawn out and tedious one yet. Messing with her stew may have indeed been Wakka's **last** mistake, had he not been Chappu's brother and as such, immune to her murder attempts. However, that did not stop her from at least maiming him. And even though his punishment did seem a bit harsh, judging by his echoing yelps, Tidus couldn't help but smirk. He considered the mage's wrath on his captain as indirect justice served for their previous argument about switching up the team's positions.

"_Serves you right," _he mumbled to himself in self-satisfaction "_asshole_".

"Excuse me?"

He stopped short upon the shock of hearing her speak. Despite his previous diagnosis that Yuna was in some state of shock and thus unable to communicate, her hearing apparently worked all too well. As slowly as possible, so as to have time to think up an alternative to his outburst, he turned to face her.

"Uhh…I said: I hope she serves …casserole?" he smiled lamely with an innocent shrug of the shoulders, to which she simply cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. It was a lame attempt to hide his expletive, but Yuna graciously allowed it to slide with a wave of her hand.

"Whatever, just know that Wakka is like a brother to me. And I won't stand for anyone who treats him with disrespect!"

'_Whaaa?...and you're lecturing **me** while your other guardian is surely causing some brain damage to your precious "almost brother"!'! _He thought with annoyance, yet held his tongue, perfectly aware that Yuna was lashing out at him for completely different reasons than concern for the self-proclaimed 'village-idiot'. After all, Wakka's skull was abnormally thick and Lulu surely wasn't putting _all_ her strength into her swings…at least he hoped not.

"It's not disrespect." He explained calmly, digging the point of his sword into the ground so that he didn't have to hold it while they talked. "He's my friend after all. It was just a temporary annoyance."

"So, when you're annoyed with your friends you hit them and call them names?"

"Well…yeah! He knows I'm not serious. It's all fun and games."

Yuna's put her hands on her hips at this, giving him a glare of sarcastic wonder. "Oh really? Guess I've been doing it wrong all these years, what with my compliments and being supportive…and by my not…pressuring them into doing things they don't want to do! I suppose 'being friends' means different things to us then, huh?"

Tidus mentally rolled his eyes. The subject of the recent kiss had to come up eventually, and leave it to Yuna to pick a fight out of the blue in which to cleverly vent her frustration under the guise of defending her friend. She really was deep into denial.

In fact, she was completely submerged in it.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked with a grin, baiting her with his arrogance which, of course, only heightened her irritation.

"Of course I'm mad at you! Wakka is…"

"Do you wanna scream?"

"I…huh?" She paused for a moment, suddenly at a loss for words as she was brought temporarily into the past…

_The temple of fire in Kilika …only a few days after they had met…_

_Tidus, spurred by frustration, began randomly screaming at the top of his lungs in the midst of a dozen or so priest and villagers. They all honestly thought he had gone insane, until he calmed down within a minute or too, as cheerful as ever and simply continued on toward the village as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. _

_Within a few hours, they had all forgotten about it._ Until now that is…

"It's not that difficult ya know?..." He said, taking advantage of her silence and daring to take a small step toward her, yet still careful to remain out of arms' reach.

Yuna instantly felt her initial anger begin to dissolve into trepidation, as she took at step back to match his and contain the distance. They were talking, that was good, but she wouldn't let it turn into anything else, no matter what.

"Not difficult to do what?" she asked, desperate to keep the conversation going…hoping that maybe, at some time, she may actually get to the point.

"To do something so completely odd, completely pointless, just simply because you **feel **the need to do it. Like scream when you feel frustrated, pick a fight with your friends because you feel they annoyed you, take a megaphone and yell at an opposing team on the docks because you're determined to win," she giggled clumsily at that, remembering the ridiculousness of that day in Luca. Still, he continued his list, intent on hammering the idea into her head, "It's not as crazy as you think. Just to let go and let yourself fall is sometimes the best feeling in the world. Screw reason! Screw Logic! You curse when you stub your toe, don't you? Jump around when you have to go to the bathroom? Punch a wall when you lose a game …"

"Or kiss someone you're meant to be protecting…you do it simply because you **feel** the **need** to?" Though she phrased it as rhetorical, Tidus sensed that it was a loaded question, its underlying meaning was all too obvious.

A slow smile crept onto his lips, as he nodded demurely to acknowledge her reply. "That's right" he said, through his grin. If she was insisting on having this "talk" through code, then two could play that game. "Exactly that…it's only natural to feel and do such things. To feel the need to be close…that pest called 'human nature' I suppose." He laughed then, fully expecting her to join him in the idiocy of the entire conversation. But instead he was met with silence. Somehow, somewhere, he had hit a nerve, as Yuna bowed her head once more, eyed glued on her basket as she fidgeted with the wicker strands in an almost violent manner.

"Just because its 'natural' doesn't mean it right…" she said in a broken voice, her tone was low and severe, so much so that he was taken aback by the unadulterated anger laced within her words. "I don't want to be the outlet to fulfill your 'natural' needs any longer. Please just leave me alone from now on…ok?"

_Oops..._Tidus thought with a cringe. He hadn't meant to say it that way. That wasn't what he meant at all!

"Yuna, please understand that…"

"We have to hurry. The sun's setting." She interjected firmly, this time having the courage to look him in the eyes, breaking his heart in the process. Though her lips were a tight thin line and her eyebrows were drawn together, her true emotions radiated through her multi-colored eyes, shining with unshed tears. She did her best to maintain her stern expression as she aggressively brushed past him, speed walking toward the forest.

"Yuna…wait!"

But she ignored him, already well on her way ahead.

With a sigh, Tidus could do nothing but pull out his sword from the ground and follow her at a brisk pace, keeping a close eye out for any suspicious movement in the tall grass, while still being careful to keep his distance. The sun was indeed lowering dangerously on the horizon, and Lulu probably calmed down by now, realized that she had sent the un-trust worthy "boy" into to woods with the cherished summoner and was, without a doubt, waiting on edge for their return.

Ahead of him, Yuna disappeared into the shelter of the forest and with a deep breath, he was quick to follow. They didn't have much time, but he was resolute to at least set things straight before the night was over…but how to even begin?

Determined to keep the subject finalized and desperate to return to camp as soon as possible, Yuna had immediately begun stripping bark upon arrival at a frantic pace, so that by the time she noticed him, out of the corner of her eye, catch up to her, the basket was almost one third full. Tidus, however, thankfully did not seem in the mood to talk either, and instead mimicked her actions, placing himself at a tree directly behind her, out of sight so that she could only hear the slicing echo of him stripping the bark in sync with her movements.

They worked silently, each sensitive to each others presence yet completely ignorant of the obvious tension between them. Every few minutes, he came up behind her and dumped a handful of strips into the basket she held before returning elsewhere. And every time he came close, despite her mind's eager insistence that that short fling chapter of her life was indeed closed, she couldn't help the slight flush the rose in her cheeks every time he did it, knowing that he was only a few inches behind her, within her reach should she feel the need.

Somehow, it was comforting to know.

All too soon, the basket was full…and yet still, for some unknown reason, she continued to strip the bark.

On and on, she didn't stop, even after Tidus dumped his last batch, making it overflow past the brim. She kept on it. Going slower this time, stripping slowly and delicately to make the motion last.

'_It's done'_ she told herself, after spending an absurd 2 minutes removing one thin strip of bark as delicately as if she had been performing surgery. _'We should go back. I've said what I've had to say, we have the bark. It's done.' _

And yet she kept on going, realizing a few moments later that, to her horror, she was attempting to prolong the moment alone with him…despite all reason.

'_But why?...why! It doesn't make sense! It's completely illogical! It's…'_

But with a sigh, she interrupted her own thoughts, the previous conversation with him floating all too clearly into her mind. _'It doesn't have to make sense'_ she could hear him saying in the back of her mind _'all you have to do is **feel**…'_

She wanted to get out of there.

She wanted to get back to camp, continue her pilgrimage and pretend these last two weeks never happened.

But what she needed?…well that was a completely different story.

What her entire being was screaming for her to do at the moment was take him in her arms and let all her pain fade away in that intense haze of passion that enveloped her despite her knowledge of his cruel intentions. She needed to feel it again…at least one last time before the end. And this may very be their last chance.

What she also needed was a few extra minutes to gather the last of her courage…and so, she continued stripping bark, building up a pointless pile at her feet.

* * *

Tidus had long since stopped collecting, now obviously aware that the task had long since been completed and instead opted to lean against a tree and bask in the simple pleasure of watching her work while sorting out her thoughts. She was so precise, so delicate from the way her hands traveled over the trunk, searching for snags to pull, to the way she placed the bark on the forest floor (the basket having long since been filled). She made every menial, bland action somehow graceful. 

She wasn't "hot" as he'd have once called some of the women back home. Not "delicious", "scrumptious", "delectable" or any other adjective used for pastries that his teammates used to use to describe their flavors of the week.

"Simple", that she was.

"Fragile" went without saying.

…and, all around, absolutely breath taking.

Looking at her made him feel instant shame…shame of his past…shame of his old views on women and _especially_ shame at having once considered her a potential conquest when they first met in Besaid.

Needless to say, Yuna was different. So much so that the inevitable prospect of remaining sexually frustrated for a longgggg time while pursuing her, was not as terrifying an idea as initially presumed. The way she reacted, even by a simple brushing of their fingers, was somehow physically gratifying in itself.

She was so naïve, so pure…the idea that he had been the first one to ever touch her that way was so stimulating, his mind tingled just imagining what her reaction would be should he ever get the chance to ever **really** touch her…

'_No…'_

He mentally slapped himself to get the intense images out of his head. In another 2 months he would have been in Spira for a year…a year of zilch, nadda, complete and total abstinence which clashed deeply with his previous lifestyle of constant wine, women and song. And although it had now been long enough, and he had had a sufficient number of near death experiences that he was getting used to the idea of maybe never having sex again, he was sometimes hit with the idea of Yuna…what if?...

…

It was wrong…Immoral…He deserved to be drawn and quartered but no matter how much he wanted it to stop, he could not help the thoughts that sometimes wormed their way into his mind. Again, he blamed Human Nature and that pesky testosterone in his veins. If possible, he would have removed every hormone in his body upon his first month in Spira.

Lulu, Wakka and Auron had judged him fairly with their repeated warnings, despite his assurances that he had _some_ self-control. In fact, in the beginning, it had been no effort at all. Yuna wasn't his type in the end. Not wild, nor 'sexy'- more like a little sister type than anything.

But then had come the urges…the sudden realization that if he indeed wanted it (he wouldn't go as far as to say **need** it, but close), it was unavailable. Like a fish suddenly gasping for breath after living on land for weeks, never appreciating something once as plentiful as water until it was completely off the radar…he felt the lack of women throwing themselves at his feet almost as much as he felt the lack of electricity, buildings over 4 stories tall and microwave burritos.

Yet still, Tidus refrained from embarrassing himself, nor abusing his role as guardian. However, his mind's new vow of celibacy did not mean that his body agreed.

He had been in Spira for three months when the dreams began, a last resort of the baser human instincts to surface and relieve the stress of his new employment. It was painfully embarrassing for someone of his old standards to be force into such an alternative but, in the end, what choice did he have?

For a while he wondered if his lack of control was part of some perverted defect inherited from his father's "asshole" genes, but upon recognizing certain sounds from Wakka's sleeping bag one sleepless night (though VERY disturbing), Tidus found reassurance in the fact that he wasn't the only guy having trouble coping.

Finally, after giving in and accepting to simply enjoy his body's involuntary processes, the dreams grew in detail. Characters even.

He woke up suddenly in a terrible sweat one night in Luca (having teleported from Djose for a game) and thanked Yevon that this specific dream had occurred during one of the rare nights he had his own hotel room.

It had been the most intense dream yet, so much so that he hadn't had time to reach the end before the heat of it all forced him awake.

…It had been Yuna…timid, modest Yuna simply touching him shyly as his imagination deemed she would. Slow and tantalizing it had been, that he woke throbbing with need, unable to simply calm down. That night had been the worst yet, as he lay back down later, breathing heavily and wiping the sweat from his eyes, imagining Yuna beside him…and just like that, he didn't see her as a little sister anymore.

The attraction was bound to happen of course, as everybody else saw it coming way in advance, most of them having journeyed before and experienced the same attachment to whoever was simply nearest, despite all sense. This Tidus used as his excuse – always needing to be near her, talk to her, protect her and, not to mention, desperately wanting to lift her up in his arm, whisk her away to **his** Zanarkand and make love to her in his own, comfortable, house boat for days on end…All these feelings were labeled as desperation due to his situation and were thus pushed and locked into the back of his mind.

But, the unfolding events of the following weeks only intensified his feelings, and made it all too clear that he wasn't simply latching onto a cute girl…it was more. He didn't know what yet, but something way more than a combination of lust and a lack of options.

The arrival of the cute, spunky Rikku (who had once been exactly his type now didn't hold even the slightest interest), her engagement to Seymour (_'hmmm…jealous?'_), her Al Bhed kidnapping and finally her wedding day…that was when the metaphorical 'crap' had hit the 'fan'.

He could never remember hating another man so much (not even his father) as much as he hated Seymour the moment he kissed Yuna, sealing the marriage. Not because he was evil, not even because the entire marriage was a sham, but simply because he was kissing **her**!...the lips he had been dreaming about for so long. She was too beautiful to be defiled so, too charming, too innocent…too perfect.

And as he lifted her unconscious body from the chamber of the fayth, knowing that guards were waiting outside, knowing everything was about to fall apart, it seemed like there was no more point in denying it any longer: he had fallen head over heels for his summoner.

Through the trails that followed, barely making it out alive, Tidus was filled with an insatiable need to tell her how he felt, having no idea how much time they had left, nor having any idea if she reciprocated. His past 'flirting' suddenly seems childish, a sure label of the obnoxious athlete he had once been; the idiot that kept laughing and smiling at her while she was dying a little with every step she took toward Zanarkand. And when they were finally alone in the spring, he ranted on and on about the glories of his world to this broken woman who had just been forcefully married and widowed all within two days. He sounded dumber and dumber with every word until she finally burst out in tears, making his heart jump in his throat in shock. No one had ever seen her frown, let alone break down into sobs as she was doing then.

With her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from exhaustion, her hair wet and tangled and her nose dripping, Tidus was reminded that she was human, not to be put on a pedestal and admired, but meant to live and experience.

The kiss had been as much a shock to him as to her, and only upon the thousandth time of replaying it in his head later that night did he remember that it was indeed he that leaned in an initiated it. It was a lame yet successful attempt at establishing a connection with which they could support each other till the end…till always.

What he had said to Yuna on the plain was true…he had **needed** to kiss her that night, but not for the obvious reason of venting frustration, but simply because he needed her to know how he felt, knowing that his clumsy words could never do it properly.

But now, words were necessary to fix things.

He just prayed he didn't mess it up.

* * *

**-Just so you know…- :** _Just a note for everybody who enjoys this story:_ I am soon going to change the rating from "T-**Teen**" to "M-**Mature**" and thus updates will not be posted in the normal FFX topic page. You will have to change the 'sort by: rating' setting to "all" instead of the default "K"-"T" in order to see my new chapters. Why am I doing this? Because I am writing this story as if Tidus and Yuna were normal teenagers under overwhelming amounts of stress, desperation, and dealing with the unwanted yet excitingly new feelings of attraction and lust (in Yuna's case). This original chapter, in fact, was twice as long but I cut it in half since the second section may be considered a little "adult" and I wanted to post this warning for all to see before actually changing the rating. Though I'm a far cry from a 'smut' peddler (I consider sex as both an expression of love, and for some a bodily **need**, and I apply said beliefs in my work), these themes do apply to older teenagers (15 +) and should thus be relative to only that age bracket. However, never fear. I write tastefully, yet truthfully (which is sometimes not all that pretty). So please, be warned and enjoy! 


	4. Something Stupid

"_The time is right, your perfume fills my head,_

_The stars get red and oh the night so blue…_

_And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like: I love you._

_I Love You…"_

_--_**Frank and Nancy Sinatra**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 4 …_Something Stupid_ …**

_Now, words were necessary to fix things. He just prayed he wouldn't mess it up. _

Tidus opened his eyes, draining away the last glimpses of memory, and resumed his silent screening of Yuna at work. The entire face of the tree was now stripped bare with the exception of a few errant strands. It was these rare, microscopic faults which she was now in the process of meticulously searching out and removing at an agonizingly slow pace. Moving on to another tree, when the basket was already more than full, would be far past the level of ridiculousness she was already basking in. Thus, Yuna had set the genius goal for herself that once there was no more bark to collect, only _then_ she would have to face him. After all…there was still the **other **side of the tree now wasn't there?

'_So much to be said…and yet nothing to say' _she thought with an ironic little smile as she brushed away a spot of dirt which contaminated the flawlessly uniform surface of the tree trunk.

'_Perfect.'_ She took a step back to admire her work, acknowledging that it was indeed worthy of such an adjective. The dark wood underneath the rough surface was fresh and completely free of the weather hardships the outer layers had been put through for decades. It was a golden brown, soft to the touch and lightly scented of pine and dirt. And as she ran her fingers along the smooth surface, she was reminded eerily of the texture of his skin.

'_So soft…so warm… So beautiful.' _She took a deep breath and decided to bask in its aura for a few magical seconds longer before finally dropping her hands to her sides in defeat.

Feigning ignorance until the disintegrating daylight forced them to return to camp would be sentencing her heart to remain clenched and curious even in the after life. They had been through so much together, especially in the last two weeks, that he at least deserved to know why she couldn't be with him…why she couldn't be with anyone…ever.

"I am a summoner." She said at last, keeping her back to him, her hands clasped together so hard they almost drew blood.

To anyone else in Spira, that statement alone would be more than enough of an explanation. Her body and soul meant to remain untouched until her joining with the Final Aeon. Any other man would know and understand the rules that had regulated the actions of so many young female summoners before her for a thousand years.

But Tidus of course, was not just any man.

He made no sign that he had heard her; in fact he hadn't dared to even breathe. And for that she was grateful. She had repeated this motivational speech to herself so many times before, that it was easier pretending he wasn't there and this was just another attempt to reassure herself. "My purpose is to perform sendings for those who have fallen. To spread hope and happiness to all those I meet on my journey. To follow the teachings of Yevon and, of course, to fight and defeat Sin…till the end…I have been working towards this for as long as I can remember. It was the only thing I ever wanted to do. The only thing I ever found a purpose in doing. I believe this to be the most fulfilling way I could ever use my life. And I have never once doubted my decision."

'_That is a complete lie' _the little voice in her head argued fervently. _'You wanted to stay with him. You wanted to go to Zanarkand where a normal teenage girls' worst problem was what color lipstick to wear. You wanted to give all this up and simply be happy' _it insisted. But she ignored it. Her thoughts began to stumble over themselves in the anxiety of getting all her ideas out at once.

Zanarkand was a fantasy. And in the real world, where people were dying pointlessly by the hundreds everyday, she had more important causes.

'_Being happy' _she assured herself an instant later, _'is bringing the Calm to Spira like my father before me. Happiness is knowing that I helped that little girl from the Mi'hen Highroad sleep in her bed without fear until she reaches adulthood. Happiness is doing what is right, and not simply what I want in the heat of the moment'_. And with that, she shut down all the nagging doubt in one fell swoop and felt only anger at having had any of these rebel thoughts in the first place.

It was his fault she felt like this. He was the reason her imagination began to revolt and think up alluring alternatives to what her life could be like, even though she had never once before strayed from the path she had set since she was 7 years old.

'_Just don't do it!'_ he had said that night at the spring…the very memory of it made her blood begin to boil.

'_Forget all about Sin, about being a summoner. Forget all that. Ya know, live a normal life. Come on now, Yuna, whaddya say?'_

How dare he even suggest such a thing! And so casually too…as if the decision were obvious.

"I _will_ defeat Sin. I must defeat him." She said hotly, her rage spurring her to turn and face him without the slightest flinch. "And if that means sacrificing life and all aspects of it then I am more than prepared. My guardians understand this, my people understand this…the entire world acknowledges and praises me for it…but you" she wagged a shaky finger in his general direction, becoming even more annoyed by the fact that his stare was blank and apathetic, his back leaned up against a tree trunk and his legs stretched out lazily in front of him, as if he hadn't a care in the world. "You…you messed everything up!"

He raised his eyebrows at this, but nothing more. Almost daring her to try and explain how she arrived at such an absurd conclusion.

"I am a summoner. I…I am my father's daughter! A faithful follower of Yevon, despite the corrupt masters. I … I am a **summoner**!"

"Yeah…a summoner. I got it." He replied in an exaggerated tone, rubbing his ears to dramatize the volume of her voice. "You may want to repeat that though, just in case Bikanel Island didn't hear you."

"You think this is funny?"

"Loud? Yes. Funny? Not especially. And I'm considered to have a very tasteful sense of humor."

"You're impossible!" her breath started to become ragged, she was screaming so loudly. "These past two weeks you've been trying every trick in the book to get me to veer off my path but uh-uh…I'm telling you now it's **not** going to work! So stop trying!"

Tidus really did roll his eyes this time, knowing that there was no point in tiptoeing around her delicate emotions any longer. This one-sided argument was getting far past unreasonable. Though she was ardent about her "destiny" and her "path" all being set in stone, her unstable confidence had little to do with him. In his opinion, it had to do only with her faltering faith…and the frightening realization that everything she had worked for was nothing but a religious scam. The only thing pressuring her to _veer off her chosen path_ was the common sense he knew was buried in there somewhere despite a lifetime of brainwashing.

Besides…she liked him…he could tell. Even though his several last advances had all been ruthlessly rejected, there was always some hesitation. And besides, she hadn't always been so callous. That night at the spring she had made the **bold **move (at least by her standards) of grabbing his hand on the walk back only to promptly throw it away upon arriving within view of the campsite, insisting that he head in first so as not to arouse suspicion.

Though he didn't see what the big deal was, her concern was understandable… sorta. Had they simply waltz in there with the evidence of their previous actions clearly written on their faces, he was certain at least one member of the party would have disemboweled him on sight. And so he had complied with her wishes, certain that at some point they would decide on a way to tell everyone...carefully…preferably while Lulu was tied down. Patience was all that was needed.

The next two nights had continued in much the same way. She would ask to be alone in order to "think", he would sneak away to join her and they'd share a few minutes of coy kisses and timid explorations until Yuna would break away, as always, whenever things grew too heavy and insist upon returning to camp. But it was **she** who put things in motion both times. It was **she **who signaled him to follow her when leaving for her 'private' time, knowing very well what was going to happen. How the hell had he become the evil lecher by simply complying to her request?

"If you don't mind my saying so," he began, with a smug smirk, knowing that logic always prevailed over female psychosis "there were **two **of us out there by the campfire, and at the spring and that night after the spring, and the night after in the woods when we…"

"Don't even remind me!" She feigned disgust, but blushed in reminiscence.

"AND…if memory serves correct, you will realize that I asked for your permission every. single. time." He stood up then, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance, while taking advantage of his height in order to stare her down. "And besides, now this may shock you, but it was **you** who insisted I follow. Remember? Sorry for interpreting wrong, but in my world, that means that this entire experience was not simply my peer pressuring, but genuine desire on your part."

If possible, Yuna grew only angrier at this. Didn't he understand how upset she had been those nights? The few days proceeding her learning that the entire religion was based on death, then barely escaping from the Via Purtifico followed by killing her own husband? He had taken advantage of her delicate emotional state which was unforgivable.

And **desire**?...Desire had nothing to do with it…Female summoners, under legal age and unmarried were unable to feel desire…

"The point is," she took a step forward, her face molded into an expression of intense fury so as to match his attempt at intimidation "you shouldn't have kissed me in the first place!"

He matched her step, towering over her, fists clenched. "And **you** shouldn't have gone along with it for a whole three days after, only to turn me away suddenly, with no warning and no explanation."

"I didn't just…I couldn't do it any…" she began to feel faint suddenly, but shook her head quickly to clear it, staying right on target. "I was confused okay? Just pretend those three days never happened. Is that so hard? It was a mistake. Just a stupid mistake! Can you not get that through your head!" _'Please let it go…I'm begging you to let it go…'_

"No. No I can't! And I don't want to!"

"WHY NOT!" _'I'm sorry. But I can't stand being with you. I was too happy. Those three nights were the best of my life…and I cannot afford to doubt. I need to continue'_

"Why? You want to know why I can't just erase the entire experience! The few moments I ever felt content since being ripped from my home and stuck in this god forsaken world?"

'_I …never meant to hurt you…'_ She felt drained. Exhausted. She wished for nothing more at that moment than to just shut down and let time wash her problems away.

"If you care at all for me you'll just pretend nothing ever happened. I'm desperate! Please Tidus!" She felt hot. Had the temperature risen?

"It's too late Yuna…"

She fanned herself, stumbling a little, barely listening anymore "too late for what?.."

"Too late because I've already fallen in lov…"

…But she never heard it.

Her slight dizziness suddenly turned into a full on rush of fever. Dots danced in front of her eyes on her hearing suddenly changed pitch to as if she were under water… "I…what?...Tidu, whoa…" she stumbled a little, losing feeling in her limbs and felt her legs collapse beneath her.

Luckily, her ever vigilant guardian was there in a flash, catching her in his arms centimeters before she hit the ground, his eyes wide with fear.

"Yuna.?..Yuna!" He sat down and turned her over in his lap, checking her pulse and then her pupils as she continued to mutter incoherently.

He had seen this before…in blitzball, if players stayed in the sphere a second longer that their lungs were able to handle, they would freak out, shut down…drown in a sense until paramedics pulled them out, made them breathe into a bag (a rather primeval yet effective method of stabilization) until they calmed down. The sphere for games in Zanarkand, after all, was only simulated water so that there was never any risk of actually drowning. But running out of air, was running out of air…whether by water filling your lungs, strangulation or just a hallucination.

He was no doctor, but these symptoms seemed rather similar, though Yuna's case was a thousand times worse seeing as it wasn't a lack of oxygen that led to her spasm, but purely such an extreme emotional overload that it simulated the terrifying effect of drowning in open air.

And sadly, without a paper bag on hand, he really had no idea what to do to make it stop…

"Yuna," he said to her, grasping her squirming head within his hands, forcing her to look at him. "You're having a panic attack. Just breathe okay? Breathe with me, nice and slow..."

He mimicked the action, taking huge, exaggerated breaths to demonstrate. However, even though the instructions were simple enough, she found it strangely impossible comply. She felt her throat tighten and her lungs begin to burn with much needed air. Everything was blurry. She couldn't breathe. It was too hot.

"I…I can't…breathe…" she managed to get out between horribly loud gasps, as she clutched his upper arm, squeezing it in agony. The forest walls seemed to be closing in on her from all around. The trees spinning in a mind boggling dance.

"Just breathe Yuna!" she was struggling within his grasp, honestly scaring the hell out of him in the process. "It's an illusion! You can do it, just calm down okay? Breathe…BREATHE!"

She knew she couldn't. She had had these attacks several times before while in training to become a summoner and knew that they weren't serious, yet still terrifying all the same.

"Please Yuna…you can do it." His voice was strangled and far away, full with genuine fear and pain as he clutched her hand within his, in a fruitless attempt to lend her what strength he had left. And even through her blurry vision, she could almost see his eyes begin to moisten and sparkle.

…was…was he crying?

Something about this particular episode… was different this time.

More so than wishing the pain and anxiety to pass, this time she wished for nothing more than to find her voice and motor skills again, if only for a few seconds. If only to wipe away the tears now falling from his eyes and reassure him with a smile saying _'I'm going be fine. I just need to rest.'_ Which was exactly the case. Her body and mind were merely overrun and stressed and simply sought a desperate last resort for the repose she had so long been denying herself.

Her gasping became more strained, and her hold on his shoulder tightened painfully.

As if on cue, the burning in her throat reached its climax and the black dots got bigger in her eyes. She was slowly slipping into unconsciousness as was in the curriculum. His voice, at first muddled, was now completely blocked and her last image was of him leaning over her, mouthing instructions desperately, tears running rivers down his cheek.

And right before she blacked out, her last thought was: _'Wow…he must really care about me.'_

With one last, strangled attempt at a breath, she promptly closed her eyes and fell into the darkness… with a rare genuine smile fixed on her face as she, at last, felt peace.

* * *

It was several hours later when her eyelids began to flutter upon, slowly bringing her back into consciousness which she all too soon regretted. Her head was throbbing manically as though dozens of mini-cactuars were hitting her with their "1000 needles" attack all at once…or maybe that was just because her head was resting on the most uncomfortable pillow she had ever slept on.

"What the…" she groggily brought her hands to her head, grasping several fragments of rough bark that had been piled together, now tangled in her hair, in order to serve as a make-shift wilderness pillow. Honestly, the bare forest dirt would have been way more superior, but she dare not complain against an attempted effort to ensure her rest. After all, she had caused him enough anxiety in the past few days.

"Sorry about that…" she heard a raspy voice whisper from somewhere in the gloom in front of her, followed by the sound of the soft cackling fire as it was fed more wood. "We don't have any gear and…and I thought that I could perhaps use your sleeve bunched up…but I didn't know if that was appropriate…so the pile of bark was just there and I…well, sorry."

She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the harsh glare of a fire burning hideously brightly a mere meter from her face. Tidus was hunched over on the opposite side, knees pulled up to his chest as he poked the fire distractedly, unwilling to meet her gaze.

He looked tired…ragged even.

His hair stood up in odd places and his bloodshot eyes were rimmed with dark circles, gruesomely highlighted by the fire's glow. He looked…terrible to say the least. For the first time since they began their journey, Tidus hadn't bothered to groom himself as usual and his disheveled appearance was more than a little alarming.

Had he…stayed up this entire time…just watching her? It was late…definitely past midnight and with a sudden spurt of realization, Yuna sat bolt upright.

"Lulu, Wakka, Auron! They must be worried sick!" she tried to stand up quickly, stripping off whatever strange garment was laid across her as a blanket and pushed herself to her feet…only to immediately regret the action. A sickeningly strong wave of nausea instantly overwhelmed her, clouding her senses and causing her to fall back into her bed once more, almost certain she was going to be sick.

Within a second, he sprang to her side, cushioning her fall as her entire weight landed un-gracefully on his thigh bone, almost breaking it in the process. He tried not to wince as he awkwardly squirmed from underneath her and positioned her back into her horizontal position, knowing all to well that moving was not in the agenda for at least another few hours.

"Hey there…take it easy!" he insisted, re-arranging the pile of bark underneath her head, before gingerly placing her upon it. She cringed upon making contact with the scratchy surface once more, but was too touched and exhausted to even consider complaining. "I com-sphered them a few minutes after you fainted." he explained, while smoothing her hair away from her face mechanically. "Though they were less than happy…" he cringed, remembering the 'you're dead' tone in Lulu's enraged voice as he announced the situation "the only option seemed to be to let you sleep it off here. They'll come for us at first light, I'm certain, but until then all we could do is wait."

At the end of an hour long argument through the fuzzy image of the comspheres they all kept for emergencies, the valley had long since faded to a pitch black. After that, not one of them could deny that carrying Yuna across a fiend infested plain with no sense of direction was indeed a suicidal suggestion, as was making the entire party do the same in the middle of the night to retrieve the couple. Lulu had had no choice but to give up her relentless insistence that Yuna must spend every night within her watch, and instead reluctantly agreed that everybody remaining where they were until sunrise was the only sane proposition. Of course, the usual threats and warnings were necessary. And Lulu made sure to point out several times that should he even **breathe** on Yuna while unconscious, she would be certain to render him unable to ever enjoy women again.

Tidus knew better than to take the mage's threats idly…not that taking advantage of the summoner in such a state would ever have crossed him mind in the first place, he still he kept his distance in respect of his promise. So he spent the entire night, after setting up the fire of course, watching her sleep from afar. Never tiring, never even blinking…just remaining seated as far away as he dared while keeping his mind blissfully occupied in the task of making sure she remained safe and peaceful.

Upon retaining her wits, after a few deep breaths to restrain her vomiting reflexes, Yuna dared to open her eyes and explore her surroundings. She was in exactly the same spot where she had initially fell hours before. The naked trunk of the tree she had stripped was visible to her right, while Tidus had made a depression in the open space to her left, in which the fire was burning brightly. She was horribly uncomfortable on the forest floor and yet she embraced the subtle changes to her sleeping arrangement that she had become annoyingly accustomed to. For the last few months she had always slept cramped between Lulu's deep snoring and Rikku's random, tiny sleep-giggles while the boys usually stayed up telling stories by the campfire…this time, with only the sound of the cackling fire to fill her ears, she felt refreshed with the enjoyable change…even without the additional pleasantries of a sleeping bag and pillow.

But the blanket she was now using? They hadn't brought anything with them when they left…

She glanced down and pulled the small thin garment to her face in order to see it properly in the light and was shocked upon recognizing the shiny blue fabric and the red embroidered family-crest adorning the bottom half. Tidus was smiling sheepishly as she looked up at him in horror, trying to cover that fact that his once long pant leg was now almost shorter than the other one.

"You kept shivering…" he explained, blushing with embarrassment "It was the only thing I could think of…I know it's not much but…"

"But your uniform! It's…it's all you ever wear!" she was dumbfounded with the very idea that he would destroy his prized outfit for only a scrap of material. Especially since, though a gallant gesture, the square of fabric was so small that it couldn't possibly have made a difference.

He too, must have obviously noticed this.

"Yeah…I realized only after I ripped it off that it was a pretty dumb idea." He scratched the back of his neck distractedly, his eyes deliberately fixed on the fire to avoid her awed gaze. "But you just looked so cold…I thought that…never mind. It was stupid."

She could do nothing more than smile at him, clutching the small piece of fabric to her chest as if it were a cherished possession. It wasn't much, but at that moment it was really all he had to give. And that made it priceless in her eyes.

A stupid idea? Yes.

But also impossibly sweet.

"Thank you…" she whispered softly too him as he returned to his place on the other side of the campfire, his pants looking ridiculously short as he walked away. It took all her might to not laugh. "And it wasn't stupid…it was very guardian-like of you."

"Well, that's what I was aiming for." He sat down roughly, throwing a few more pieces of kindle in the fire from a pile to his right "Guardian-like…Nothing more, nothing less." He sighed and hung his head, the shame of their previous argument beginning to clench his heart in remembrance of what his persistence had brought her to. Though it had taken him a while, it seemed that he finally understood...

She simply couldn't handle it. That's why everyone was so protective of her, and why he had constantly been warned against even wishing to be with her. Not because they didn't like him, nor because of anything to do with morality…just because no human being could cope with the additional emotional baggage of a relationship while on such mission.

He had been stupid not to see it…and now look what he had done? She lay practically paralyzed on a dirt bed in the middle of nowhere all because he couldn't contain his urges.

"ImsosorryYuna" he blurted out, a little louder and faster than he intended.

She only blinked…then began to sit up again, this time more slowly than her previous attempt and carefully leaned her back against her tree, spreading her make shift blanket across her lap, ready to listen.

"I realize now that my role in your pilgrimage is more than I deserve. And…and I apologize for upsetting you like I did." He met her eyes then, with a small smile playing on his lips that begged for all be forgiven and forgotten so that they could continue the journey like they had before he learnt the horrible truth of "the end"…back when they simply laughed and enjoyed each day as it came, proving that ignorance was indeed bliss. "I'm just telling you that you no longer have to fear me. I cherish your friendship more than anything in this world and I'd do anything to have you trust me again…please?"

But she stayed silent, just staring at him with an almost scary stone-like expression on her face.

He coughed…urging her to add in her two cents.

She didn't even blink.

"Uhh…so…I agree that we just pretend the last two weeks never happened. Okay? This is your story after all and you can do whatever you want with it. Whaddya say Yuna?"

….silence…

"Yuna….?"

She was tracing the outline of his family crest on her lap with her fingertips. But other than that movement, she could have very well been petrified.

"So…that's settled then…yepp…" he poked the fire one last time before leaning back and rearranging his own pillow/pile of bark. "So we better try to get some sleep…Stranded in the woods or not, I wouldn't put it past Lulu get us marching as soon as the sun rises despite…"

"Have you ever been in love?"

He promptly fell into the pile, scattering his painstakingly arranged pieces into the indistinguishable forest floor.

'_whaaaaa…?'_

He quickly up righted himself, brushing off that leaves that had stuck to his chest, while scolding his imagination for trying to trip him up like that. "I'm sorry…" he said with an awkward chuckle "what did you ask?"

"I asked…if you had ever been in love?"

There it was again. The one question he couldn't answer and yet had to answer. Instead, he opted for complete avoidance.

"Why do you want to know?"

She shrugged innocently, continually toying with the fabric that was once his pant leg. "Just small talk" she insisted, casually glancing at him "I'm oddly awake right now and was curious…I don't know much about your life from Zanarkand. You could very well be married with 5 children for all I know."

He chuckled at that ludicrous thought, the tension in his shoulders gradually easing. "No no…not married, no children. At least none that I know of."

"That you know of?"

He shook his hand to dismiss her comment "Never mind…bad joke." He laughed uneasily and tried to occupy himself in collecting the remains of his bedding, but Yuna was annoyingly persistent in her interrogation.

"So…have you ever?"

"Ever what?"

"Been in **love**?"

He hesitated for a moment, trying to find the words, before he began hastily shaking his head "Uh…no…Well, maybe once…but no, not really."

"Maybe once?" she said, with a smile, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning on them, resembling a little girl spreading gossip at a sleep over. "Who was she? What was she like?"

'_She was you…'_

"Uhh…I don't really want to talk about it if you don't mind."

Yuna sighed in disappointment, followed by a small nod of understanding "Broke your heart didn't she?"

'_Yes…yes you did break my heart. Into a thousand, razor sharp pieces…'_

"It just…wasn't meant to be. Let's leave it at that. Goodnight!" Finishing up his lame excuse for a headrest, Tidus plopped himself down on ground, and closed his yes with every intention of promptly falling asleep. Or at least pretending to. But Yuna was apparently indifferent to his ending of the conversation.

"I…think I've been in love. I can't tell though…"

With a sigh of annoyance, he peeped an eye open, silently glaring at the heavens for forcing him through his. The last thing he needed tonight was for her to talk about whatever past relationships she had had before Seymour and his arrival.

"You either were or you weren't." he said, a little more harshly than he intended. "It's simple enough."

"You'd think so. But…It was complicated. I couldn't tell …How can you tell?"

'_This is insane'_ he thought, closing his eyes once more yet unable to leave her question hanging. He knew what it felt like all too well…

"It feels like you're sick, diseased, fevered and falling apart with everyday that passes. Like leprosy."

Yuna stuck out her tongue "Well that doesn't sound at all pleasant."

"It's not…" he said with a sadistic laugh. "It's horrible in fact. You ache for that person who means the world to you every waking second. It consumes you, love. Digests you. And even if you finally possess that person you desire, if they dare to reciprocate your passion equally and with intensity, then you feel nothing but gut wrenching fear that you'll lose them. You're constantly paranoid and deranged with jealousy until, of course, they inevitably push you away in fear. And then you're alone once more with the sickness. Except this time its worse, because you had it, and you messed it up. You wish then that you'd never had it at all. Whoever said 'it was better to have loved than lost, than never to have loved at all' was full of shi..." he caught himself, forgetting in the passion of his speech that he had to watch his language around her "well anyway, he was wrong."

"'_Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'?_" she repeated slowly, in awe "who said that? Somebody you knew back home?"

He kept forgetting that they were from completely different worlds, a thousand years apart. Of course all the famous quotations of his day and age would be news to her. "I…don't remember who said it. Some idiot, writer, guy." He waved the question away, flinging an arm over his eyes to block out the glaring light of the fire. "Now go to sleep Yuna. We have a long day tomorrow."

"I…I can't sleep" she whispered bashfully. He heard her shuffling around in her 'bed' but didn't bother to check what she was doing. When she spoke again, she was closer. "I think…I've realized something. Something I've felt all along yet didn't know what to label."

His reply was spoken through a yawn "Oh really?" he asked, humoring her while slowly beginning to drift off. "And what is that exactly?"

She was right above him now, leaning over his horizontal form, a little to close for comfort. A tad reluctantly, he slowly slid his arm from covering his eyes, revealing her intense stare as he did so.

Her eyes were fixed on his, solid and determined, almost like the look she gave when in battle. Whatever her epiphany was, it was serious.

All of a sudden, he felt he was fully awake.

"What is it?..." he asked quietly, with genuine curiosity this time. "What did you realize?"

She smiled…no longer the gossipy little girl, but a full fledged woman scrutinizing him with untainted longing in her eyes.

"That I love you…That I've always loved you."

She leaned in and kissed him then, cutting of the automatic gasp that was meant to be his reply…There was nothing coy, nor timid about this kiss. For lack of a better word…it was **hot**.

Horribly hot.

Despite the fact that he knew very well that this was just another one of her episodes…despite the fact that they would both regret this later…knowing very well that within the next 3 hours the other guardians would show up, she would feel instant shame and avoid him for the rest of the journey… he couldn't help but reciprocate and encourage her.

It was like every time before. He was just riding out the wave that would inevitably lead to his heart being crushed yet again.

Even after she climbed on top of him, knowing that in a few more seconds there would be no turning back… he still didn't even try to stop.

It was that fevered, disease eating away at his common sense again. And he hated it, cursed it, wanted with all his might to run away from it into the darkness of the night and scream all his frustration to the mountain tops…

Yet instead he flipped her on her back, hastily ground against her and fumbled desperately for the hem of her skirt, hiking it up past her thighs, All the while never removing his mouth from hers, moaning half in pleasure, half in frustration at his lack of control as her hands began to pull off his shirt, both of them writhing desperately to remove the annoying article of clothing.

This was stupid…so very stupid.

But he needed her so badly at that moment that nothing could have held him back.

He was going to make love to her tonight…**finally**.

The best thing he could hope for now was to die immediately after…now that would be happiness.

'_Lulu's gonna kill me…'_

* * *

**Author's Note**: So another chapter done. Still haven't bothered to up the rating yet since nothing specifically "M" rated has happened yet. Hope you're enjoying it so far and thanks to all those who reviewed me. It's very encouraging and any advice is welcome. Next chapter should be up soon since I'm itching to continue this scene, yet thought this was a good place to stop the chapter for suspense purposes. : P Yes, I'm evil. But what can you do? Muahahaha! See you next time on "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy – Chapter 5"


	5. Harlequin Romance

"_I was nauseous and tingly all over._

_I was either in love or I had smallpox."_  
-- **Woody Allen**

**Harlequin**: (noun)

1. A conventional buffoon of the commedia dell'arte, traditionally presented in a mask and parti-colored tights.

2. A clown; a buffoon.

3. A popular publication company of pulp fiction romance novels.

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 5 …_Harlequin Romance_ …**

_He was going to make love to her tonight…**finally**._

_The best thing he could hope for now was to die immediately after…now that would be happiness._

_'Whatever happens in the future…at least we have now to make the best of,' _Yuna thought, as Tidus kissed her desperately, taking her breath away in the process. She flung her hands around his neck as encouragement, feeling all of a sudden deliriously happy that, for once, she could be with him like this without the nagging fear of being caught to distract her.

_'Yes…Yes this is what I want. This is what we need…' _

His right hand clasped hers, pinning her onto the ground. Their breathing became ragged with the lack of air between their cemented mouths. He pushed himself almost roughly against her, his desire clearly outlined in his actions…and not to mention the front of his pants. It was a strange feeling. More so the knowledge that she had caused such a bodily reaction that the physical feel of it itself.

'_He wants me…'_she realized with an internal giggle, the situation still innocent enough that her nerves were overwhelmed by curiosity and excitement.

"Oh god…wait a sec," he pulled back for a moment then, only by a foot or so but far enough so that they could see each other's faces, both flustered and breathing heavily.

"What? What is it?" she asked with genuine concern. Had she done something wrong? Breathed funnily? Touched him somewhere secretly inappropriate? Perhaps kissing him too hard?

"Do…do you have any idea what's happening here?" he asked somewhat shakily, clearly giving his all to not simply pounce on her regardless of whether or not she was aware of what was going on.

Yuna tried not to be offended by this, for what did he know about sexual education of Spira? (Probably less than she knew about sexual education in general). But she was almost 18 years old and far from being in the complete dark. She knew perfectly well what they were doing…what they were _going_ to do. At least she kinda knew, from overheard girl's bathroom chit-chat and Harlequin Romance novels. She had thought about it and imagined it more that anyone would have dared to guess. Tidus didn't need to know this however, for his question didn't have anything to do with her possible obliviousness to the situation…he was just going through the standard procedure of every encounter they had had leading up to this: he was asking her permission.

"It's okay…" she insisted, somehow finding comfort in the fact that he was more distraught than she. "I want you…to make love to me."

The words seemed so strange coming out of her mouth, and he had to hastily shake his head clear it of so many awful memories of other women asking him to do the exact same thing.

But, this was Yuna underneath him this time. Yuna asking him to be inside her. And somehow that made all the difference.

"Are you sure?" he asked timidly,

A long sigh of content escaped her lips, as she nodded.

"Thank the lord." And he bent back down to kiss her fervently, as if the interlude had never happened. Instead this time, with the new confirmation of permission, he dared to push it a little further.

His hand, having grown a mind of its own, traveled teasingly slowly up her leg, causing her eyes to open wide in shock and shivers to run down her spine. Shivers of _what_ though, had yet to be deciphered.

She was enjoying this moment, yes. And yet the sensation was…odd to say the least.

Though she had long since become comfortable with the idea of kissing him, her mind was painfully aware of his hand's position on her thigh. And with every inch further his fingers climbed, her heart started beating faster in both excitement and, mainly…absolute terror.

'_Whoa!…that…that's a little **too** high' _she thought in panic, unconsciously closing her legs, forcing his touch to travel over onto her _outer_ thigh. Feeling a sudden wave of relief, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, having dodged the impending intrusion for at least another minute...only to immediately regret the action.

'_What is wrong with me?'_ she scolded herself a second later, knowing that with every evasive move she performed it was becoming less and less likely that her anxiety would ever stabilize.

She needed to relax…simply lay back and enjoy whatever he choose to do to her.

Unexpectedly, his lips had parted ways with hers, his kisses traveling down to the place where her cheek and neck met, trailing along her jaw line, causing her to tremble and sigh in genuine content at the sensation. _'This feels…good'_

But his hands had all too soon decided to continue their explorations, re-arranging the fabric of her skirt, gently easing her clamped knees apart, ruining the moment as panic seized her once more.

His touch was indeed causing the memorable 'heat' she had so been looking forward to…but, to her chagrin, the fear was still far outweighing the pleasure.

Her nervousness was regrettably winning the battle over the initial craving she had felt when she had spurred this situation, a mere minute ago. Trying to ignore the awkward flushing his activities were causing, she instead decided to focus on her own actions, trying to keep up with his forward enthusiasm. Though her first move had been to remove his buckles and shirt in a desperate need to feel his skin against hers, she now hesitated in furthering her explorations. Only her desperate need for a distraction influenced her progress. A tad shakily, she removed her hands from being tangled in his hair, slowly guided them down his naked back before resting on his waistband.

And there they remained…

The butchered pants of his uniform remained as secure as ever, her fingers tracing the elastic continuously, trying to work up the courage to at least remove the outer layer. But she remained paralyzed, despite her minds insistence that this was what she wanted and the knowledge that this may be their only chance to be together…she still could not, for the life of her, push it any further at that moment.

With a deep breath, she reminded herself that the likeliness of Lulu having another moment of insanity which involved sending them off together, would be a million to one, especially after this event…and Fate had most definitely had a part in bringing them here tonight, that she was sure of. She would have to be a complete and total idiot to not take advantage of this, the only night they'd have alone.

Wakka spilling the soup, the assignment of collecting the bark, the passing out, the self-revelation that she was indeed deeply in love with him…it had all coincided to lead up to this moment. The moment when she would become a woman by his hands. It was all too perfectly set up to deny some godly interference.

And besides that, even if it was just a case of sheer dumb luck, this really was the last chance…the **only** chance actually…for her to ever experience that 'thing' in her lifetime…This was the only chance she'd ever have to not die a virgin, an alternative that she had never once considered appalling…until now that is.

She had to do it…it wasn't a question. She was going to sleep with him tonight…now…at some point…somehow…

'_I'm going to have sex and I'm not even sure **how** to do it!' _she realized with trepidation, her eyes widening in horror. The only thing she had ever heard that was relatively close to a description of this sort of situation, had been in one of the banned novels she had once stolen from under Wakka's mattress when she was 11…

Wakka had always been a sap for Harlequin romance novels, which had been forbidden by Yevon a few years before due to their somewhat "suggestive" themes. The blitzer had been enraged by this, insisting that a story was still a good story and shouldn't be censored just because maybe 2 pages out of 1000 were a tad scandalous. Still, he had never dared to voice his opinions too loudly, not only because Yevon was strict in their policies but also because his preference in genre was more than a little embarrassing. Instead he just picked up whatever copies he could scrounge up from his trips to Luca's so-called 'black market' and kept a secret collection under her bed to this day.

The book… "Mutiny From Behind" it had been titled…something about pirates…

She vaguely remembered that scene she had read…trying to bring back to the surface the suppressed memories that had been locked in the back of her mind for all those years, considering that the scene had thoroughly disturbed her at the time. Of course, at 11 years old, one would never expect such information to be useful in the future. Not to mention, Tidus was making it increasingly difficult to concentrate, his lips having moved down onto her collarbone.

She had the kissing thing down, that she was sure of. The somewhat effortless gesture of pressing her lips against his had always taken her breath away, exactly as it was described in the books…but the rest, undressing and…etc. (she still couldn't remember exactly what followed after) she had yet to get the hang of.

'_Maybe that's why I'm so nervous' _she thought with a sigh, closing her eyes while letting the feeling of Tidus' warmth radiate her chilled skin._ 'I have no idea what I'm doing.'_

And seeing as such, she found an alternative to get around her body's annoyingly involuntary indecision. It was indeed too soon for the pants anyway, and so she carefully removed her fingers from his waist band and brought them down to where his hand was placed dangerously high on her thigh: killing two birds with one stone since his not-so-timid explorations were also getting a bit dodgy. _'Start small'_ she told herself with a deep breath, convinced that her firm logic and determination would get her through this in a methodical fashion.

Since this 'jump-into-it-passionately' approach wasn't really working, maybe they needed to discuss things first, perhaps figure out a game plan and then review the situation systematically, with a pre-defined list of steps to follow before they got back into it. A procedure…that was the cure.

She grinned with new found hope and turned her head towards her soon-to-be lover, inspired by the need to share the plan before getting down to business.

"Tidus?" she asked quietly, rapping him on the head gently to capture his attention.

"Mmmph?" was his muffled reply, his face buried in the folds of her shirt, pressing kisses against the fabric every inch or so, not bothering to neither pause nor even slow down with his gentle caressing.

"Tidus?..." she asked again, but he ignored her, having apparently an agenda of his own to follow, lost in the haze of passion. As his kisses lowered to below her collar bone, his other hand snaked its way up underneath her obi until the two finally met with increased pressure at…

"Gaaaa-Pleasedon'tdothat!" she spastically pushed away from him, knocking him on his ass in the process of her hasty get away as she pushed herself up against a tree, breathing heavily as she clutched her hands to her breast, almost as if it had been burnt.

"What the heck?" he grumbled angrily, pulling out a few thorns from the back of his arm where he had landed. But his anger instantly dissolved into worry upon seeing her face…as pale as if she had seen a ghost, and absolutely terrified.

"Yuna…What's the matter? Are you okay?" He slowly crawled up to her, taking her face within his hands, to which she couldn't help but physically flinch at the contact.

He immediately retracted his touch upon noticing her reaction. His brow furrowed with concern as his expression begged to know what had changed in the last 30 seconds to instill such a response. "Tell me…what's wrong?"

Her seizure had only lasted a few seconds... soon enough she felt the tension release itself from her body as she gazed into his perfect blue eyes, which always brought her peace and comfort. Maybe, had he been looking at her, while touching her…there…maybe that would fix everything? His eyes could never cause her to fear after all. There, that was the solution, all in his eyes.

"I'm fine." She insisted with a smile, honestly feeling better with her new found plan. "Just…no one's ever…touched me…there. I, I was a bit shocked but…but I'm ok now."

She smiled more brightly to console him, but her spasm had hit some fragile nerve in his already shaky confidence. In that moment, Tidus had instantly lost his flare. The sudden blunt affirmation of her innocence came crashing down on him with such a crushing force that it washed away every trace of the burning desire he had felt only moments before. Yuna saw all this unravel in his eyes and her smile instantly faded with it.

"Maybe…" he said while retrieving his yellow shirt from the ground and slipping one arm through. "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

'_No, no, NO!' _She mentally screamed in frustration, refusing to let such a perfect opportunity slip between her fingers just because of her damn nerves. She shook her head to demonstrate her position on the matter.

"But…but I **want** to Tidus!" she exclaimed desperately, letting her hands drop to her sides as small proof that her discomfort was easing. "I want to so badly. I…I'm just nervous, but it'll go away soon I swear to you." She crawled up to him just as he finished re-buckling the straps of his uniform, determination etched on her features as she took his face within her hands, mimicking his previous action. He avoided her eyes; keeping his gaze pinned to the ground in front of him, knowing that he could all too easily fall into temptation should she care to try hard enough.

"Look at me…please." She asked demurely, begging for another chance to at least explain.

'_Don't do it…You're not strong enough to resist her twice.' _He kept his eyes lowered.

"**Look at me." **she insisted firmly this time, raising his chin so that he had no choice but to meet her stare head on, her resolve radiating from her multi-colored eyes in a somewhat intimidating manner.

"Do it again…" she directed simply, causing him to cock an eyebrow in bewilderment.

"Do what again?"

"Touch me…" she explained, placing one of his hands back onto her upper thigh under her skirt. His eyes widened but he said nothing, looking at her as if she had gone insane. "Go on…" she coaxed, scooting closer "exactly like you were doing before. Just this time, don't look away. I need to have your eyes on me all the time okay? And your other hand was…" she grabbed his right hand by the fingers and gingerly brought them up to her waist, just below her obi. Her hands shook as she did so, but Tidus thankfully ignored it, making no comment as he watched her work, arranging their bodies in a sensual tableau as she brought herself even closer, wrapping her arms around his neck as she gently placed herself onto his lap, her legs draped on either side of him, arranging her skirt to one side gracefully.

Her methods were...original to say the least. And he couldn't help but smile at her attempt to bring some organization into what was meant to be a completely primal and messy act. Sadly though, he knew it would never work this way. Not only could he not take her seriously in this fashion but the depressing fact was; she was obviously, simply far from ready. This would be all too easy to prove within a couple seconds.

"Okay…" she said at last, staring at him profoundly while taking a deep breath, mercifully so distracted that she was oblivious of the fact that he was on the brink of laughing. "I'm ready. You may…go."

He bit his lip as he complied with her wishes, slowly tracing his earlier path under her obi and beneath the white fabric, while the other hand continued its way up her thigh, no longer bothering to be slow and sensual, but strictly methodical, as she apparently wanted it. She sucked in her breath as each hand met its goal, all the while focusing deeply on his eyes, praying that they somehow eased the gut wrenching horror that was beginning grip her. But he only returned her stare blankly as his right hand began to casually dig its way under the black undergarment that covered her breasts, while the other did nothing more than gently stroke the small junction at the absolute top of her leg…

As assumed, it was clearly too much.

"I can't!" she gasped suddenly, and, without exactly knowing why, perhaps because she was stressed, perhaps she had always been taught react that way, but for whatever reason, her arm instinctively pulled back…and punched him in the face as hard as she could right before springing off of him with such force that he was knocked onto his back, the wind promptly being knocked out of his lungs, clutching his nose in agony.

"AWwff…Jeshus!"

He had **not** seen that coming.

"**Oh Yevon, I'm sorry**!" Her hands flew to her mouth in shock as she watched him writhe on the ground, sincerely worried that in her haste she had caused a reputable amount of damage.

Her worst fears were confirmed as he began to cough violently, blood spurting out from between the cracks of his fingers, cursing in every which way he knew how. Her embarrassing sexual incompetence was instantly forgot as she rushed to his side, ripping off one of her sleeves and pressing it to his blood covered face. "I'm sorry!…Dear fayth I am so so sorry."

She helped him sit up, still in a fit of coughs, gasping for breath, while patting him strongly on the back, hoping to clear his air pipe or whatever….just do anything she could think of that may help. It was a horrible mess, he could hardly breathe between the blood flooding his nostrils, the impact of his fall and not to mention, the invading piece of fabric now being pushed into his face, doing more harm that good at the moment.

"Ohhss …godsss…" he managed to choke out between coughs "I thins yous… bokes my noss."

Yuna had no idea what he was saying, but nodded all the same to humor him, tears filling her eyes in shame as she continued patting him on the back and dabbing his face with the material of her sleeve while internally wondering how she, how anyone, could be so spastic…not to mention stupid.

This continued for several seconds until the horrid coughing eased, to be gradually replaced by the much more welcome sound of hoarse breathing. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, him refusing to remove his hands from his face while she simply dabbed at the rivulets of blood that slid down his chin and pushed his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes…a strange way indeed of concluding what was meant to be passionate and memorable encounter.

One thing was for sure: the moment had died a gruesomely violent death…and neither of them considered trying to resuscitate it.

'_Guess Fate wasn't involved in tonight after all…'_ Yuna concluded with a sigh, hastily dabbing at the corners of her eyes before turning her attentions back to Tidus. She knelt in front of him, knowing very well that if she didn't fix whatever injury she had caused soon, there may well be some permanent damage.

"Let me see…" she asked softly, trying to gently pry his hands away from his face. But his eyes only widened in fear as he kept them glued firmly in their position.

"Uh-uh!" he muttered frantically, shaking his head abnormally fast. "I dons wansh yoush tos shee me liksh thish."

"Tidus I don't understand a word your saying, now please just let me get a look at it."

"Noosh!" he tried to get up and run away, which proved difficult without the help of his hands, and Yuna had him pinned to the ground with a knee on his chest all too quickly, rolling her eyes at his childishness as he tried to squirm to freedom.

"I'm pretty sure I broke your nose, and I'm also pretty sure it's ugly. And unless you want to live the rest of your life with a paper bag over your head, you're gonna have to give up your vanity for one minute. Ok?"

Tidus glared at her, but could do nothing more since his speaking was obviously being mistranslated. Instead, he reluctantly dropped his hands, cringing as he exposed what was sure to be a hideous sight underneath.

Yuna made no comment as she dabbed at the rest of the blood on his face, gently prodding here and there with the fabric, provoking a wince from her patient with every touch. Within 20 seconds, she had had a thorough enough examination to diagnose with certainty… that his nose was perfectly fine. The bone wasn't even fractured let alone broken. It was just a plain old bloody nose! His whining had caused her to think the injury was much worse

She let out a sigh of relief, while giving him a reassuring smile.

"Issh it bad?" he asked timidly, resembling a scared little 12-year-old about to get his first inoculation at the doctor's office.

It was…cute. In a pathetic sort of way…

"You'll live" she replied with a smirk, to which he scowled in response. His expression seemingly saying: _'you…you, the one who caused this, are making fun of **me**?'_. So instead of leaving it at that, she bothered to indulge him.

"It'll be fine. Just hold still okay?"

Though completely unnecessary, Yuna placed a gentle finger on his nose and let the blue energy glow of the 'cura' spell flow from her body into his, instantly easing whatever imaginary intense pain he had been experiencing. After all,he more than deserved to be humored…she _had_ punched him.

He took a deep breath as her magic flowed into his veins like morphine, washing over him head to toe like a cool wave, easing all the tension in his muscles and the throbbing in his face. "Ahh…that's better." He smiled widely, feeling giddy and good as new, springing up on his feet in order to stretch his newly rejuvenated body. "I needed that. Thank you!"

"No problem"… '_Men are such babies.'_

"No really…thank you," he insisted, plopping himself down beside her while reaching in back of her to grasp his pile of kindling, the fire having dwindled to nothing but a small spurt of flame. He began to poke the fire again, as was his habit when lost in thought...and Yuna was suddenly aware that he was thanking her for completely different reasons that her healing magic.

They sat there in awkward silence for a while as he occupied himself with getting the fire blazing again while she removed her second sleeve, folding it up with the blood-soaked one in a neat pile beside her.

"Did you mean it?" he asked abruptly, causing her to stop short in the midst of smoothing out the fabric.

"Mean what?..."

He shrugged, pretending to be indifferent "When you…when you said you loved me…Did you really mean it?" he fixed her with an un-characteristically serious stare, all traces of his previous giddiness had completely vanished as his eyes begged the question.

Despite her indecisiveness about all things physically involving him, she found this specific question oddly easy to answer.

"Of course I did…" she whispered at an almost imperceptible level "of course I do…"

"Good." He said blandly, returning his gaze to the fire, which reflected in his eyes, making them glow eerily. "Cause you do realize…that it would kill me if you began to avoid me again…after all we've been through tonight."

"I would never…"

"You did it before," he interjected harshly, not bothering to spare her feelings since she hadn't bothered to spare his "and nothing stops history from repeating itself."

She winced at his words, as if he has physically hit her, however couldn't find the will to defend herself from the verbal attack. After all, what he was saying was perfectly true. Who knew how she would feel the moment the sun rose and they were reunited with the group? What had she ever done in these awkward last few weeks that hinted she could indeed be serious this time?

"'_Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'_…remember?" she said while smiling sheepishly, staring at her hands. "I didn't want to get involved because…because it was just setting us both up for inevitable disaster." She placed a gentle hand on his back, followed by hesitantly resting her head on his shoulder. He remained stiff and tense, but she ignored it, all too content just feeling his warmth beneath her palm. "But now I realize tomorrow doesn't matter. Nor the next day, nor the next. It's today, now, that's important. And I should enjoy everything I can while still here on Spira…even if it makes the end that much more difficult…"

Whether he believed her or not wasn't the point. So much treachery and so many lies had been reveled to her recently that she had, at one point, felt as if she would never be sure of anything again in her short life…except this: that she was indeed madly in love with her guardian from another world. And as long as she knew this, she would be happy.

"Loved and lost huh?" he repeated, unable to stop his arm from circling around her waist, bringing her closer as he pressed a gentle kiss into her flower scented hair. Only time would tell if she was indeed serious about this or not, and in the mean time his emotions would remain ever so slightly on guard. But, at least for tonight, they may as well enjoy their last moments of solitude. "So you're going continue then…even though you love me, knowing what your loss would do to me?"

She sighed into his shoulder. "It's because I love you that I will continue. Because I want you to live in a world of peace…you and everyone else."

He was hit with the sudden desire to whip around, clench her painfully by the shoulders and shake her while screaming 'YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!' repeatedly until the idea finally registered. But he knew better than to try. After all, she had answered this question before…what seemed like centuries ago.

'_Even if I was with you…I could never forget.'_

Living life to the fullest with impending suicide on the horizon…it was a respectable enough plan considering the circumstances. Though he would never in his lifetime understand how her damn persistence stood above even her own life, it was a blunt fact that if she didn't complete this pilgrimage, or at least die trying, she would never be happy.

But without her…**he** would never be happy. He looked at her then in the firelight, all of a sudden seeming so young as her eyes fluttered closed, digging herself more comfortably into his chest.

He loved her more than life itself, though he was still being careful enough that he dared not voice the words yet. What was important was that he knew he loved her and had the option presented itself where he could take her place, sacrificing his life to save hers and the world, he would accept it in a heart beat. And so, that night, by the fire, with the love of his life in his arm, he made a vow to whatever all-powerful beings were indeed in control of his destiny.

"I won't let you die…" he whispered into her hair, stroking her cheek as he hugged her more tightly. "I'll find a way to both defeat Sin forever, and allow you to live. Then we'll get married."

"Married?" her eyes popped open at this, raising her face to look at him in shock. She had been married before, and it was nothing like the fairytale wedding every little girl dreamed of. Had she had the chance to do it again…for real this time…?

But she shook her head, not bothering to even consider such a foolish fantasy. Yet still she blushed as so many different ceremony scenarios automatically forced themselves into her consciousness. "Pftt…we can't get married…" she waved her hand in front of her face to dismiss the subject, as if swatting away the annoying images that kept popping up before her eyes.

"What? You can make love on the forest floor, but you can't get married? Second times the charm I hear." He winked at her, giggling as she grew all the more uncomfortable.

"That…that was different." She insisted, her voice wavering a little. "I've done the marriage thing already…and it wasn't that great." That the understatement of the century. "But making love…that was something new. Something that I could later remember and **only** think of you. The place and time had nothing to do with it…I, I just wanted to be with you. Connected forever in the only way I could think of."

"But you freaked out, remember?"

'_Well obviously…' _and she would have the blood stained sleeve to carry around as a constant memento. "I was nervous…that's to be expected isn't it? You were nervous too your first time weren't you?"

Neither of them really wanted to get into the details of his past promiscuousness. Yuna may be innocent, but she wasn't stupid. He had obviously some experience in the area, though she dare not even think about **how** much experience. After all, he couldn't even remember the face nor even the _name_ of the girl who had been his first, a fact which would surely scare the hell out of her.

"Of course I was nervous…" he lied, trying to remember the event but coming up empty. "But I didn't punch her, that's for sure."

Yuna winced at the memory, hoping that after this night it would never be discussed again. "Did I mention that I'm sorry about that?"

"Yeah…several times." He said with a grin, continually stroking her hair as she shifted positions, her head now in his lap, gazing at the fire. "But that doesn't mean I'm gonna let it go. Prepare for weeks of constant teasing my friend!"

"I know I know. I deserve it I guess." She sighed in annoyance, playfully pinching his on the calf to demonstrate that his mockery would be met with head on with ruthlessness. "I still don't know why I did that…but I regret it so."

Tidus just continued to stroke her hair quietly, the cogs turning inconspicuously in his head. "You ever though that…maybe why you were so defensive was because you find it…immoral?"

"What!" she exclaimed, rolling over so that she could look up at him. "That's…that's ridiculous."

"Not really." He insisted, remembering the millions of lectures and pamphlets he had received about premarital relations in his lifetime. "It was hammered into my head enough times during my high school days (not that anybody complied but still) I only figured that the rules must be that much more strict here in Spira…am I right?"

'_You have no idea…'_

"Well…the temples don't exactly go around preaching about it. In fact, it's not really mentioned at all. Just that, the general belief is that only your husband…should ever enjoy you." She cringed as she explained it, painfully coming to the realization that old habits did indeed die hard…could her past firm religious beliefs really be the reason for her violent indecision?

And, if that were the case, would she _ever_ be ready?

"So…do you believe in this 'only your husband' rule as well?"

"No!" she insisted firmly. Whatever the reason for her fear, in no sick upside down world would she ever believe that a man like Seymour ever had a greater right to touch her than Tidus did just because of some stupid ceremony and legal binding. Had she not been rescued from her wedding night…she shuddered at the thought, hastily pushing it away in disgust.

"Married or not," she continued, reaching up to rearrange a disheveled lock of his hair, which of course sprang back into the exact same place "I love you and I want to be with you. I don't need some priest to give me away to you…you already have me. Body and soul."

'_Body and soul huh?'_…he couldn't help but grin at her confession. Eventually, she would be ready. They would find **some** way to sneak away and finally do this before they reached the ruins of Zanarkand. And there was no question that he would indeed get to feel 'it' again, even if only for one last time, before the end. And yet still, even with that knowledge implanted into his brain, he somehow felt…uncomfortable with the thought. Though finally making love to Yuna would be the best he could ever hope for, somehow, for some reason…he wanted more.

"Still…" he began uneasily "perhaps, someday, if we me made it official then…"

"No Tidus, not someday…" she interrupted him with an exasperated sigh. Though his efforts were with good intentions, there was nothing she wished for more than for him to finally acknowledge that the Final Summoning was not an option, and that in a 1000 years of trying to find another way to stop Sin, none had succeeded. How could he, of all people, change the things that have always been for over a millennium? "We're 2 months from Zanarkand. There's no turning back and…"

"Shhh," he put a finger on her lips to silence her, followed by replacing his finger with his lips, awkwardly bending down to kiss her softly. "I've made a vow to myself tonight…" he explained, keeping his face so close to hers that she could do nothing more but listen to him. "I don't want to make love to you."

'_What!'_ she thought in a panic, about to reprimand him for lying to her while she was in such a delicate state of mind. But he merely shushed her again, before she could say a word.

"…not like this." He explained, smirking at her obvious worry. "Not on the forest floor where twigs could find their way up some dangerous alleys, not while Lulu could decide to show up early and catch me with my pants down and _especially_ because you are not rightfully mine to take…all obstacles of which I intend to remove."

'_Not…rightfully his? What does that… ?' _But her thoughts stopped short, her jaw dropping open in the slight shock of realization.

"Ohh….are you…Really?" was all she managed to squeak out through an incredibly tight throat.

'_Was he suggesting what she thought he was suggesting?'_

"Take this." He said, twisting off of his little finger a platinum ring, encrusted diamonds forming the shape of his family crest on the front of the band. Though it had just barely fit onto his pinky, they were both shocked when he grabbed her hand, pushed it onto her ring finger…and it fit perfectly.

'_He's…is he doing what I think he's doing?'_

"Whether we have 2 months or 20 years, I want to be with you. I need to be with you. We need to find a compromise in order to make this work..."

'_He's lost his mind.'_

"A compromise?" she repeated in awe. Despite her previous deep assurances that the topic had no other direction in which to turn, she couldn't help but be curious. He wanted a public, normal relationship, while she wanted a secret lover to enjoy till the end of her days. He wanted to settle, get _married for goodness' sake_, while she **needed** to continue her pilgrimage.

Their desires conflicted at every angle, with no possible middle group and though the ring looked amazingly tempting (she had never seen such fine jewelry in her life), it was just another reminder of the life could never have.

A compromise?

Opposites, sadly, could never compromise.

And yet…

"What do you propose?" she asked.

He smiled.

And they spent the rest of the night discussing it, falling asleep in each other's arms…waiting for the new day.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Sorry for all those expecting a great passionate sex scene lol. But, trying to keep in character, I seriously thought 'Yuna would NEVER be **that** bold' when writing this. But do not worry, thing will happen eventually :P. In the meantime the mysterious "plan" has to be put in action lol…well its kinda obvious now but maybe I'll surprise some people. Enjoy! And I'm hoping my updates keep being this long and frequent. Looking forward to chapter 6!

**Little Notes to my veteran reviewers. Thank you all so much!**

**Bbychrangle: **Even though I'm at my mother's country house, with about a million chores to do to set up the place before my friends arrive, I couldn't help but force myself to get this chapter out…mainly because of your kind insistence that you **needed** an update lol. Thank you very much and I dedicate this one to you! Enjoy and keep reviewing!

**Ffpanda: **Sort but sweet, your comments help influence me to push on out that next chapter (I'm making updating sound like childbirth lol). Thanks a bunch and keep em coming!

**Sakura Mei Yunalesca: **A simple "I loved it!" means more that you could possibly know. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much!

**Rollarcoaster217: **Having only discovered my story 4 chapters in, I was still greatly amused by your strong enthusiasm over my story. The capital letters are 'key' in an influential review lol. Hope I'm still on your favorites in the future! Enjoy.


	6. Eight Easy Steps

_"Perfect love is rare indeed -  
for to be a lover will require that you continually  
have the subtlety of the very wise,  
the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist,  
the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint,  
the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."_  
--**Leo Buscaglia**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 6 …_Eight Easy Steps_ …**

_'One minute left'_ Yuna noted, checking the moon's position, the travel agency's lights and her purse's supply for the umpteenth time that night.

Any second now…it would begin.

That night in the forest of the valley was now four weeks behind them. Four weeks since the plans for **this** night had been put in motion in the early morning hours, basking in the warm glow of the fire's light…what seemed like eons ago…the seemingly impossible compromise.

It had seemed ridiculous then, upon its initial proposal by Tidus who had obviously not thought anything through at all. But with some discussion, tweaking and mainly just assuring each other that what they were doing was indeed right, they had finally agreed, shaking hands and pressing their lips softly to each others as an unbreakable vow of trust.

This way, in due time, they would both get what they wanted…what they needed.

"_I want you…to help me…Help me feel more comfortable…Ready me…By the time we next attempt this, I want to feel nothing but ecstasy."_

Yuna blushed in the simple memory of what she had asked him to do in exchange, realizing at a later date that had they not just been alone together for several hours of passionate explorations, she would have never in her life have conjured up enough nerve to suggest such a thing. But Tidus had understood and agreed, as long as she did her part to ensure **this** night happened. And he had had his equally awkward demands to make as well, which she had, in turn, understood and approved of.

The one condition, on which everything relied, was simple enough: through all that was to be attempted, whether successful or a complete disaster, it was agreed on that the others must _never_ know.

Though Yuna felt constant guilt about the frequent lies she had to express to her questioning guardians, she honestly believed she had no choice in the matter if everyone was to remain comfortable and satisfied. Lulu, who was of course especially suspicious (not to mention guilty) after what happened the night she sent to two off together, had kept a firm eye on her ever since, making Tidus' part of the bargain increasingly difficult since being alone seemed to never be an option.

And yet, being the determined and persistent boy that he is, Tidus always found ways to make good on his promise.

Again Yuna blushed, hiding her head under her covers in case the redness of her cheeks alerted the camp with their bright glow of embarrassment.

Yes, they hadn't yet had a chance to be **alone** alone, but that had never stopped Tidus…she remembered one time, upon finally emerging from the dusty valley and into the Calm Lands and hastily heading towards the solitary Rin's Travel Agency in the middle of the plain…As Yuna had then made her first step in completing her end of the bargain, Tidus also made his…

* * *

_Three weeks earlier…_

« Cu oui'mm tu ed drah? » (_"So you'll do it then?") _Yuna asked the Al Bhed woman in charge of the agency, sliding a thick wad of gil across the table top while peeking over her shoulder every few seconds to make sure the other guardians were indeed otherwise occupied. The woman, thankfully aware of the attempt to be discreet, pulled the pile of bills towards her and began counting them under the counter, just out of sight from the others.

Yuna glanced around nervously, fidgeting with her empty water glass which had been her excuse from leaving the picnic-style dinner table in the first place. Not only did she need to make sure no one saw what she was doing, she had to be especially careful that Wakka did not hear her speak the Al Bhed language. She was pretty sure he already knew about her heritage seeing as he had spent a good many hours on board the airship with her 'heathen' close family, Cid, Rikku and Brother. But still, considering that he hadn't yet bothered to confront her about it, perhaps he was still in some sort of denial…a state which she didn't dare shatter by conversing openly in front of him in the language of blasphemers. After all, the whole point of this secrecy was to ensure their peace-of-mind. And she dare not step even one toe over the line which may lead to any of her guardians becoming uneasy, and that included them learning the truth.

« Ed'mm lucd oui suna dryh dryd. » (_"It's gonna cost you more than that.")_ the woman replied with an arrogant smirk while thumbing the bills in a bored manner, picking up on the summoner's obvious desperation and deciding, rightfully, to profit off of it. Yuna's jaw dropped open in shock, knowing very well that she had put more than enough money down to cover what she needed and whatever inconveniences the agency may encounter. But she knew better than to argue with the employee of a very profitable chain of inns and, not to mention, from a race who didn't give a damn who she was or what she was doing. The woman probably considered her an even greater fool, easy to gyp out of some extra cash, **because** she was a summoner on a pointless suicide mission.

So, grumbling a little in annoyance, she managed to scrounge another 2,000 gil from her many pockets hidden in her skirt and shirt, the absolute last of the money she had collected from skimming the battle earnings for the past week. Holding the bills in her hands, she tried to determine how much more would be considered a sufficient bribe, when the entire wad of money was suddenly torn from her hands. Yuna only had enough time to blink in shock as the receptionist slid the last of her hard earned gil into a cozy pile with the rest in the register, a bright, sarcastic smile on her devilish face.

"Thank Yous! Come again!" the Al Bhed woman announced loudly in broken English with an almost mocking tone, handing Yuna her re-filled glass of water and almost daring her to argue now that everyone was paying attention.

The summoner's eyes narrowed to slits and her voice lowered to a dangerous whisper. « **_Fro oui cuh uv y ped... !_** »

"Yuna?" It was Lulu's voice this time, having stood up from her comfortable seat at the head of the long wooden dinner table to try to get a better look at what the harsh mumbling was about. "Is anything wrong?..."

She had barely enough time to give the receptionist one last glare and contort her expression into its usual one of modest contentment, before turning to face her table full of guardians, all of which were greedily gulping down the first hot meal they had had in weeks; a somewhat luxurious spread of beef, chicken, salads, potatoes and pies complemented by flowers and candles. It was really more than any of them had expected from the small agency, whose kitchen consisted of a miniscule open tent, a blackened wood stove and an ancient Hypello cook. But their hunger had almost immediately overcast their awe and confusion as soon as they took their first mouth watering bites which led to their present state of shoveling food down their throats as fast as possible.

"Just…we were just discussing the weather." Yuna explained casually, while snatching up her water glass and taking her place back at the table next to the black mage.

Instead of eating however, she remained silent and motionless, suddenly in a bitter mood over her failed attempt at bartering with the receptionist, and choose to push her food around her plate distracted as everyone else engorged themselves. Getting that money had been such a shameful risk. And seeing _all_ of it so hastily spent caused her heart to clench in guilt. Sure, she had earned it technically. And of course, her guardians had more than enough saved up to live comfortably for decades after she was long gone…still, the spending of that gil was just another reminder of the many ways in which she had lied these past few weeks. And an even scarier thought was the fact that lying had gotten easier and easier with every day that passed.

As she began to timidly scoop small forkfuls of mashed potatoes into her mouth, Yuna was all too aware of Lulu's eyes on her, trying to get her attention. But she kept focused on her plate, ignoring her guardian until the suspicious stare gradually dissolved into the festivities of what may be their last 'civilized' meal together.

Lulu had been annoyingly, yet rightfully, suspicious of her every move since that night she had spent in the woods with Tidus. And what the summoner had once appreciated as deep concern from her elders, she now saw as only paranoid baby-ing. Having left the forest the minute the sun rose, Tidus and Yuna were immediately hit with an onslaught of questions the second they came within view of the rest of the group coming to meet them in the middle of the plain. The torn pant leg, the blood stained sleeve, the ring (Lulu, after all, was horribly perceptive) etc…all items which needed thorough explaining. Tidus regrettably got the blunt of it all, for Yuna was too tired and to do anything more than yawn and wave her hand in annoyed dismissal of the interrogation.

They physically forced a somewhat twisted version of the truth out of Tidus. Something bout a large fiend attacking them, Yuna being KO'd from a mixture of battle, exhaustion and stress, the torn pant leg meant to serve as a blanket (which Wakka of course, had to point out the idiocy of such an idea), the blood was his from the battle and the ring?...it had his family crest on it, so there was no denying where it had come from. But the truth was even more ridiculous than his invented story that Yuna had admired it, so he gave it to her. A gift between summoner and guardian, that was all. The party could do nothing but believe him. For what other possible reason would he have given her his ring?

Still, Lulu was skeptical about such an extravagant gift. After all, only the high praetors and Maesters ever wore jewelry of precious metals and stones, while the rest of the world settled on decorative beads, all they could afford in these hard times. She tried to weasel some more information out of Yuna that night around the campfire while she mended Tidus' pant leg (for it was inappropriately short and Rikku wouldn't stop giggling at him). But the young summoner, for the first time in her life, remained tight lipped and thwarted or ignored her guardians' every question with annoyed coldness. Which, of course, made Lulu all the more curious to know what happened that night to inspire such a dramatic change.

Tidus wouldn't respond to questioning either, finally blowing up at Lulu and Auron one night for always assuming the worst of him, insisting that he had only fulfilled his guardian duties of watching over Yuna as she had slept that night. Respectfully, Lulu refrained from pushing the subject after that episode. But still she remained on the lookout, keeping an even closer eye on her adoptive daughter than ever before. In fact, Wakka and Auron had also joined in on this new 24/7 surveillance pledge so that even when the black mage _had_ to leave her side for whatever reason, someone else instantly replaced her watch shift.

At one time in her life, perhaps Yuna would have been appreciative of such obsessive concern, but this was not one of those times. She and Tidus had barely gotten a chance to say a word to each other, let alone have any private time. Even Yuna's requests to be left alone were bluntly refused since the Calm Lands were apparently 'too dangerous to be wandering around by herself.' Upon suggesting that Tidus accompany her then to keep her safe, one could almost feel the party on the brink of laughter. It was obvious after that…they knew something was going on and were refusing to let it happen without their complete awareness.

Yuna's fists clench in anger under the shelter of the table, as her eyes scanned the group, quick to notice that Tidus had coincidently been given the seat farthest from her: a blatant precaution against them being able to whisper, unheard under the bustling noise of the meal, the plain and the Inn's music.

Who gave them the right to guard her with such tight reins? Was she not, especially because of her mission, allowed to indulge a little now and then?...be let loose once in a while? She was 17 years old after all! In fact she was…

"Excuse me everyone!" Rikku had begun tapping her glass of wine (her 8th glass to be precise) with the hilt of her knife with such force that the glass promptly shattered upon the 3rd note, achieving the goal of capturing everyone's complete attention instantly. "Teehee…oops!" the petite Al Bhed giggled clumsily as she set down the remaining stem with intense precision, replacing it with the entire wine bottle itself before finally meeting her audience's eyes. "I'd like to make a toast!"

"Oh god…" Auron mumbled in annoyance, slowly reaching up across the table and snatching the bottle from the inept girl before she wasted another drop of his precious liquor. Rikku, thankfully, didn't seem to notice her lack of a toasting instrument.

"To Yuna!" she exclaimed loudly with a bright smile, thrusting her empty fist in the direction of her cousin, who almost poked herself in the eye with her fork upon hearing the dedication, smearing gravy over her cheek. "Happy 18th birthday my dear _luiceh_! And may you have many morr-ooo-oops." She giggled again, awkwardly this time as Wakka roughly pulled her back into her seat, all eyes sheepishly glued on Yuna to judge her reaction to the insensitive outburst.

'_My birthday…?'_ she dabbed at her gravy covered cheek in apparent awe, smiling forcibly to assure the others she was no more disturbed by the confirmation that this would be her last birthday celebration than she was about Rikku being impulsive. Still she remained in deep thought for several seconds of unbearable silence, making swift calculations in her head.

'_It…it IS my birthday…' _she realized suddenly, completely abashed at the idea that not only did no one remember, she hadn't even thought about it once. 18 was supposed to be the big 'coming of age', 'becoming an adult', 'legally smoke and drink' etc. celebration. Why hadn't she planned this?

'_Because I wasn't supposed to live this long'_ she answered herself with blunt honesty. _'I'm 18 today. I turned 18 and I'm not suppose to be here. Had we kept on schedule…I was meant to die in June, still 17 years old.' _

"Is it really…" Lulu interrupted her thoughts, seeming uneasy for a moment, as she counted on her fingers, mentally trying to calculate the date. Her eyes suddenly widened in horror, as her hand flew to cover her mouth. "My Yevon it's true. August 7th. It is indeed your birthday! Oh Yuna…"

"Holy cow! …I completely forgot." Wakka too covered his face with his hands, embarrassed beyond words that such a date could slip his mind. Out of all the birthdays to remember, **this** one should have been the most outstanding. For this was to be the _last_ birthday. For all the others to forget was comprehensible, but Lulu and Wakka had taken care of her for a decade…there was really no excuse for their ignorance.

Forgetting was really the most heartless thing either of them could have done as guardians and un-official parents. And seeing as such, both of their hearts were crippling in pain, eyes sparkling with unshed tears as they stared at her, begging for forgiveness with their eyes. What neither of them really wanted to confess was that the reason they didn't remember was more than excusable; simply, neither of them thought this day would come. She was supposed to be dead before August 7th!

She would have been dead if the Seymour fiasco hadn't detained things.

"I can't believe…" Lulu voice cracked, her head hastily bending downwards to shield what was sure to be a single tear escaping her eye. Never had she felt so ashamed. "I'm so sorry Yuna. I can't believe I…"

"Shh…" Yuna interrupted, placing a comforting hand on her guardian's bare shoulder, her expression honestly calm and understanding. Despite her deep annoyance at Lulu's new vow to not let her out of sight, Yuna couldn't help but feel for her guardian who was still her best friend through everything that had happened. And she knew, seeing as she was the most important thing in Lulu's life at the moment (a sad but honest fact), this revelation must be crushing her.

"I didn't remember either. It's just another day of the year after all. Just like any other. And it's not like any of us is exactly following a calendar." Lulu nodded in agreement, and yet her sniffling only got worse, her shoulders heaving in silent sobs. "I'm seriously fine!" she tried to sound assertive but was failing miserably. The fact that this date had been lost to everybody was more than a little depressing despite all the reasons excusing it. "A birthday seems so trivial after all we've been through these last few weeks. We all have so many more important things on our minds." Her eyes couldn't help but dart towards Tidus who sat diagonal from her across the table. He too couldn't help but wear an expression of immense guilt seeing as, in his world, forgetting the girlfriend's birthday was really the most atrocious of sins a man could commit in a Zanarkand relationship. And yet he had never been one to simply sit down and accept defeat, even if he was 98 in the wrong.

For several more mind grueling seconds, Lulu cried, Auron drank, Wakka fiddled with his fork in embarrassment and Rikku continued eating noisily, as if nothing had happened. The feast had more of the air of a funeral than a birthday.

So they had missed the beginning of Yuna's birthday…it was still early! If anyone should feel guilty it should be Rikku for not saying anything earlier.

"Well, what are we all sulking here for!" Tidus exclaimed, standing up abruptly, almost knocking an unsteady Rikku over in the process. All eyes darted towards him in confusion. "The night is still young! And, lucky us, we have the Agency's services at our disposal to take advantage of!" With a mischievous grin, Tidus jumped over the bench he was seated on and headed directly toward the receptionist who Yuna had unofficially dubbed 'Sinspawn in whore's clothing'. Her rage with the woman only intensified as she noticed her shamelessly flirty poses as Tidus ran up to the counter and placed his order.

"What the heck is he doing?" Wakka was trying to peer over a teetering Rikku's head, his brows furrowed in confusion as he watched the Al Bhed receptionist pile unlabelled bottles into Tidus' waiting arms.

"Looks like a supply of the 56' Bikanel merlot…aged 20 years." Auron explained with an approving nod, his knowledge of fine wines so refined that he could pinpoint one's original location down to the vineyard simply by looking at its color.

"Sounds delicious!" Rikku exclaimed happily, smacking her lips.

"Sounds expensive…" Lulu intervened, tears suddenly gone to be replaced with lines of worry, having apparently completely recovered from her grieving episode with no evidence save for a streak of black mascara running down her cheek She gasped as Tidus gestured for a 6th bottle to add to the pile. "He's going to drink us out of house and home!"

"Yeah, like we don't have an inexhaustible supply of gil…" Rikku said sarcastically, rolling her eyes and leaning across the table to take her cousin's hand within hers, completely ignorant of Yuna's eyes stabbing daggers at the receptionist as she playfully slapped Tidus on the arm, laughing abnormally loudly at something he said. "Besides, it's Yunie's birthday! We hafta do _something_ to make the occasion special huh Yunie?" But Yuna was ignoring her, all too busy muttering curses towards the main counter. Rikku followed the path of her eyes before returning to focus on her cousin with a knowing smile on her face. "Oh Yunieeeee?"

"Huh?" Yuna snapped out of immediately, suddenly aware of how obvious her staring had been and prayed that no one had noticed. Luckily, Lulu, Auron and Wakka were all also staring at Tidus, all three of them entranced in curiosity at his strange actions, as he directed the receptionist all over her tiny shop, picking up items here and there, placing them on the counter. With Rikku, however, she had not been so lucky. Her cousin's swirling green eyes danced with humor and her cocky smirk seemed to announce the obvious.

« Oui mega res, tuh'd oui? » _("You like him, don't you?")_

Yuna blushed madly while shifting her eyes to focused intently on her plate, trying to ignore the gently prodding of her exuberant cousin. But her silence spoke more than words and Rikku was all too soon on her back in the dirt, laughing so hard tears sprung in her eyes.

« Oui tu! Oui tu! Ha Ha! Oui muja res dra pmuhtea! »

Wakka took only enough time to look down at her in disgust before resuming his awed stare toward his teammate. Rikku's teasing was, after all, only incoherent babbling in the ears of all the other guardians and chances were the petite Al Bhed herself wouldn't remember this revelation come morning.

"Is he…is he getting a room?"

"What?" Yuna's head sprang up to join the others in their confused screening of the blonde blitzer. Sure enough, had her eyes not deceived her, Tidus was being handed over a room key by the receptionist, giving her a small wink of thanks before making his way back towards the group with a wide smile on his face as he strained to keep hold of the 6 bottles of wine in his arms.

"Care to tell us what the hell you're doing?" It was Auron who interrogated him first, having stood up with lighting fast reflexes to catch a teetering bottle on the top of the pile, catching it centimeters from smashing on the ground.

"Whew…that was close." was all Tidus cared to share as he placed the bottles one by one on the table top. "Would have been bad to lose one of those, seeing as they each cost 4,000 gil."

"FOUR THOUSAND GIL?" Lulu's eyes widened in horror. "You…you spent TWENTY FOUR THOUSAND gil on… "

"Twenty eight actually" Tidus explained casually, as he uncorked a bottle and poured an impatient Auron a glass. "With all the other stuff it came to about twenty eight thousand. It was actually supposed to be thirty four, but she gave me a discount…for some reason."

'_Of course she did' _Yuna muttered angrily to herself. Never had she disliked the woman more.

"Twenty eight thous…twenty eight!" Lulu seemed about to have a heart attack.

"Mmm…worth every penny in my opinion." Auron conceded while swallowing his first sip. The wine expert, of course considered it to be money well spent. "What is gil in comparison to a placid evening with a nice glass of fine burgundy in your hand?"

"I'll tell you what is it…" Lulu's shock was regrettably being gradually replaced with pure fury. "It's a new bangle to guard against petrification! It's a new staff for Yuna do help enhance her cure spell's strength! Its potions! It's…its things we need!"

"Yeah Yeah…" Tidus waved his hand in dismissal while gathering everyone else's goblets "all stuff that we can easily steal from fiends, ain't that right Rikku?" all he got was a weak hiccup from under the table in response. "Well, we know she can. And besides; you only turn 18 once."

Lulu seemed about to protest but a firm nudge from Wakka diverted her attention. "WHAT?" He learned over and mumbled something in her ear. The two whispered hotly to each other for a full minute until Lulu finally let out a sigh of annoyance and turned her gaze back to Tidus who was waiting with baited breath. "I…I suppose it's all right to indulge for one night" though the expression on her face contradicted the statement entirely. "But what did you spend the other four thousand gil on?"

Tidus only smiled, his eyes locking on Yuna's as he set down the bottle in the midst of his pouring and made his way slowly to her side of the table. "Come with me" was all he said, as he took her hand with unabashed assertiveness and pulled her with him, heading towards the tented part of Inn. Lulu of course, freaked out.

"HEY! What are you…"

"I'll be RIGHT back!" Tidus yelled over his shoulder, now running with Yuna dragging behind him. "Just give me thirty seconds!" The Agency wasn't much of an Inn considering it only had two small tents propped up behind the main store front area, but it would do for the moment seeing as all he needed to do was hide Yuna from sight as he set things up. Swiping the key card against a metallic plate posted in front of a material flap of a door, he watched the glow of protective magic around the tent slowly dissolve and permit then entry. With a smile, her pulled Yuna to him and pulled back the fabric door.

"You just have to wait here, while I set things up for a party okay?"

Yuna only nodded demurely, scanning to comfortable room uneasily, all too aware that she was in a bedroom…with him…alone. He too seemed suddenly aware of this.

He had meant to go straight back to the table after pushing her past the threshold.

He had meant not to give Lulu any reason to suspect him.

However, he couldn't help but step into the doorway after her, meeting her eyes for a split second before violently pressing his lips against hers for the first time in what seemed like ages, pressing her too him in an almost desperate manner.

Again Yuna felt like she was on fire as her lips attacked his with equal intensity. It had been such a long week, not being able to touch or even talk to him. It would be so easy just to shut the door, let the protective magic seal out all sound and intruders and just stay with him in this cozy, cramped, hotel room till the sun rose. Now that would be the best birthday gift ever.

It was an impractical wish…surely in another 10 seconds all 4 of the guardians at the dinner table would dispel their way through the door, catch them finally in the act, kill Tidus and consider her the biggest disappointed till the end of the journey.

It just felt so good though, to finally be in his strong arms again, feel his feather soft hair between her fingers and of course, 'the heat'…reminding her again of how foolish she had been in the woods that night to not be able to take advantage of what was surely to be the only chance.

Their thirty seconds had long since passed and yet the two were unable to remove themselves from each other. The bed was so painfully tempting that they fell onto it in coordination. Tidus had been right when saying that the forest floor was not the best idea, for having his weight pressing her down into a mound of feather pillows and a fur comforter only heighten her awareness of their bodies since the fear of potential of injury while rolling over any sharp rocks or sticks was no longer a pressing issue.

It had been at least a minute by now…Lulu had surely already left the table to find them. Any second now the door would burst open revealing the gruesome sight within. It was inevitable. But as his hand began snaking up her leg again…she suddenly wished that they did get caught.

Maybe, when they all burst in and began yelling in outrage, she would finally get it all out in the open. She would tell them about Macalania, the night in the forest, tell them the plan, and announce that she ached to make love to him before promptly slamming the door (as if she could slam it) on their dumbstruck faces and return to this moment.

It was different this time as he kissed her and his gentle fingers slid her skirt up her thigh slowly, obviously with some hesitation considering what happened last time. And yet…by some miracle…she neither felt worry nor fear. Just pure anticipation even as his fingers grazed the absolute top, moving to her inner thigh, threatening entry…no urge to hurt him came to mind…just a horrible aching to have him within her at long last.

Maybe it was because she had long since stopped denying her feelings for him. Maybe it was, as he suggested, because she knew she would soon be rightfully his and in all religious views this was semi-right. Whatever the reason for her sudden step up in sexual comfort, all thoughts ceased as a warm finger crept its way under the fabric that covered the junction between her legs. Her heart was beating madly in her chest and despite the cool night she found herself suddenly in a sweat…but still, no fear. Nothing had happened yet after all, his hand seemed to freeze on spot, neither retracting nor pushing any further as his kisses deepened, trying to reassure himself.

What she was feeling now was definitely worse than the horror this exact situation had provoked in the woods only one week ago. At least then he had made his intentions clear as to what he was going to do. This hesitation, remaining on the absolute brink, was like hanging on for dear life on the edge of a cliff, debating whether your chances were better to let go and fall or pull yourself up and face the wrath of your enemies.

'_Please do it…Just go in. I give you permission' _She hoped he could somehow hear her thoughts seeing as she didn't have the nerve to speak them a loud and their mouths were working each other so hard she doubted she would have had the chance to say them, had she the courage. Instead she chose to lift her hip a little, both to encourage him and force his fingertip to slip in just a little with the pressure.

She gasped a little at the sensation, little more than a tease of what was sure to be something spectacular when he suddenly stopped, removing his hand and his lips with whip like speed while practically jumping off the bed, leaving her spread eagle on the fur comforter, sweat soaked, panting and completely mystified.

"Tidus?" she questioned, sitting up and watching him quickly fumbling to re-arrange his yellow shirt and uniform straps. "What's wron…"

"I have to go." He stated simply, giving her one last look of longing passion before heading towards the door. "Just stay here for a bit. I'll come get you soon…"

"But…but Tidus. I felt it!" she practically screamed at him, so very frustrated that he dare leave her in such a state. "Not one ounce of fear, I swear to you! I, I think that I'm ready…I want to…"

"Not here, not now." He stated firmly, keeping his back to her. "We agreed…one step at a time okay?"

Yuna rushed towards him then, wrapping his arms around his torso in a desperate hug, her head leaning on his back. "You could stay you know?" she whispered in a strained, anxious voice. "We could go outside and tell them all right now and then have the entire night to ourselves without worry or fear…just ecstasy."

"_Ecstasy_..." he repeated in a distracted tone, as his arms wrapped themselves around hers on his waist.

She could tell he was as tempted as she, for what both of them desperately wanted more than anything was to stop all this constant lying and scheming that was tearing them apart inside…if only they were a normal couple, out on a dinner with a couple of friends. They'd announce their engagement over desert to a tumult of cheers, applause and congratulations. They would be able to share a simple kiss out in the open, an idea which was presently ludicrous. And all her female friends would rush to her side to discuss and organize silly insignificant details like the style of her hair, the flower arrangements, the cake icing etcetera for the wedding.

But it was not meant to be.

They were neither normal nor on a casual rendezvous with acquaintances. This night, 2 months from Zanarkand, having the clichéd 'Last Supper' for all intensive purposes…this was neither the time nor the place…the ideal time and place would never occur in their lifetime. They already knew what they were doing was absurd and hasty and didn't need Lulu, Auron and Wakka to point it out, criticize and talk them out of it.

So, they would have to sneak away into the night…like villains. As if they were ashamed of what they were doing.

Yuna's suggestion…was nothing more than a dream.

"I have to go" he repeated, cautiously prying her arms off of him before taking another step towards the door.

"I love you…"

"I know…" and he lifted up the material flap of the tent door, and stepped outside, leaving her drained and quite alone. More alone than she had ever felt in her life.

'_Happy Birthday to me…'_

* * *

**Author's note: **Yeah this chapter actually went on for a while longer when I suddenly paused, thinking "whoa! 15 pages is WAY too much for an update." Thus I split it up. But the good news is, that means the first half of the next chapter is already written :D.

Hope you're enjoying it so far. I'm about half way done now I think…And I'm hoping to finish it before the end of the summer since it'll be impossible to update once school starts. Wish me luck! And of course reviews may encourage my speed wink wink Thanks a bunch to everyone! Next chapter: Yuna's birthday…Tidus gives her a present teehee.

PS: This Sunday, August 7th, is my 19th birthday and there's some big weekend party plans so expect an update sometime near the end of next week. August 7th lol…get it? My last year as a teenager…sigh


	7. Respectable Surveillance

'_I'm falling even more in love with you,_

_Letting go of all I've held on to._

_I'm standing here until you making me move,_

_Just hanging by a moment here with you…'_

**-- Lifehouse _'Hanging by a moment'_**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 7 …_Respectable Surveillance_ …**

'_The one condition, on which everything relied, was simple enough: through all that was to be attempted, whether successful or a complete disaster, it was agreed on that the others must never know.'_

'_Happy Birthday to me.'_

Upon lifting the tent door, the spell of silence that protected the room instantly shattered and revealed the booming voice of an angry Lulu, screaming at the poor receptionist while pointing towards the door.

"What do you mean **you can't open it**! What kind of disorganized **_idiot_** only has _one_ key! I'm talking to Rin the moment I…**YOU**!" she screamed upon noticing Tidus cautiously emerging from the tent, stalking over to him, her red eyes blazing with fury. "Where the hell have you been! And what in Spira prompted you to spent 1,500 gil on firework.."

"SHHH!" Tidus insisted, cocking his head backwards gesturing to Yuna, who had followed him out and was now waiting patiently by the threshold. "It's supposed to be a surprise!" He smiled and winked at Lulu, who couldn't help but relax as she returned a reluctant grin and an understanding nod.

Tidus, having somehow mastered the art of hiding his emotions, had instantly turned into his cheerful cocky self once exiting the tent, while Yuna was still feeling grim and heavy with the emotional load of their silent conversation. She couldn't have smiled then even if someone was holding a gun to her head, demanding _'grin or die!'_…

It had been three minutes since they left the dinner table. Three stupid minutes and Lulu was already threatening immediate death upon the receptionist for what may or may not have happened in those precious 240 seconds of absence from her sight. Her guardians' iron cast grip on her every move was now officially far past annoying…it was downright suffocating.

"I still hafta set things up though…" Tidus said, upon noticing Lulu about to open her mouth. "Yuna here was being especially curious and tried to convince me to reveal my plans and I have been successfully heightening her anticipation until _you_ blurted it out Lulu. You ruined the birthday fun!"

The black mage rolled her eyes, but still managed to look a bit ashamed at spoiling the surprise as she averted her gaze and cleared her throat.

"Fine Fine. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have…"

"Apology accepted!" Tidus interrupted once again, giving her a firm pat on the shoulder in friendly forgiveness. "So I'm going to get things ready" he then turned to Yuna, not meeting her eyes, simply putting on a show of platonic companionship for Lulu's sake. "Don't you dare peek! I'll come get you in an hour tops. See ya!" and with that, he jogged off leaving the two women alone.

Tidus had skillfully succeeded in thwarting Lulu's intentions of demanding an in depth analysis of what exactly had happened while they were alone in the tent. And for that Yuna was grateful seeing as, until her stomach untied itself from knots, she would be on the brink of blurting out the whole truth should she be coaxed - if only to ease the terrible gut-wrenching pain she felt every time she lied.

But she had to lie…if only for a little while longer. Then it would be too late for them to do anything about it.

More than fearing her guardians' discomfort and disapproval, she also knew very well that upon hearing her confession they would do everything in their power to stop her. She was, after all, in the midst of removing bricks from the pillar of strength she had worked so hard to build. And certainly, any day now, the more and more in love she fell, the more unstable her foundations became…until she was very well near crumbling into complete oblivion.

She knew it was stupid already and didn't need the 5 of them ganging up on her to tell her so…Because they didn't understand…no one could ever understand…Logic had nothing to do with after all.

'_Whether two months or twenty years…I want to be with you…I need to be with you.' _

She remembered the speech he had made after slipping the ring on her finger. And though she had been relatively sure he had lost his mind in that moment, she now understood exactly how he felt. When it came to loving Tidus, there was simply no choice. The only say she had in the matter was how to handle her need; either by openly confessing and insisting that everyone deal with it…or with dignity and respect for her party. Not that there was any dignity in their sneaking around…

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened that night?" Lulu asked abruptly, having long since become uncomfortable in the silence of Yuna's thoughts.

Yuna bent her head down and gave a sarcastic chuckle at the idiocy of the question.

'_Where to begin…' _she thought, while trying to gauge how Lulu would react to each and every scene she could honestly describe, starting with what happened in Macalania and ending with what happened in the tent...

But the night she was specifically referring to…the most sacred encounter of all…

'_That night in the woods…I gave away my soul.'_

There so many things she wanted to say about that night, if only for some constructive advice on how to handle the situation. How she and Tidus had argued, how she fainted under to stress of the heated debate, realizing she loved him, how they had tried to 'do it', her punching him (Lulu would surely get a kick out of that) and finally the proposal…Her heart was bursting to share to news with someone, anyone! Lulu however, was on the bottom of the list of people who would take it well. So instead she re-affirmed the lie she had been forced to repeat oh so many painful times this past week…

"I swear to you nothing happened," she insisted with a sigh at having to tell the same story over and over again. "I fainted. He took care of me. That was all it was. That was all it will ever be no matter how many times you ask."

"Really?..." Still, Lulu seemed dubious, causing Yuna to rub her temples in frustration.

Why couldn't anyone just believe her and let it go?

"What is it you want to hear Lulu? That we faked the whole emergency in order to be alone? That we formed a cult that sacrifices young children? That he confessed to me that he has a secret crush on Wakka? That he tried to rape me on the forest floor? **What**? What horrible confession will make you stop harassing me with your damn paranoia!"

If Lulu was taken aback by her outburst, she made no sign of it except for blinking and raising an incredulous eyebrow. She then slowly crossed her arms over her chest while taking a step toward Yuna, daring to look deep into her eyes, scanning for any trace of a lie.

"But you like him," she announced blandly, smirking at the stunned look on her face. "I saw it the moment you two first met. Sitting at the campfire, you couldn't keep your eyes off him, remember?"

"…No." It was true enough…she hadn't any idea of the feelings she had been experiencing upon their first meeting. It had still been so vague and confusing then. She could only remember feeling…curious.

"Well, I knew that look." Lulu teased, tossing her long braids behind her shoulder with a smirk. "It somewhat resembles how a young Queen Coeurl would eye a bloody steak. It was the look I used to give Chappu before…" she trailed off, shaking her head to clear it of the gruesome memories "before he…"

…but she couldn't say it for some reason. Affirming Chappu's death was just one of those few weak points in Lulu's otherwise brick solid logical reserve.

That day in Kilika on the temple steps, she had been so harsh to point out to Wakka that his brother wasn't coming back and that nobody could replace him. Yuna remembered Tidus commenting later on how heartless Lulu was, but she knew better. After spending the entire afternoon fighting side by side with the Chappu look-a-like, using the brotherhood sword, some nerve must have snapped …That was supposed to be **his** sword after all. Since then she had never quite been able to warm up to Tidus.

Was that why…she didn't trust him?

"Geez, you'd think after 5 years I'd be okay with saying it..." Lulu hastily wiped at her eyes, turning away from her in embarrassment at having cried twice in one night. And Yuna instantly felt ashamed for snapping at her.

Even though Lulu had had the chance to live the summoner's dream of falling in love over years, announcing an engagement to the villagers and had taken part in the following celebration and planning which Yuna herself had been involved in as a excitable pre-teen and maid of honor…it had all been cut short by Sin ripping Chappu from this world all too early. This only reminded her again of how badly she needed to reach the end of this pilgrimage, and finally bring the Calm to Spira. Perhaps then, Lulu may have the chance to find someone else…

"The point is" the guardian continued, taking one long sniff to absorb all traces of her little breakdown "I was worried. For both of you. He had obviously no idea what was going to happen and I couldn't bring myself to tell him, though I tried many times. He's a very…persistent young man is he not?"

'_You have no idea.'_

Yuna choose to say nothing.

"Anyway, I just think…no wait…I **know** that anything between you two is a bad idea. You can't get involved with anyone, especially if you're serious about the Final Summoning, as I know you are. It's just too complicated."

'_I know this Lulu…I've spent countless hours thinking about it, debating it, balancing pros and cons, everything!…and yet, still I couldn't help it.'_

After a few moment of silence, Yuna decided that there was no longer any point in lying. One thing was for sure, she couldn't go on living like this for another week.

Something had to change.

"You're right Lulu." She said softly. "I did like him…I…I _do_ like him." With a sheepish smile, she ducked back into her tent, letting Lulu follow her. Embarrassing as this conversation was, the whole Inn need not hear her tales of woe.

"And so…" Lulu urged, after securing the flap of the door behind her. "Something did happen in the forest then?"

One could almost hear the "_I knew it_!" teetering on the tip of her tongue. But Yuna only shook her head slowly, blushing in what Lulu interpreted as unease. "I only live for my pilgrimage. Had we been normal teenagers, perhaps we may have gotten together. Perhaps we may have been very happy. But we'll never know now will we?" she fiddled anxiously with the fur of the bedspread, listening to the jiggling of Lulu's belts as she crossed the room and sat down, patiently waiting to listen.

Talking about him with another woman, even without letting out the entire story…was kind of refreshing.

"I remember now…the campfire where we first spoke to each other. He kept looking at me, even as the entire blitzball team stood in front of him cheering for his attention. His eyes were so blue…I had never seen eyes that shade of blue. Like the sea just before dusk. I was entranced by them…He was just so beautiful."

"I suppose…" Lulu mumbled uncomfortably "if you're into that whole 'feminine' guy thing."

Yuna giggled and sat down on the bed, lost in a haze of memory. "Well he's changed since then. In subtle ways but I can always see him from that night we met and notice the differences. His hair's a bit longer, you see? And his skin is more tan, just a shade or two, from traveling I suppose. And he's gained some weight, muscle in his shoulders mainly, from the constant sword fighting…a whole year…" she turned her head towards the small mirror propped on the bedside table and examined her face, poking her cheeks here and there to try to find some sign of aging. She had just turned 18 after all…Perhaps becoming an adult forced some metamorphosis upon her body of which she was presently searching for. "I wonder if I've changed…"

"Oh you have." Lulu confirmed in an almost harsh manner, shifting uneasily in her chair. "You've become more stubborn, impulsive, disruptive…sometimes I wonder what happened to the daydreaming, charming, innocent little girl I left Besaid with all those months ago."

'_I've become a woman since then Lulu._' Yuna explained in her head, her guardian's words spurring the familiar rage she had so long been trying to suppress. _'I don't need you anymore. I only need him…and that scares you. But I am not that little girl anymore and will never been again…I've seen too much.'_

"I appreciate you Lulu. You've always been like a mother to me you know?" that was true enough, and for the rest of her days she'd try to remember that past Lulu who used to kiss her scraped knees better, and not the mistrustful, spiteful wretch she was now. "But please, not for one second, assume that I'm a child that needs to be constantly supervised from making dumb mistakes."

"I never said…"

"Tidus and I know nothing can ever happen. We've agreed to be friends, summoner and guardian, up until the end of the pilgrimage. And I'd like to spend the last of my days out enjoying the company of said friend instead of being under some twisted sort of house arrest."

"We didn't mean to…"

"So I admitted to being attracted to him? It doesn't mean anything! When have I ever given you reason not to trust me?"

Lulu scoffed. "Well, the Jyscal Sphere for one…"

"What? Do you think the moment I'm left alone with Tidus I'm going to jump him, realize that I don't want to continue my journey and run away? Leaving you, my family, alone on the road for some…some guy! Who do you think **I **am? Who do you think **you** are!"

"Yuna! **PLEASE** calm down!" Lulu was on her feet now, holding Yuna by the shoulders as she began breathing heavily, her head spinning in that horribly familiar way…

"**NO. No I won't just calm down**! **I can't live like this anymore!**"She violently tore her guardian's hands off her, considering the warm gesture to be just another form of strangulation. "I'm 18 and I didn't even realize! I…I can't even go to the bathroom without someone watching me every…bloody…second! I'm going to die Lulu! And…and I haven't done ANYTHING with my life. I never went to school or, or played a musical instrument!"

"Yuna, what does that have to do with…"

"Maybe I could have been a **great** tuba player! But we'll never know now will we? And I've never been on a date…had a boyfriend. **Nothing**...I may as well have not existed…"

She began circling the small room, seething and breathing heavily, pacing like a caged animal. She was thinking too much…rule one of her summoner's training: never think about the life you could have had. It could only lead to bad things…

Like ranting…

Exhibit A:

"I…I wanted to get married!" She burst out in a strangled sob. "I wanted to sing…I wanted to be a mother…So many things I will never…ever!…" she was heaving now, her breaths coming out in strangled gasps and was only vaguely aware of Lulu's words of encouragement, which sounded far away…like she was underwater.

It was darker too…the room was spinning…breathing was becoming painful…It was all too familiar…

'_Oh please Yevon no…not another attack…'_

She felt her throat closing again as the temperature rose several degrees. Lulu's eyes widened as Yuna fell to her knees and began to gasp for air, immediately recognizing the symptoms, having helped her through them several times before.

"Yuna come…sit down. Breathe." Forcing her up by her shoulders, Lulu steered her onto the bed, taking her face within her hands while stroking her hair softly.

"Remember Besaid?" she asked calmly, pretending to be ignorant of the strangled gasping which filled the room. Yuna nodded, though it was becoming increasingly difficult to pay attention. After all, who had time to reminisce while ghastly images of a normal life kept clouding her brain?

"Good. Now remember the beach. We used to go fishing there right? You, me and Wakka. You caught a big one once. We had a big bonfire and fed the entire village…remember?"

Again Yuna nodded, the nausea intensifying with the movement. Lulu had been 16, she 9 and had only been in Besaid for a year after the death of her father…the few years of the Calm.

A perfect memory of peace and temporary bliss.

"Now think about that day." Lulu spoke dreamily, stroking Yuna's sweat soaked brow as if she were a sleeping child and not a suffocating teenager on the verge of a mental breakdown…again. "You were a beautiful little girl. You always laughed and played jokes on us. Scared the hell out of me by pretending to fall off the cliff on _several _occasions…I don't know why I kept falling for it."

Yuna managed to let out a strangled laugh which allowed the tension in her throat to ease. And then, out of the blue, Lulu began to sing…

"_kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni  
oyoida kokoro"_

The song… '_Suteki Da Nei'_. Her favorite when she was little…her mother used to sing it to her…

"_Tsuki ga yureru kagami ni  
furueta kokoro  
hoshi ga nagare koboreta  
yawarakai namida"_

She couldn't help the feeling of tranquility that flared up in her heart as the words lulled her, soothing the panic and gradually easing the pain in her throat…and before she knew it, she was singing along as well, though with a terribly raspy voice.

"_suteki da ne  
futari te wo tori aruketa nara  
ikitai yo  
kimi no machi ie ude no naka _

sono mune  
karada azuke  
yoi ni magire  
yumemiru"

They finished the chorus together with a contented sigh, Yuna lying on her back with Lulu hovering over her, petting down her hair, all signs of the attack gone except for rapid breathing.

They remained in deafening silence for a few extra minutes, allowing the summoner to fully get her bearings. Soon her breathing had slowed, Lulu had gently dabbed all the sweat off her face with one of the room towels and for all intensive purposes, Yuna was back to normal without having to have lost consciousness. Just like old times… Lulu had saved her once more.

Lulu had always done what she thought was best after all…

Yuna didn't deserve a friend like her…

"I don't like myself this way" she said quietly, staring at the orange ceiling of the tent. Lulu did not cease the gently dabbing on her forehead with a cloth now soaked in cold water.

"To be honest?...I don't like you much this way either." She stood up then and strode over to the small desk in the corner where a pitcher and basin were posed, pouring out a glass of water and handing it to Yuna who gulped it down greedily. "You haven't had an incident like this since…"

"My training…I know." Yuna interrupted, trying to forget that night in the woods. She closed her eyes and let the cool liquid quench her burning throat while the cloth on her forehead eased a throbbing head ache. She knew she must look more than pathetic, and that visual made her feel more ashamed than anything else that had happened recently.

Another attack. Two in the span of a week. Over such trivial things in comparison to what was to happen in the last chamber of the fayth in Zanarkand.

What if…what if she wasn't strong enough to handle it?

"I don't want to die like this…" she confessed hesitantly, pushing the damp rag down to cover her eyes. "I don't want to end up a simpering mess on the floor because I can't handle the Final Summoning."

Lulu merely shrugged.

"Your father and his father before him brought the Calm to Spira" she stated, removing the rag from her eyes and continuing to dab at the sweat drops on her face methodically. "You will too. You are strong; it's in your blood. It's fact."

Yuna only rolled her eyes. How sick she was of people assuming she was her father…she got a sudden sense of how Tidus must have felt constantly living in Jetch's shadow as a champion Blitzball player.

"I'm not strong. I'm so weak, can't you see? I'm falling apart as we speak…I can't go on like this."

"Well, that's partially my fault." Lulu admitted with a grimace. "I'm just trying to protect you. But now I know that I've been trying a little too hard. If we continue…"

"_If_ we continue?" Yuna sat up suddenly, staring at her guardian with an expression of mixed confusion and awe.

"Yes… '**if**'" Lulu repeated with a small, awkward grin. "If you choose to continue…I promise to be more lenient. You are an adult after all. And…I trust you to do what you honestly believe is right. Even if that means turning back this very second, and going home to do all those things you mentioned. Play the tuba if you feel you must!"

They both laughed uncomfortably at this, not daring to meet each other's gaze. If Yuna quit, that would be the 3rd pilgrimage Lulu had failed and the 2nd summoner who had left her high and dry. Not only could she not do that to Lulu, she couldn't do it to herself.

"You know very well that I'm going to Zanarkand." She whispered hoarsely, her throat still burning. But she needed to get this out. "It won't be easy…and I will probably have several more episodes of insanity before the end. But that's why I need you." She met her eyes then, an honest smile on her face for the first time in days, which Lulu returned with equal intensity.

"I thought you'd say something like that…" she said, seating herself on the bed next to Yuna. "And seeing as such, I promise to ease the surveillance to a…respectable level."

Yuna raised an eyebrow. "What consists of a 'respectable' level?"

With a sigh, Lulu reached over to Yuna and cautiously removed a small black dot that was stuck to the edge of her obi, placing it in Yuna's palm with a look of pure mortification on her face.

"What…what is it?" she leaned in for a closer look, turning the thing over in her palm and noted the minuscule antennae poking out of a small square of what looked to be black plastic poked with air holes. For what little Yuna knew of technology, this could have been anything close to a chipped off piece from the airship…but judging from Lulu's expression of guilt and the topic of the conversation, the purpose of the piece was all too obvious.

She could do nothing more than stare in shock.

"Before you ask any questions, I want to say I'm sorry first of all. I didn't mean to pry but…"

"_You didn't mean to pry?_" Yuna repeated in disbelief, involuntarily crunching the fragment between her fingers, surely causing someone's, somewhere, ear drums to break. "You…you _bugged_ me! You were literally spying on me!"

_For how long? How much did she know? Had she heard everything in the tent? Was that why she was so eager to interrupt them? _

"If it's any consolation, I haven't really used it." She said in eager defense, oblivious to the fact that this was no consolation at all. "I bought it from O'aka in Macalania Woods about three weeks ago but its such new technology that I couldn't really…figure it out. I'd only get bits of static and maybe a word here or there. Nothing substantial though."

Yuna let out a small sarcastic chuckle "is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No Yuna." Lulu said placidly. "It's supposed to make **me** feel better. Redemption. Something I know I don't deserve." She removed the fragments of plastic from Yuna's hands and threw them in the bedside trash with a sigh. "I was just so worried about you. After the wedding you just…shut everyone out, wandered around in a constant daze. I was hoping to perhaps figure out how to make you smile again…by whatever means available to me."

Yuna could say nothing in reply. She was too angry to forgive her and too respectful to get angry and could find no middle emotion except to sit there and stare. As long as Lulu hadn't heard anything from the night in the forest, or the time in the tent, there was really no harm done. But still…

"I think you should go." She said blandly, her voice betraying neither her anger nor her forgiveness. They would have plenty of time to talk but for now, she just needed to be alone.

"I understand." Lulu stood up from the bed, the loss of her weight shifting the mattress, and made her way toward the door. As she pulled back the flap, the silence spell of the room disappeared and Auron could be heard yelling over what seemed to be the sound of explosions while Rikku's mad laughing roared above all the noise. The party was apparently having some issues.

"Everything I did…I did because I love you." Lulu gave one last plea of innocence before stepping outside, the fabric of the door re-establishing the silence of the tent as Yuna fell back into bed and tried her hardest not to think…

Instead she closed her eyes and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

"Oh Yunieee…?" a high pitched voice rang in her ear as an insistent finger began violently prodding her back. "Wakey wakey!"

"Mmmfph…sleeping." Was all Rikku was able to get out of her cousin before she rolled away from her and pressed a pillow over her head to block out the noise.

"Aww…come on Yunie!" she insisted, her poking becoming more vicious. "You've been napping for over two hours! Its party time now! Teehee."

The figure under the pillow only gave out a muffled laugh and remained unmoving, save for wrapping the fur blankets more securely around her shoulders so that every inch of her body was hidden by bed clothes.

With a groan of annoyance the energetic Al Bhed crawled, somewhat unstably, over to her cousin. After a bit of digging through the fur comforter, she finally found Yuna's arm and began ferociously yanking it with an unexpected amount of strength for one so small, gradually extricating her from her comfortable haven of blankets and pillows out into the cool air of the hotel room.

"Rikku please!" Yuna begged in a tired voice, jerking her arm free from her vice-like grip millimeters before she was to be dragged straight off the bed. "I'm really not in the mood tonight ok? Just…just tell them I'm sick or something."

"**_Tell them you're sick_**?" Rikku repeated abnormally loudly, her mouth gaping open in astonishment. "I can't just tell them you're sick!"

"Why not?" Yuna asked a tad antagonistically, rearranging herself comfortably in the blankets once more without any intention of moving again that night. Partying was definitely the last thing she wanted to do at the moment, especially with _them_…her jailers. Had they all known about Lulu's gadget?

Probably.

"Why not you ask!" Rikku screamed, her face reddening with fury (not to mention, lack of sobriety). "Because I've been working my ass off to try to get this to be a memorable night for you!"

She could see them now, huddled around O'aka, bartering for prices on all the latest spy gear in order to find out what she was doing every second of every day…

"Wakka fell off a ladder and almost broke his leg trying to put up lanterns for decoration. Auron set his coat on fire! Kimahri has even spent the last 45 minutes arranging bouquets…KIMAHRI, **the **Kimahri, was **_arranging bouquets!_**! Do you have any idea of how ridiculous that is! And Tidus, he…well…" she trailed off then, giving her an expectant grin and chose to sit down and wait. Yuna, of course, couldn't help but peak her head out from under the pillow upon realizing that Rikku wasn't going to continue, curiosity dictating her every move.

Her cousin knew her too well for her own good.

"What about Tidus?"

"Teehee…well you'll just hafta come out and see now won't ya?" She stuck out her tongue before springing off the bed and instantly began rummaging through Yuna's gear sack which someone had brought into the room during her nap. She pulled out the small pile of folded clothing that Yuna kept stored for emergencies should her summoner's kimono be in need of washing or repair, and cringed at every piece as she held it to the light.

"Geez, don't you own anything that's shorter than your knees?" She teased as she examined the last garment; a floor length pleated green skirt, and threw it away in disgust before turning back to Yuna, her hands on her hips. "Well you can't very well wear _that_!" She gave her a head to toe look over and frowned deeply, causing Yuna to blush under the scrutiny of her examination.

"This is all I have" she stated blandly while fixing her obi which had twisted around in her sleep. "I packed for somber traveling after all. Not socializing. It will have to do."

"But you look like a freakin' nun!"

With a sigh and much effort, Yuna extricated herself from the knot of blankets she was tangled in and headed towards the mirror, straightening her clothing hastily much like Tidus had done when he left her those few hours ago.

'_Tidus…' _

It could have been him gently waking her up now after finally letting loose the passion they had held bottled up for such a painfully long time. In fact, even in the present situation, Tidus _should_ have been the one to wake her up. He had said he would hadn't he? What had happened? Why was Rikku here instead?

"By the way Rikku…" she began combing out her matted hair with her fingers, in a desperate attempt to look and sound casual "where is Tidus anyway?"

She saw her cousin's reflection in the mirror smirk as she held up one of Yuna's conservative skirts up to her own waist. "Oh…he's doing a little of this, a little of that…" she giggled again before chucking the skirt aside, joining Yuna in front of the mirror to apply some of her sparkly lip balm. "He's been yelling direction at all of us for the entire night. Kinda wanted to punch him at several points ya know?"

Yuna dropped her hands to her sides while letting out a small grunt of annoyance. She didn't want to celebrate tonight. She didn't want anything but to know where _he_ was. And Rikku was being purposely as disruptive as possible. "Rikku please…Could you **be** any more vague?"

"And could **you** be any more obvious?" the Al Bhed retorted heatedly, slamming down her tube of lipstick onto the desk with such force that the case broke. Yuna took a step back, momentarily startled by the random violent action.

She was angry…Yuna had never seen her angry before. Her initial irritation immediately melted into concern.

"Rikku…what's…"

"**Why didn't you tell me about him? **!"

Yuna paused…timidly retracting the hand she was about to lay on her cousin' shoulder and instead clasped her palms together in front of her chest.

She knew…

Of course she knew…everybody probably knew! She was simply the only one able to admit it, having not been influenced by the constant insistence that all summoner's were holy beings and thus unable to have weaknesses or faults.

Rikku would have understood. She could have told her…she should have. But something about having a secret…something that was hers and only hers had such an enticing appeal which contrasted deeply with her all too public life. The reason for secrecy was pure selfishness. But how could she say all this without completely obliterating their precious open minded friendship?

Luckily, Yuna didn't have to excuse herself.

"I…I'm sorry." Rikky mumbled, retrieving her cracked cosmetic and returning it to her pocket. "We all need secrets. I know that better than anyone." She smiled guiltily before turning to face her, blushing in embarrassment at her outburst. "He's always talking about you ya know? Been driving me a little crazy this past week actually. Constantly harassing me to wrack my brain for a way to get you through this alive while insisting all too often that it was only due to his 'friendly' concern. Does he think I'm an idiot? He's a blonde too ya know!"

"Yeah…he's a little dense at times." Yuna laughed at this, daring to put a hesitant hand on her shoulder in a lame attempt at comfort. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner…But believe me when I say I wanted to. I wanted to talk to someone so badly…"

So much pain and anger could have been vented. So many hours sitting in silent misery having to lie over and over again…All that could have been avoided…

"I understand Yunie. I really do…" she gave her a gentle hug to prove her sentiments, giving solid reassurance in the process. "You're together then? So what! From now on you have at least one ally in the group. So lets go an celebrate!" And with that exclamation, Rikku took her hand and began to drag her to the door. Only Yuna being able to catch the ledge of the dresser stopped her from toppling over on her face.

"Wait Rikku!…its past midnight. My birthday is over and I really don't feel like…"

"Birthday smirthday!" Rikku exclaimed happily, continuing to tug on her arm without mercy. "Now that it's all out in the open we can discuss things. Now we're celebrating your becoming a woman!"

"MY WHAT!"

Rikku immediately stopped tugging, letting her arm fall as she stared at her cousin with an expression of complete bewilderment on her face. "In the woods…remember?"  
She spoke as if she were reminding Yuna of an event in which she also participated. "You two did 'it' right?" she asked as casually as if she were talking about the weather.

"_Rikku_!" Yuna turned a deep shade of red and covered her face with her hands. "I can't believe you'd think…why would I…? No!"

"Well come on!" she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, almost daring Yuna to lie to her like she had all the others just because she was younger and supposedly naïve. "Something **obviously** happened. Something you couldn't exactly announce. And if I were you I wouldn't want to go to the farplane without at least _trying_ it first. So, naturally, I assumed that…"

"Just because I said we're together doesn't mean we were…_together_ together."

Rikku, like Lulu before her, raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Seriously?…you two were alone. You like each other a lot…and nothing happened?"

Yuna nodded demurely, peeking through the cracks of her fingers to see Rikku shaking her head in disappointment, obviously hoping for some juicy gossip.

"Nothing…wow." She continued to shake her head in an unsatisfied manner. All this time she had thought she discovered Yuna's big, scandalous secret proving that they did indeed share the same weakness for bold, blonde men. Yet alas, her cousin was always the good girl. The big secret being a mutual crush was a really disappointing revelation. "I can't believe you...seriously nothing?"

'_Well not exactly nothing…' _

"Well…we…umm…" Yuna hesitated, her thoughts running vicious circles in her heard contemplating the pros and cons of how much she should tell. Rikku being trustworthy wasn't an issue…she would probably even congratulate them and be a useful aid in organizing things. But on the other hand she also did have a hard time keeping her mouth shut…

Was keeping things secret really worth the risk of losing her sanity without being able to talk to someone?

Yuna's silence spoke words.

"Aha!" Rikku jumped suddenly, pointing an accusing finger. "So you **did** do something naughty!" Her face brightened substantially as she began to giggle at the idea of the coy, innocent Yuna being indecent. "Tell me everything! Leave not one detail out! Was it good?"

"It…well we. Uhhh…"

'_No more lies Yuna…now's your chance…'_

'_I want…I want my family to know.' _

"We're getting married." she blurted out suddenly, grasping her cousin's hands within hers, whose eyes had widened substantially.

"You…You're **WHAT**?"

"We're getting married and I want you to be there. Only you okay?"

Rikku only stood there stunned, her green eyes narrowed and her mouth agape, frozen in an expression of horrid surprise. "Have…have you lost your minds?"

"Yes! Yes we have! HaHa!" She jumped up and down on spot, shaking their grasped hands as she did so, imitating Lulu's reaction all those years ago when she had first announced her engagement. "Isn't it…isn't it _amazing_?"

"Yunie, the word you're looking for is: **'insane'**!" she pulled her hands away and steadied herself down onto to mattress to get her bearings, her head swimming with the new information. This was definitely not the outrageous confession she had been expecting. "But weren't you set on completing your pilgrimage?"

Yuna's giddy mood instantly vanished to be replaced with the sobriety that always attached itself to discussions about her journey. "I will…continue…of course."

Rikku nodded, not expecting any other answer after she had spent so many months begging her to stop.

She sat there in deep thought for a few more moments, contemplating the situation and what her feelings should be considering the matter. Tidus was her friend, and so obviously obsessed with Yuna…he would just die watching her slowly get the life sucked out of her at the Final Summoning. Didn't he realize that marrying her would make the pain that much worse? Only Tidus could have thought of such a ridiculous method to temporarily satisfy his longing. And only Yuna could be in such equal need for affection to accept a doomed proposal.

Were they stupid and suicidal?…or just really in love? Was there a difference?

"And Tidus?" Rikku asked, un-characteristically serious. "How does he feel about becoming a widow at 18?"

She was doubtful, condescending, skeptical…everything Yuna had been afraid of.

"He knows what he's doing" she insisted, distracting herself by fiddling with the beaded strings from her obi. "I know what I'm doing too. We just want to be together for what time we have. Is that so wrong?"

"Then be together, but don't marry the guy!" Rikku screamed, obviously furious with the idea of Tidus being lured deeper into this imaginary bliss which would all too soon shatter and leave him broken. "Have you paused once to consider what will happen after the pilgrimage? All fine for you, having got the guy and can die happily, but what about Tidus? This will crush him…"

"I know!" Yuna screamed in interruption, blinking furiously to keep at bay an onslaught of tears. "I know it's selfish but…Yevon, to have a wedding. A REAL wedding! To be with someone knowing our souls are linked forever…I think it will…I'm _hoping_ it will fill this hole in my heart." With a sigh she sat down on the bed next to Rikku and timidly laid her head on her shoulder. Her intentions were completely egocentric, but for whatever reason, she now felt this union was a necessary step in completing her journey, much like visiting a temple. Should they be convinced to skip the ceremony and just continue on, she knew she wouldn't be strong enough for the end.

"Maybe, just maybe, it'll rid me of this fear and panic I keep experiencing because I feel I haven't done anything with my life." Yuna explained, placing an arm around her silent partner, hugging her closer. "Maybe I'll finally be ready after this…reassured with the knowledge that I can wait for him in the farplane…That gives me a comfort you can't imagine. You understand don't you?"

Rikku placed her hand on top of Yuna's on her shoulder and squeezed it a little in sympathy. "No. I don't understand." She said with a slight smile while turning to meet Yuna's glistening eyes. "But I trust and love you. And because of that will I help in whichever ways I can…Good enough?"

Yuna returned the grin warmly. "More than enough."

'_Thank you Rikku…Thank you so much…'_

"In the meantime though, " Rikku pulled away, giving Yuna a mischievous stare. "I'm going to make sure tonight it one to remember…"

* * *

**Author's Note**: I know not much happens in this chapter, but that's because it went up to 19 pages and I still hadn't gotten to my point. Thus, again, I split it up…and the next chapter is already almost fully done! I needed some character development to explain things that will happen later and also some Final Fantasy X2 references. My main point of this entire story is to show how Yuna became the girl she is at the end of the second game, cause I don't think Square expanded it well enough.. And so, this is my re-write of the FFX script. Depending on reviews I will post the new chapter either on Tuesday or take my time and wait till next week ;) **wink**. Comments and Criticism are welcome. Review! 


	8. Eighteen Going on Eighty

**.Warning. _This fiction is rated 'T' for Teen and should not be read be anyone under 14 years of age._ **

_"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly  
and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,  
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."_  
-- **D.H.Lawrence**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 7 …_Eighteen Going on Eighty_ …**

_Yes, they hadn't yet had a chance to be **alone** alone, but that had never stopped Tidus…she remembered one time, upon finally emerging from the dusty valley and into the Calm Lands and hastily heading towards the solitary Rin's Travel Agency in the middle of the plain…As Yuna had then made her first step in completing her end of the bargain, Tidus also made his…_

…

"_In the meantime though," Rikku said with a mischievous smile "I'm going to make sure tonight is one to remember…"_

"No no no! That is _all_ wrong! It's supposed to _drape_ not **hang**. Urrg. Just let me do it!" Tidus roughly shoved Wakka out of the way, informally dismissing him from lantern hanging duty and proceeding to elegantly drape the strings of paper lanterns at an alarming pace, desperate to have everything perfect before Yuna arrived.

If this was indeed to be her last memory of both turning a year older and a 'civilized' gathering, then he'd be damned if he let Wakka's lack of coordination ruin it.

"Give it a rest Tidus!" Wakka grumbled as his fellow teammate began running around the small lawn, adjusting every meager decoration they had been able to scrounge up from the Inn's back room storage and the plain itself. "If you take any longer, we'll all end up sleeping through this thing, ya!"

Tidus only sighed in frustration as he approached one of Kimahri's clumsily arranged bouquets only to be violently yanked back by the towering Ronso himself.

"No touch." He demanded in his booming monotone voice, positioning himself protectively in front of the wine bottle that served as a vase.

"Kimahri! Look at it!" Tidus exclaimed, gesturing to the mess of disorganized flowers as if that explained everything.

Kimahri only shook his giant, fur covered head. "Present for Yuna. From Kimahri only. No touch." He repeated, crossing his arms in front of his chest in a clear statement that the conversation was indeed over.

Tidus could only give an angry glare before moving on to other things, knowing very well that he neither had the time, nor the energy to debate. Not to mention, the broken bones that would result in his arguing with a Ronso would be a definite hindrance in his preparations. Instead he choose look over Lulu's shoulder, who was lazily sewing together strips of yellow leather.

"Lulu?…uh, what are you doing?" he questioned in a half curious, half annoyed manner. She **was** supposed to be cutting out table cloths after all.

Lulu didn't even bother to lift her eyes from her project. "I'm making a present for Yuna" she said mildly, cutting off thread with her teeth. "I found some extra materials in the back room which Leisha graciously gave to me." She waved toward the receptionist, who was busy serving plates of food to the two other customers she had, and continued to sew, completely ignoring the self-proclaimed-director's presence.

Tidus sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that night.

How was he supposed to work with a team like this?

"Well, thrilled as I am that you've made a new friend," he said in a tone dripping with sarcasm "aren't you suppose to be…"

"Table cloths…yeah yeah. I remember." Lulu interrupted, trimming an edge of the fabric. "I decided that such a luxury was just a pointless use of material and I could do other things with it. Got a problem with that?"

"Do I?...do I have a…geez!" Tidus ran his hands through his hair in aggravation, coming close to pulling it out completely. "Have you lost your mind? She's gonna be here any minute!"

"And, I'm pretty sure, the first things she's **not** going to notice is the lack of table cloths. Seriously Tidus, look at this place!" she paused from her sewing to wave her hand across the lawn which had once been the simple, boring Calm Land's Travel Agency and was now close to a level of décor worthy of the Yevon temples. Of course, the few decorations the Inn had in store were religious paraphernalia since the Calm Lands were host to the many celebrations of thousands of travelers paying tribute once a summoner defeated Sin.

Besides those few Yevon banners, Tidus had been able to improvise everything else. Candles glowed brightly in wine glasses, long strips of ruined tent fabric made colorful streamers and Kimahri's flowers (though horribly messy) added a touch of elegance to the scene. Still, he couldn't help but notice the ugly brown of the plain picnic tables. Table cloths would really perk things up.

"Forget it Tidus" Lulu said upon noticing him about to open his mouth. "Its fine the way it is. Its _more_ than fine so leave it be."

"But…"

"I'm not doing it."

"Pleas…"

"No."

"Come on!"

"I'm one word away from casting Ultima on you. So, if you value your limbs, I suggest stopping."

Tidus caught himself just in time, pinching his lips together with as much force of he could muster to override his great mental urge to continue coaxing. Lulu continued to sew with her eyes glued on him, amused in watching his self-struggle to remain quiet. Soon enough, his shoulders sagged in defeat and he plopped himself on the bench next to her, letting his head fall back in exhaustion.

"Good boy" Lulu teased, patting Tidus on the head like a dog that performed a trick correctly. "Besides, you need a break after all this insanity." She completed the last stitch of one part of her project and held it up to the light of the candle in order to examine any flaws.

"What is that anyway?" Tidus asked, peeping an eye open to watch her.

"An arm band" she explained as she began lacing black cord through the holes she had hemmed in the yellow material. Upon its completion, she handed it over to him, giving her work a satisfied nod of approval. "I'm going to make another one, the exact same, later on. She always loved that look."

Tidus nodded in acknowledgment, thinking that the yellow bands would indeed look great on Yuna's slender arms. Then again, anything would look good on Yuna.

"But…she never changes her clothes." Tidus stated, noting that though the arm bands were a nice accessory, they would definitely not match her current outfit.

"I know that…" she smiled sadly, taking the band back and turning it over in her hands. "Since she decided to become a summoner she's insisted on doing it properly, wearing traditional garments and everything. But before that…before she started training she used to have an obsession with clothing and fashion. Did you know that?"

Tidus laughed heartily at this while shaking his head. He never would have considered Yuna once a follower of trends, since he had only ever seen her in either her kimono or that one time in the wedding dress. Secretly, on this entire journey, she may have been yearning to shop and try the greatly various fashions of the world.

She really was just a normal teenage girl underneath it all…and he found himself finding her more and more fascinating with every revelation.

"I remember once…" Lulu put down her work and picked up her nearby glass of wine, taking a large gulp before continuing "a traveler came to Besaid when Yuna was only 13. This woman came from a popular boutique in Bevelle and was here to fit me for…for my wedding dress." She coughed clumsily then, suddenly uncomfortable with the re-telling of this specific story. But, being Lulu, she continued on anyway, ignoring the pain.

"So, this woman showed up from the city and with her she brought practically the entire contents of her store. Yuna had so much fun dressing up, posing in front of the mirror. She actually tried to convince me to walk down the aisle in a dress once made for a Lady of Luck."

Tidus narrowed his eyes in confusion as Lulu laughed in merriment of the memory. "What's a Lady of Luck?"

She attempted to stifle her laughing to respond, though still let out giggles through her words. "Those women who hang around the underground gambling tables in the big cities." She explained. "They're very… 'loose' women I should say. Their jobs are to have men latch onto them and make them believe that their beauty is good luck. If the man loses, they move on. If he succeeds, well they traditionally get part of the winnings."

"Oh" Tidus whispered in understanding. They had such women in Zanarkand too and they were always very…voluptuous. And their outfits could be described as non-existent. Had she…_his_ Yuna…once dressed like that?

Tidus was suddenly hit with an image of her in such a dress and instantly closed his eyes with clench fists, swiftly trying to list everything he could think of that was not only un-arousing, but completely disgusting.

'_Auroch's locker room.'_

'_Shoopuffs'_

'_Pineapple Cotton Candy'_

'_Wakka'_

"Are you okay?" Lulu asked in genuine concern, noting him beginning to rock back and forth with effort.

'_Worst timing ever!' _he cursed his libido, which was refusing to delete that vision of Lady Luck Yuna and his desire was becoming more and more obvious with every second.

'_Think of Wakka. Wakka. Wakka naked!'_

'_Oh god…'_

"I'm fine now." Tidus said with a shudder. The chosen image was not only enough to erase any hint of desire, but also scar him for life. "Just trying not to sneeze."

"Righttttt," she didn't believe him but still, thankfully, didn't feel the need to push it any further. "Anyway, she was a little crazy when she was younger. Nothing like now. From the first second she told me she wanted to become a summoner…it was like someone turned off the 'happy' switch. She was always studying, training, working to be the best she could be, to insure herself that she would not fail this mission like so many before her; one of the reasons she has so many guardians in comparison to others. She won't risk something as low as a fiend to stop her from finishing."

Tidus nodded in understanding. Though he hadn't known her when she was young, several remnants of her past self sometimes shone through the sober mask she wore constantly. Like that night in the woods. Calm, serious, summoner Yuna would have never jumped on him like that. It was that Yuna which was the one he loved…the crazy one Lulu spoke of like a ghost of the past…the _real_ one.

"She'll love them." Tidus said, giving Lulu's creation one last look over. "Maybe, if I find a way…maybe we'll see her wear them one day."

"You're still on that pointless crusade I see." She quickly placed the armband on the table and began cutting another square out of the yellow leather. "Are you ever going to realize that there is no happy ending to this story?"

"You can't know that…None of us can. Not until we've reached the end which..."

"Which is always the same…it has been for a thousand years!" She threw her scissors forcefully onto the table, whipping around to face him in the heat of the argument. "You think you can re-write history? Think that we'll all show up in Zanarkand, explain to the spirit of Yunalesca that the Final Summoning is pointless, and simply tell Sin to go away?"

"No, of course not!" he insisted, looking indeed baffled at the ridiculousness of the idea, trying to ward off Lulu's random anger. "But there must be…"

"Then you think that within the 2 months we have left, you will somehow convince Yuna to turn back and live with you happily ever after? You don't get her at all do you? Well I'm not going to let you push her into giving up her dream! Nu-uh!"

Tidus' mouth dropped open in shock. Was that why Lulu didn't want them to be alone? This had nothing to do with sex, it had to do with words? Was that, seriously, the big issue of them being alone?

"You think I'm trying to convince her to turn back? Is that what all this over-protection is about?" he asked bluntly. Lulu simply averted her eyes and picked up her scissors, continuing her project as a distraction.

"It's no secret you don't agree with the pilgrimage. You and Rikku." She explained, accidentally cutting zigzags in the material. "Auron, Kimahri, Wakka and I…we've all seen her training. We all know how determined she is, but also how she has weaknesses. And if her cousin and crush were to pressure her…even just ask her to do something, she'd do it!" her cutting grew more violent as she spoke, obviously venting long pent up frustration.

Tidus wisely decided that the best course of action was just to let her rant.

"I don't know why I ever let her bring you two along. The original group was fine. We were perfect! We had experience, we practically raised her….now she's unsure. She's confused and she may very well break down before we get even near to Zanarkand. I should have put my foot down…I should have…"

"You **should** let her make her own decisions." Tidus interrupted, placing a gentle hand on her furiously active ones, to avoid further damage to the gifts she had worked so hard on. "Is it so hard to believe, especially now considering the occasion, that Yuna has long since become an adult?"

"She's just a child…" Lulu whispered, dropping her hands to her sides in defeat. "And yet she's an old woman on her deathbed. She's 18 going on 80." She shook her head sadly then, reflecting that no one should have to have gone through half the pain that Yuna has experienced. "She spent her entire 17th year praying at temples and …and training in battle. That's all she did. It's a pathetic existence. My job was to make sure she never realized how sad her life actually was. But now she wants to play the _tuba_ and…and sing for a living (she's a great singer you know?) and she keeps rambling on about having kids and…"

Tidus coughed at this, choking on his own saliva.

Lulu detained her speech to stare at him in bewilderment, wondering what she had said that was so alarming. "What is wrong with you?"

He gestured for her to continue, his face growing obscenely red as he struggled for breath. "I'm good" he managed to spurt out, but Lulu was unconvinced.

"Yevon, you're turning blue! What happened?"

'_She wants children?'_

"I'll be fine…**cough**…can you excuse me?" and with that he ran off, leaving her interrogation in the distance. He only paused once he was behind the wall of one of the tents, bent over and heaving for much needed air, trying to get his wits about him.

He had the distinct impression that this was exactly how Yuna felt before she had one of her attacks. Luckily though, he didn't feel the need to pass out, and soon enough his vision cleared and he was able to breathe once more.

That is until…

"Tidus?"

He looked up…it was Yuna, followed closely by Rikku. The tent he was leaning against was none other than hers. And again, with the sight of her, he felt his breath catch in his throat once more, and began to violently choke.

"My Yevon, Tidus!" she rushed to his side, instantly falling on her knees beside him, rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe.

"I'm fine. I'm fine" he insisted, meeting her eyes with a pained smile, trying to reassure her since she seemed scared to death. "Just …just a little caught off guard."

"Caught off guard?" Yuna repeated, her face morphing into a puzzled expression. "You sent Rikku to get me didn't you?"

"I know it's just…" he looked her over once again, praying that his eyes weren't deceiving him. This could, after all, just be an illusions brought on by both exhaustion and the three glasses of wine he drank. "It's just…what are you wearing?"

"What am I wearing…?" Yuna looked down at herself and her eyes widened in disbelief as she brought her arms up to her face for closer inspection, poking the fabric as if she expected it to be alive.

Gone were her long pink and white sleeves…they were now dark purple and sheer, tied with black silk ribbon which criss-crossed up her arm. Her once long, flower embroidered skirt was now outrageously short and made of black lace held up by a light-violet, studded belt. And her shirt…was both low and high cut, and made of the same glittering purple material as the sleeves, lined with white ruffles creating a 'V' that dipped down to the center of her chest.

She looked…like a completely different person.

In fact, he could swear that he had seen that exact same outfit on someone else…someone from the past.

Someone he knew.

"**Rikku**!" Yuna screamed suddenly, backing away in shock, covering as much of herself up as she could with her arms. Rikku had long since begun madly laughing in the background and Yuna was too busy trying to cover herself up to do anything more than glare in her direction.

"What? What's wrong? What did she do?" Tidus asked, extremely perplexed as to how it was Rikku's fault that Yuna had dressed differently.

"Oh umm…you weren't supposed to see me like this!" she explained, violently yanking her cousin towards her to use as a shield which was, needless to say, not very effective. "I…I just heard something outside and thought…It's just this dress sphere Rikku was showing me. I didn't know what it did! I…I'll go change…"

She sprung off her cousin's body and bolted into the tent, giving Tidus once last glimpse of the black lace skirt that barely covered anything. Rikku, of course, was dying of laughter.

It took Tidus a few moments but he eventually regained his composure and shakily made his way to his feet. He was too weirded out by the sight of Yuna in such a familiar dress to even consider how beautiful she had looked. How had she gotten her hands on such an item?

"What's a 'dress sphere'" he asked the giggling Al Bhed he was now left alone with, his eyes stuck on the tent flap Yuna had just disappeared behind.

"Oh it's just a stupid thing one of the boys from Home found from the salvaged airship. Neat huh? Teehee."

"But what does it do?"

"Well…you saw didn't you?" she gestured to the door and giggled again. "We have yet to really study it but as far as I can tell all it does is change your clothes. Shinra said something bout 'absorbed souls' and 'powers' but it seemed innocent enough to test here. So…" she clasped her hands behind her back and leaned forward, balancing on her tip toes "like what you saw?"

Tidus flushed and scratched the back of his neck, too discomfited to admit that he hadn't even noticed _Yuna_ in the dress...but someone else entirely. "Uhh…well I didn't see much. It was all so fast."

"Go in then…" she said, gesturing towards the door of the tent by craning her head. "It'll take her a few minutes to figure out how to take it off and I can buy you some time by distracting Lulu. This is your last chance."

"She obviously doesn't want me to see." He said with a meager shrug. Even should he want one last glimpse of Yuna in the dress, being alone with her in that tent again could only lead to bad things. A fact which he got the distinct impression Rikku was well aware of. "I respect that."

"Oh stop being a ninny!" Rikku insisted, taking his hand and pulling him towards the door, despite all protests. She was abnormally strong for someone so small and he was caught off guard, his reflexes still incredibly slow due to fatigue.

Before he knew it, Rikku had pushed him over the threshold, stumbling onto his knees on the carpeted floor. He heard the door magically seal behind him, and another sound of strong winds and musical chimes that filled the room. He dared to look up then, on the brink of apologizing, but instead…what he saw would remain in his memory till the day he died.

Yuna stood in the center of the room, her silhouette was glowing with a bright golden light. Her hands were posed above her head, an invisible breeze whipped her hair around her otherwise stoic form as what looked like a hoop of purple energy circled her body, first erasing the short, purple dress she had been wearing and replacing it with her regular summoner's kimono. When the hoop had finished scanning her entire body, finally turning the beige suede boots she had been wearing into her regular black leather ones, the wind began to die, letting her hair fall back naturally on her shoulders and the light her body had been emitting faded. All too soon, the transformation was over and right before the light completely vanished, he swore he heard her whisper… '_Lenne_.'

"Who?"

"**Tidus**?" regaining her wits from the spell, Yuna was met with Tidus' awe struck gaze and with shock, fell backward over a stool onto the floor, landing gracelessly on her behind.

"Oh…sorry!" he exclaimed, rushing over to help her to her feet. She took his offered hand appreciatively and allowed him to pull her up, too embarrassed to bother reprimanding him for barging into her room un-announced. "Are you okay?"

"I will survive. I think." She stated lamely. Once on her feet she brushed the dirt off her newly returned kimono and held up a glowing purple sphere that appeared suddenly in her hand, eyeing it with displeasure.

"What is it?" Tidus asked, observing the pulsing orb with more than a little apprehension, secretly wondering if he too would end up in the purple dress should he get too close.

"Present from Rikku" Yuna explained, heading to her bag on the floor and hastily tucking the thing away deep into her luggage. "Her idea of a joke I suppose. Don't think I'll be using that again any time soon."

Tidus couldn't help the sudden sinking feeling in his heart. Though he loved Yuna for exactly how she was, the image of her changing into the dress sphere would not be leaving his head anytime soon.

"Well, if it means anything, I liked it." he said with a cocky grin, enjoying watching her flush, still a little un-easy about the fact that someone found her appealing in _that_ way. "You looked good in it…amazing in fact."

"It's just an outfit…" her hands busied themselves with re packing her scattered clothing and her eyes darted everywhere but to his face. "Besides…I'm not supposed to look like that. It's unethical."

"Being beautiful is unethical?" he laughed and made his way across the room to where she sat before her gear, trying to organize the mess Rikku had made. There, he wrapped his arms around her then from behind, leaning his head against her hair and taking in the strong scent of vanilla. "If that's the case…you must be the biggest sinner alive."

Yuna laughed lightly, dropping the items in her hand and leaned back into his embrace, never sickening of the feeling of his arms around her; the few times in her life she felt secure. "That was incredibly cheesy Tidus."

She felt him shrug, as his grip tightened "you know how I like my cheese."

She laughed again, internally noting that he did indeed have a special way with words. "You're so weird."

"And you're beautiful…no matter what you're wearing. In fact…wearing nothing is preferable." By habit but while remembering to keep the light tone of their discussion, she playfully smacked the arms around her hips in mock astonishment.

"You pig!" she exclaimed, pretending to struggle for freedom. "I am one _appalled_ summoner of Yevon! Now let me go!" she began squirming frantically in his arms, her strength dwindling since she couldn't stop giggling like a retarded school girl. But he refused to let her go, holding her waist in a death grip.

"Aww you love the abuse! Admit it!"

"Never!"

"You asked for it then!" he then picked her up, swinging her body over his shoulder like a rag doll, ignoring her squeals of protest and began to walk towards the door with his prey secure on his shoulder.

Though his intention was to carry her outside to join the party, Yuna proved to be a difficult prisoner. The moment her feet left the ground, she was hit with a sudden urge to not be so easily defeated…female instincts of superiority coming to the surface. No way was she going to let him win just because he was stronger.

"Oh no you don't!" she yelled, countering his attack with a swift but light kick in the shin. Not enough to damage, but more than enough for him to loose his balance, dropping hard on his knees.

"HaHA!" she said in triumph as he fell, noticing a little too late that being on his shoulders would lead to her demise as well. They fell together hard in a tangle of limbs, cushioned only slightly by the thick carpet. And even though it hurt, they both burst into a fit of laughter rolling on their backs while rubbing their throbbing skulls.

It wasn't funny at all…and yet she couldn't stop.

She didn't want to stop.

For the first time in months…she was having fun, despite her logical side chastising her for finding humor in such idiocy.

'_This must be what it's like…to be normal…'_ Yuna thought, as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, turning her head to face Tidus on his back beside her, chuckling slowly as the initial shock wore off.

"You could have killed us!" he scolded through his laughing, giving Yuna a light slap on the arm as punishment.

"Well you shouldn't have messed with me!"

"But you hurt yourself too. Pretty lame plan of attack if ya ask me."

"Hey, if it brings down the enemy, self sacrifice is worth it!" Their mirth ceased abruptly after than…and Yuna cursed herself for, once again, accidentally referencing her fate in what was meant to be a moment of blissful ignorance.

Desperate to set the mood back to what it was, she attempted to erase the statement "What I meant was…its good I fell too…cause now we're even and…"

"Yuna?" he interrupted, rolling on his side and leaning up on his elbows so that he was above her.

"Yeah…?" she was all too aware of how close he was. And how the situation hadn't changed from two hours prior.

"Rikku planned this didn't she?"

Yuna, too relieved for a tension break, was all too glad to change the subject.

"Probably…" she said while blushing. In fact, Rikku had specifically wanted to organize some time alone between her and Tidus at some point tonight…another birthday present she had joked about…the perfect timing of him being outside the tent was just a coincidence.

How she would pull it off, Yuna didn't dare think. But the point was; she was sure that the next 20 minutes of un-interruption were guaranteed by an Al Bhed…and the Al Bhed never dared to fall short on a business deal.

"You know I never did give you anything…for your birthday…" he reached down and laced his fingers with hers, tracing tiny circles on her palm with his thumb…such a tiny connection, yet it caused shivers to run through her.

"Well, you didn't know. It's fine." She assured him, turning on her side to face him. "I'm not big on presents anyway. Just something else I'll have to lug around. Besides…" she held up her left hand, wiggling her fingers so that the diamonds in her ring twinkled in the dim light, her smile was so wide she felt as though her face might split "this is more than enough."

"Ah, but that was an engagement present." He explained, pushing her hand down to dismiss it. "It doesn't count."

There they were, lying on the floor, leaning close to each other, discussing their engagement openly. It was all too good to be true. She almost cried again, but thankfully refrained for doing so, knowing that it would probably ruin the moment.

"I set it up today…" she announced, unable to stop a little moisture from surfacing in her eyes, making them sparkle. "Everything's ready…the first of September was the earliest possible. But I don't know how we'll get everybody to stay near enough to here for so long…"

"Not a problem," Tidus insisted, smiling softly. "Lulu was talking about hanging around and leveling up before hitting Gagazet. If we lag a bit it won't take much to convince her we're not ready. It's gonna be long and boring, but we can pull it off. We have to pull it off…"

"Yes…we have to." Yuna repeated, gazing at him longingly, never feeling so lucky in her life especially considering how equally desperate he was to be joined. "So September first it is."

"September first, yes."

"We'll be married September first…three weeks. It's in only three weeks away. Oh my…" She brought her ring to her face again, studying the cluster of diamonds with her forehead creased, as if she were debating their authenticity.

She seemed distant. Confused…a result of finally setting the date?

They were going fast, that they both knew. But it was agreed upon as being the best course of action considering the less-than-ordinary circumstances. Doubt was to be expected, yet oddly he felt none. She, however, could be a completely different story. They hadn't had a chance to talk this whole week. Perhaps, with her spare time under the hawk-like watch of Lulu, she had re-considered?

"Yuna?" Tidus asked, gently placing a hand on either side of her head, hovering above her so that he could get a better look at her face. "Are you…are you having second thoughts?"

"Huh?" she tore her eyes away from the ring to meet his eyes, her expression of uncertainty having not budged an inch. "I'm sorry…I spaced out for a bit. What did you say?"

"I asked…I said if you don't want to do this anymore, I'd understand okay?" she blinked cautiously, temporarily put off by his apparent hesitation. "I just…Don't push yourself because of me. I just want you to be happy alright?" he ran his fingers down the side of her face, savoring the feel of her skin, memorizing it just in case she did indeed decide to end it for whatever reason. At least he'd have the memory of today to live off of until the end. And he meant what he said…as long as she was happy, no matter what that entailed, he would be happy with her.

Even if that meant giving up his dream…

But Yuna neither flinched nor burst into tears confessing that she wasn't ready, which was to be expected.

She only leaned into his hand, covering it with her own against her cheek…and smiled.

"I will marry you" she insisted in a strong voice, proving that if she was sure about anything in this world, it was this.

Tidus let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"Okay then…Good choice." He gave a lame thumbs up, too relieved with her response to attempt to act cool, gladly able to swallow the huge lump that had grown in his throat.

"I _was_ thinking though…" she interjected, suddenly shy as she dropped his hand from her cheek and coyly raised her arms to around his neck, pulling his face slightly closer. "I think I know what I want for my birthday present…"

"Umm…okay." He said, once again skeptical. There was only so much the Calm Lands had to offer, not to mention his earnings had all been blown on this night's celebrating. And yet, he knew that whatever she wanted, no matter how extravagant, he would find a way to get it. And he had a feeling that this weakness of his was about to be exploited to its fullest extent. "Anything you want…You need only ask."

Yuna grinned slightly, her eyes dancing with mischief. "I knew you'd say that." She said softly before pulling his head towards her, turning it slightly so that his ear hovered about her lips…and whispered her request.

"Oh! Uhh…heh." He stammered in reply, completely baffled as to how she could be so bold. "Hmmm…" he bit his lip as he looked down at her pleading expression, noting that she seemed genuine, and he was frankly freaked out by it. "I…I dunno…"

"But It's in our contract" she insisted, daring to pull him closer. "You said you'd ready me. And this is practice."

"Yeahhhh…but its supposed to be spontaneous like. You shouldn't **ask** to do it!" Yet, despite all reasons telling him she was being uncharacteristically insane for suggesting such a thing, he couldn't help but find it kinda…hot.

Horribly hot.

"Then kiss me," she said while pulling him even closer, her arms crossed behind his neck, their lips millimeters apart "and we'll see what develops."

To his chagrin, things had already _'developed' _just by her verbal suggestion. And considering how close she had pulled him, she probably could tell as well.

A proud smirk from his teaser confirmed his fears.

Damn his traitorous body.

"God Yuna…" he whispered hoarsely, running a hand gently along her arm. "You're gonna be the death of me."

"But it'll be a good death" she said while gently pushing him away and on his back, switching their positions so that she was above him. It was as if everything had been switched in fact.

This time it was her kissing his neck.

This time it was her hand moving up his leg.

And this time it was he who was scared as hell as her lips moved lower, and her hand higher, sucking in his breath in a loud wince when she finally reached somewhere, fumbling with the many belts and buckles that kept her from her goal.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing…" she warned him in a hoarse voice, suddenly shy again once she arrived at the point of no return. "So bear with me okay?"

Tidus decided it was better if he didn't speak. He had neither the strength nor the will to resist her nor the confidence to give encouraging instructions.

'_I should stop her…' _he thought, seeing as the millions of scary scenarios of being potentially caught like this of all ways were less than appealing. '_This is especially insane…even after everything we've already done.'_

And yet the words of protest never left his mouth. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed this. It was been so long since a woman touched him…way too long.

Instead, he choose to stare at the horrid orange of the tent's ceiling, tangling his hands in Yuna's hair as she shyly began her task, staring slowly, only touching him gently at first, obviously in a 'learning' mode. But she all too soon grew accustomed, daring to be bold in the heat of the moment, enveloping him with her lips.

He could do nothing more than close his eyes, pressing his lips together to drown out any sounds he may have made that could scare her off, which was easier said than done. He was close to drawing blood.

Yet he remained still through her entire experiment, the only note of his true reaction being the steady climb of his pulse and audible rapid breathing through his nose, while all the time he cursed himself for being so weak, unable to say a simple 'no'.

At least he knew she wouldn't have to work for long...it was too good. Within a minute, he found he was close already and was too enthused by the idea of getting it over with to be ashamed by his lack of stamina.

'_Tidus you idiotic bastard…'_ was his only thought as he finally toppled over the edge with such force that he swore his heart exploded in his chest…clenching onto the carpet so hard that he ripped it up, panting heavily as dots began to dance in front of his eyes.

"...Wow…" was all he was able to say between heavy breathing and wiping at his sweat soaked face. It had been so long he had almost forgotten what it felt like…

'_I can't believe she just did that…with all her guardians only a few feet away.' _He thought, waiting for the exhaustion to pass and be re-energized. Oddly though, the feeling of complete drainage remained with him even a minute later.

The dots grew bigger in his eyes and he found it impossible to even lift his hand to sort himself out again.

'_God I'm tired…so very tired'_

His last image was of Yuna wiping her mouth, her mischievous yet embarrassed smile still in place before his vision darkened: the mixture of intense exhaustion, stress and orgasm being too much for his weak body to handle simultaneously.

And so, without any warning, he promptly lost consciousness.

'_I can't believe I just did that…'_ Yuna thought while cautiously extricating herself from him, rolling over to return to her initial position on her back by his side. Despite the primary awkwardness, it had been worth it in the end. And to know that she could incite such an intense bodily reaction from him so quickly made her heart balloon with some sick sense of pride.

But what did he think? He had now been silent way too long. Could her bold actions perhaps have crumbled her image of innocence that he had initially fallen for? Was it too soon in a relationship for such things? And…most importantly…had she been any good?

"Tidus…" Yuna asked cautiously, having been too busy cleaning up to detect his fate. But now she couldn't help but notice he was a little _too_ still. "Tidus?" she repeated, anxiously crawling up toward his satisfied yet lifeless face.

Was this supposed to happen?

"Tidus? …"

'_What have I done?'_

* * *

"Where the hell are those two?" Lulu asked in an annoyed manner, having long since not only completed her gift, but wrapped it as well. Everything was ready…all that was missing was the guest of honor herself.

"I told you already!" Rikku rolled her eyes and sat further back in her chair, balancing a glass of merlot on her knee which Auron was keeping an eye on, foreseeing disaster. "Tidus wasn't feeling well, so he and Yuna took a walk to clear his head. They'll be back any minute so relax already. Sheesh…"

"But a walk in the middle of the night in fiend infested grounds?" Lulu shook her head, the image of a horrible bloody death for her precious summoner was all too much to simply sit and take. She stood up abruptly, knocking over Wakka who, fearing Tidus' wrath, was trying to fix a crooked lantern behind her. "I'm going to look for them."

"Fine…" Rikku said in a bored manner, her heart secretly beating madly in trepidation as she watched Lulu head towards to Inn's back tents.

Yuna trusted her too keep things steady here but the deal had only been for 20 minutes. It had now been 35 and everyone's patience was wearing thin. Still, she refused to give up. Yuna must have her reasons for being late. And so, the lowest tricks in the book must be used in such emergency circumstances.

"Fine!" she yelled out again at the retreating form of the black mage. "Go right on ahead and check up on her, if you want Yuna to never speak to you again!"

This stopped Lulu right in her tracks, as presumed it would.

Rikku smiled, silently congratulating herself for knowing exactly which buttons to push to get her way.

"She said she was sick of you looking in on her all the time…" Rikku pressed, not daring to stop until Lulu was back at the table, in her seat. Then it would buy at least another 5 minutes until she got up again. "If you want my advice, I say let her come to you. It's the only way to salvage your relationship."

From across the lawn, she heard a sigh and Lulu's shoulders visibly slumped in defeat. She then turned back to the table and grudgingly dragged her feet back to her seat, remaining on the edge and staring off toward the back of the Inn, waiting for the familiar form of Yuna to appear unscathed and happy once more.

This was a bad sign…Lulu was obviously right on the breaking point of throwing her friendship with Yuna completely out the window if only for the chance to check if she was okay.

She had to do something.

Where the hell was Yuna?

"Look Lulu…" Rikku began, placing her wine glass gently on the table and leaning forward to address the mage personally. "How bout I go check for you? She has nothing against me and whether I come back with her, or simply bring news that she wants to be alone for a few more minutes, at least you'll know what's going on. How does that sound?"

The idea of having an 'undercover' spy for Yuna was, of course, more than a little tempting. And Lulu took the bait like a fish on a hook.

"Oh thank Yevon. You'd do that for me? I think I'm gonna explode just sitting here wondering what they're doing!"

"Yeah Yeah, well it's the least I can do" she regrettably removed herself from her comfy chair, mentally cursing Yuna for making her move as she stretched out her cramped limbs. "Besides, anything's better than sitting here watching you _freak_ out."

"I am **not** 'freaking out'!"

"Yeah…you're a definite poster child of stability."

With a final eye roll, Rikku headed off. Knowing all too well where Yuna was and unless she was either dead or seriously injured, she was unquestionably in line for a severe Al Bhed ass kicking.

'_Are you insane Yuna?' _she thought, upon arriving at the tent door and noticing it still locked from the inside. _'Has something gone wrong? Are you hurt? Or is Tidus **that** good that you forgot?'_

She shuddered as she considered the last option and pulled off the metal plate which read the keycards. Seeing as her dad had been the one to invent the seal that protected such hotel rooms, she knew very well how to get around them. But her dramatic entrance would severely upset if she were to walk in on anything…unappealing in progress.

Rikku moved one of the many blue wires into an empty socket in the center of the console, and watched in triumph as the shield gradually flickered and finally dissolved completely, dispelling the spell of silence in the process, leaving only thin fabric shielding the voices within, one of which was Yuna, calling Tidus' name frantically…and not in passion, but in fear.

"What the…?" she tore open the door and stepped into the room, being careful the keep her eyes on the floor, searching for discarded clothing before darting up to eye level. Of course, Yuna hadn't bothered to take advantage of the miracle opportunity she had set up…figured. The two of them merely sat, completely clothed, on the floor, Yuna pressing a damp cloth to an unconscious Tidus' neck.

"Sheesh…what happened here?" Rikku asked, making her way to her cousin who was looking sweat-soaked and panicked.

"I…I don't know!" she exclaimed loudly, moving away to let her cousin examine him. "We were…we were just _kissing_ one second and then the next he's out cold like this. It's been ten minutes and I can't wake him up."

"Just kissing huh?" Rikku teased, unable to believe Yuna was _that _innocent. Kissing, after all, did not lead to passing out. That was like saying a touch from the opposite sex could lead to pregnancy. However, a combination of other things would create such an effect. "Kissing him _where_ is the key to that story my friend."

"_Rikku_!" Yuna exclaimed, getting a little annoyed at what her cousin thought she did behind closed doors. "Why must you always assume the worst?"

"Because I'm 16 and sexually frustrated. I can only imagine what its like at 18." She was methodically checking vital signs as she spoke, lifting up Tidus eyelids and pointing a bright light into them from a flashlight which had been attached to her belt. "Not to mention, that if **I** had a guy like Tidus I'd be…"

"Rikku, stop! Eww…I don't want to know!"

"Well, ask a stupid question…you know the rest. Help me lift him will ya?" Together, the two girls grasped Tidus limp form, one under her arms and the other by his legs, as they shuffled him towards the bed, only dropping him twice…which was less than expected.

"Whew!" Rikku bellowed, wiping sweat off her brow after finally throwing the cadaver onto the mattress. "He's a heavy one ain't he?"

"So…" Yuna asked, quickly placing herself by Tidus' side, arranging his flayed limbs into more comfortable positions. "He's going to be okay, right?"

"Yeah yeah…he just had a long week. We actually had a pool going as to when he would finally pass out. Looks like Kimahri won. Stupid, fuzzy meanie…" she pulled out a thin wad of bills from her pocket and counted 200 gil worth, all the while cursing the Ronso's name. "I better go pay up. See ya later!"

"Wait!" she insisted, catching Rikku's hand right before she bolted out the door. "What am I supposed to do with him?"

"How should I know? He's _your_ fiancée."

"That doesn't make me a doctor! When will he snap out of it?"

"And I'm no brain surgeon either, so your guess is as good as mine. Just let him sleep it off and come join the party!"

"You think I should leave him here?" Yuna inquired, appalled at the suggestion. Had their situations been reversed, she could see her self getting extremely upset should she wake up alone.

"Either that or have Lulu come looking for you in about 2 minutes and have to explain yourself" Rikku said with an blameless shrug "…your choice." She took a step back towards the door and waited, knowing perfectly well that Yuna was a logical woman, and would rather feed herself to wild lupins than spur another onslaught of spy games with Lulu.

"Fine…" Yuna said at last, giving Tidus a sad look of longing. "I'll go. But we have to take shifts coming back to check on him okay?"

Rikku nodded. "Good enough…I just can't stand sitting there alone anymore! Those people act like somebody died unless you're there. It's almost painful to watch, so come on!" She tried to take her hand but Yuna dodged her grasp, knowing that if Rikku got a hold of her, there was little chance of being set free.

"I'll be there soon…" she explained, turning her attentions back to dabbing Tidus' forehead.

Rikku looked skeptical.

"I promise!" she insisted more firmly "just…can I be alone for a minute?"

Rikku sighed, having no choice but to trust her and began retreating slowly towards the door. "**One **minute only" she reminded Yuna upon crossing over the threshold. "And I'm counting down!"

She then walked, as slowly as she could, back towards the Inn's lawn, dreading another second in the company of the 'old fogies'. And Yuna was left alone with Tidus once more, whose condition hadn't miraculously improved to her disappointment.

"Oh Tidus" she whispered to him, pushing a few errant strands of blonde hair out of his eyes, noting how he'd need to get it cut before they moved on and taking a odd, effortless pleasure in watching him breathe. "You've been working yourself too hard…trying to find a way to save me…planning the wedding…setting up this birthday gathering…humoring my inappropriately timed fantasies…" she mentally kicked herself again, not because she regretted her actions, but because she knew she should have waited. His fear of getting caught had obviously been one of the main factors in his collapse.

But she had needed him so badly then…and he refused to touch her…not until after September 1st at least…three weeks…

Had he really thought they'd be able to wait that long?...

Would he be angry when he woke up for forcing herself upon him before they were married?

These last seven days had been hell…knowing he was right there next to her while she slept. Knowing that, were there not five other bodies between them in sentinel mode, they could be sharing a bed. Knowing that she could have had him that night in the woods…

And now…so much had changed. Just the fact that she couldn't have him made her want him more. She was ready…and the sitting and waiting was simply driving her mad.

Maybe…later on tonight…

"Ehem!" she heard someone clearing their throat from outside the tent, which's shield was still down. Turning her head, Yuna saw the distinct silhouette of a petite Al Bhed girl leaning against the thin fabric wall, highlighted by the outside torches.

Her minute was up.

"I'll be right back" she promised Tidus, leaning down to give him a quick kiss on the lips, sighing to herself as she imagined being a normal wife, wishing her sleepy husband farewell on a Sunday morning before escorting the kids to blitzball practice. She couldn't help but smile and run her hands through his hair once more…he looked so sweet while sleeping. She could watch him forever.

"**Yuna! Come…on**!"

"I'm coming!" She yelled over her shoulder before turning back to her patient. "Bye! Wake up soon okay? You shouldn't have to miss the party you organized in the first place." She pecked him again on the cheek while pulling the blankets up to his chin and then ran off towards the door, noticing that the silhouette outside had began tapping its feet in irritation.

"Finally!" Rikku shouted as Yuna exited the tent. "Did anyone ever explain to you the exact definition of _one minute?_"

"Sorry…" she apologized, taking her sweet time in securing the tent flap behind her, detaining the moment for just a few extra seconds in case he woke up. "I just feel awful…leaving him alone like this."

"He'll be even madder if you don't bother to see his work." Rikku reassured, switching back the wires of the metal key card pad so that the normal glowing shield surrounded the tent. "Besides, it's me you should be afraid of. **I** will kill you if you don't save me from the other guardians who are about as lively as the Calm Lands themselves."

Together the two girls weaved their way through the several tents that comprised of the Travel Agency's facilities, with Yuna glancing over her shoulder ever second step toward her hotel where she knew Tidus was resting…praying that he recover soon.

"By the way…" Rikku whispered, holding her back right before they stepped into the light of the Inn's front lawn "what the heck did you say to Lulu earlier? I've never seen her go so long without checking up on you…she's really working hard at it too. I think she's on the brink of exploding. It's hilarious!"

"I…we'll talk about this later okay…?" Yuna said distractedly. Though she didn't mind explaining to Rikku the unspoken conditions Lulu and she had set concerning surveillance, something else was capturing her attention.

Around the corner of the tent she could hear music playing from an old machina radio…the melody was fast paced and a little uncomfortable in her ears since she had only ever heard the somber, instrumental and choir songs of the temple. But this sound was different…loud and seductive. An Al Bhed channel of course…whose tastes were completely unique.

"Good isn't it?" Rikku said, poking her in the back to get her attention, with a stupid smile on her face. "This is Orenshi Anatawa…a popular singer from Home but her work is banned by Yevon of course. Like it?"

"Its…its original" was all she could say, lacking a better description. Secretly, she thought it greatly refreshing to hear something that didn't involve a prayer and a violin.

"Maybe we can dance later on?…" Rikku suggested, humming along to the tune while bobbing her head. "Once everyone has had enough wine or course. Tidus is a genius!"

"Dance?" Yuna asked, incredibly confused. Somehow she didn't think the formal waltzes she had learned as a child would work well with this kind of music. Not to mention, she doubted any of the men here had ever bothered educating themselves with such formal etiquette. She hadn't had a choice as **the** Braska's daughter…destined only to be a symbol of hope and show up at every social function (which, thankfully, never happened). "We can't dance to this…there's no strict beat…its completely random and disorganized."

"Sure you can!" Rikku exclaimed happily, pushing Yuna back a bit to give her room to demonstrate. She proceeding to wave her arms above her head, jumping up and down to the hard drums of the music and hocking her hips as she moved, looking more than a little preposterous in her the summoner's eyes.

"See!" she said through strained breathing, having "danced" all through an entire chorus. "Nothing to it!"

"Umm, very good…we'll wait and see." Yuna ushered her cousin around the corner and into the light of the lawn, all the while promising herself that she would never be caught dead '_dancing_' (seemed more like she was having a seizure) like Rikku just did.

She was so busy contemplating her cousin's mental stability to notice she had walked right into the dining area.

"**HAPPY BIRTHDAY**!" she spastically jumped back, startled as an onslaught of people ran towards her with open arms, even some people she had never met, all squeezed her one by one screaming their congratulations, blowing tiny horns and throwing handfuls of ripped up paper in her face.

"Uhh…Thank you…" she told each one of them, smiling awkwardly as a random old Hypello kissed her on the cheek.

Luckily, she was saved from further introductions as the sky suddenly lit up with a brilliant white light followed by a deafening **BOOM!**

The group slowly untangled themselves, each taking a position again the railing which lined the lawn, all eyes fixed on the night sky which yet again exploded with light…a pink light this time. Follow by three other smaller sparks which twirled and faded from blue to purple.

"Wow…" Wakka said softly, his eyes following the fireworks in awe. "It's beautiful ya?"

"Happy birthday Yuna…" Lulu said, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder and hugging her close, all the while staring in admiration as the display grew more vivid. At one point more than 9 went off at the same time, each of a different color, highlighting the entire plain as far as the eye could see in a rainbow glow.

It was really….pretty.

'_Like the sunset at Zanarkand…'_she imagined, so content at the moment that she temporarily forgot the horror of the last time she spoke to Lulu and leaned her head against her shoulder, the fur of her collar tickling her nose as they all watched the display in awed silence.

The one thing that was missing for this picture perfect moment…was Tidus.

'_Please wake up soon…'_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Woah…this was a long one. But I was pretty sick of splitting the chapters and falling further behind my original outline. So Tidus finally gets some action lol…I'm soon going to start the random jumps from the past to the present to the future so that I fulfill this fanfic's point of not only indulging fluff lovers, but analyzing what could have happened between the lines of the Final Fantasy X stories which made Yuna the strong, crazy woman she is later on…a woman with an unbreakable faithfulness to a ghost. Why? Read and find out…Next chapter up next week! (School starts tomorrow…ug. Feel my pain fellow students!)

And please review! It really does help speed up my updates. I promised one on Tuesday I got enough feedback so here it is! Enjoy!


	9. Loved and Lost

'_To the world you may be just one person__**  
**but to one person you may be the world.' _

**--Anonymous**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 9 …_Loved and Lost_ …**

_The one thing that was missing from this picture perfect moment…was Tidus._

'_Please wake up soon…'_

…

_"You're late…" she said spitefully, her arms crossed over her chest to prove her defiance. _

_He could only smile sheepishly and shrug, secretly wondering how the hell she got into his apartment. _

_"Yeah, sorry. Practice ran a bit late."_

_He should have known such elementary items like locks and security systems couldn't keep her away._

"_A **bit **late?" she repeated, before violently ripping the silver clock that hung on his wall off its hooks and tossing it to him. He caught it with ease of course, not bothering to glance at it as he placed it carefully on the dinning room table, knowing very well what time it was. _

"_Its 2 am!" she informed him anyway. "We were supposed to meet at 8! No way were you at practice for that long…"_

_"I said I was sorry! What else do you want?" he plopped himself down on the couch with a sigh, slamming his feet up on the table while searching in between the cracks of the cushions for the remote…anything to drown out the sounds of her voice. _

_"You are an asshole!" she screamed, descending the few steps from the landing the separated the living area from the bedroom "a real **asshole **ya know that? I don't know why or how I put up with you!" _

_"Aha!" he ignored the insult in exchange for triumph at having finally found the rectangular piece of plastic that could make all his problems disappear. With a contented grin, he leaned further back into the pillows and switched on his new giant plasma screen, wanting to review his previous game and perhaps figure out what he had done that led to such a horrible defeat. _

_But, before he even had a chance to switch the channel to the blitzball network, it was yanked out of his hands…he didn't even get out a sound of protest before the remote was thrown at the screen in such violent furry that it shattered the glass, completely destroying his new favorite toy in a shower of sparks and shards._

_They both looked at each other then, both breathing heavily in either fear and/or anger. The tension was so thick one could cut it with a knife. _

'She's insane!'_ he thought, while watching her begin to pace around the room and tug on her hair, seriously fearing for his life at the moment. _'She's officially nuts!'

_**"WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!" **she yelled abruptly at an obscene volume, tugging his head up to meet her gaze. But he could only stare in shock, his eyes glued to mangled frame that had once been his majestic TV. "**You don't give a damn about me do you? I was sitting alone in that restaurant for over three fucking hours**! **This was supposed to be a special night for us**!"_

_Tidus didn't even blink. He honestly couldn't even bring to mind the reason they were there in the first place. He felt like an actor having been so deep in a role that he, for a few moments, had become said character. But now, having snapped out of it, he felt nothing but confusion. _

'I'm in Zanarkand…'_ he realized, unable to stop the smile that formed on his face, despite the unknown woman currently screaming at him. _'But what happened?...how did I get here?…Where's Yuna?...'

_"Shuyin! Are you even listening?"_

'Shuyin?...'

_He stared her down then, equally pissed that if they were in such a deep relationship, how the hell couldn't she get his name right. "But I'm not…"_

_Then he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror poised above the fireplace behind her…and his mouth snapped shut. _

_He looked the same…yet different._

_His jaw was more square, his eyes wider...his skin paler. He looked…older. Somewhere in his twenties at least. He could feel the familiar material of a blitzball uniform against his chest…but again, it was different. Red, yellow, blue and black…longer...slightly different boots. _

_'Number 5 Zanarkand Abes…' it read on his sleeve. At least that hadn't changed. He was still number five. _

_But his apartment. He scanned it and noted the changes. It was…dirty to say the least. Littered with pizza boxes, beer cans and dirty laundry._

_Messy…his apartment had never been messy. Why? He had never questioned it. _

_His world had been beautiful always…his world he could only think of as heaven. _

_But this dump…this was life. This was disgusting._

_This was real. _

_He met her tear filled eyes and could suddenly remember everything. _

_He remembered meeting her in the locker rooms before she went to perform the national anthem at one of his charity games…hiding out with her under a fallen beam when Bevelle's armies decided to spring yet another surprise attack in the middle of her half-time song. _

_Months passed. He could remember falling for her…telling her he loved her. Making love to her. Everything. …crying when she announced she was joining the Zanarkand army. A suicide mission. That's what this fight was about. That's why he lost the game. _

_He remembered. _

_"Lenne…" he whispered, tugging desperately on her sleeve…sheer purple tied with black silk which criss-crossed up her arm. Black lace skirt. Beige boots. Her favorite dress. She wore it only for performances…and tonight…to say goodbye._

_"I'm so sorry I didn't show up…" he said honestly in a low and broken voice. "I just can't stand to be with you now, while knowing what's going to happen. It kills me." They had had this discussion over a thousand times. _

"_I know…" she replied, seating herself gracefully beside him, her long beaded earrings audibly clacking with the movement. _

_She understood. She always understood._

'_I don't want you to die…" he choked out through a tight throat, bringing her urgently in his arms, and holding on for dear life. "For the love of god, please drop this mission.' He ran his hands through her long hair and gazed longingly into her dark brown eyes. Pleading. He remembered being desperate. _

_He felt her hair brushing his cheek. He could smell her perfume. And even though he considered himself a taken man, he couldn't help but be drawn to this girl. She was as real as his heartache…and she was sickeningly beautiful. _

_"Don't go…"_

_"I have to…"_

_"Stay with me…tonight…forever."_

_The girl named Lenne drew away hesitantly. _

_"Then we'll die anyway. Zanarkand will be crushed by Bevelle's new weapon. I'm needed. For my country. For peace. For you."_

_She leaned in and kissed him then. Passionately. Desperately. As if it was for the last time. In fact, it was the last time. _

_Their lips never parted as he gently lay her down. They had made love there, on the living room floor all night. It was a memory of perfection…of bliss. _

_But only a memory…_

_She had left at dawn without a word, while he was still asleep. It was an unfulfilling parting. He couldn't let it end like that. He didn't let it end like that. _

'Only a memory…'

'Who's memory?...'

_When he opened his eyes he was somewhere new. Lenne was standing in front of him on a white sand beach, the ocean stretching out behind her as far as the eye could see, her hair billowing in the light wind. _

_But no…not Lenne. _

_Her long straight hair was now short to her shoulders and slightly wavy. Her brown eyes were blue…no…one blue one green. Strange yet exotic. And yet her dress remained the same, black lace skirt and everything. The beach was Besaid. The girl was Yuna. The topic of discussion, however, was still the same. They reiterated the conversation. _

_"Don't go…"_

_"I have to…" she said "For Spira. For you."_

'It's happening again…all over.'

_"Why?"_

_"Because it is destiny." Yuna said. _

'Fuck destiny!'

'Don't let it happen again.'

'You can change things this time.'

'Learn from your past Tidus.'

_"I won't let you die" he said factually. Yuna only laughed._

_"You have no choice, Shuyin."_

_Tidus clenched his fists. "That's not my name."_

_"It was…" a third voice said. A small boy, whose eyes were hidden by a purple hood decorated with symbols of Yevon, had appeared beside them. The almighty Bahamut. Yuna didn't seem to notice, her eyes were fixed on his._

_"Tidus…" she whispered. Her hair and eyes began to morph again, as did her long beaded earrings. Brown eyes, long hair. Characteristics of the singer/summoner Lenne. _

"_Hello Tidus…" she said, her tone having changed from the timid Yuna's whisper, to the bold songstress' alto. Her greeting sounded strange in his ears with that melodic voice of hers. _

"_That…That's not my name" he repeated. _

_"Pick one already." Bahamut teased, snickering childishly behind his hand. _

_"Yuna." _

_"What? That's not my name." She sounded angry, taking a decisive step forward. "What's my name Shuyin?"_

_"Lenne…?" he couldn't see well anymore. The girl in the purple dress kept coming in and out of focus, her hair varying from long to short, her eyes rotating colors in a dizzying kaleidoscope and her earrings kept flickering in and out of existence. "Yuna…?" he tried again. The woman shook her head. _

_He no longer had any idea. There was no distinction between what was real and what was imaginary…he couldn't even tell if there was indeed a difference. _

_The one thing he was sure of was that somehow he had failed them both. They were both dead. And, to prove his point, the purple clad figure suddenly staggered back as it she had been hit, clutching her heart in apparent agony. _

_"**NO**!" Tidus rushed to her side as blood began to pour out between her fingers. Their surroundings changed again. Now they were in a large, dark room where symbols of Yevon shone brightly on the walls. Bevelle soldiers stood above them, glaring down menacingly with their bayonet rifles still smoking from recent usage. _

_"**You killed her**!" he screamed at the guards. But they were frozen, unable to respond._

_"No," the little boy said, having appeared on scene "it was you who killed her…" he corrected. "Remember?"_

_Though his first reaction was to be shocked and angry, somewhere, somehow, he knew Bahamut was telling the truth. Though the details were locked deep in the back of his mind…he knew._

"_I killed her…" he agreed with an understanding nod, as he stood up and decided to simply watch the pool of blood engulf the girl's twitching figure, drenching the dress he had loved so much. She died without making a sound. "I was a fool…I remember…I killed her…"_

_"Don't let it happen again." Bahamut warned._

_"I don't understand what I'm supposed to do."_

_"You will…I will visit again…We have much to discuss."_

_"I'm dreaming…" Tidus realized with a stupid grin. "That's why nothing makes sense…"_

_"I don't believe in dreams." Bahamut said in all seriousness. "I believe in shadows and omens of what is, once was, or will be, real." _

"_Then what is this supposed to mean?" He gestured to the still corpse wearing the purple dress who, even in death, was indistinguishable as either woman. "Is this an omen of the past…or the future?"_

_"Both. You shall see…"_

'Tidus?'

_Tidus cringed. "What the hell does that mean? Who's Lenne?"_

'Tidus?…geez you're a pain.'

"_You don't remember the love of your life?" Bahamut asked, in mock surprise._

_"Yuna is the love of my life!" he shouted angrily, all the while desperately trying to censor the images of that night with Lenne from his mind. "She's the one. The **only** one! I would never…" he trailed off. What was the point in defending what they both already knew he was guilty off: he had loved before. _

_Bahamut smiled and began to dissolve. "They're waiting for you."_

_"Wait!...What's going to happen to Yuna?" _

'I should get paid for dealing with this.'

_"You can see the future…I know you can!"_

'Desperate times call for desperate measures'

_"TELL ME!" his shouting seemed to unfreeze the armed soldiers and, without a moment's hesitation, they raised their riffles once more and shifted targets. _

_They were aiming at him. _

_He barely had time to gasp and raise his arms as a meager form of defense before he felt the sting of the bullets rip through his torso. _

_It hurt. He may have screamed. The pain was all too familiar…_

_He fell to the floor, parallel to the purple dressed woman. She opened her eyes._

_One green, one blue…Yuna, suddenly dressed in her regular summoner's garments. Still alive…barely. She was crying. _

"_I'm…so sorry…" he told her, before darkness engulfed him. _

'Time to wake up…'

_Somewhere in the depths of silence…a piano was playing. _

* * *

**BBBBBLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUGGGGGGG….**

Tidus immediately jumped out of his skin, backing away from a tangle of sheets in such haste that he bounded right off the edge of the bed. He leaned against the fabric wall of the tent, breathing heavily with a hand clutched to his chest to prevent it from leaping out of his rib cage.

"Heh…whaddya know? It worked!"

"What the…" it took him a few moments, but soon Tidus had retained enough of his senses to recognize the hotel room he was in, and upon peeking over the edge of the bed, saw Lulu smirking proudly, brandishing a portable fog horn in her right hand like a pistol.

"Leisha lent it to me" she explained without bothering for him to ask. She placed to horn on the bedside table before gracefully planting herself on the bed in front of him. "It's meant to signal airships that are traveling in the dark toward the Inn for deliveries. It was our last resort to finally wake you up."

Her tone was light and friendly, which was more than a little eerie considering this was Lulu talking to him. Leave it to her to find to most creative ways in which to torture him under the guise of helping.

He didn't dare blink, but only stared at her wide-eyed with apprehension, running hastily through the list of potential lines he could use to excuse whatever actions she had caught him in. Last thing he could remember was that he had been with Yuna…doing things that were surely not on the list of proper behavior between guardian and summoner.

Had Lulu walked in on them without him noticing and promptly rendered him unconscious it the heat of the moment of discovery? It made sense…

And if that were the case, he could only imagine what she planned to do to him now that he was awake and could be fully aware of pain.

What had she seen?

How much did she know?

Where was Yuna?

"I'm…sorry?" he tried, involuntarily flinching to ward off the expected attack as she raised her arm and leaned towards him.

But instead of a spell, a slap, or even a pinch…Lulu only placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"It's okay…" she said softly, giving him a firm pat. He winced every time her hand landed. "I completely understand considering how long it's been. You obviously needed it."

Tidus averted his gaze and blushed madly, shocked at how she so directly sprung into the conversation. Was she forgiving for real?...or just trying to lure him into a false sense of security before she snapped?

"That's not what this was about." he explained. If they did indeed have to talk about this, awkward as it was, she needed to know at least that Yuna wasn't a simple outlet to vent frustration. "It's not like I **asked** for it or anything…it just happened!" he added hastily, growing more and more uncomfortable with every word. "Completely random I swe…"

"You don't need to excuse yourself Tidus" she interjected with a smile, kneeling down to his level. "Yuna was smart to make you relax…you've been too wound up lately. We all see it. I've been actually suggesting for a while that she finally take action."

'_WHAT?'_

His ears were still ringing painfully from the noise…so he definitely must have heard wrong. "I'm sorry," he shook his in an attempt to un-mangle his ear drums, chuckling slightly at his misinterpretation. "Can you repeat that?"

"Well…we've all been worried about you recently" she admitted with hesitation, reluctant to confess that she had grown to care for him _almost_ as much as the rest of the party…almost being the key word.

"I've noticed you haven't been getting much rest recently, despite all efforts…you've been pushing yourself so hard this past week, and I'm afraid I haven't been much help in easing your anxiety…" she trailed off then and sighed, nervously fidgeting her hands. Tidus mirror her feelings of wanting to get this conversation over with as soon as possible. No matter how sorry she felt, or how badly she regretted torturing him for the majority of the journey…he seriously doubted she would ever forgive him for his actions, and she was most likely, silently trying to contain the urge to kill.

Better not to tempt it further.

"I'm fine Lulu. Really." He stood up awkwardly and tried to shuffle his way around the bed while remaining at least 3 feet away at all times. "And it has nothing to do with what Yuna just did…" he added lamely.

"She's an excellent friend…" Lulu couldn't help but continue, swiveling around to follow his hasty retreat. "She's been very good…to all of us."

Tidus winced at Lulu's insinuation that she treated all her guardians as she had treated him.

'_I doubt she's been **as** good to _all_ of you…' _

He surely hoped not.

"She'll do anything to make our lives easier, already feeling as though she has burdened us with her pilgrimage. She shouldn't have to worry about you on top of everything."

"It was nothing…what she did." He insisted, trying to dumb down the serious effect of her actions, hoping to throw Lulu off the track of his true future intentions.

"You have to take care of yourself better!" she said more firmly, causing Tidus to squat in preparation to leap out of the way of an oncoming flare spell. "Yuna can't waste her strength casting sleep spells on you every night to ensure you finally get some rest!"

'…_huh?'_

"Sleep spells…?" Tidus paused, eyeing Lulu suspiciously. "What about sleep spells?"

"Oh…I suppose she didn't tell you?" the mage headed toward the corner of the room to seat herself more comfortably in the chair. "You were clearly running on your last reserve of adrenaline energy." She explained, picking her nails in a bored manner. "I suggested Yuna cast sleep on you to make you finally get some rest. At least, that's what she told me happened…" she raised a questioning eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

At this point, anything was better than the truth. Tidus had momentarily forgotten Yuna's strange new ability to come up with instant, thorough excuses for everything suspicious that went on concerning their relationship. Of course, Lulu would have demanded an explanation for her prolonged retrieval and for Tidus' absence. And, of course, Yuna would have given the most plausible answer.

"She…she must have hit me by surprise." Tidus stuttered with an awkward grin, going along with the lie. "She did keep insisting on my taking a nap…but I was too caught up in organizing the party too…" he paused, his eyes suddenly wide with fear.

'_The party…'_

"What time is it?"

"About 2 in the morning…"

"TWO IN THE MORNING!" he repeated in shock.

The fireworks display!

He promptly leapt over the bed and ran toward the door of the tent, with a sudden desperate need to make sure things ran smoothly. Had it worked? Had she seen it? Was the Inn on fire?…He was half way out the door before he paused, noticing something important and ran back to the bed, hastily yanking a sheet free and wrapping it around himself.

Lulu was obviously trying her hardest not to laugh from her position in the darkened corner.

Tidus didn't find it quite as funny.

"Where…ahem…Where are my clothes?" he asked while taking a deep breath, trying equally hard not to die of embarrassment and keep his voice steady. Overly engulfed in terror while discussing his misunderstood 'indiscretions' with Yuna, Tidus hadn't bothered to notice that at some point during his nap, someone had stripped him of his uniform, leaving him in only his small under-shorts…not necessarily the best outfit to prance around the Inn with. And the prime suspect was, of course, the only other person in the room.

"Where are my clothes?" he repeated, his eyes stabbing daggers at his chuckling fellow guardian.

"I..I honestly haven't a clue…" she said breathlessly. The trembling of her shoulders while stifling her giggling prompted him to think otherwise.

"Seriously Lulu…" Tidus insisted, trying to look sterner by rearranging his sheet into a toga, making her finally burst out laughing. "Stop being immature! I need to get out of here!"

"And I'm saying," she breathed through the giggles "that I really have no idea. Leisha came in here a few minutes ago to turn down the beds and found you. She then decided it was best to inform me and so here I am! Nothing more, nothing less."

"Sooo…you're saying the _receptionist_ took my uniform?" he cocked an eyebrow in disbelief to which she nodded.

"She's probably cleaning it…In fact, I know she is." Lulu insisted, suddenly serious. "I swear I found you exactly as you are." She raised her hands, palms up, as if prompting him to search her should he feel the need. Tidus choose merely to believe.

Though the thought of the butch Al Bhed 'Leisha' undressing him was more than a little disturbing, it was more easily digestible than the idea of Lulu doing it. Especially considering that the evidence of Yuna's previous actions was probably coating the inside of his pants…definite proof that his relationship with his summoner surpassed the boundaries of a simple guardian.

Silently, he thanked Leisha for not mentioning anything about what she had discovered to Lulu.

"So?" she interrupted his thoughts, having somehow appeared behind him to press on his shoulder, obviously a little restless. "Shall we?" She was pushing him toward the door with a little more force than necessary, trying to block off any attempts at escape.

"Whoa!" he side stepped her easily, ripping himself from her grasp with effort and stumbling back into the room. "I can't go out there like this!"

Lulu sighed. "It's Yuna's birthday…she's out there obviously waiting for you. That's why I went through so much trouble to wake you up! This is no time for your vanity."

"This has **nothing** to do with vanity." Tidus insisted, tightening his toga. "This has to do with potential indecent exposure! I mean…what if there are kids out there? I don't wanna be the one to scar them for life."

She rolled her eyes. "Not that there are any children present, but just because I assumed you would be paranoid, here." From the chair beside her, she threw a folded pile of garments at him which he caught clumsily with one hand, the other busy making sure his sheet held up, not wanting to further expose himself to Lulu of all people.

"I found this in Wakka's stuff." She said, smiling a tad maliciously. "It'll have to do."

Tidus held the clothes up to the light…and rapidly shook his head.

"No way." He said simply, tossing them onto the bed in revulsion.

Lulu only whipped the clothing back at him. "You don't have to like it, you just have to not 'indecently expose' yourself while waiting for your uniform to be pressed."

"Then I'll wait here." He sat on the bed defiantly, arms crossed over his chest.

Lulu sighed. "_Now_ tell me this has nothing to do with vanity, huh?"

"If being vain means I refuse to look like a clown…then yes, I guess I'm vain. I'll wait for **my** clothes thank you."

"Suit yourself." She said, leaving the outfit spread out nicely on the bedspread before heading toward the door. "By the way, you're uniform should be ready in a few hours."

"**A few hours**?" Tidus repeated with disdain, his hands falling to his sides in disappointment. "But…but I'll have missed everything by then! What the hell is taking so long?"

"Well, I'm not naming any names here, but _someone_ gave Leisha a long list of menial tasks like: prepare the meal, set up a firework team, hooking up a sound system etcetera etcetera" she waved her hands to demonstrate how much longer the list went on, smiling slyly. "I'm sorry to say but your laundry is last on her list of things to do."

"Then make it first!" he yelled.

Lulu took a step back and raised her hands while shaking her head. "It's you who paid her. It's only you she'll answer to. Come and tell her yourself if you want to re-arrange the schedule."

"You know very well I can't to do that!"

"Then you'll be missed." She said with a wink, before pulling back the fabric door once more, fully intending to walk out. Though Tidus knew he could argue…though he knew very well that having his clothes pressed within 20 minutes was not an insane request…he also knew that Lulu was playing with him. Once again venting her frustrations and implicating a subtle revenge after having promised to be nice.

One way or another…Tidus knew he didn't have a choice.

With shaky hands, he swiftly removed the clothing from the bedspread and shut his eyes tightly as he pushed his arms through the sleeves, his legs through the shorts and zipped up the fly of Wakka's pants, not daring to even glance at a mirror.

"Wait up!" he called to Lulu, rushing out after her.

'_The things I do for you Yuna…'_

* * *

**Author's Note: **sigh Wonder why this took so long to update? Not only is school and work weighing me down already, but whenever I had the chance I just kept writing and writing…by the time I was satisfied with this chapter it was 21 pages long! So, I split it AGAIN lol. I'm gonna post the second half sometime at the end of the week since it's in need of much editing (I typed it up during class lol) but I promise you, this birthday scene will FINALLY end. (I'm waiting for it as badly as you are, trust me).

On another note, if you haven't noticed I'm changing the story a bit. What was originally meant to be just another fluff fic, is turning into an angst one. Why? Because, as stated earlier, I was very unsatisfied with the jump from X to X2 and feel that it was too random considering none of the dress sphere/ Lenne insanity was never mentioned in the first game. So, I'm filling in the blanks here in accordance to my own theories about Tidus, Shuyin, dream Zanarkand and real Zanarkand. At this point, during Yuna's birthday, I imagine the crimson squad would have just finished their mission in the cave of woe, releasing Shuyin's spirit and thus explaining why Tidus is suddenly getting these memories of his past life. But this will all be explained at a later date, in another chapter, in another story to be posted in the X-2 section (I've already written the crimson squad scene with Paine as the documentary film recorder lol…couldn't resist). In the meantime, this story is sorta wrapping up (knowing me though, the scenes I have left to write will somehow multiply, extending the story).

Another update soon, which is technically the second half of this chapter, entitled 'Me Against the Music' (don't ask). The more reviews, the faster it gets posted :P. So leave your comments! They are much appreciated. Thank you.


	10. Me Against the Music

**.Warning. This fiction is rated 'T' for teen and should not be read by anyone under the age of fourteen. Contains violence and sexual situations. **

'_After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible_

… _is music.'_

**--Aldous Huxley**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 10 …_Me Against the Music_ …**

_What was the point in defending what they both already knew he was guilty off: he had loved before._

_Somewhere in the depths of silence…a piano was playing._

…

August 8th, 3674 – Mushroom Rock Road – Den of Woe

SPHERE Record commence- Crimson Squad Candidates Team 14

Candidate # 84 - Temple of Bevelle

Candidate # 42 - Al Bhed (special circumstances)

Candidate # 15 – Kilika Isle

Recorder # 23 – Unknown Female

…Commence….

"This is ridiculous" the soldier said, holding his rifle up to keep within protocol but barely bothering to remain alert anymore. The cave seemed to stretch into infinity…not to mention, there was also the distinct possibility that they were just wandering around in circles. "We've been in here for over an hour! What the hell is the 'big test' supposed to be huh? Last man standing from being bored to death?"

"You do know she's recording all this right?" his partner nodded his head back, gesturing toward the grey, spikey-haired girl who was following at a respectable distance, her red eyes glued on a sphere camera, capturing their every move…every insipid and tedious step of the way.

The blonde one rolled his eyes…he had forgotten about the 'additional perk' of this mission: a film student assigned to every team to document their progress within the trial. As if this whole adventure wasn't embarrassing enough already…

"Don't worry…" the strange girl assured them, waving her hand away to dismiss his rude comments. "I'll probably just edit out your voice anyway before I submit. Replace it with some dirty limericks to spice things up a little." She grinned evilly while daring to jog a little closer to get a good shot of her subject's angry expression. "Besides, so far, this is one lackluster production…"

"Tell me about it" he agreed, though he silently cursed the event organizers who had given his team the **one female** documenter out of the 25 others each assigned to their own group of three, four or five.

"Concentrate" one of his partners hissed while keeping his eyes constantly peeled into the vast darkness ahead of them with his rifle at the ready. He was a monk of sorts, taken freshly out of the Bevelle temples and he acted as if his entire future depended on the results of this trial…maybe they did for him. But personally, Gippal could care less if he was selected to join the elite Crimson Squad or not. It was merely a perk of potentially having some cozy government military job filled with action and excitement as opposed to his impending future as a mere mechanic back home. Then again, if this event was a preview of what he had to look forward to as Crimson Squad member…then he was very well considering turning back right now.

"Give it a rest Baralai," he said teasingly while finally dropping his weapon to his side in insolence. "There's **nothing** happening here! Not now, not ever!"

"That maybe so…but I sense something in here" he gazed distractedly at the walls around him, as if he were looking for something "…there's a presence."

"That's probably the hundred or so other guys wandering around getting equally impatient."

"Noooo," the one named Baralai said while glaring at his partner with disapproval. "Can't you feel it? The sorrow…"

"Yeah…I can feel the _'sorrow'_ alright" Gippal rolled his eyes, dismissing his comments as paranoia. "It consists of boredom, hunger and frustration. There's nothing here! When are they gonna let us out of this dank hole!"

"Something bad happened here…long ago…" the third member of their party interrupted his rant, speaking for the first time since they entered; a slightly older man who had obviously seen many battles considering that both his left arm and leg were mechanical prosthetic limbs. "I can feel it too."

"I…I can too…" the documenter whispered, pulling her leather jacket more tightly over her shoulders. There was indeed something 'freaky' (for lack of a better word) about the cave. To the naked eye it was nothing more than an endless abyss of dark rock, but the darkness seemed to be alive…sucking out every happy feeling from those who dared to venture within. Making them feel… very alone, despite their rather large number.

Above their heads, pyreflies floated about lazily. All their lives they had all seen these shimmering specters show up in the most random places…and they had never been considered anything more than beautiful, ghostly reminders of lives passed.

However, these pyreflies …they carried a malicious air. Almost as it they were spying on the group, silently disapproving their intrusion.

"Are we…can we go soon?" the camera-woman asked, suddenly very uncomfortable as she watched the group tip-toe forward through her lens. "This cave may very well go on forever and, no offense guys, but I can think of several more appealing ways to die than getting lost with you and..."

"Shhh!" Gippal insisted, suddenly serious. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Nooj, the older one, asked while lowering his gun and turning his ear toward the darkness in front of them...listening.

They all listened…

Gippal was right…there was some sort of commotion going on ahead.

"They found something!" Gippal announced, interpreting the vague noises as fellow soldiers celebrating. "The other groups, they finally found something! Come on!" he rushed on forward then, running full speed into the void ahead, ignoring the screams of protest from his partners. He was too excited at the potential end of this test to bother listening to their warnings and insults.

"ARE YOU RETARDED!" the camera woman screamed, jogging to keep up with him, the heavy camera on her shoulder hindering her progress. She had definitely not signed up for this…

"Hold back! Wait for a response!" Baralai was yelling, his eyes wide with fear at potentially failing because he was grouped with an over-excitable idiot. However, the rule book did state that sticking with your partners did over ride the rule of following protocol of suspicious activities…and so he followed.

They ran for what seemed like forever, following both Gippal's blurry silhouette and the sound of distant murmurings. They turned several corners and jumped many gaps before they finally arrived at the destination…in fact, almost everybody had arrived at said destination.

It was a majestic cavern…positioned, most likely, at the very end of the maze of twisted, thin rock corridors that comprised of the 'den of woe' (as they called it). The room was circular with a thin railing of flat surface surrounding an expansive crater. The walls were carved with various decorative/religious symbols all the way up to the 40 foot ceiling. But the beautiful carvings on the walls were not what were drawing everyone's attention…

In the center of the depression was a large, rounded pedestal…on top of which was a gigantic, rectangular stone chest, engraved with various crudely carved characters.

The Crimson Squad candidates jumped into the depression and crowded around it, while their documenters remained on the surrounding edge, staying back a few respectable paces with their lenses glued to their subject's reactions.

They could all only stare at it in awe for several minutes.

The chest seemed very out of place it the room with its hastily drawn decorations in contrast the magnificent sculptures that adorned the walls and the pedestal. The writing was indecipherable sadly…of a language long since obsolete. No one could read it. No one had any idea what to do but be confused.

Was this their mission?

Was this the big test to determine which of them were of the highest military intelligence?

There were no other options really…

"Well…come on!" one of the larger soldiers yelled, breaking the spell of silence over the crowd as he climbed up onto the edge of the pedestal. "We've come this far. We obviously have to crack this thing open!"

The crowd seemed skeptical as the impulsive soldier placed himself at the edge of the thick stone lid…and began to push.

He pushed with all his might, but the lid would not budge. From their position at the edge of the crowd, Gippal's group chuckled. The lid was obviously more than 30 times his weight, and was impossible to remove without the help of at least 10 others.

The crowd seemed to get this idea and one by one a few of the brave dared to join in, pushing against the heavy rock while gesturing for others to give a hand. Some stumbled back in fear, while others all too hastily jumped up onto the pedestal thinking that if this were indeed the test, only those who participated would be recognized. The documenters all huddled together in the background…filming. Their job after all, was simply to observe.

"I can't see a damn thing!" grey-haired girl recorder complained, standing on her tiptoes in an attempt to get a better angle.

One of her fellow, taller, film students chuckled at her fruitless attempts. "Your never gonna get anything worth while from down there…" he teased, while scanning around the huge cavern, finally settling his stare upon a small outcrop in the rocky wall to his left. He turned to her and gave a smile full of malevolent intent. "Promise to share your footage with me and we'll make a deal."

"Pfft…no thank you" she said with impudence, taking a few steps back in hopes of perhaps getting a miracle shot through the wall of huddled bodies in front of her. News broadcasting was one of the hardest industries to get into in Spira and all the hired documenters of this mission knew that many high government officials would be viewing this work and would possibly be inspired enough to hire someone as a camera man for the **one** and **only** Yevon-run Network in Spira that hosted video spheres. No way would she split that chance in half.

"Suit yourself" the gruff man replied. "I just noticed there's a ledge over there," he cocked his head toward the outcrop in question. "It's too high for you to get to by yourself and its too small for me to sit on without breaking…you understand, don't you?"

She dropped her camera with a sigh and scrutinized the area. It was indeed perfect. She could crouch up there and get a perfect bird's eye view of the stone box's contents unveiling. But it was definitely too high for her to reach without a strong boost. And definitely too small to support the weight of the burly man proposing the deal.

The soldiers crowding around the stone lid were now over twenty men…the great slab was beginning to move inch by inch…and Gippal, a member of her team, was one at the head. She **needed** to get that shot…she was running out of time.

"Fine!" she agreed quickly. "We'll split to footage so that we don't have the same clips in our montage. **I **get to choose my clips first though ok?"

He shook his head. "I get first pick. I want the unveiling."

"No way! I'm the one risking my neck here!"

"You're running out of time." He pointed toward the center pedestal. The lid had moved a good 6 inches and more men were joining in.

'_Shit…'_

"The unveiling…that's it then! A ten second cut. I get ALL footage afterwards."

He smiled. "Done."

They shook hands briefly to seal the deal and then got to work, jogging off towards to section of wall where the outcrop hung. The leather clad girl placed her camera gently on the ground before stepping into the cupped hands of her 'partner' and allowed him to throw her up towards the dark wall. She hit the rock hard, fumbling desperately for a handhold before she would surely plummet back down to a gruesome death. But she caught hold of a jagged rock just before she slipped off the edge, ignoring the pain as the points cut into her palm, and then used whatever strength she had left to finally pull herself up onto the ledge, panting for breath as her full weight was finally supported.

"Their opening it!" her partner screamed from below. She hastily tried to re-organize her wits.

"MY camera!" she screamed, finally having regained her composure and stared in horror at the mass of men below her who were now struggling to hold up the enormous lid. The sphere recorder was tossed into the air and she caught it with ease, pushing herself against the wall while fumbling with the 'on' switch, knowing that if she didn't get focus within the next 5 seconds, she could kiss her prospective career goodbye.

With a sudden desperate haste, she had the camera on, her eye pushed against the lens and the stone box in perfect focus just in time, as the heavy lid clattered to the floor…only to have a magnificent blinding white light obstruct her vision.

For a moment her heart stopped…thinking that in the rush of her preparations she had accidentally over-exposed the film. But then the light started to fade as the massive gathering of pyreflies that had been released from the chest, dispersed…and she could see everything.

The soldiers had succeeded in removing the lid…but what was inside was what none of the crowd had expected. It was neither fiends to fight, nor a secret treasure…not even instructions as to what was the next step in the mission.

The stone box wasn't a chest…it was a coffin.

She almost dropped her camera.

The rectangle had been too big for a coffin, so none of them had expected it. In fact, they could only assume that it had initially been built for some other purpose…but for whatever reason, it was now inhabited by a shriveled, ancient corpse…a well preserved one at that…a somewhat frail, starved looking thing curled up in one corner of the vast empty space clothed in the fairly disintegrated remains of red and yellow colored fabric...the plastic soles of the yellow boots were almost completely in tact…a few dispersed strands of golden blonde hair still adorned the rotten brown scalp.

From her bird's eye view, the documenter observed the whole scene with reverence…and couldn't help but notice Gippal, her subject, leaning over the upturned stone lid, trailing his fingers along the long, jagged scratches and cracked depressions in the rock: vain and frantic attempts at budging the heavy stone lid from inside.

For unknown reasons, she let her camera drop from her hands…barely acknowledging the loud clatter it made as it hit the stone at her feet.

She was hearing something. A far off voice was whispering to her… the last words of a doomed man? She felt something form in her hands…she looked down…a movie sphere?

But how…?

Curious, she switched it on…and in the blink of an eye she was brought back a thousand years. Back to when this very chamber glowed brightly with torches and was filled with guardian priests in constant prayer. The image was blurry, deteriorated with the years…and yet, she could still hear his voice crystal clearly…

'_I haven't done anything wrong! I know you're listening!…' they were right outside…he could hear them chanting. They simply chose to ignore his cries._

'_If she was your girl, what would you do? How can you blame me for trying to use your weapon?' he cried weakly, gently pounding on his prison's ceiling with the last of his strength. He coughed again, and could feel the warm blood dribbling down his chin. They had already shot him…already taken her away…was this extra torture really necessary?_

'_Please…' he begged, leaning his forehead against the cold stone, trying to fight back his hopeless tears. 'Please just let me out…please. I want to see her…' he hit the rock one last time before letting his bloody fist fall back in defeat. It was no use. He was going to die in there. He curled up into a ball and hugged himself tightly, trying to tame his relentless shivering. _

_He hated them…and that was all he could think of for the final hour of his life…how much he hated. _

The image blurred and faded to black…the recording was over. And the documenter was left with a heavy heart.

"_What had they done to you…_?" she whispered to no one in particular, feeling hers eyes swell up with tears without knowing why. She hastily wiped them away, embarrassed at her inexplicable emotional state.

He had died alone, deep in this dank cave after what must have been hours of suffering before his air finally ran out.

He must have gone mad before the end…

What could a person have done to deserve such a fate?

Feeling as though she had possession of a priceless artifact, the girl thrust the movie sphere deep into one of her pockets, throwing away several blank sphere cartridges in order to make room for it. She had a feeling that someday, somewhere, this footage would be important.

Returning her attention back to the soldiers she noticed that a deep silence had enveloped the crowd, embracing it tightly, filling each of their hearts with the deepest sorrow imaginable.

As if the mood hadn't been mournful enough…

From no where…

A piano started to play…it was soft at first, seemingly coming from every direction at once…lulling each of them into a sleepy trance…

The melody was more than just depressing…it made each and every one of them feel the deepest sense of shame…shame for disturbing him…ashamed because of their ancestor's actions…and mostly, shame for being alive.

And then…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The large soldier, the one who initially decided to remove the lid, suddenly staggered off the pedestal, screaming in agony. Those closest to him gasped and drew back in horror while all those out of sight struggled on their tips toes to see what was happening.

But she…from her position on the ledge…she could see it all. She was almost sick.

The soldier's arm had been cut clean off, and the limb was still twitching on the ground next to the coffin, pumping out hideous amounts of blood.

She barely had time to relax her gagging reflexes before there was another scream…from the other side of the coffin. The crowd's gaze shifted…

Another soldier…this one suddenly missing a leg. He fell...writhing in agony. The mass of soldiers moved further back, murmuring in fear…all of their heads swiveling around…searching for an invisible enemy.

The piano continued to play…growing louder and more furious with every note.

There was a flash of light…

Another, shorter scream…another soldier fell. His torso cleaved cleanly in half. He didn't writhe as much. He died almost instantly.

What was happening?

The light flashed again. This time, she heard a familiar shout of pain. She focused on those who remained around the coffin and felt her heart clench in fear.

"Gippal!" she shouted, watching her subject…no, not subject…her friend, fall to his knees, one hand planted on his right eye, while blood leaked through his fingers in a waterfall.

The Crimson Squad candidates seemed to finally get the message….all those nearest to the coffin were, one by one, getting obliterated. They all ran for it.

The gigantic hall was suddenly a zoo as the hundreds of men, the bravest in all Spira, began to flee for their lives, scrambling out of the depression, running like chickens with their heads cut off towards the dark edges of the cavern, desperately searching for an exit as, every five seconds or so, another one of them fell victim to the slashing beam.

The documenters at the back had long since decided to make their exit, having fulfilled their contractual obligations of documenting without getting involved. But even they were not spared…

"Hey!" she screamed at her partner, who was already well on his way toward the cavern exit. "**HEY**! How the hell am I supposed to get down! COME BACK! HEY!"

Even had he wanted to return and rescue her, his intentions were cut short as the light appeared in the crowd of documenters as well, splitting both his camera…and his head… in half.

She could only watch in complete terror as the one person who knew where she was crumpled into a bloody mass on the floor. Her eyes widened in the realization that this was no 'test' for the soldiers…this was, in fact, a _massacre_…and no one was being spared.

'_Oh my god…'_

"Hhh…help?" she whispered softly at first, her throat having involuntarily closed in the horror of her situation. But her instinct for survival soon overrode her faltering body. "HELP!" she screamed frantically, flailing her arms in an attempt to capture the attention of the many men trampling below her. "OVER HERE! HEY!"

But her words were lost in the chaos of screaming, stomping and the maddening piano music as even more soldiers were cut down, the streaks of light were slashing the air left, right and center…it would only be a moment until she too would become a victim.

Her heart was hammering madly in her chest as she desperately scanned the ground beneath her. She needed to get down…NOW.

She needed to start running.

But how? It was a good three story drop to the floor…she would surely break her legs, making it impossible to run.

It was hopeless…she was stuck…she was going to die there. Cut to pieces like so many before her. The entire crater was now littered with limbs and bodies, practically creating a swimming pool of blood. There must be at least 40 of them in there…almost half the entire army they had started with!

Panic started to grip her. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes while taking deep breaths…almost hoping that she did indeed faint…at least that would make it less painful.

"Paine!" someone yelled from the crowd below, barely audible beneath the piano's thundering melody. She glanced down and her heart exploded with hope. A familiar, white-haired monk had noticed her hidden ledge.

"Baralai!"

"Jump!" he insisted, pushing his way closer, holding out his arms for her.

"Are you nuts?" she chastised while leaning over the edge to hear him better. "You can't catch me!"

"Do you have a choice!" he screamed back, glancing over his shoulder eagerly toward where the injured lay bleeding all around the coffin…dying slowly. Not a recommended fate if it could be avoided. "Stop arguing and just do it!"

Her gaze swiveled around the room, urgently searching for something…a step in the rock…a cavern stalagmite to swing from…_anything _that obliterated the option of using Baralai to simply break her fall. But as she searched unsuccessfully…something else caught her attention.

The stone box with the strange carvings…the one that had started all this. It was glowing…

"Paine!"

Pyreflies were gathering to the coffin…circling it furiously, diving in and out and glowing brighter as more joined in. Something was happening…something magical. Without exactly knowing why, she felt around her feet, found her camera, brought it too her eye…and began filming; her passion for documentary dominating her fear.

"PAINE!" Baralai yelled at her, growing more than impatient. A documenter a mere fifteen feet in front of him just lost his hand to a light slash…They were getting dangerously close…his eyes grew wide. The room was emptying out and they'd be the only live targets left. "**Paine, for the love of Yevon, come on**!"

But she was too entranced by her footage…the pyreflies suddenly all disappeared within the box forming a perfect rectangle of solid white light which began to morph…shrinking ever so slowly toward the corner…where the body had laid withered in the fetal position. The light over took its form and then grew…taking the shape of not just the shriveled corpse…but of a fully grown, healthy man.

The brown scalp was suddenly a full head of glossy, blonde, feathered hair. The shreds of clothing became the thick material of a blitzball uniform. The rotted, shrunken skin smoothed out, plumped up and became a firm, pale bronze…He was solid, the light faded to his outline and…he began to move.

"What the…" she zoomed into the corner of the coffin and watched with a bizarre fascination as the living cadaver fluttered his eyes open. They were a stunning bright cerulean, accentuated by the shimmering pyrefly glow that surrounded his body. He was…beautiful…to say the least.

Then, quite suddenly, the specter's eyes met hers and she felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach, causing her to drop her camera and stagger a bit…loosing her footing and promptly sliding off the ledge.

She barely had the time to even register the sensation before she was half way to the jagged rock floor, falling head first.

"Gotcha!" Baralai exclaimed, catching her gracelessly in his arms at such an odd angle that they both ended up falling anyway, slamming their bodies into the sharp rock, slashing every exposed surface. It hurt, but the pain was the last thing on her mind.

"My camera!" she exclaimed, fumbling desperately in the dark for the familiar piece of equipment.

"**_Forget the camera_**!" Baralia shrieked as he pulled her to her feet and began running, dragging her along side him. Paine could only glance longingly over her shoulder, already feeling her heart sink as the footage that would indeed make her famous faded in the distance…she also noted that the man in the coffin, the one with the sparkling blue eyes…was gone. The light had vanished.

The further away from the coffin they ran…the more quiet the piano became…until it was all but an echo in the background.

They made it out of the large room without incident…but there was still far to go. And Baralai didn't dare dream they was safe until they were back into the sunlit gorge of Mushroom Rock Road.

"Where's Gippal and Nooj?" she asked as they ran for what seemed like eternity, dodging separated limbs, broken cameras and twitching corpses. All around them they could hear screams, moans and gunfire…a useless defense against an otherworldly onslaught. The best chance they had for surviving was to simply run.

"I don't know." He said honestly, not daring to spare more of his attention than necessary in order to successfully navigate their way out. "Last I saw Nooj was tending to Gippal. He lost his eye but he was still alive. They ran for it ahead of us since we couldn't find you."

"_He lost his eye_!" she repeated in horror, stopping suddenly while wrenching her wrist free of his grasp. "We have to find them! They may be just sitting in a corner bleeding to death while…"

"We're no use to them dead, Paine!" Baralai interjected heatedly. "Any second now that light will be after us! We can die here in the dark **OR** we can get out in once piece and get help!"

'_Die?'_ she thought…her brain abruptly dissolving to mush, as if someone had hit the 're-boot' button on her conscious. She felt fresh…alive.

'_We're not going to die…'_

Paine laughed…she felt…confident all of sudden. She felt…reborn.

"It won't hurt us" she assured him while taking a deep breath. It had, for whatever reason, never felt so good to breathe.

"_It_ won't hurt us?" Baralai repeated, fixing her with an odd stare. "What won't hurt us?"

"The music of course." She gestured vaguely behind her and smiled. Baralai grew a little nervous…she was acting weird…weird for her even. A mental collapse from shock perhaps?

"How do you know _it_ won't hurt us?" he asked uneasily.

"Because He told it not too…He controls it."

"He?"

"Yes… '_He'_" she looked around the cave as if seeing it for the first time, smiling gently with new found power. "He just wants to go outside." She explained to her partner. "But He needs our help. I will help Him as long as He spares Nooj and Gippal. That is our deal. We **will** make it out of here alive." She nodded to herself then with refreshed assurance. "Yes. This way!"

And she jogged off ahead of him, leaving a barely noticeable trail of white light in her wake. Baralai had no choice but to follow her…eerily certain, for whatever reason, that Paine was indeed telling the truth.

They were safe from the horror…only them…for now at least…

In the background…shots were fired…people were dying…and the piano played.

And Tidus, a thousand miles away, began having nightmares…

* * *

Yuna was feeling…good. 

Very good in fact.

Rikku was right. After six glasses of wine dancing really wasn't as hard as it had initially seemed. Nor as awkward…one could even call it: kinda fun.

'_And no one cares  
It's whippin' my hair, it's pullin' my waist  
To hell with stares  
The sweat is drippin' all over my face  
And no one's there  
I'm the only one dancin' up in this place  
Tonight I'm here  
Feel the beat of the drum, gotta get with that bass'_

"You're amazing!" Rikku was yelling at her over the impossibly loud music, the receptionist having pulled out several extra speakers and placed them strategically around the grassland/temporary dance floor.

The speakers were meant to be reserved for use by the current Maester addressing pilgrims who visit the Calm Lands to announce a new Calm, yet they had long since grown a thick layer of dust sitting in the back storage room for all these years. And besides…it wasn't as if there was any fear of waking the neighbors here in the deserted plains since even the only two other guests had joined in. Not to mention, Rikku's constant harassment to crank up the volume was more than the tiny, initial radio could handle and was in desperate need of reinforcements.

Though the group consisted of only her, Rikku, Wakka (looking a tad embarrassed, simply humoring Yuna), the two other guests and a chocobo, Yuna still felt like she was having the time of her life as she 'danced'…or at least moved in the fashion that Rikku had shown her earlier. Her hands were flailing in the air, creating their own montage of movements synchronized with the shuffling of her feet and hips, moving in perfect rhythm to the somewhat disorganized beat of the Al Bhed singer.

She felt both silly and delirious….both ashamed and hot…it was indeed, as her cousin stated: amazing.

' _We're almost there  
I'm feelin' it bad and I can't explain  
My soul is bare  
My hips are movin' at a rapid pace_

_Baby feel it burn_

_From the tip of my toes, runnin' through my veins…'_

"**Woohoo**!" Rikku screamed in a voice worthy of a jungle holler as the song reached its climax, jumping up against Yuna while giggling furiously, spilling her drink all down the front of her shirt. But Yuna seemed to be in her own world, her body having a sudden burst with adrenaline she moved faster…furiously…whipping her now sweat soaked hair back and forth before tangling her hands in it. She caught a flash of yellow as she raised her arms and couldn't help but grin, remembering that at some point during the night she had switched her long, suffocating sleeves for the armbands Lulu had given her as a gift. Despite the horrible clash in garments, the breeze on her wrists was a welcome change considering the heat of the night and the current exercise. After all, this may well be the only time she'd get to wear them…

The thought caused her to sober for a second or two…suddenly statue still in the midst of the dance floor chaos, posed idiotically with her head leaned back and her hands in her hair, glaring at her upper arm with some pathetic sense of regret.

Another thing to add to the list of what she would be missing…

"Yuna!" she heard someone shout at her, instantly pulling her out of her trance. Lulu was heading towards her, with an amused, evil smile plastered on her face, dragging some poor victim behind her.

For the better part of the past hour, Lulu had been sitting at the picnic tables, her modesty having obviously forbid her from participating (though she had no shame in pointing and laughing at Wakka's attempts). Yuna hadn't even noticed her missing for the last ten minutes.

"I found something for you!" the guardian was saying with a smirk.

Only then did Yuna notice the person she was dragging behind her…a certain blushing, blonde who she hadn't recognized at first, both because her vision was blurry **and** because his trademark blue and yellow uniform had been replaced with an outfit worthy of exposure only at one of Besaid's famous Luaus.

His shorts were bright orange, almost blinding in fact, embroidered with blue vines on the edge of one leg and his button down shirt was a matching ocean blue that brought out his magnificent eyes – He didn't look too bad if you blocked out the ridiculously large, bright-fuchsia tropical flowers that decorated the fabric. It was this detail that made Tidus the most uncomfortable. Not to mention the garments were about 4 sizes too big for his frail frame.

Without the usual mess of attachments and bobbles that garnished his everyday clothing, he looked almost naked in the new simplicity. Like one of the homely Besaidian villagers she had grown to love so much over the years for welcoming her so openly after her father had died.

After scrutinizing him for a while, Yuna decided she liked him in such an outfit. For whatever reason, it made the idea of him being her future husband that much more easy to digest.

"You look good…" she told him simply, giving him what she hoped was a genuine smile. Tidus only rolled his eyes.

"Please don't joke" he begged, crossing his arms over his chest in a fruitless attempt to hide the pattern. "This is embarrassing enough as it is."

"Can you believe he was trying to miss his _own _party!" the mage chastised in interruption, shaking her head in disappointment. Tidus seemed to barely notice, stifling a large yawn, desperately trying to keep his eyes open. "And what a deep sleeper! I had to borrow a fog horn from the front desk in order to get him to acknowledge my presence!"

"Yeah…thanks for that by the way." Tidus responded a tad grudgingly, giving Yuna an annoyed look while rubbing his right ear. "Next time why don't you just shoot me…though it may be less effective."

"Really? Would you prefer that?"

"I'm sorry Lulu…I can't hear you cause I'm now **permanently DEAF**!"

Lulu only waved to dismiss his comment, finally dropping her demure act and pushed him violently forward toward Yuna, who caught him in her arms while staring at her guardian in alarm.

What was this about…?

"Have fun! That's an order." She stated before turning around, stumbling a little as she did so. "I need to get to bed…"

And with that, she headed to the back of the Inn, the key card to Yuna's tent twirling between her fingers.

Yuna didn't know whether to thank her for her blatant attempt to prove she was lenient, or to go and check whether she had indeed lost her mind.

"She's been drinking, hasn't she?" Tidus asked, having gently raised himself out of her embrace, smiling half in amusement, half in disbelief.

"We…we've all had a bit." Yuna explained, starting to feel the effects now that she had stopped dancing. "But not so much that she should be acting like that…"

"Are you kidding?" Tidus asked, giggling at the confession. "I can't believe it! Lulu is completely hammered! That explains it."

"Hammered?"

He shook his head, having again forgotten that he was in another world. "Never mind. She did at least manage to wake me up. I hafta thank her for that. Even if her methods are a tad extreme…"

"Speaking of people acting foolishly…" Yuna took a step back and gave him a head to toe once over. "Dare I ask how you ended up in such a state?"

"Umm…well uh…" he averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, as was his habit when uncomfortable. "It's kinda embarrassing actually…"

"Does it have anything to do with…earlier?" she asked quietly in an attempt to be discreet, but Rikku had begun dancing directly behind her cousin out of sight, keeping an eager ear out for any potential juicy news. By the look on Yuna's face, and their matching red cheeks, Tidus thought it better not to expand.

"Come here…" he said, pulling her towards him as, 'conveniently' (Leisha had control of the radio) the fast paced tempo instantly scrambled and dissolved into the soothing rhythm of a slow melody.

"My…what a coincidence" Tidus said with a smirk, giving Leisha a subtle nod from over Yuna's shoulder as he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Yuna immediately flushed.

"Tidus!" she whispered harshly, pushing on his chest to separate them slightly, her eyes darting to all the other guardians around her. "They'll see…"

"See what? Lulu's gone and we're only dancing. Those left will know not to make a big deal of it."

"But sir Auron…" she said while cocking her head toward the left of the lawn where she knew the old guardian was seated. Tidus followed her gesture and noted that Auron seemed to be in no mood to be concerned with anything at the moment. He sat hunched over the table; his red coat draped across the bench surrounded by at least 3 empty bottles including his own personal stash and was in what looked to be a heated debate with one of the other guests. Most likely an argument about politics since the words 'maesters' and 'senate' were coming up repeatedly.

Tidus knew Auron well enough to say with confidence that when he drank and was passionate about a subject, there was no stopping to old man from ranting well into the next day. He actually had first hand experience with this fun fact. The two of them had gotten into a fight concerning how much time he spent playing videos games when he was only 12 years old; right after his mother died and Auron became his un-official guardian.

_'Those things will rot your brain ya know?' Auron had said from his place at the dinning room table, an empty bottle of wine in front of him and an open book on his lap. _

_'What do you know old man?' young Tidus said while calmly punching in complicated combinations of buttons on the controller for special attacks. He had been such a smart-ass, bitter brat after the deaths of his parents. Literally, the only thing that kept him going where the material luxuries his father's fame had supplied…including an impressive home theatre system and an inexhaustible supply of cash. 'I hate how much you grown ups always think you know best. Video games are just another form of entertainment, just like that book you got there. Only modern and, basically, better.'_

_'Now I know you're not comparing Leo Tolstoy's fictional masterpiece 'Anna Karenina' to the mindless drivel of 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' Auron had stood up then, genuinely insulted '…because that my boy, needless to say, is absurd.'_

_Tidus only shrugged from his place on the couch, his eyes glued to the animated violence on the gigantic screen. 'Disturbed woman throws herself on train tracks, mutant turtles kick ass. It's all imaginary bloodshed aimed to amuse people. Except one medium puts you to sleep and while the other gives you a seizure…I simply choose to practice the more interactive method.'_

_Auron's jaw had dropped then…Tidus could see his anger bubbling to the surface from the mirror poised above the mantle. He knew then that he had gone too far. After first unplugging to TV and throwing the console remote out the window, the next **several hours** were spent in passionate debate which lasted well into the next day until Tidus finally broke, letting him win by default since he had to go to straight to school._

_Needless to say, he never felt the need to challenge Auron ever again. At least not if he wanted to stay awake during daylight hours. _

"He won't notice…" Tidus assured her while wincing at the memory. He recognized the look on Auron's face all too well. Still, Yuna managed to be skeptical.

"It's risky."

"It's a dance, not a covert operation." He taunted with a chuckle.

"I…I don't even know how." She admitted while blushing, this being the main reason for her hesitation. "This music…it's strange."

If the harsh techno beats had been a shock to her ears, this smooth melody was even more so. At least the other songs had been so completely bizarre that she could place them in their own category with no relationship to what she was used to. But this had the familiar instruments and soft notes, yet with the strange addition of drums and background voices. She couldn't tell whether she should continue imitating Rikku's jumping method of dancing or attempt to put her old waltz lessons in practice.

"How about this," he suggested, taking a step back to humor her need for space. "I will lead. We'll start slow; maybe you could put your arms around my neck. Got it so far?"

Yuna nodded hesitantly and raised her arms, desperately trying to fight the urge to place one on his shoulder and one to hold up her skirt, as she had been originally taught. As her hands met around his neck though, she smiled, knowing that at they were at the same time in public, surrounded, and yet perfectly safe. It was refreshing to be doing such things out in the open. As long as they remained innocent enough, of course, she could always just excuse herself by saying they were dancing…It was the perfect cover.

"Good good. You're getting the hang of it! So now I'm going to do this…" he placed his hands on either side of her hips, careful to remain two steps away with a wide gap between them. "You okay? No urge to run away or perhaps, punch me?"

"Ha Ha" Yuna laughed sarcastically, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're mocking me, while at least I'm not the one wearing a pink tropical shirt!"

"And at least I'm not the one who said they liked it!" he retorted, smirking evilly while daring to take one small step closer.

She matched his step, bringing them finally chest to chest. "You're an idiot Tidus" she said lightly while glaring at him, unable to keep the wide smile from forming on her face.

"Or maybe you're the idiot for marrying me" he whispered with a grin. His fingers laced behind her back, pulling her close and finally closing the two inch gap between them. She leaned her head on his shoulder and together they began to sway softly, in rhythm with the music. The song, at first awkward, was now to most beautiful melody her ears ever had the pleasure of hearing.

The moment was perfect. Dancing there, in his arms, she finally felt the meaning of the clichéd 'walk in the clouds'. They could very well have been floating in the heavens for all she knew.

"I'm happy…" Yuna admitted to him stupidly, tightening her embrace. "This is perfect…isn't it perfect?"

_'Perfect…'_

"Perfect?" he repeated distractedly.

Perfect…that word…a memory…whose memory?

In a sudden flash he was no longer in the Calm Lands with Yuna, but on a cliff on Zanarkand's city edge, watching the sunset…with _her_.

'_Thank you for taking me here Shuyin…' she said, smiling her coy, beautiful smile. 'It's perfect. Isn't it perfect?' _

'_Anywhere with you is perfect' he replied, causing her to giggle. He knew it was cheesy to say, but it was how he honestly felt. _

"Tidus?"

_'That's not my name…'_

_'It was…'_

He shook his head, the Zanarkand cliff disintegrating into Yuna's confused face. "Yeah?...yes?"

She was staring at him oddly. "You blanked out there for a few seconds" she explained, her expression turning into concern. "Are you okay?"

"I…I'm fine…" he lied, giving her a soft smile to comfort her. He tried to keep dancing but all too soon the image popped back before his eyes…the gruesome memory kept on playing in his mind.

'_You're insane!' she yelled at him, as he stripped off his last remaining garment and dove into ocean below. After surfacing, he wiped the water from his eyes stared up at her, grinning maliciously._

'_Come on!' he yelled, gesturing for her to follow him. 'The water is amazing this time of day!'_

'_You're insane!' she repeated while shaking her head, though she still began to untie the ribbon of her sleeves, removing them while muttering 'I can't believe I'm doing this…'_

'_Lennnnnneeee' he cooed, as she backed away from the cliff's edge, out of his sight. 'Where are yoooouuuu?'_

_His answer came in the form of a shriek, as the glorious songstress sprang off the cliff's edge, flailing her arms and legs while screeching all the way down till she hit the water with an immense splash._

'_Haha!' he laughed as she resurfaced, her long, wet hair covering her entire face._

'_You lied!' she yelled at him as she wiped the sopping strands from her eyes. 'It's freakin' freezing!'_

'_I said it was 'amazing'…never said it was warm.'_

_Lenne's mouth formed and thin line and in anger she splashed a wave of salt water into his eyes. 'You jerk! I hate you!'_

_He only giggled, holding his arms up to ward away the waves._

'_Seriously Shuyin…you're such a jerk sometimes!'_

'_Awww…you love me, admit it!'_

'_HA!'_

'_Cause I love you…'_

_She paused then as she noted his serious tone. Her eyes timidly met his and saw that there was no joking in them anymore. Just pure yearning…they had only been dating for three weeks. He had never said that to any one. But somehow, he knew it was right. What he felt was the real thing…finally. After countless number of flings and one night stands…he was in love._

_And though she knew it was too soon, though she knew it was probably just an infatuation…_

'_I love you too…' she said. _

"ARRG!"

"Tidus!" Yuna exclaimed, as he pushed her away, his hands flying to his head, pounding on his temples.

_'Leave me alone!'_ he screamed at the images. He was kissing her now. Wrapping her naked body in his arms, pressing her against him…he didn't want to see what happened next…he didn't want to remember.

"What…what's wrong?" Yuna was asking, but he couldn't hear her.

"**Get out of my head!"** he screeched into the night, causing Yuna to take a frightful step back and hastily scan the lawn for the reaction of the others.

Luckily no one else had noticed his little freak out, all too busy in their personal affairs and his outburst was covered by the loud music. But it didn't stop then. He kept muttering and tugging at his hair, seeming legitimately mad.

"Tidus…Tidus come with me" she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him off the dance floor (all to which he seemed oblivious), trying to grasp snippets of his incoherent mumbling and perhaps get a clue as to what spurred this. But his words were low and lost in the music. She stopped once the reached the reception desk, forcing him into one of the seats.

"Kad sa cusa fydan! Rinno!" she screamed at Leisha behind the desk, ordering for water and a cloth immediately.

"No, no…" Tidus muttered, his face still hidden beneath his hands. His mental blockade had finally begun to take effect over the scene and it was beginning to gradually fade. The memory was over. "That…it's unnecessary. Don't worry about me."

"You don't even know what I said…" Yuna teased, accepting the basin and rag given to her by the Al Bhed. She soaked the cloth and held it to a section of his exposed cheek, hoping to cool his burning skin.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered with a sigh, finally dropping his hands and meeting her eyes, smiling sheepishly "I ruined the moment didn't I?" He wondered for a moment whether he should tell her about the flashbacks. What if he had another episode? Would it ease her stress to know the cause?...or would she distance herself, knowing that he was thinking about another woman?

"There will be other moments" she said, continuing to dab his now visible forehead. "But there's only one of you…"

They stayed in silence for a few more minutes as she continued her ministrations, nursing him for the second time that night, keeping their eyes glued on each other's. She seemed so worried about him…so hurt to see him in pain. He couldn't bear to add weight to her already heavy burden.

_'No'_ he decided. He wouldn't tell Yuna about what he was seeing. It was in the past. He didn't even know who or what was causing them…or if they were indeed real. And until he figured things out, it was best she be left out of it.

After all, these images…they were part of _his_ story.

"Yuna…" he whispered finally, breaking the precious silence, se he took her hands within his, pressing his lips to them desperately. "My beautiful Yuna…It's only you…you know that right? It has always been _only_ you…"

"I…I know" she answered softly, purely to humor him since she really had no idea what he was talking about. "Only me…"

"Only you…" he repeated. He dropped her hands then, leaning back in his chair and staring at the star lit sky. Was Lenne out there somewhere…waiting for him? What would he do if it ever came down to choosing between them?

Why was he even thinking about choosing while Yuna was right here in front of him!

"I think I'm going crazy…"

"You…you can talk to me you know?" she reminded him coyly while rinsing the cloth in the cool water. She didn't want to watch him suffer alone. And besides, she was to be his wife. Weren't they supposed to share everything?

"I know…" he assured her, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Maybe…later. When it makes sense. If it ever does." His answer was more than a little cryptic, but she could do nothing but respect his wishes.

The silence that followed was neither comforting, nor contented. It was awkward.

"Well…lets just not sit here moping about…whatever it is" Yuna announced, standing up and offering her hand to her fallen partner. "Besides, you still owe me a dance."

Tidus raised his head…meeting her eyes…and they exchanged understanding smiles.

He could keep his secrets, but not without a price. Grasping her hand, he allowed her to pull him to his feet, bringing them close once more.

Without the need to be prompted, Yuna easily placed his arms around her waist and hers around his neck, desperate to retrieve the moment she yearned for.

"Shouldn't we go back," he gestured toward the open lawn where the others were gathered, but Yuna only shook her head.

"It's quieter here…and more private."

True to her observations, the reception area was indeed slightly turned away from the front lawn, giving them as much seclusion as they could hope for, especially since Lulu now occupied the fated hotel room.

Once again they began to sway with the music, picking up exactly where they had left off. And too Yuna's relief, the tension immediately eased, bringing the couple back up into the clouds where all was in a constant state of serenity and contentment.

Lenne…Lenne was a thousand years away.

Here and now…it was Yuna. Only Yuna. Lenne, whoever she had once been to him, was long since dead.

"I love you Yuna…" he said quietly while stroking her hair, hugging her more tightly, his voice slightly broken with emotion. "I love you so much…"

Despite all they had been through, Yuna suddenly realized that this was the first time he had actually said the words to her. He had always been so defensive considering how she had treated him at the beginning of the relationship. But now, it was out there. He had officially broken the last thin barrier to his heart and exposed his vulnerability to her completely and without regret.

It was done. They were linked. The first of what was to be several enticing steps to the rest of their lives together. Even if that consisted of just a few more weeks.

"I know" she replied delicately, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I know…"

Just in case the moment was not memorable enough, a deafening **BOOM** tore their attention to the sky, where another fireworks display began. Blue, pink, green, red, yellow…the stars were overwhelmed by the majestic array of colors that bathed the plains with a rainbow glow, following the music which had been changed once again to one with a rapid beat. Rikku's silhouette ahead was jumping up and down manically with the song, screaming in glee every time a fire work exploded.

"Happy Birthday Yuna…" Tidus said, wrapping his arms around her from behind, and planting a kiss on her cheek. "I hope you liked it…"

"It's…its more than I deserve…" she whispered to the night, hastily wiping away the few stray tears that made their way down her cheek. Now was not a time to cry. Now was a time to pray. Pray to whichever god was indeed in charge of her destiny, and give thanks for all bestowed upon her: Friends who would die for her, Family to share secrets, a Love of remarkable beauty and kindness…and fireworks.

Both literally in the sky, and figuratively in her heart.

It was magic.

* * *

The party had long since died, everyone having either passed out on the picnic benches (Rikku namely) or was resting in their sleeping bags on the lawn. Lulu had eventually come to retrieve Yuna, insisting that the 'women' be allowed at least one night of comfortable sleep, before ushering her away to the back tent to join her. 

Tidus couldn't sleep.

He was itching to do something, anything…yet he had no idea what. He had to get some rest, it was already 4 am and Lulu would surely want to get an early start. But…something…something was calling to him.

Not really knowing why, Tidus flung off the cover of his sleeping back and stood up.

Something was luring him. It was tempting him. Dictating his every move.

The storage shed…

He headed towards it, easily picking the lock before easing the heavy doors open.

It was relatively vacant, especially considering it had recently been emptied of both the speakers and the heavy Yevon banners a few hours before. In one corner stood a pile of boxes labeled indecipherably in Al Bhed, a hat stand leaned against the back wall, large bottles of water lined the shelves on right and left and…slightly obscured from view by the boxes…was the item of interest.

Without exactly knowing why, Tidus headed towards it, violently throwing everything out of his path towards his goal.

Soon enough he arrived…It was a piano.

A dirty, dust covered piano.

This was what had drawn him?

His hands hovered above the keys, lingering on certain ones. Remembering.

Remembering what? That he had yet to interpret. He had never once touched a piano in his life. Blitzball and video games had been his hobbies as a young boy. Like his parents would ever care enough to send him to classes outside of regular school…and yet….

He brought a rusty stool from nearby toward him and sat in front of the ancient instrument. Pondering. Deep in thought.

He touched one key. Then another. The sound was enticing. Loud and rich. Even though it was slightly out of tune.

He tried a few more, slowly at first, without any distinct melody to it. But then it grew more complex. His feet found the petals and pressed them in synchronization with certain keys to either cut short, or prolong a note. His fingers were working furiously now, traveling up and down the board at a dizzying pace.

As much as he tried to convince himself that this was normal, that he was just messing around, the composition was too distinctly a song. A difficult one at that. He had to work the petals almost as much as the keys, sometime his arms crossed over each other as the only way to keep up with the pace of whatever he was playing.

He felt…intoxicated as he played.

He felt passionate.

He felt angry…

_'You killed her…'_ a voice kept repeating in his head. He played more furiously, venting his rage on the ivory keys. _'But it wasn't only your fault. It was theirs…everyone. The millions of people who started this war…it was their fault she died.'_

The song's tempo grew more ferocious as he practically bashed the keys with his fingers, barely noticing when he almost ripped off a nail. He couldn't have stopped then even if he wanted to. The show must go on…he needed to reach the end.

'_Avenge her death. Avenge your death.' _The voice told him.He felt himself nod in agreement. _'Redeem your mistakes. Kill them…kill them all.'_

"Tidus?"

He fumbled his song and pressed too many keys at once, the brash noise finally pulling him out of his reverie. Turning around, he met Auron's eyes. He was standing in the doorway with a candle in hand, looking a tad stern at being woken up, but also a tad alarmed at the discovery of who was making such a racket.

"I…I'm sorry." Tidus stuttered, removing himself from the rusty stool with such haste that he knocked it over. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Auron coughed, giving him a brief nod to acknowledge his apology. The issue disturbing him had obviously nothing to do with disrupting his sleep.

"I'll…I'll go now." Tidus tried to make it past the threshold without another word, but Auron caught him by the shoulder on the way out, holding him back firmly.

"Since when do _you_ play the piano?" he asked in disbelief, never having been one to let his curiosity go unsatisfied, especially since the man seemed to know everything.

"I had lessons…when I was young" Tidus lied unconvincingly, his tone a little unsteady.

"No you didn't." he stated factually. This caused Tidus the clench his fists in anger.

"You don't know that! Believe it or not there was a whole eight years before you met me ya know?"

"Jecht would have said something."

"Pft….your insinuating he was an actual _father_." Tidus said with contempt, thinking the conversation over as he stepped out onto the lawn. Auron followed him.

"Jecht being a good father has nothing to do with it. You heard yourself. Talent like that doesn't get overlooked by anybody."

"You're underestimating the power of his ignorance towards me."

"You were all he talked about."

_'Yeah right…'_ he choose to remain silent, increasing his pace as he headed towards his bed. Auron followed closely and relentlessly.

"Just tell me where you learnt to play that song Tidus?"

"Why do you care?"

The old guardian paused then, staring off into the distance while contemplating his answer. "I have my reasons…or rather, my concerns lets say."

"Yeah well, I have my reasons too. Goodnight." And with that as his final word, his rolled into his sleeping back and turned away from Auron who, respectfully, choose to drop the subject and settle into his own bed.

Tidus hadn't meant to be so harsh, but what _could_ he have said? That he was just 'messing' with the piano…that he had, in fact, never touched one in his life? And what did it matter what song he played? It hadn't been a 'song' really…just his fiddling around with the keys. Why did it matter so much?

'_Whatever' _he thought while yawning. He closed his eyes, finally feeling a bit drowsy after satisfying his irritating curiosity. The night was over with, those nagging 'flashbacks' had stopped for the time being and his marriage to Yuna was on the impending horizon…soon, all would be perfect.

And with that happy event to look forward too, Tidus fell into the best sleep he had ever had…while Auron sat up in his bed, staring at his 'step'-sons resting form. Not daring to believe that what he thought could happen, was indeed happening.

Bodies, spirits, souls, dreams…it was all so complicated. Anything could happen at the end.

And something, indeed, was already starting.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **I DON'T LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS. An important point to press lol. I just thought 'Me Against the music' was an ironic title considering the music killing those in the den of woe and the music driving you to dance in Yuna's case. Long chapter yes, but I REFUSED to split it again. 

The birthday is finally over with WOOHOO haha! So I'm gonna drop to X2 references soon for, as mentioned earlier, that is for another story I'm planning which I'm just setting up now :P. I thought adding a little of 'young Paine' would help explain her character later on. So, hope you liked it. Pure fluff and wedding stuff in the upcoming chapters! Look forward to writing it as much as, I hope, you look forward to reading it.

Thanks to all my veteran reviewers. It's for you all that I continue this. Keep it up!

_Random extra Note_: 'Den of Woe' Scene? It's what I gather happened when putting together the vague information X2 present you with through Paine's stories and the crimson sphere recordings. Basically, we know for sure that there was a trail for 'the crimson squad' candidates in that unexplored cave. We know Shuyin didn't die right after being shot in front of Vegnagun and that his spirit wanders around that cave a whole lot afterwards.We know that something happened which led to all the other candidates being killed. We know that Paine's group was the only one that got out alive and we also know that Shuyin's spirit possesses them afterwards.I put all this information together to the best of my abilities to invent this scene of what I thought could have happened. Also, some of you may have noticed, that the movie sphere Paine found is the one Kimahri later finds in the mountains, gives to Rikku and shows Yuna…I have a reason for that, all to be explained at a later date.


	11. Committed

'_Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.' _

**--Zsa Zsa Gabor**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 11 …_Committed_ …**

_"Yuna…" he whispered finally, breaking the precious silence. He took her hands within his, pressing his lips to them desperately. "My beautiful Yuna…It's only you…you know that right? It has always been only you…"_

_"I…I know" she answered softly … "Only Me"_

…

The next three weeks were no less difficult that the previous two, except this time, instead of relentlessly trying to fend of Tidus' attempts, Yuna was now craving them. She had at last decided to cast her paranoia aside and was more than willing to indulge his former dangerous though tempting advances in the pursuit of greater happiness. She wanted to be with him in every sense of the word (except for _all_ the way of course; that was to be saved for…later) and while keeping within the boundaries of their agreement, she knew that several other alternatives existed. Next time they were alone, she would make _sure_ something happened.

She had a plan. She was determined. She shuddered with an overwhelming amount of horrific anxiety whenever it even came to mind but still…it was _going_ to happen. It had to happen. No matter how scared she was now, she knew that Tidus had some supernatural power over her body. She knew that once he fixed her with that stare of his all would be right in the world and she would not only become comfortable with the idea, but feel as though she _needed_ it.

All he had to do was look at her. One touch was all she needed and that would be it. It would begin…she couldn't wait.

However, now of course, was the time when he decided to **stop trying**. He no longer insisted on accompanying her for her 'alone time', his secret kisses behind the others' backs had disappeared cold turkey, as did his midnight crawling into her sleeping bag if on for a few minutes of silent, innocent hand holding. _Everything_. He didn't even look at her anymore.

Fate was surely having a good laugh at her expense and she had never felt so frustrated in her life.

Besides her immoral disappointments, Yuna's feelings were redeemed by the fact that at least their plan was working. Both she and Tidus were purposely lagging behind enough in their training that Lulu insisted on prolonging their time in the Calm Lands in order to strengthen before Gagazet, saying that Tidus' endurance was so weak that she wouldn't put it past him to be KO'd for half the journey up the mountain. And like hell was she carrying him. If he got hit, he'd be left in the snow to freeze to death. "Maybe some blotchy frost bitten skin would be good for his maddening narcissism" she had said with an eye roll, glaring at Tidus across the camp who had once again, forcefully, ended up in Wakka's clothing after a fiend tore up his buckles and shirt. He hid in a corner close to tears as Lulu, of course, got stuck with the mending job. Yuna couldn't tell who she felt sorrier for.

Either way, Lulu's reaction (though drawn from pure exasperation) couldn't have been more perfect. She insisted they stay another 2 weeks to train. Right until September 4th. It was almost too good to be true.

The jig was up. He could stop pretending now. But still, Tidus seemed preoccupied during battles. She had _thought_ he was purposefully lagging but after a week of constant misses, fumbles and taking hits, she honestly wasn't so sure anymore.

She remembered that night on her birthday as they danced … when he had suddenly clutched his head in agony and begged for invisible demons to be released from his conscience. It was still happening. She had tried to ignore it but soon it was too obvious to overlook. Every once in a while he would flinch, miss an extremely easy target and ask to be exchanged from the battle party in order to rest. He didn't scream or cry like he had that specific night, but it still looked like it hurt. That led her to wonder whether he was indeed following their pre-determined arrangement, or was so distracted that he was truly loosing his touch. The few minutes they had had the chance to talk before Lulu came to fetch her, he had still refused to admit anything and the curiosity and fear still burned in her heart as fiercely as it had that night as she watched him whimper on the Inn's bench.

What was he seeing?

What was happening to him?

And most importantly…How had it altered things between them?

These thoughts haunted her every waking second for the next eight days as they weaved their way through the Calm Lands, returning to the Inn every fourth day to re-stock potions and other general supplies. She had tried to get him alone several times, but a joint effort of both Lulu, unable to contain her anal guardian instincts, and Tidus himself (now obviously avoiding her) made any sort of interview impossible.

That week had been the most restless and agitated she had ever felt in her life. She soon gave up trying to talk to him and chose to merely watch and wait for him to make some sign that he still cared…some inkling that he still wanted her.

She wanted to talk with him so badly if only to apologize, maybe ask a few question. Whatever it took, she wanted more than anything in the world was to please him…to make him happy. She looked back on the night of her birthday and listed everything she had done that may have led him to act this way. The dress sphere maybe? The drinking?...the 'birthday present'?

Yuna cringed every time she thought about that specific endeavor.

Was that it? The 'episodes' had, after all, started right after he woke up.

She had only wanted him to _feel good_. She had wanted to 'reward' him in a sense for being so patient. And, of course, there was also the somewhat selfish reason of wanting to satisfy curiosity. Maybe she had done it wrong…**really** wrong in fact, for he had passed out and that couldn't have been normal. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about it after. And now it was too late and awkward. That must have been it then. He was simply scared of her now…

From the moment she conjured the reason, all her spare time was spent wallowing in anguish, cursing herself for being so stupid that night in the tent. The eighth day passed and still no word, so she could do nothing but give up all hope. She had made a life-altering mistake on her 18th birthday. She had exposed herself to him. And now he didn't want her anymore. She couldn't blame him...who in their right mind, after all, would want to marry her? A doomed summoner with more emotional baggage than seven guardians could carry.

She glanced over at him across the table at the Inn one night, gazing longingly as he laughed exuberantly over something Lulu said, purposely avoiding her eyes, and all of a sudden she knew…

Maybe it wasn't official (she doubted he would ever leave her hanging like that) but his actions told her that his heart wasn't really in it anymore. Now the upcoming marriage was simply fulfilling an obligation to humor a dying young friend.

'_No.' _she thought as she clenched her fists under the table.

She wouldn't let him do this out of simple 'duty'. She refused to be someone's charity case. If he didn't want her to be his wife, completely and forever, then she wouldn't be. However, if that were the case…

Could it be that after such a short time…it was over?

She felt like she was about to faint. She was seconds from bursting into tears, flipping over the table and calling Ifrit to engulf her in flame before she would be forced to endure another millisecond of pain…but no. That would be childish. Instead she bit her tongue so hard she drew blood.

They had made a deal. A promise.

_'No matter what happens, whether successful or a complete disaster, the others must never know.'_

And she would honor that vow, placed to ensure the comfort of her friends and family. She had to suffer in silence.

"Excuse me" she had murmured to the group in a strained voice, abruptly leaving the table with such haste that she knocked over the stool she had been sitting on. She ran then, before she could even hear to first of the many exclamations of surprise from the party, and the hot tears spilled down her cheeks before she barely had time to turn away and hide them. Her knees gave way just as she turned the corner around the back of one of the Inn's many tents…and there she final let loose the anguish these past few days had caused her.

She wanted to scream but logic prevented her from doing so, knowing very well that everyone would rush to her side in a fruitless attempt to ward away her demons and rescue her from the pain. But there was nothing anyone could do. If Tidus had chosen to come to his senses, realizing that their plans went above and beyond what would typically be described as 'insane', she couldn't blame him.

Instead she chose to beat her fists pathetically against the ground and muffle her desperate weeping by burying her face in her hands, trying oh so frantically to keep at bay the tsunami of emotions from hitting her with such violent furry that she would certainly drown her in the sea of her own grief.

'_Its better this way…'_ her brain prompted, but inside her heart was clenching painfully in resistance to common sense.

Of course it was better this way. Tidus may be able to move on after her death without the 'widow' attachment to drag him down. She wouldn't be as distracted during the final battles, constantly contemplating what life would be like if she simply gave up. His ignorance was all within reason. And she truly believed he did indeed love her. He loved her enough to endure a tumultuous amount of pain himself so that she could be a tad more comfortable with the idea of death.

'_But then why did he bother with the charade for so long?'_ she asked herself, feeling anger begin to boil despite everything. _'Why didn't he say anything?'_

Yuna hugged herself closely and began to rock, trying to rid her mind of the many traitorous thoughts that involuntary began surfacing in her mind. The panic and anger began to rise in her throat, constricting her air pipe and blurry her vision as her insecurities slowly gained control of not only her mind, but her body as well. She rocked herself faster, arms squeezing each other painfully, barely bothering to fight off what she knew was about to be another attack. She was more than willingly to welcome unconsciousness with open arms.

But then…The angel of mercy came down upon her in the most un-expected of forms…

"Yuna?" a kind, strange voice said, followed by a gentle hand being placed on her shoulder. She dared to pull herself out of her impending suicide for just a second more, curiosity getting the better of her as she glanced up at the intruder. And her eyes opened wide.

"F-father Zuke…?"

The ancient priest's face lit up with joy.

"It is you! Oh my dear little Yuna…" his mouth wrinkled in a smile as he leaned forward to kiss her softly on the head, stroking her shoulder tenderly as he did so, easing her nerves in the process. "It's been a while," he said in his familiar, yet now raspy, comforting voice.

Yuna could only blink, sitting frozen in his embrace with her arms dead at her sides.

It had been years since she last saw him. Six years in fact. He had been the temple summoner in Besaid, determined to follow in Braska's footsteps. He had initiated her instruction, explaining to her that her father's death was something to be proud of. He had made her want to become a summoner. Years ago, he had gone on a pilgrimage with Lulu and Wakka. When the pair of guardians returned without him, they had informed her that Zuke had given up half way through, unable to leave life behind. He became a monk of Yevon as she continued her training and that was the last she had heard of him. What was he doing here of all places?

"Wha….what the hell are you doing here?" she choked out through a tight throat, unable to stop from voicing the primary thought marauding her brain. But upon recognizing how rude her question was phrased, she shook her head and started again. "I, I meant; it's good to see you father." She smiled as widely as she could muster, causing Zuke to chuckle at the forced, unnatural expression.

"But…?" he prompted her, waving his hand as a gesture to continue.

"But," she went on after swallowing "but I can't help but be curious. What has brought you to the Calm Lands?"

Zuke only smiled softly, continually petting her hair as he glanced over his shoulder, checking for unwanted ears. He then leaned in closer and his grin turned playful. "I'm here…because someone summoned me here. They made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Really?" Yuna asked in polite interest, hastily wiping the trails of tears off her cheeks while silently thanking him for not forcing an interrogation. "What kind of offer?"

Zuke frowned, suddenly severe. "It was a strange offer indeed…I didn't know whether to burn the letter in furry at such a bad joke or rush down here as fast as an old man like myself possibly could move. Obviously" he gestured to himself and smirked "I choose the latter". Yuna could do nothing but cringe in confusion. The old priest was being more than a little vague.

"But why? It's almost the celebration of the birth of Yevon. You should remain at the Bevelle temple to prepare, should you not?"

"_Why_ I came is a simple enough question to answer my dear." He plopped down beside her on the ground, his knees cracking with effort as Yuna did her best to steer him down comfortably. He settled down with a slight groan, enticing a wince from his younger counterpart. "I came because," he began in a breathless voice "if there was even just the slightest chance that what that letter said was true; I found it my duty to comply. For it is you, Yuna, who are the only sort of family I have left in this world…"

Yuna's brows furrowed. She was even more baffled than she had been initially. "But what does that mea…"

"Father Zuke?" a third voice interrupted. A young man's voice, low and uncharacteristically serious. Yuna's head whipped up to stare at her ex-lover in awe.

What was he doing here?…and, more importantly, how the hell did he know Zuke?

"Ah, you must be Tidus!" the priest exclaimed, grabbing Yuna's shoulder as a lever to hoist himself back on his feet. The two shook hands, Tidus returning the wide smile with an awkward grin, purposefully avoiding Yuna's perplexed glare.

"I…I didn't think you'd come. I hadn't received a reply and I thought…"

"Nonsense!" Zuke interrupted, seeming genuinely insulted. "I hadn't had time to write, I was already out the door within minutes of receiving your letter. And besides, the Calm Lands postal service isn't exactly one to brag about. I'd have preceded my letter anyway, in person."

"I'm…I'm glad you came." Tidus said with an authentic smile, his face practically beaming. He seemed to be resisting the urge to pick the old man up into his arms and spin him around like in an old romance movie. "This makes everything perfect! I was freaking out for a while that I wouldn't be able to find a priest when Rikku mentioned…"

"Wait!" Yuna interjected, standing up abruptly and placing herself between the two men. She couldn't stand another second of simply watching their casual banter, leaving no hints as to how they had ever come into contact. "Can someone _please_ explain to me what is happening?"

Zuke locked eyes with Tidus. "You mean you didn't tell her?"

Tidus rubbed the back of his neck, his typical nervous habit. "I didn't get a chance. I've been so busy preparing things lately…gathering information, making orders etc… not to mention I didn't want to get her hopes up. For all I knew you could have been dead for five years!"

Zuke scoffed at the insinuation that a 'limber' 'young' man such as himself could ever be in such as state and then turned his attention to Yuna. He grabbed her gently with one hand on each shoulder, his eyes sparkling with emotional admiration. "I heard you were getting married…" Zuke explained softly, causing Yuna to gasp. "That's why I urgently rushed down here, despite the many responsibilities I left in my wake."

"O…oh…" Yuna stuttered awkwardly, feeling herself begin to burn up with dread. How could she even begin to tell him that he had traveled such a length for nothing?

"Tell me then…" Zuke continued relentlessly "is this true?"

Yuna bit her lip, trying to detain the moment. _'I want it to be true…' _

"I…I guess…" she said softly after she had spent the maximum appropriate waiting time under Zuke's exuberant stare. She then dared to turn her head toward Tidus to gauge his reaction …and was immediately thrown of guard by his intent look of _pure_ adoration.

It was only a split second, the first contact they had made in weeks…and yet, with nothing more than a casual wink and a nod, her entire existence was re-affirmed with glorious certainty.

Her face instinctively broke into a beaming smile.

He still loved her, the wedding was still on as scheduled…and he had more surprises up his sleeve yet to come. An invisible weight lifted from her shoulders and the clenching of her heart slowly unraveled all within that single moment.

"Yes." She said more strongly this time, returning her gaze back to Zuke's sparkling eyes. "Yes. I am getting married. And there's no one I could think of who'd I'd rather perform the ceremony than you Father…"

"Oh praise be to Yevon!" he exclaimed excitedly, wrapping Yuna in an extraordinarily tight hug for a man of his age, pulling Tidus in as well so that all three of them were pushed together, the couple struggling for breath. "My little Yuna…married for fayth's sake! It seems like only yesterday you were just a child, tugging at my sleeve begging for sweets."

"That's because the last time you saw me I _was _a child begging for sweets" she reminded with a chuckle, carefully pushing free of the death grip. She took a step back and found herself in Tidus' arms which surrounded her waist, his head snuggling against her hair, making her question how she ever could have survived so many days without this.

It was almost like they were a normal couple announcing their engagement to a friend. It was all too good to be true. And Zuke seemed legitimately, in-explicably, happy for her (though he was perfectly aware of what was to happen at the end of the pilgrimage)…it was still a refreshing, dream-like reaction to the news.

"I've grown up a lot these past few months of my journey" Yuna explained while snuggling deeper into her fiancé's arms "almost a lifetime in fact. And Tidus has grown with me…" she shared a secret smiled with him before returning her attention to Zuke. "You may find it a tad pointless but…"

"Matrimony is never pointless" Zuke interrupted, his tone returning to temple-worthy importance "especially in a situation such as yours, the conformation of love and companionship are emotions that will cling to you in the after life. It's what everyone yearns for whether dead or alive. I understand this better than anyone…and I admire your strength. Perhaps, had I had such determination, maybe **I **could have defeated Sin those few years ago…relieving you of the responsibility…"

Yuna stiffened, awkward as the memories of how ashamed she had felt upon hearing his failure, bubbled slowly to the surface. She couldn't hold him at fault though. Maybe he was right. Perhaps if he had had a companion like Tidus to assure him that he would have a chance to experience _life_ before he died, Zuke could have made it. She was simply lucky. Very lucky.

"Father…" she reluctantly stepped out of the warmth of Tidus' embrace to place a comforting hand on the old man's shoulder, which was beginning to shake with long-suppressed sentiment. "It wasn't you faul…"

"ZUKE?" all three of their head swiveled up as Wakka, Lulu, Auron, Rikku and Kimahri strode into view, each of them having been curious to see what the commotion was or, in Lulu's case, untrusting of Tidus' coincidental leave to use to washroom just after Yuna had fled. Thankfully, Tidus' obvious lie was completely swept from her mind the moment she laid eyes on the scene before her.

Yuna focused on Lulu and Wakka's expressions. They seemed equally, if not more so, shocked than she had been, their mouths hanging open obscenely wide as they stared, dumfounded, at the man who they had once promised to follow to the ends of the earth and had then abandoned them in this very same barren land . Yuna then observed the rest of the group, taking in each of their reactions to this sudden guest appearance. Kimahri was indifferent as usual, Rikku gave only a mild interest and kept chewing on a chicken leg she had brought, Auron sipped his wine with his brows furrowed in vague confusion and Tidus…

Tidus was smiling of course…

"Ss….surprise!" Zuke said lamely, wanting only to break the hideous silence that fell over the group.

Wakka and Lulu remained petrified.

Zuke cleared his throat and took a daring step forward. "I was in the area. So, I decided to visit…" he explained.

Wakka took a few moments to collect himself, shaking his head and blinking multiple times in order to assure himself that he wasn't dreaming. "Zuke?...is…is that really you?"

The priest nodded.

Wakka's face suddenly broke into a huge grin as he stampeded his way toward his ex-summoner, engulfing the small old man into his beefy chest. "It's been ages brudda! Where you been all this time?"

"He's been practicing in the temple of Bevelle." Yuna explained, feeling in-expressibly relieved that no one got into a fight nor questioned his appearance. The group headed back to the table, Zuke pinned by Wakka's heavy arm slung over his shoulder.

Yuna shuffled over to make space for the old priest on the bench, all the while bombarding him with questions as to how he of all people ended up in such a remote district, pretending to be oblivious as to the reason for his arrival. Lulu soon couldn't help but follow Wakka's lead and found herself asking question after question regarding the ex-summoner's whereabouts.

Tidus, however, simply leaned back in her chair, sipped his wine and relaxed, keeping his distance as usual. But Yuna didn't care anymore…even as he got into a playful tickling fight with Rikku later in the night.

_'Two more weeks'_…she reminded herself, as she mentally showered Zuke with unadulterated affection for having raised her spirits beyond incomprehensible levels with his mere existence. For he was proof of the extravagant heights Tidus was willing to go to for her simple happiness.

Zuke stayed for dinner, announced that he was visiting the area for a while as a sort of unofficial pilgrimage and Tidus, finally, dropped his ignorant demeanor.

That night he re-animated his subtle gestures, strategically placed at the moments when she began to doubt. And as they wandered the Calm Lands it was the little things that kept her going, keeping her concentration on the annoyingly menial task of pretending to be at a lower level than she indeed was.

A smile, a brushing of the hands, a comment said generally but aimed towards her between the lines...all signs that he did indeed love her – They would still meet tonight at the Travel Agency – They would still be joined…

_'Two more weeks…' _she told herself that night at the picnic table…

_'One more week' _she said later, as their eyes met across the campfire.

She counted the items in her purse one last time before tying leather strings in a final knot, clutching it to her chest in an attempt to ease her rapidly beating heart. '_Two more minutes…'_

* * *

_'Now'_…Tidus squirmed as slowly as he could out from under Wakka's heavy arm which every night, without fail, managed to fumble around in the dark and secure his teammate in a tight embrace. During the start of the pilgrimage, Tidus had initially freaked out while flinging the heavy limb off of him the moment it laid the slightest amount of pressure, waking the entire camp in the process.

He had since given up hope and grown accustomed to the awkward midnight sleep-hugs from his fellow guardian, despite the strong urge he had to shower upon waking. But switching places with Auron had inspired an even worse reaction, which resulted in BOTH of them almost losing their heads to the blade Auron kept under his pillow. The old guardian's instincts were way too erratic to be trusted, and Tidus didn't dare to believe that they would be so lucky a second time…and thus, his current problem.

_"Get off me ya big beffy idiot!" _he whispered harshly to the comatose blitzball player, who only snored louder in response.

"Shh…" someone whispered from above him. A soft, gentle voice. Yuna of course. Waiting for him.

She was leaning over his horizontal form, hands clapped behind her back. He looked up at her and smiled.

She smiled in return.

Their mutual gaze lingered for a while longer in comfortable silence, simply staring in each other's eyes while mentally asking all the necessary questions before they departed.

'_We're really doing this…'_ her eyes seemed say.

Tidus nodded and his expression took on a hint of seriousness._ 'Only if you are sure' _he meant. Soon, there would be no turning back.

Yuna leaned down and slowly took Wakka's hairy arm in her delicate hands. Tidus' eyes widened in fear but she only shushed him again. As gingerly as if she were carrying a live bomb, she lifted her guardian's arms off his chest (letting him finally breathe at a normal rate) and placed it back at his side. Tidus was free at last.

He sat up quietly, yet couldn't help but crinkle his sleeping bag loudly with his impatience to untangle himself. Before Yuna had a chance to shush him again, she heard Lulu, over near her bed, groan and roll over. Her heart stopped beating for a couple of seconds as she held her breath, trying to figure out a way she could dive the 10 feet to her bed and under the covers without out making any noise before Lulu opened her eyes.

But Tidus was up, had her by the hand and was running away before she even had a chance to react.

"Tidus!" she hissed angrily as soon as she had come to her senses and they were far away enough to whisper without being heard. "Are you nuts! Lulu was awake! She just turned and looked me straight in the eye I swea…"

"Don't worry." Tidus assured her in an unwavering _normal volumed_ voice.

"Be quiet!" she hissed again, desperate. He was ruining everything!

He laughed and stopped suddenly, whipping her around into his arms and turned toward the camp which now lay a mere forty feet behind them, the fire's glow still bright in their eyes.

"**Hey Lulu**!" Tidus yelled into the darkness, a tint of humor in his voice as he watched Yuna visibly blanch.

"Shut up!"

"**Lulu, ALL of you, I'm in love with Yuna**!" he announced proudly to the silent plain, ignoring his fiancée's desperate attempts to cover his mouth. "I'm going to marry her! Now in fact! And there's nothing you can do about it! HA HA!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOI…?" but she was cut off as he pressed his lips fiercely onto her, his passion having ignited in the furious excitement of the night having finally arrived. But Yuna was all too scared of the mob about to ram them down to enjoy the kiss...well, maybe a little…who could not enjoy a kiss from Tidus? Especially after so long of not even touching.

She kept her eyes glued to the camp for a few seconds, waiting for the bustling shadows to emerge and begin their hunt brandishing swords and pitchforks, but before she knew it, her eyelids grew a mind of their own and fluttered closed, engulfed in the heat of the completely insane yet the very exciting Tidus.

"You're" she spat out between lip locks "nuts! They're" he pressed himself firmly against her, wrapping his arms around her back "gonna" another peck "kill you!"

Tidus only snickered as he lifted her off the ground and spun her around in his arms, making her scream with glee and/or fright at the revelation that he had indeed lost his mind.

"**We're getting married**!" he screamed again, finally stopping the spinning but not letting her feet touch the ground as he held her close. "Isn't that all that matters right now?"

"Not if they kill you before we get to the Inn!" she tried to sound serious, but somehow, being this close to him, hearing his ecstatic exclamations, made it impossible to stop smiling, despite the somewhat dangerous situation they were in.

"Don't worry" he said after placing her back on solid ground. "I put a sleep draught in the soup tonight. Ha ha!" he giggled maliciously as he untangled himself from their embrace, grossly amused by the look of pure horror on her face.

"You _poisoned_ my guardians?" she accused in a surprisingly harsh tone, unable to believe that he had stooped to such a level. That explained why he had been so cocky about screaming his confessions to the mountain tops. Only an esuna spell or an attack would wake any of them up now. And she had been tossing and turning ALL night, constantly fearful of any restless-ness among the group.

He could have bothered to inform her. Not to mention, she was now being wracked with guilt over the idea that she had not only lied to her guardians, but now had forced _opium_ down their throats as well! If they ever found out…

"Poisoned is such a strong word" Tidus insisted through a steadfast grin. "I prefer to think of my actions are beneficiary to all parties. Not only to we get away without fear of them waking up and freaking out about our absence, but they also are allowed a goodnight's sleep no matter how rough a patch they're sleeping on. Everybody wins!"

"Still…you could have said something…" she contended quietly. She had never been so scared in her life while waiting at the camp, literally moving one millimeter at a time so as not to disturb anyone. The knowledge that only a firm kick in the ribs could wake Lulu would have made the night a lot less stressful.

"It was a last minute idea I swear!" he claimed, though it was hard to take him seriously while that wide smile was plastered on his face. "If I had had the chance to tell you I would of, I promise."

Yuna crossed her arms over her chest and remained skeptical. He just looked so goofy she couldn't help but think she had been purposefully left in the dark so that he could pull this joke on her. "Say that without smiling, and maybe I'll believe you."

"Of course" he took a step back from her so that she could see his face clearly and tried his best to sober his expression. His mouth contorted oddly into a thin tight line, which shook with effort as the edges kept creeping up. He cleared his throat and tried again, planting his feet apart in a defensive stance, his hands clenched at his sides…but no matter how hard he tried, his face refused to remain severe. Within two seconds, the edges just curled up on their own accord, forming a bright, wide grin despite himself.

"I can't!" he said through giggles, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. "I can't stop smiling!

"So you admit it!"

"No, no!" he shook his head swiftly. "I'm just so happy, can't you see? It has nothing to do with not telling you. Please don't be mad?"

Yuna too was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a straight face. Though she wanted to teach him a lesson, show him early on that he couldn't keep doing things like that without discussing it with her first; she to felt her lips involuntarily bend upwards into a stupid grin which she immediately tried to cover with her hand.

He was right, how could she keep from smiling with tonight being the night that it was. She let her hand drop with a sigh and matched his excited expression of longing soon to be satisfied.

She was sure to have plenty of time to lecture him afterwards. After all, once this ceremony was complete, it was Yevon law that the marriage be _consummated_ within 24 hours. And who was she to argue with Yevon law?

"I'm not mad…" she admitted quietly while closing that gap between them and burying her face in his warm chest. "Just please _tell me_ before you do something like this again? I almost had a heart attack!"

"I promise," he began while wrapping his arms around her back "I promise I will never drug all your guardians without first asking your permission. Forgive me?"

Yuna let out an exasperated sigh. Like this exact situation would ever happen again. Drugging everybody hadn't been the point; not telling her that he was drugging everybody was the point!

"Never do anything _that_ insane without first consulting me! That's the deal." She re-worded, glaring at him in annoyed manner as he rolled his eyes.

"Potato Patahtoe, you're covering quite a large area with your phrasing there."

"I mean it Tidus!"

"Fine fine" he sighed and let go of her back, grabbing her hand as he once again began the march towards the Travel Agency's lights. "So there's to be NO surprises in our married life together. I'll just double check with you whenever I want to steal you away in the middle of the night for a secret rendezvous. Alrighty. If that's what you want."

"Yes, yes that's what I want."

Yuna trailed behind him and began to think. Was that what she really wanted? A boring, non-shocker relationship? Tidus, obviously, thrived on spoiling her. And she had no reason to complain so far…maybe, it wasn't such a big deal after all.

"Well…perhaps you don't have to be 100 percent 'honest'." She admitted quietly. Though she couldn't see his face, she could practically feel him internally dancing in victory. "I…I do like when you surprise me." She was thinking specifically of that night in the Inn's tent, when he had _almost, _but not quite, touched her…what stopped him was the fact that they were not married yet. After tonight, would he still hold back? Knowing him, he was probably planning something…the question was; did she want to know, or would she rather be surprised?

Was he even planning anything at all? She wanted some warning if _that_ were indeed to happen tonight. She needed time, lots and lots of time, to mentally prepare herself.

But how to ask…?

"Tidus?"

"Hmm?" he mumbled distractedly, his concentration focused on keeping an eye out for fiends. Though Yuna's guard bangle was equipped and ready, he didn't dare rest Yuna's safety and his entire future on a tiny, decorative piece of metal.

Yuna blushed, her mind working furiously to come up with the right words. "You do know…about the rules of a legal ceremony right?"

He shrugged slightly, slowing his steps so that he walked beside her now in stead of in front, their hands still linked. "Zuke sorta filled me in. He said all I have to do is pretty much repeat after him. Seemed easy enough. We didn't have time for a real in depth conversation. I guess I'll learn more tonight huh?" He smiled at her and continued on his way. Sadly, he hadn't answered her question satisfactorily.

"What I meant was," she continued, growing more un-easy with every passing second "do you know about the **rites** to be performed?" She still couldn't bring herself to say it straight out. He was a smart guy, he'd get it.

"The vows, the wine, the blood. I got it, don't worry. What, you think I'm gonna screw it up? I've worked too hard on this." he gave a short chuckle and increased his pace as Yuna sighed in near defeat. To correct her previous statement: she decided Tidus was as oblivious as they could get.

"What I meant was _after_. Do you know about that?"

His brows furrowed in confusion "I don't think we'll have time for a reception Yuna…what with only two hired lackeys as guests and all…"

"No! urgg!" she threw his hand away in frustration and began to rub her temples, annoyance was quickly taking reign over her nerves.

"Yuna?" Tidus stopped short to turn and stare at her, legitimately perplexed as to what she was alluding to "What's wron…"

"We're supposed to consummate an exact day following the ceremony! Did no one tell you that?"

"Consummate?" he repeated, with the same clueless look adorning his handsome features. He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Ya know…_consummate_…" There were only so many ways Yuna could say it.

"We have to _what_? Eat?"

"Consum_mate_not consume"she repeated while wringing her hands nervously.

Tidus only shook his head. "I think I'd be obvious by now that I have no idea what that word means Yuna, at least not in the context you're using it."

She opened her mouth to explain, and then snapped it shut again. She just couldn't say it in any other way. It sounded dirty in any other way. She met his eyes and begged him to understand but he merely shrugged, still dense as to what she was getting at. What she wouldn't give for someone else to spell it out for him.

…wait.

"Do you still have those Al Bhed primer dictionaries?" she asked. Tidus checked his pockets and nodded.

"Yeah…I wanted to be able to argue a fee with some of the guys I hired once we arrived. They only speak Al Bhed, so I brought the books. Why do you ask?"

He had the dictionaries…thank Yevon!

"Look up the word _'luhcissyda'_ please." The Al Bhed word for what she was referring to. The primer would have an English definition of it. He gave her an odd stare but still pulled out his primer for the letter 'L', flipped a few pages, trailed his finger down the page and began to read a loud.

"Luhcissyda – Consumate : to make a marriage legally complete and fully valid by havi….oh!" he snapped the book shut violently, causing Yuna to wince, and stared ahead into the distance. His shoulders visibly tensed as he seemed to be pondering what the word meant in reference to his current plans. "I…I get it now. Yeah, well, eventually of course…"

Yuna sucked in her breath and bit her lip. He hadn't researched _this_ part of the legalities at all. And she hated to be the one to inform him of the slip up after so many weeks of his meticulous planning to ensure that everything ran perfectly. Still, it was imperative that he know.

"In-In Yevon tradition" she stuttered hesitantly, licking her lips which had suddenly gone very dry "it's meant to be…before the sun rises on the day after the ceremony. About twenty-four hours in our case." She dared to take a step closer to him, just in case he fell over from shock, but his eyes merely widened and he took a deep breath that sounded more like he was annoyed than afraid. The news was obviously a shock, a shock which he wasn't digesting quite well.

"_Twenty-four hours…_" he repeated breathlessly. "That's…that's not very long is it?"

"You…you didn't know?"

"Well, I knew _eventually_ it had to happen but…_twenty four hours_! Sheesh. Aren't people usually tired right after their wedding?" he sat down on a nearby boulder and rested his head in his hands, doing his best to try to think up an alternate arrangement to get around this whole obstacle. He stared toward the distant glow of the agency's lights and sighed.

Yuna's heart tightened as she watched him wrack his brain, trying to alter his carefully refined plans to include this new hindrance. He had wanted so badly for this night to be special. To be _perfect_ in fact. And she knew that this 'consummation' hadn't actually been part of the picture yet. He was so bent on the actual ceremony, that making love had completely slipped his mind. She didn't know whether to be appreciative that he definitely wanted to be with her for more than just her body, or be a tad disappointed that he hadn't included her true desires on his list of things to be done tonight.

"We…we don't have to you know?" she explained while taking a gentle seat next to him. "It's just another stupid formality. I don't even believe in Yevon anymore…so, why should I bother going through all these dumb restrictions."

"It's just…I wanted _that_ to be separate you know? Special in its own way…"

"I know" she insisted, meeting his clear blue eyes and cupping his soft cheek in her palm. "I'm sorry I mentioned it. Later is better…I to want it to be special too. And we don't want to overload ourselves in one night. Separate is better now that I think about it."

That was a complete lie. At this point, she didn't care when, where or how it happened. She just wanted it to happen! They had gotten so close recently, and though her nerves had never completely subsided, she was at least certain that she wouldn't try to stop him should he dare to try. But, in order for that to happen, in order for the fear to be drained completely, he had to TRY…and lately, she hadn't gotten so much as a _deepened, open-mouth_ kiss as of recently. He had horrible timing in deciding to become a ruthless gentleman.

Nevertheless, what came above all else, was Tidus' happiness. And if he wanted to 'regain his honor' in a sense by properly courting, marrying and seducing her slowly in that appropriate order, then she could do nothing but let him.

She would be happy to let him…

So they wouldn't consummate within 24 hours. It was impossible anyway. And it would be so awkward with a time limit hanging over them like that. It was a silly ritual. Why bother?

"But then the marriage won't be legal right?" Tidus said rapidly, his eyes wild with panic. "Wasn't the whole point of all this to make it official? Like, fill out the paper work, fly in a priest, hire witnesses all to have it be wholly and indisputably legal?"

"We'll still do all that legal stuff" she tried to reassure him, however, unable to keep the slight slur of regret from her voice. "As long as it's true in our hearts, what does it matter?"

"Because I want to be yours Yuna!" he yelled in frustration, jumping up suddenly off the boulder before kneeling down in front of her, grasping her hands within his almost painfully. "I want to be yours and you to be mine. I want to complete this pilgrimage with the blissful knowledge that I am joined with you in every sense of the word, from everyone's perspective. I want the _world_ to know about us long after we're dead and gone. I want people, like the Al Bhed to know that you weren't just a robot puppet of Yevon, that you were a tragically beautiful woman and that I loved you with the depths of my soul. I want them to know _our_ story Yuna. Do you understand?"

She sat there, staring into his blazing eyes and adopted a pensive expression. She too did not want to be remembered as the simple 'summoner' Yuna. She wanted to be remembered as a friend, a young woman, a wife, as a human being who knew the pain of sacrifice and yet accepted it fearlessly with the support of her partner, her lover. And Tidus, all his life had been famous for his blitzball talents. His legacy would no longer be in the game, but would be bonded with her after tonight.

They would bring peace to Spira like Yunalesca and Zaon before them. They would be an example of strength and love that pulls you through the toughest of trials. They would be what she and Seymour were meant to be and yet so much more than that. Death would mean nothing as long as they lived in each other's memories…in the world's memories. They would forever be the unfortunate happy couple. Always together, even when summoned on the farplane…like her mother and father.

The afterlife never sounded so perfect.

"I understand," she said softly to his bowed head, running her fingers lightly through his feather soft hair. "I want to be yours in every sense of the word. I want to be with you forever not just in body, not just in spirit, but also in memory. I get it…" His shoulders trembled with hidden grief and Yuna could do nothing but move his head into her lap and hold him gently. His arms wrapped around her waist and held tight, desperately trying to get a hold of his emotions before they moved on.

Tidus took one long sniff to absorb any traces of his little collapse and prepared to re-organize himself. It was getting late. They were off schedule already. Everyone was waiting for them.

"We have to go," both he and Yuna said in unison. He dared to lift his head long enough to meet her eyes, immediately feeling his heartache ease upon seeing a soft smile adorn her lips through his clouded vision. Together, they giggled lightly and helped each other up, dusting off whatever debris the boulder had left on their clothes, before moving on into to night toward the bright Inn's lights, hand in hand.

They walked most of the way in silence but, right before they stepped into the Inn's lawn, Yuna's pulled him back, wanting to get one thing off her chest before they entered the public bustle and impending wedding chaos.

"I was serious you know?" she assured him earnestly. "The consummation thing doesn't have to happen tonight. I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want to do."

Tidus pressed his lips together and bowed his head, shoulder shaking with the great effort it was taking not to laugh. Yuna narrowed her eyes, and couldn't help but feel a bit insulted.

"What's so funny?" she asked, taking a step back and placing her hands on her hips defensively.

"Its…its just amusing to hear a girl saying that, that's all." He pressed his knuckles against his lips, trying vainly to muffle his giggling. Yuna was having a mental struggle as to whether to be offended or amused. Here she was trying her hardest to be sincere, possibly throwing away her dream of legality just to ease his anxiety, and there he was laughing at her. The anger must have shown on her face for he instantly relented.

"Okay okay. I'm sorry!" he tried to appear serious, but the chuckles slipped between his lips involuntarily. Yuna glare became fiercer, her eyes narrowed. "But it's hilarious!"

"No its not! It's sexist!"

Tidus raised his hands in defense at that comment, briskly cutting off his sniggers. "I'm not touching that one so, changing the subject." He took a deep breath and grabbed her by the shoulders, looking deep into her eyes to ensure her that the next topic breached would indeed be sober. "How about this for an idea…we play it by ear?"

"What do you mean?" Yuna cringed.

"Well…we just go with the flow of tonight. See where it takes us."

"So, you want our entire future, the determining factor as to whether our marriage is considered legal in the eyes of the temple, you want to _play it by ear_?"

Yuna liked things succinct and organized, that was no secret. But as determined as she was to keep things fixed in a tight schedule, he was equally determined to prove to her once and for all that not everything could be done by the books. Secretly, he had no intention of letting the legality of their nuptials slip through his fingers, but she need not know that. One of them, at least, should feel the spontaneity.

"I refuse to _schedule_ this Yuna." He responded firmly, hoping she would drop it. "Out of all the insane actions that have brought us here tonight, _that_ would be pushing the limits of ridiculous."

Yuna opened her mouth to protest but her lips were immediately sealed by a forceful kiss. He was only teasing her, that mush she knew. Trying to clear her mind of her carefully chosen arguments she had lined up and to her annoyance…the plan was working. She ached for him so badly that at that moment she would have jumped off the Calm Land gorge's cliff if he had asked her too.

Though his kisses remained respectful considering they were not yet joined, Tidus dared to push it a little further this time, hoping to tempt her a little so that 'going with the flow' may perhaps result in their actual goal. Not because they had to do it, but because they needed to. His shy fingers snuck their way under the white fabric of her blouse and under her obi, simply trailing his warm palm along her abdomen to feel the curves of it…the touch was innocent, restrained and yet explosive. The initial butterflies in her stomach burst into a swarm fluttering within the shell of her entire skin.

It was a…beautiful sensation she felt, no matter how stupid the sentence may seem when spoken aloud. It wasn't just the usual heat she felt whenever he was in her presence, it was mingled with something else. Something magical. Like she was being hit with thunder, float and curaga all at the same time as they stood wrapped in each other's arms under the moonlit sky.

It was a completely corny fairytale setting.

Her little girl's dream.

She pulled away from Tidus' lips and stared at him, forgetting the small previous argument they were having in exchange for the blissful realization that this was indeed happening. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight; his hand was warm on her stomach, shielding her from the chill of the night.

"I'm getting married…" she told him quietly. "We're really getting married". The tingles kept circulating in her skin, accumulating at the spot where his hand rested.

"Yes." He confirmed with a small nod, grinning in wry amusement at her child-like excitement. "We're getting married."

"I'm …really happy. I can't remember ever feeling so…so serene. I never thought this would happen. I never though I'd get a chance to…"

"Don't talk about what can't be done. Never do that."

"But there are so many things…"

"Then do them! Do those things! We'll do them together all the way to Zanarkand. We'll make a list! I know how you love lists…"

Yuna blushed and turned away, regretfully letting his hand slid down from its comfortable resting place. "Well, you know what the number one thing I want to do on that list would be."

"And we will get there…soon…" he grabbed her hand, linked their little fingers together and shook them. "I promise."

Yuna's eyes narrowed as she stared at their hands. "What are you doing?"

"What? You've never made a pinkie swear?"

She shook her head, and Tidus' jaw dropped in mock horror.

"Seriously? Ah well then, let me explain! You can't live life without knowing the pinky swear! Step one; this here, is your pinkie." He held up her own finger to display and stroked it tenderly. "It's the most powerful digit in the galaxy. You have no pinkie, you have no life. You with me so far?"

"Tidus, this is.."

"And so the pinkie swear," he continued on, ignoring her "is making a promise. A promise of all promises that if you dare break, you lose your pinkie. And that's bad. As a five year old it's especially bad…you'll not only be forever scarred as a traitor, but you'll slowly die inside and never have any strength. That's also why, when you first meet someone, the first thing you check is if they still have their pinkies. Cause that means their trustworthy."

Yuna giggled behind her free hand. "Are you serious?"

Tidus smiled and shrugged, while keeping their little fingers linked. "It's still the first thing I check. That may be just because Jecht made it seem so real, with bloody gruesome details and all, that it became a sort of nervous habit. Let me warn you though, it's a bad method of judging character. I have yet to meet any pinkie-less people, even though I've met many who were untrustworthy."

"So you trusted everyone who still had their pinkies? How are you still alive?"

Again, Tidus shrugged. "I honestly have no idea. Let me tell you, I'll be a little more detailed when explaining it to _my_ son."

"You…Your what?" Yuna stiffened and Tidus began mentally kicking himself. That was the mother of all Freudian slips.

'_Where the hell did that come from?'_ he wondered, keeping his eyes glued on their linked tiny fingers. It was all the talk about Jecht that did it. He was reminded of how much he hated the man and how many times, in his earlier years, he had told himself to never be remotely like that kind of father, should he ever get the chance. Only now did it occur to him that it would most likely never happen. He was going to stay with Yuna all the way. And the more time passed, the more obvious it was becoming that staying with her meant dying with her; a fate that didn't seem all that unpleasant in comparison to what it would be like stuck in Spira alone.

"I'msorry" he mumbled quickly to Yuna's hand. "Freudian slip. Moving on."

And yet, the idea wouldn't leave his head. Why did people procreate anyway? To be remembered in the next generation. To have a younger body to care for them in old age. Yuna and he wouldn't need that, obviously. There wasn't any reason…for this misplaced regret…

"Tidus?" Yuna whispered to him, dipping her face low to try to make eye contact with his bowed head. "Do…did you want…"

"I promise," he interrupted, resuscitating the pinkie swear with a new-found, almost eerie calamity "to make you happy. No matter what that entails." He finished with a smile. "And may my pinkies fall off and rot in the snow if I fail."

He didn't want to talk about it, that much was obvious. And upon reflection, she discovered that she too _really_ didn't want to talk about it. That was a dead-end subject that should never again be touched. "I accept your promise." Yuna replied formally. It was a simple promise, loaded with responsibilities and trials. But Yuna believe he could do it. Tidus would keep his pinkies tonight. They shook little fingers on it.

"Good. It's a deal. But for now, lets just…..GAHHH!"

Tidus yelled out in surprise as two firm hands suddenly clapped themselves in front of his face and pulled him backward with an almost inhuman amount of strength.

"**You _idiot_! What the hell do you think you're doing**!" a strong female voice bellowed into his ear.

'_Uh-oh'_

"Tidus!" she heard Yuna shriek from somewhere in front of him. He groped around for her but another pair of hands held him back. He struggled desperately but to no avail.

"Grr! Let go of me!" he screamed at his harassers, but the woman only clamped her hands more tightly over his face.

"Fryd ys E cibbuca du tu fedr res?" a rough male voice asked, the one that currently had a hold on his wrists.

The female clamped to Tidus' face replied "Fa'mm mad res ku cuuh ahuikr. Ra'c zicd paehk y sunuh."

That voice…

Not Lulu…not trained assassins judging by their methods. Not Yevonite soldiers due to the language they were speaking. And, though his Al Bhed skills were still a tad sketchy, he was pretty sure the girl had called him a moron…

"Rikku!" he concluded, blinking beneath the sweaty small hands in confusion. How the hell did she escape the sleeping draught? He had _watched_ her eat it with his own eyes! Had she followed them? Who was her Al Bhed helper? Had she already told the others? Perhaps it wasn't too late, they could still bribe into silence her with cookies and wine...

"You're a real idiot ya know that Tidus?"

He cringed and tried to face her, but the man holding him steady refused to let him move. "Why did you follow me here?"

"I didn't _follow_ you…I was invited dumbass. And everyone knows you shouldn't see the bride before the wedding! What were you thinking, huh? Come on!" she began to tug him with her but Tidus kept his feet planted onto the ground in firm resistance. There were too many loose ends flying about.

"But how…"

"Surprise!" Yuna exclaimed with a giggle.

He hadn't the time to respond before he was carted off by Rikku going god knows where, all the while she continued to chastise him for so bluntly breaking tradition. In the background Yuna could be heard talking with one of the Al Bhed and though he silently cursed her for almost giving him a heart attack, he couldn't help but recognize that it was justice well deserve for his secrecy with the draught.

'_Good one Yuna' _he mentally congratulated with a sick sense of pride.

A wife to keep him on his toes, frustrate the hell out of him, and do it all while remaining the most breath taking creature he had ever set eyes on…what more could a guy want?

In a mere hour, she would be his to cherish forever. That is, if Rikku didn't kill him first…and if his mental demons allowed him to…

* * *

**Author's Notes**:

Confused about Zuke? Yeah, I know that technically in the game he's never even met Yuna…which doesn't make much sense considering Yuna's been living in Besaid for so long and his journey with Lulu and Wakka was three years ago. As explained WAAYY earlier, I noted that the point of this fic was to tie up loose ends and explain things that were either completely ignored or badly acknowledged in the games. So thus, Zuke, the Shuyin flashbacks, the dress sphere etc…all meant to force events into making sense.

As you may have noticed from my slower updates, school and work are INSANE I tell you. I actually wrote the first 'explanation' scene a while ago with the intention of adding more (the actual wedding) but then I realized, not only would I not get around to writing it for a while, but that would AGAIN make the chapter insanely long. May as well leave an entire chapter for the ceremony strictly. I expect to be updating about once every two or three weeks now. Sorry guys, no more weekly. Tis physically impossible with my schedule and anal editing habits (this chapter was re-written 4 times believe it or not :S).

Enjoying it so far? Looking forward to the wedding? Any specifics you think I should include about a 'traditional' Besaidian wedding (I'm completely making it up and am somewhat at a loss of what to do)? Reviews will be loved and cherish for the rest of their lives:D Hope to get some good comments from all of ya. See you all next chapter.


	12. Fortune's Fool

'_Sometimes I find myself making love to my own misfortune.' _

**--Norma O. Abrego **

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 12 …_Fortune's Fool_ …**

"_I promise," he interrupted, resuscitating the pinkie swear with new-found, almost eerie calamity "to make you happy. No matter what that entails." He finished with a smile. "And may my pinkies fall off and rot in the snow if I fail."_

_Yuna grinned broadly and held him close, burying her face into his warm chest. She believed him. Come what may, as long as they were together…she was invincible. _

…

_She watched him dive off the airship's ledge, and with that one, swift motion Yuna saw her entire world crumble before her very eyes. _

_She fell to her knees in agony, clutching a hand to her chest. Her heart felt as if it were breaking…in fact, it was breaking. _

_"Yuna!" they all rushed to her side. She could hear her guardians' foot steps clanking on the metal roof as if in slow motion as they made their way towards her. But she didn't need their help. She would never need anything ever again. _

'You promised'_ she reminded the blank sky in front of her where Tidus' shimmering form had once stood. _'You lied…'

_She felt a sharp pain stab her gut and she doubled over, heaving for breath, fighting down the urge to be sick. Her insides were burning as if they were being ripped apart. Strange hands hoisted her to her feet as demon-like voices harangued her with question after question. _

_But she only felt numb. Nothing mattered anymore. She surrendered to the darkness. _

_A life without him…was hardly a life worth living after all. _

…

* * *

Cid could do nothing but wait. 

He hated waiting…

He hated waiting more than he hated chocobo pie. And that was saying a lot. If someone up there were aiming to torture him, they were indeed succeeding masterfully. Luckily, he had something on hand to take his mind off things.

With a sigh, the old Al Bhed man leaned against the sphere-ocsello finder stationed in the center of the majestic airship's bridge. He then casually scanned the room to confirm that none of his team members were watching before cautiously removing a secret pack of cigarettes from one of the many hidden pockets of his raiding uniform. He glanced about again. The driver was occupied keeping the ship steady, the technician was engulfed in digitally monitoring the team's progress with the Sin sending and everybody else had gone up to the bridge to watch Yuna work her magic. He was safe for the moment.

He brought the so-called cancer-stick gently to his lips, his mouth practically salivating in temptation. But safety first, he scanned the bridge again. No one was paying attention to him. He wanted to scoff in triumph but was too afraid of risking his chances of discovery. If his kids found out he had started up again, he'd never hear the end of it. He took out a lighter and scraped it against his thigh to produce a bright, luscious-looking flame. No reaction from the flight team. Cid smiled.

This was it. It was going to happen. He hadn't tasted the luscious burn of nicotine in over 2 months, having always had _somebody _leaning over his shoulder 24/7 since he picked up his niece, daughter and their troubadour from their failed mission at Zanarkand. He had wanted to do the right thing; he had wanted to help save his niece's life AND vanquish the world of Sin…but after so long stuck in cramped quarters with an Al Bhed hater, a hyper-active blitzball player (with obvious ill-intentions towards his niece), a woman who's temper rivaled Satan, a retired monk who was drinking him out of house and home and, lets not forget, the giant fur ball, he was close to kicking them all out the door mid-flight in exchange for a blessed moment's peace. Tobacco was thicker than blood after all.

The thought of them all just made him seethe in long-suppressed irritation as he eyed his cigarette with new found adoration. There were several recent moments when he would have traded his daughter for one of these.

'_I need this in order to stay sane'_, he rationalized as he carefully brought the flame towards his lips. The desire was so strong at that instant that he was sure, in a way, the cigarette wanted him just as badly in return.

He took his time, savoring the moment…any second now, it would be lit, he would inhale strongly, and all would be right in the world. So close now, the flame's edge collided with the cigarette's tip. He was shaking he was so excited.

But then of course…it wasn't meant to be.

Right before he began to inhale, the loud '_whoosh'_ sound of the automatic doors opening caused him to panic and take a fast, awkward breath. The smoke went down the wrong tube and he promptly began to violently cough, while still being able to sputter out every curse word he could possibly think of.

"POPS!" Cid inwardly cringed at the loud exclamation. Out of all the people to discover him in such a state, his anal-retentive daughter had to be the one. He'd be hearing about this for weeks to come for sure.

"Rikku," he sputtered out through the coughs, stamping out the lighted butt on the metal floor passionately. "I-I…I was just testing to see…"

"Dad help!" he bothered to face her then, expecting a barrage of scolding to hit him full force, but what met his eyes then made a smoking lecture seem appealing in comparison.

"**Yuna**!" he rushed toward the group, all five of which had squeezed through the door frame in an amusing display of body distortion, followed by Brother who was holding back a wave of curious, resident Al Bhed. His niece was cradled in the bulky one's arms, hugging herself tightly, her face drenched with heavy tears. Her breathing was harsh and rapid, cut off now and then by intermitted gasps or small groans.

Cid's cigarette was long since forgotten.

"Over here!" he hollered at the big, red-haired one carrying his niece, gesturing to a small bench built into the right side of the bridge. The group shuffled over to the corner in question as if they were one entity, and Cid had to push the big cat and the dark chick violently out of his path in order to see anything.

"What the hell happened!" he yelled at the surrounding wall of guardians as he furiously bunched up his jacket to place under Yuna's head; not that it did much good since she remained half sitting in a ball, clutching herself. "Did Sin do this?"

"Sin's gone pops!" his daughter corrected mockingly. "Yunie sent him, didn't you see? Or were you too busy trying to sneak a cigarette?"

Cid rolled his eyes. _'Here we go'_

"There are more important things to worry about here! Sheesh…" He knew he couldn't evade the subject forever, but he seriously needed to know what was wrong with his niece. Her groans got louder and her weeping intensified as she began to shake spastically. His sister, bless her soul, would KILL him (or haunt him forever) if he let anything happen to her dear, sweet Yuna.

"Then what happened! What's wrong with her?"

Though his eyes remained glued to Yuna, he could practically feel the group around him shift uneasily and exchange glances. Only then did Cid bother to notice… two members of the original group were missing.

"The dark guy?..." Cid questioned quietly over his shoulder, directing his voice away from the wailing Yuna. The group just shook their heads somberly. "The hyper kid?..." Again, more dark looks and shaken heads.

'_Wow…'_ Cid turned back towards his niece and took her shaking hands within his, hoping to radiate any slight sense of comfort he could possibly provide. Sadly, there was no cure for this kind of suffering - there was no treatment for hopeless grief.

'_Like you haven't been through enough already.'_

"We think…" Wakka began in a whisper, leaning close to the old man's ear "We think she…she liked him. More than liked him perhaps. She's lost many people in her life and every, single time she's handled it with grace and dignity, ya? This one…he was obviously different."

'_Ahhh…So you were in love?' _Cid concluded with a slight smile, squeezing her hand a bit tighter. This revelation was less of a shock to him as it may have been to the other guardians, so long in denial, but he could faintly sense it all through the two months he had spent in the couple's vicinity. As for recovering? Almost everyone in Spira nowadays had lost a loved one and in every case, somehow, people moved on in the end. Yuna was strong. She had been through this multiple times before. They simply needed to let her cry it out for a bit longer.

"What…what do we do?" Rikku asked, jumping up and down behind him while biting her nails, her eyes tearing at the sight of her cousin's curled, quivering form.

"There nothing we can do…" Cid stated matter-of-factly, getting up off his knees to face the group. "She just needs some time to relax. I recommend kicking some residents out to secure a private room for her, maybe a sleeping draught to make the journey easier. Once we're back in Besaid she can take all the time she needs to deal with her grief and th…."

"**TIDUS**!" Yuna suddenly screamed at an inhuman volume, causing the entire population of the airship to jump. The crowd in the doorway began murmuring excitedly and pushed more frantically against Brother's barricade for a chance to see their savior.

"**Get them out of here**!" Cid screamed as he returned his attentions back to Yuna, kneeling before her curled body.

"**E's dnoehk!" **Brother replied as he pushed more forcefully against the crowd.

"**Try harder**!" Cid noted how Yuna's face had become significantly paler and she began sweating profusely, her eyes squeezed shut as if in horrible pain. Not a good sign. He placed a hand on her forehead to confirm she was indeed reaching a dangerous temperature.

"Ti-Tidusss….don't…you can't…don't leave me…." His patient whispered. Her shuddering became more aggressive as she hugged herself tighter in a weak attempt at self-soothing. "My…my lovv... We…we had so much to…to do. Together. Why?...you…you promised…**YOU PROMISED**!" she screamed even louder this time, sitting up abruptly and forcing three of her guardians to push her back down as restraint.

"**_YOU PROOMISSSEED_**!" She began flailing her arms and legs in a sudden child-like tantrum, sending an innocent sphere resting on the table beside her to a cruel fate with the linoleum floor below. "**YOU PROMISED!**" Wakka received a few violent kicks in the ribs before all six of them collaborated to finally, fully restrain her, each taking charge of a separate thrashing limb.

"I thought you said she was fine!" Lulu screamed at Cid, taking a place beside the bench to hold Yuna's hand while using the other to push against her chest to keep her horizontal, staring daggers at the Al Bhed. Yuna continued to scream and struggle with surprising force against the heavy hands pinning her down. Lulu's tried valiantly to shush and clam her, but the young summoner seemed insanely determined to cause a ruckus.

Cid only waved the mage's concerns away as he dodged escaped, violent kicks aimed in his general direction. "She has a fever, she's delirious. It's nothing to worry about. She's been under a lot of stress for the past few YEARS, she's expected to _'lose it' _eventually. She just lost a friend too so give her a break. She needs space. She needs time."

"_She needs time? She needs space_? **HA**! A doctor is what she needs! A _real_ doctor." Yuna's struggling began to dwindle, but Lulu's fear did not ease. She wasn't calming down; she was simply running out of energy. "What if there are mental damages?"

Cid crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the woman with as much abhorrence as he could muster. "The only way MY niece is going to one of those Yevonite butchers is when the Farplane freezes over, ya hear me! She's fine, so drop it!"

"Dad…" Rikku interjected quietly.

"Not now sweetheart. Somebody get me a cloth and hot water. She needs to sweat off this fever!"

Lulu blocked off Cid's path, protectively shielding Yuna from his further interference. "You will **not** touch her until she sees a proper Medicare professional!"

"Pops…"

"Lady, sorry to point this out to you but we're about 3,000 miles from any sort of civilization. **I'm all you've got**! HA! And I WILL be allowed to treat my niece." He shoved her aside and took the prime position hovering above Yuna's face. Her flailing had weakened into a slight twitch of the limbs, however her breathing remained ragged and her skin hot to the touch. Cid brought the edge of his sleeve to his teeth, tore off a thick strip of cloth and began using it to wipe the beads of perspiration from her forehead while muttering under his breath "_Pftt…idiot woman._"

"WHAT did you say?"

"Pops?"

Cid could feel a migraine begin its telltale throb in the center of his skull. Yuna was shuddering more violently, Rikku was tapping annoyingly on his shoulder and the people in the doorway were driving him nuts with their incessant comments! He couldn't concentrate like this…he couldn't help Yuna while in the midst of such chaos.

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THOSE PEOPLE TO SHUT UP!"

In a flash Kimahri was by Brother's side. With one firm shove the doorway was cleared as the crowd all fell backwards onto each other in the hallway, giving Brother finally enough time to seal the airtight door and program it into locking mode.

The bridge was suddenly filled with an unnatural silence, save for Yuna's desperate murmuring about her lost love and her harsh, rapid breathing. Cid let out a long, thankful sigh of relief.

"Finally!" No longer caring who the hell saw, he removed another cigarette from his hidden pack, pressed it to his lips, lit up and sucked with all his might. "Oh sweet god that's good…"

"Dad…?"

"I don't give a damn sweetie."

"Dad?" Rikku continued breathlessly, her tapping on his shoulder became more insistent. "Yuna!…she's…is she…is she supposed to be…**bleeding**?"

"_What_?" He followed his daughter's outstretched finger to the side of his niece's skirt. He hadn't noticed because the fabric was so dark, but as she was now lying down, the stain had spread to the edge of her shirt, dyeing the white bands a deep shade of scarlet. She was still curled up in a ball, but upon this revelation, Cid forced Yuna's arms apart and turned her to face him, enticing a loud cry of pain from her pale lips. The entire front of the skirt was practically soaked in blood, leading almost all the way down to the hem.

"What the…"

"You said she was going to be fine…" Lulu whispered anxiously from beside him, shuffling closer to her adoptive daughter to examine the mess. "What is all this?"

"She must have been stabbed…or at least scrapped deeply at some point." Cid concluded, and began his search for the wound.

"N-nno" Wakka assured in a shaky voice "She never even got near a battle! She was perfectly fine!"

"Well she's obviously not fine dumbass!" Cid corrected as he continued his frantic search for some sort of gash, so far fruitless. "People don't just spontaneously hemorrhage, believe it or not."

"I…I carried her real gentle." Wakka insisted, his tone suggesting that he was on the brink of tears. "She collapsed after Tidus jumped. She was sad but other than that she was fine. I swear she was fine! Oh Yuna…"

As if to purposefully reject Wakka statement, Yuna was suddenly brought to life, eyes wide and wild, scanning the room with deep, frantic breaths.

"Yuna!" All six of them exclaimed in unison, diving to her side…only to immediately jump back when the graceful summoner flung herself over the edge of the bench and began to be violently sick.

"_EWW_!" Rikku couldn't help but cry out, jumping onto the bench behind her to avoid splatter on her boots. .

After the initial disgust wore off, Cid began to panic. There was blood in her vomit too. Definitely not a good sign…

"This…this can't be normal!" Rikku concluded as she urgently tried to hold back her cousin's hair as she continued to be ill.

"_Tidus_…" Yuna would murmur between heaves, fresh tears continuing their driven paths down her cheeks. "_You prom…you promise …_" she was interrupted by throwing up again.

"DO SOMETHING!" Lulu yelled at Cid, who had simply been standing there for a minute straight, contemplating the growing puddle of vomit gathering at his feet.

"She won't stop bleeding…" Wakka observed, as the stain on her white shirt began to steadily grow.

"She's dying!" Lulu concluded in panic, falling to her knees regardless of the mess and holding Yuna's feverishly, trembling form close. "Oh fayth…please don't take her!"

Cid didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was wrong. She wasn't hurt, she wasn't diseased…there was absolutely no evident medical reason for her condition. None that he could see or cure anyway. Never had the man ever felt so helpless in his life. He was supposed to be a leader, a God among the Al Bhed, capable of anything flung his way. It figures, the one time he was stumped, his own family's life hung in the balance…it was time to swallow pride.

"Buddy?" he screamed toward to driver, who was watching the scene unravel with a disgusted sort of reverence. "How long will it take us to get to that Yevon hospital…that one in Luca?"

"The Zaon Memorial? About 7 hours sir."

"SEVEN HOURS!" Wakka exclaimed in protest. "We don't have seven hours! She needs help now!"

"Look, if _I_ can't figure out what's wrong with her, chances are no rinky-dink so-called physician anywhere near here will be able to either. That hospital is the best in Spira, apparently, and I'd rather head straight there than waste valuable time with amateurs. Understand?"

The entire group said nothing. Truth be told, every one of them was at a loss for any suggestion that may help Yuna's condition. The only thing to do, the only thing they _could_ do, was accept the single proposed idea.

Interpreting their silence as consent, Cid turned back to Buddy. "Set a course then…coordinates X4349 and Y36…"

"YUNA!" Lulu shrieked in interruption, shaking the now completely limp girl in her arms. The summoner's form was no longer heaving, crying, nor in fact moving at all. She had lost consciousness. Lack of blood. Lack of energy. Lack of sustenance. Lack of everything needed to keep her alive. Cid felt the blood leave his face and an odd numb sensation settled in his stomach.

Fear possibly? No…

Complete and utter terror: that's what it was.

Yuna couldn't die. He wouldn't allow it. It was as simple as that.

"FULL SPEED!" he roared. The airship shuddered as the engines were pushed beyond capacity.

'_Hang in there kid…'_

He had never believed in Yevon, he had never believed in anything…but still, just in case, for the first time in his life….Cid prayed.

* * *

'_You lied…'_

'_I remember… '_forever'_ you said…I remember. Our wedding…'_

'_I was so happy…I truly believed that night that nothing…not even death… could ever ruin this feeling.'_

'_Looks like I will be punished for our sins after all…'_

'_I was a fool. Happily ever after doesn't exist.'_

'_Tidus…'_

'_You lied…'_

'_I remember…'_

* * *

"It's perfect! Everything is perfect!" Yuna exclaimed in delight as Rikku completed the finishing touches on her hair, pushing in the final pin into a mess of curls and braids that weaved around a crown of simple daisies and yellow ribbon. 

"I dunno…" her cousin took a slow step backwards to critically examine the entire picture in the mirror. "You 100 percent positive you don't want the diamond tiara? It would add a little glamour to this otherwise drab outfit ya know?"

Yuna's reflective face hastily shook its head, causing Rikku to wince as she anticipated the entire hair style to fall to pieces with every movement. "Diamond tiara's don't exist in a traditional Besaidian wedding, remember? I want this to be authentic as possible." She pushed a stray tendril of hair behind her ear which her stylist hastily rushed forward to fix.

"Like I'd know anything about _Besaidian_ weddings" she mumbled through the pins in her mouth. "Back Home Pops would just sign a piece of paper and that was that. Done. Quick and Painless. The extravagant ceremonies were the one thing I was ever jealous of the Yevon believers for. Figures that the one chance I get to participate and you go off on the boring route. Did you ever factor _me_ in at all during this planning?"

Yuna only giggled and began to unfold the glittering gold-threaded veil that lay in her lap along with her gown. Nothing, especially not Rikku's displeasure, could ruin her mood today. Not even the dark storm clouds gathering that threatened a downpour on her wedding party. It would be kind of romantic after all, to be married in the rain…

"And what happened to the white, sexy wedding dress, huh?" Rikku relentlessly continued to complain, holding up the long yellow gown by the shoulders and holding it against herself. She cringed into the full length mirror before returning it Yuna's eagerly awaiting hands.

"The yellow represents the sun; the most magnificent of all natural forces according to old Besaid's religion. A bride as well is meant to be as pure, warm and life-giving as the sun. The dress and the veil are meant to enhance that effect." She ran her hands over the coarse fabric, recognizing the feel as that same material woven by a giant loom in one of the tents back home. She smiled as she hugged the dress closely to her chest, savoring the sensation of the crude weave beneath her check. "It's perfect isn't it?"

"As if you didn't look enough like a nun before…" Rikku sighed and began the tedious process of removing the pieces that composed her obi, eyeing that conservative dress in displeasure. With a high neck, long sleeves and skirt, almost every inch of skin would be covered once she was in it. "Let me guess, its traditional? Either that or Zuke picked it out."

Yuna shifted on her stool to give better access to her ribbon and blushed. "Again, it's conventional that the bride be completely covered. In fact, from the moment you're engaged you're supposed to wear similar dresses up until your wedding night."

"Soooo…the brides-to-be are suicidal then? Cause I can't even imagine wearing these types of frocks in that southern heat. How don't they boil to death?"

"Well, there hasn't been a bride in Besaid for years. But I can imagine they were uncomfortable. Sometimes it took years to organize a marriage."

"Why do it then? What's the point?"

"Uhh…well…it's meant to…" Yuna cleared her throat awkwardly as she remembered. It hadn't made much sense to her back then but nowadays the garment's purpose was perfectly clear.

"To avert the eyes of other men" she explained hastily while blushing even more deeply "especially those of your husband-to-be. The dress is meant to preserve your…preserve a bride's virginity."

"**A chastity dress**!" Rikku corrected loudly, her mouth forming a wide 'o' of disbelief. "Are you serious? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"I- I know…Stupid huh?" She said the words to humor her cousin, and yet still held the dress closely as Rikku chuckled and finished removing the obi. To Yuna, after all she had been through, the dress made perfect sense. To think what they would have done if Tidus and she had had the freedom of a normal couple. Despite the frustration and pains of having to wait, only now was the young summoner realizing how much less exciting this day would have been if they had already gone _there_. She felt as if her body were a magnificent gift, eagerly waiting to be given away, unwrapped and enjoyed. However, she could safely predict that Rikku would have slapped her for thinking in such an old-fashioned, feeble minded way.

And so she kept her amusement a secret as she was helped out of her clothes and into her marriage robes. Together they tried to figure out the placement of the many sashes, ribbons, beads and buttons that decorated skirt and wrap around blouse. It took a few, frustrating minutes, but soon enough Yuna was fully decorated in the garb of an primordial Besaidian bride.

"There! Finished!" Rikku announced in triumph after completing the final fastening at the top of her neck. The Al Bhed took a step back and slowly scanned her creation from head to toe.

Not five seconds later her mouth had curved into an uncharacteristic, deep frown.

Yuna felt her stomach drop to the floor.

"What?" she questioned in horror. Did she really look _that_ bad? She had wanted to have a traditional wedding, yes, but not at the cost of her potentially causing Tidus to run for the hills in horror. Rikku was blocking the full length mirror so all she could do to evaluate her appearance was stare down the length of her body.

The collar was pretty tight and high. That must look horrible. Or maybe it was the blouse itself with its oddly cut sleeves, the bottom edges of which were so long they almost touched the floor, dripping with gold painted beads. The skirt too could be an addition to the problem. It didn't have any slip or boning to enhance the shape like her last dress had. It was just a loose long skirt trimmed with yellow silk, decorated with beaded flowers along the border.

Yuna began to panic. She was hideous. She could see it in her cousin's all-too-honest eyes. It had been a mistake taking the Besaid ceremony route. Yellow wasn't her color. The collar was starting to itch as she began to sweat in trepidation. A white dress would have worked. She could have ordered one from the greatest Bevelle designers. She had the money. But the dress had been the last thing on her mind. _How could she have forgotten about the dress_?

"It's not too late is it?" Yuna asked through a tight throat, meeting Rikku's sympathetic gaze. "We…we can alter it maybe? Cut off the collar. Shorten it a bit. The sleeves have to go too…" she glanced at the clock poised on the bedside table and gasped in dismay. She only had twenty minutes till the scheduled ceremony! Her heart began to beat madly. She started to feel faint and plopped herself on the bed since her legs could no longer hold her.

'_Another attack?' _she asked herself, secretly welcoming anything that would postpone the ceremony, even though it may ruin their chance of it ever happening.

No, it wasn't close-to-fainting panic. Just regular, irrational fear.

Tidus would go through with this no matter what she looked like, that she was sure. She had just wanted it to be perfect. She had wanted to look her best so that he'd be as eager to have her afterwards as she wanted him. She leaned her head in her hands and sighed, practically on the edge of tears when Rikku strode towards her and kneeled before her shivering body. She grasped her hands within hers and squeezed them tightly with reassurance.

"I wouldn't change a thing" she whispered quietly, while trying to pry Yuna's palms away from her face. "You're…you are breathtakingly beautiful right now. You just need…hmm" she glanced about the room and mumbled "AHA!" upon finding the glittering veil. She returned to Yuna and hastily pinned it to the crown of braids, daisies and yellow silk.

"There…" she said quietly, while smoothing down the shimmering sheer fabric gracefully around the back of her head. She smiled then. Only now did she see the complete picture and with the addition of that final touch, Yuna looked not only beautiful, she was goddess-like. "It's perfect."

"Perfect?" Yuna asked through the cracks of her fingers. "Good perfect? Not grotesque? Not nun-like?"

"Would I lie to you?" her green eyes sparkled with mischief but Yuna could see the hint of sobriety in them. She was being completely serious. Rikku, her biggest critique, actually think she looked good in something that didn't expose more than half his skin. Such a revelation gave Yuna the strength to stand up and look in the mirror at long last.

The dress was simple yes, but also very elegant. She turned to the side and examined her profile, shifted the collar a little, tugged on the flowing gold sheer fabric of the veil and finally settled into an easy smile. It wasn't an outfit that would be appearing on the cover page of Bevelle Vogue, but she was comfortable it in. And that, in the end was all that mattered.

"You look like your mother."

Yuna turned and met Father Zuke's eyes from where he stood in the doorway, smiling timidly.

"Re-Really?" she asked hesitantly before returning to her reflection. She searched the mirror thoroughly, trying to find some distinguishing feature of her mother's. But her memories of the woman were so vague and fuzzy that it was impossible to locate a solid image of her. The only fully clear feature she had to remember was a pair of stunning green eyes, a perfect match to one of her own emerald irises. And even that memory was tainted, having come from an old sphere recording she had seen years ago.

"You have her hair, her form and the shape of her eyes." Zuke explained, taking a step into the room. "I remember standing in this exact position some 20 years ago, helping her prepare for her ceremony. She wouldn't sit still she was so excited…mainly to be finally able to wear normal clothes again." he chuckled as he drifted into the memory. "She despised those traditional dresses but she and Braska had loved Besaid so much, having their marriage in the island's tradition was the least they could do, especially since the Yevon temples refused to perform a union of an Al Bhed and a summoner."

"My _parents _married as Besaidians?" Yuna asked, wide-eyed in shock. "I…I thought that…"

"You thought that your father asked to have you sent off to a _random_ tropical island after his death?" he shook his head and dared to further enter the room. "Your eyes tell a story my dear. Beautiful though they are, they also give you away as part Al Bhed. You were so young you didn't notice the hate that followed your family for your brief time together. He sent you to where he knew you'd be safe. Safe and happy."

Yuna remained silent and stared at her hands, striving for something to say. The conversation had suddenly become uncomfortable for Zuke was basically forcing the reminder that her parents weren't present for this event; a fact which disturbed her more than she cared to let on.

"He…my father made an educated choice" she stated simply with as placid an expression as she could conjure. "I was happy growing up in Besaid."

Turning shyly back toward the mirror, Yuna began to tug nervously on the edges of her veil, holding back the pointless tears she knew she was on the brink of shedding, praying that Zuke would drop the subject. She didn't want to think of all the things she had lost over her brief yet substantial lifetime. Not tonight. Tonight was about what there was still to gain.

And yet…

She couldn't help but admit…

"I wished…I wish they could have been here…" she whispered.

Zuke smiled.

"You're mother insisted that you had the makings of becoming the most beautiful woman in all of Spira, with your pick of whichever husband suited your fancy." Yuna laughed with difficulty and continued to distract herself by pointless adjusting her hair as the priest continued persistently. "She, in fact, prepared for this ambitious future of yours from the day you were born."

"Prepared?" Yuna questioned with sudden interest, staring at Zuke's reflective form with confusion. "Prepared how?"

He stepped forward into the light then, bringing forward and revealing a long velvet box which he had been holding behind his back. Yuna could only stare at the object's reflection with her eye brows furrowed. She didn't dare to speak. She merely waited. Zuke, as expected, moved on with or without a verbal reaction from his quarry.

"Al Bhed weddings are pretty basic" he explained. "More paper work than anything. But there is an exchange of gifts from the parents to the newlyweds which symbolizes their consent to make the marriage binding. Did you know that?"

Her answer came out in a strained stutter. "N-no."

"I DID!" Rikku interjected excitedly, relieved to finally have a chance to talk through the tense atmosphere. "My dad got a _book _for his wedding while my uncle got a friggin airship! Just because my grandparents consented, it didn't necessarily mean they approved, ya know?"

"My point, my dear ladies it this;" he shoved the velvet box into Yuna's hands and stepped back, allowing her to explore it in her own time. "She knew she wouldn't survive to witness this day Yuna, but she knew it would come and she so desperately wanted to be a part of it. This," he gestured to the box "is her consent."

"Consent…my mother's consent…to my marriage." Her hands trembled as she ran them along its golden edges, still struggling to hold at bay a flood of long suppressed yearning for maternal attention that threatened to splinter her resolve. "How?...When? How did she…? What is…?"

"She arranged this a few weeks before you were born, once they had determined your gender and decided on a name. As for what it is…I've been carrying that box around with me for 18 years now and haven't once felt the urge to open it. This is for your eyes alone."

Yuna held it close to her chest and felt her knees buckle beneath her, falling soundlessly to the floor as she contemplated the box with growing apprehension. Rikku tip toed closer to her cousin, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder for comfort as much as support. Though her heart was in the right place, Rikku's curiosity blackened her intentions a little. More so than helping Yuna be strong, she just wanted to solve the mystery of the box's contents, 18 years in the making. Her inquisitiveness was so strong that she practically slapped Zuke's hands away when he tried to lead her outside.

"Did you not hear the 'for Yuna's eyes only' comment I made not five seconds ago, my dear?"

"Huh? Oh! Yes, father. It's just, I think Yunie needs a little support now from her fellow blood relations, don't you agree?"

Zuke narrowed his eyes at her, his expression showing disapproval for her obvious, unwarranted objective. "This is between Yuna and her late parents alone. I think you should respect the personal nature of this matter."

"But- but COME ON! A gift from an unknown mother dead 17 years ago, before her daughter was even two days old? This is better than day time TV!"

"Which is why it shouldn't be publicized so. Yuna wants to be left alone!"

"Actually…" Yuna piped in, her tone unexpectedly solid considering her shivering shoulders. "I'd like you to stay. Both of you. Is-is that okay?"

Rikku was almost tempted to stick out her tongue at Zuke in triumph, but one pleading look from her cousin prompted her to instantly adopt a serious air. "Of course we'll stay."

"Anything you wish my dear." Zuke added, and the two helped each other to sit on the carpeted floor with Yuna, creating a disjointed circle of trust.

"Thank you." She gave them both small nods of appreciation. The wedding would be starting in ten minutes, and without some moral support she feared the gift would perhaps cause another collapse and upset her mental balance. She couldn't afford to loose her sanity now. Not when her dreams were so close to reality. "I..I don't think I can do this alone." Her hands gripped the edges of the box and began to shake. She tried several times to pry of the lid but some force kept it tightly shut, either by her own mental inhibitions or simply because she lacked the physical strength. "I-I can't..I can't get it open. Rikku? Can you…"

"Uh…sure." The Al Bhed exchanged questioning glances with the priest as she accepted the box from her cousin's trembling fingers. "Are you sure? I can just loosen it for you and then give it back."

"No, don't bother. Just open it. Please."

"Okay. You're the boss." With ease, the blonde gingerly pried the two halves apart and finally revealed the box's contents to its recipient. All three of them leaned over it, scrutinizing the inside with awe-filled confusion.

"What is it?" Yuna asked, poking the paper wrapped bundle with hesitation.

"I think you're supposed to open it?" Rikku tried, giving the parcel a concerned glance. "Do you want me to do it?"

"Yes. I mean, no." Yuna shook her head and picked up the small parcel, sighing at her own childishness. "I'm being ridiculous. I'm a grown woman after all. I can handle a simple gift." Using speed as a distraction, she swiftly unrolled the long scroll of paper, only faintly noticing that the wrapping also contained writing, until she arrived at her goal. The present. Her mother's consent…

Her mother's consent was a small, rectangular piece of plastic.

That was it? That was the brilliant mother to daughter gift? Yuna didn't know whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

"I don't get it." Zuke stated while scratching his bald head with his brows furrowed. "I've been protecting_ that _with my life for all these years?"

Yuna turned it over and over in her palm, studying it closely as Rikku watched equally intently from over her shoulder. "It must be for _something_" she insisted while bringing the object closer to her face for a more thorough inspection.

Beside her, Rikku erupted into giggles. "Well of course it is, silly. Don't you recognize a **key card** when you see one?"

"A key card?" Zuke repeated skeptically. "Impossible. Why would she give you one of those? Does it mean anything to you Yuna?"

The young summoner shook her head fiercely. "I- I have no idea. Is there anything else in the box?" She watched as Zuke removed the silk lining and thoroughly processed the case. He dropped it with a sigh as he came up empty handed. Only then did he notice the semi-illegible scrawling that coated the inside of the wrapping paper.

"Yuna!" He exclaimed while swiping the now precious trash from the ground. "It's a note!"

"A note!" the cousins exclaimed in unison. Rikku hastily accepted the scrappy looking paper from the priest and handed it to Yuna.

"It's from your mother!" he confirmed, his face breaking into a wide grin. "I'd recognize that untidy scrawl anywhere. She never was quite good with English calligraphy."

"My mother…" she ran her hands up and down the paper lazily. It was wrinkled from being used as wrapping and yellowed with age. 18 years aged to be precise. The date read August 8. Her mother wrote this the day after she was born, a mere few hours before she left this life behind, the birth having complications, and headed for the farplane to wait for Braska to join her. "My mother…"

A deep silence followed as Yuna simply stared at the paper, one hand gripping the yellowed sheet with force as the other squeezed the key card so tightly Rikku feared she would break it.

"Well?" Rikku asked while daring to shuffle closer. "What does it say?" Yuna didn't move. She wasn't even reading it, just staring in what closely resembled dread.

"Would…would you like me to read it to you?" Zuke asked, and was shocked to the core when Yuna actually nodded and handed the paper off.

"I can't read it" she explained hesitantly, letting out small, uncomfortable giggles. "Her writing was indeed terrible. Like mine in fact." Zuke let her laugh for a bit longer as he removed his spectacles from a hidden pocket and balanced them on the bridge of his nose.

"You sure you want me to do this? You wouldn't rather be alone?"

Yuna shook her head. "I'd rather…hear it. Sort of gives her a voice. Makes her more real in a sense. You understand?"

"If you insist." He answered quietly before smoothly out the wrinkled paper and beginning to read:

_My dearest Yuna_

_First of all, congratulations._

_I met you only once, briefly, when they placed you in my arms seconds after you were born, and the moment you opened up your beautiful mis-matched eyes I knew you would soon become more than just the object of **my** affections. I knew the entire world would soon come to love and worship you._

_It was pretty silly actually. Most mothers always say "I just want my child to be healthy" but I wanted more for you. Ten fingers and ten toes. I counted them all several times to make sure. 5 pounds, a little below average but still strong. A little tuff of brown hair. An infectious laugh. You were more than just beautiful. You were perfect. You were powerful. You were bound for great things. I never wanted to let you go._

_I hate that I have to leave you._

_What I wouldn't give to see you now, in a wedding dress, waiting to take that blind plunge into married life. Perhaps someday you'll get to feel what I feel now; the horrific terror, irrepressible joy and, in my case, hopeless despair that comes in a package deal along with motherhood. But no, wait, it's too early to be thinking of that right? I don't mean to scare you. You're not even 40 hours old yet!_

_Your father is giving me the strangest looks. A woman on her deathbed shouldn't be laughing I suppose, unless she has truly lost her mind. He's scared. More scared than I am possibly. He gave up his reputation to be with me and now look what I'm doing…leaving him alone with a child and the world's resentment._

_Tell him I'm sorry. But I have faith. He will be a good father. He loves you. He will do whatever it takes to ensure that you get the future you deserve. Use it wisely._

_I'm getting tired. I suppose you can tell by my short sentences, right? Braska says I shouldn't be using so much energy but I can't think of a better way to spend my final hours than organizing this._

_You are my and Braska's daughter, so I know I don't have to give a lecture about what marriage means and if you're sure you're with the right man, etc.. Just by looking at you now, only a baby, I know you'll be a smart, successful woman. What are you now, seventeen? Twenty? It seems so far away…I want to see you. I wish…things were different…_

_It's not fair._

_Life is precious Yuna, and I want nothing more than for you to be able to live it to its full extent. This brings me to the point of all my rambling; my gift to you and your husband._

_Enclosed is a key card; a product of the latest technology which will, no doubt, be common place in your time if the Al Bhed play their business cards right._

_**It is the key to a house in Besaid.**_

_I assume you've been to visit the island even though we currently live in Bevelle so that your father can find work. Know that it is a very special place to me. And, had things not turned out as such, I had hoped to raise you there well away from the city's chaos. I have put things in motion so that construction starts twelve years from now, to be ready within five._

_I expect you and your husband have already found a place to live so this would be more of a summer house, especially since it is situated outside of the village on a secret ledge. Not even your father knows about these plans. Sell the house if you must, but it is none to less there at your disposal, allotted to your name only._

_My dreams may not necessarily coincide with yours, but to me such a home is paradise. You deserve paradise. My grandchildren deserve paradise. You should have the chance to live the normal life your father and I never could have…_

_Be happy Yuna. I love you more than you can possibly imagine._

_Life isn't fair, that I know. But we can try to make the best of it, can't we? This is my way of achieving everlasting happiness; knowing that no matter what, you are supported. It's not much, but it is really all I have to give. I wish…_

…

_Hmm…What's the point? Now is not the time to dwell about things lost. Now is a time to look towards the bright future._

_You are so beautiful. Looking into your eyes I feel the deepest peace. You are worth it._

_Be happy Yuna._

_And again, congratulations._

_With all the love I possess, _

_your Mother._

_Ps: Enclosed is a rough design of your gift. I hope you like it._

Silence engulfed the small room; all except the awkwardly amplified sound of crumpling paper as Zuke removed a second piece of parchment stabled to the initial letter and carefully placed the drawing in front of a comatose Yuna.

She took her time averting her eyes towards it, her fingers slowly crawling their way along the carpeted floor toward the document with the speed of a slug. Rikku was biting her nail nervously, silently cursing herself for being so insistent on witnessing the unveiling of the box's contents. Zuke had been right; this was definitely something that should have been done in private. The excitable Al Bhed was simply too restless to be able to withstand such tension-filled circumstances.

"Let me help Yuna" she said piercingly, abruptly breaking the thick silence. She shuffled closer to her stunned cousin and picked up the paper for her, bringing it close to their faces so that they could scrutinize it together.

"Woooow!" Rikku couldn't help but exclaim the second her eyes hit the colorful drawing. She mentally kicked herself again for being so blunt and pressed her lips together harshly to avoid any more un-supportive comments.

The house did indeed look beautiful. Rikku herself had never been to Besaid but she had traveled around the area in her ship and had always found the climate and scenery warm and inviting. The house itself was a modest two stories tall, she assumed four bedrooms max, on the edge of a grassy hill which gradually led to a sandy beach. White picket fence, cream colored shutters, a large, vividly-colored garden, it was exactly as Yuna's mother had described in one word; paradise.

Too bad Yuna would never get the chance to even see it, let alone live in it. A fact which, of course, Yuna was all too aware of.

"Zuke?" Yuna's voiced chimed in unexpectedly, bringing them all out of their trance. Her eyes were dry and her tone steady as she held out her hand in front of her, offering up the precious keycard for sacrifice. "I would like you to have this."

Zuke eyes widened considerably, and he hastily began shaking his head. "I couldn't my child. I simply couldn't."

"Please!" Yuna insisted a tad more sternly, inching her way closer to the old priest, practically shoving the card in his face. "You were saying how you wanted to retire in Besaid, weren't you? You don't have a home yet, right? I'm offering. Take it!"

"I- It's too big a house for an old man such as myself Yuna. I wouldn't know what to do with so many rooms. It would be a waste to hand over such a palace to me. It is meant for a family and…"

"_I know it's meant for a family!" _Yuna screeched more loudly than intended, causing both Zuke and Rikku to jump back in alarm. She exchanged glances with the two of them, her face firm and angry almost, insisting with her eyes take somebody, anybody, help her achieve her silent goal. She had no takers.

Yuna sighed and sat back on her heels, wiping a hand over her face in exhaustion. She deliberately kept her fingers over her eyes, letting the keycard drop onto the carpet in front of her. This letter, this 'gift'…it was almost the last straw.

'_Forget all about Sin, about being a summoner. Forget all that. Ya know, live a normal life. Come on now, Yuna, whaddya say?'_

'_I can't…I just can't'_

"Please." She said quietly, with a hint of desperation. "Take it. I can't…I can't look at it. Please."

Without another word, Zuke reached forward and removed the card, the sketch and the letter from sight, shoving the items deeply into the folds of his robes. "I thank you greatly Lady Yuna. I …I will make sure that this gift gets proper use."

Yuna took one long sniff to compose herself, but said nothing as she stood up and returned to the mirror. She dabbed her eyes, straightened her veil and turned back toward her friends with a new, bright smile on her face, as if the last ten minutes had been stricken from her memory.

"_Now is not a time to dwell on things lost."_ She quoted, taking a few careful steps forward to retrieve her bouquet from the mantle, taking time to burying her face in the petals, absorbing their scent. "_Now is a time to look towards the bright future. _I understand. I will…do my best. I'm here aren't I? I want to be happy."

Rikku, assured that her cousin was no longer traumatized, rushed forward to envelop her in a mighty bear hug, relieved both that Yuna was determined to continue, and that she didn't choose to simply ignore her mother's words. Compromise was key. Before she knew it, Rikku found her eyes beginning to water.

"Aww, damn!" she cursed as she removed herself from her cousin's arms and began to wipe at her eyes. "It's not even the ceremony yet! I'm such a baby."

Yuna laughed. It was a melodious, hearty laugh. And Rikku, quite unexpectedly, found her undeniably beautiful. The dress made her appear older. Her knowledge made her wise. Her experience made her strong. She was indeed exactly as her mother had pictured her to be all those years ago. She would have been proud.

"So!" Zuke interrupted energetically. Their jovial mood was infectious. "Are we ready then?"

Yuna took a deep breath, the expected excitement/nervousness beginning to set in finally. But mainly, she just yearned to see Tidus again. It felt as if it had been ages since they were pulled apart. "As ready as I'll ever be. Rikku?"

"Sure am! Let's hop to it!" she was halfway out the door when Zuke, who had taken hold of her goggle band, pulled her, strangling, back into the tent. "What the hell man!" she spurted out while rubbing her throat and glaring at Zuke. "What was that about? Huh?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Zuke asked innocently.

Rikku looked around the room, taking in all the items spread around in a mess. She then looked at Yuna and checked her over one last time. Dress, makeup and hair were still perfect. She really couldn't think of anything that was wrong…then her eyes fell upon the _other _pile of garments that had been delivered with Yuna's.

A red dress. A little less conservative than Yuna's. _A lot_ less in fact. The traditional robes of she (or he) who would be playing the role of the witness. A blood relative. She was the witness in tonight's ceremony. She completely forgot!

"Oops."

"Get dressed Rikku." Yuna commanded between giggles. "We'll all be waiting in the altar tent. And hurry please."

"Yes! Right away! I'll be there in FIVE minutes I swear!"

"Shall we then?" Zuke offered his arm to Yuna, who thankfully accepted as they stepped outside, leaving Rikku to panic in the background as she tried to figure out how the complicated dress worked. They walked through the camp in silence, watching serenely as the entire Inn's staff and customers raised their glasses and removed their hats in respect for the passing bride. Everything was quiet save for the soft cackle of the torches and far off crickets chirping loudly. All too soon, they had arrived at the makeshift altar, tented for some semblance of privacy.

"You are like a daughter to me Yuna." Zuke said as they neared the fabric doors. "And I'd hate to see you do anything you'd regret. It's not too late."

Yuna paused then, turning towards him as a slow smile spread onto her lips. "You don't think I should go through with this, do you?"

"I already told you that I think this marriage is a wonderful idea."

"I'm not talking about the wedding Zuke…."

The old man sighed and met her eyes, bringing the golden veil up over her head so that he could finally look at her directly and get the words he needed to say out of his mouth. He had to at least try, or he'd never forgive himself. "You're so young. You have a man who loves you and wants to grow old with you. You have this" he held up the picture of the house her mother had built, his hands shaking "you have _everything_ and more. Why throw it away?"

"Because," Yuna answered simply "because I have to. Because I promised."

"Think of how happy you could be Yuna. Think of the life you could have had…the life you _can_ have!"

But Yuna wasn't listening anymore. She simply leaned forward and brought a finger to the old man's lips, shushing him gently. "I do have a man that loves me. I do have friends and family that I adore. I do have a home. I have everything, while others have nothing. I do not feel the need to explain my reasons to you of all people, for you know well enough why summoners such as us begin pilgrimages."

"The difference between us is that you have more to loose."

"The difference between us is that I never saw this journey as a choice. There are no options of turning back. Determination is the difference, Zuke."

"What about your husband then? He is _determined_ to find a way to save you. How is it fair that you succeed in your goals while he fails?"

"I suppose that depends purely on Fate and Fortune" she said with a hopeful smirk. "In the meantime, I would still like to get married eventually tonight" she reached up to replace her veil, arranging it as eloquently as possible around her head. Zuke watched her with bizarre fascination as she prepared herself, honestly wondering if her age were a misprint on her birth certificate. Here he was, a 60 year old man, debating with an 18 year old the values of life versus self-sacrifice and which had better positive influences toward the greater good. She was indeed so much older than she was meant to be. The poor girl. She had no idea what hardships she was heading into.

"You are Fortune's Fool" he whispered. She didn't seem to notice.

"I'm here! I'm here!" Rikku burst in, jumping out of a bush as a shortcut toward the tent, her hair let down for the occasion and hastily brushed straight, the red dress practically falling off her shoulders since she had been unable to tie the straps tight enough. "Help me!"

With a few enthused laughs and deliberate pulls on the dress' many buckles and sashes, Rikku was ready to go without fear of potential indecent exposure.

"You ready?" the Al Bhed asked, excitement dancing in her swirling green eyes.

"Always." Yuna replied.

"Let's go then." Zuke pulled back the fabric door and let the ladies walk in ahead of him. The ceremony was beginning.

* * *

'_You promised…'_

'_You lied…'_

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hey y'all! Long time no see. School has gotten so insane that I actually had to temporarily quit my job to make up assignments. Luckily, taking those 30 hours a week away (only 25 of which were actually needed), left me time to FINALLY complete this chapter. Don't worry guys. I think this'll be the longest pause between chapters seeing as I only have three weeks left of this school insanity and then a WHOLE SEMESTER off to earn money for the Euro-Trip. Next scene: the wedding. I PROMISE this time. Review please! My hit count reads that over 10,000 people have checked out this story and yet only 100 reviews .**cries.**


	13. Paper Cathedral

'_After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; _

_It is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.'_

**-- Mark Twain _(Adam, in Adam's diary)_**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 13 …_Paper Cathedral_…**

Weddings in Besaidian tradition were not so much a show (with vows, an audience, a feast etc.) as a simple joining of two souls. In ancient times, all it would consist of was as couple spending an entire day in a specific cave hidden underneath the waterfall. There they would share a cup of wine, promises of forever, exchange jewelry, blood and finally their bodies. Exactly twenty-four hours later the couple would return to the village to celebrate with friends and family. Only within the last 200 years had Yevon forced some changes to be made in order for the union to be considered legal. Now it was necessary for an ordained priest and at least one blood relative to witness and give their blessing during the main proceedings. Yuna's convenient trust of Rikku alone made her the perfect and only candidate.

With time as an issue, of course they would have to forgo the 24 hours in a cave (which often ended up canceling marriages anyway, for it was a test of patience). Instead, Zuke had found a way to speed up the process while still keeping tradition so that, as far as the eyes of Yevon were concerned, this was an untouchable, one hundred percent legally binding marriage contract.

"Oh…wow!"

Zuke entered the altar tent after Yuna and Rikku and scanned the area, noting how Yuna's fiancée did indeed go through the trouble of arranging everything to code. And still the decor was kept relatively simple, as a true ceremony was meant to be. There were no fancy, flashy banners or bouquets as some bridegrooms with the financial means tended to provide in order to show off to his bride.

Just candles.

Hundreds of them seemingly. They floated in every spare inch of ceiling and wall space, giving the entire room an ethereal, shimmering glow. A plain wooden altar piece, like a large dinner table without any legs, was laid in the center of the room, painted on its smooth surface was the glyph symbol of Yu Yevon. On the side, a smaller table was equipped with the essential basin, chalice, wine tumbler, ribbon and dagger. The Al Bhed had made good on their promised deliveries. Everything was in place.

Everything except…

"_I look like a pansy_" said a disembodied voice from one of the dark corners of the tent.

The three other members of the wedding party turned their attention toward the shadowy figure lurking on the outskirts of the light, his arms crossed over his bare chest defiantly.

"What? You don't like the traditional robes of Besaidian bridegroom, Tidus?" Zuke asked, chuckling slightly. "And after all Lulu's talk about you being the most conceited man in Spira, I thought you'd enjoy such an outfit."

"It's purple." He stated venomously, the sound of his shifting uncomfortably with fabric filled the tent. "Not to mention, these 'robes' barely exist."

Yuna giggled from underneath her veil, struggling to get a better view of him through the sheer fabric and weak light. "I'm so sorry Tidus!" she said, her voice obviously far from genuine. "I…I completely forgot."

It was all coming back to her now. The clothes of a bridegroom were purple to represent future prosperity and virility and they consisted only of what Tidus liked to call a decorative 'loincloth'. They were in fact, to her memory, much like the garments Kimahri presently adorned. That thought only made her laugh harder.

"The longer you laugh, the longer it'll take me to come out." He warned.

"What is it? What do the robes look like? Arg! I hate being the only clueless person here!" Rikku whined, stamping her foot against the altar with insolence.

"You think she'd be used to it." Zuke murmured to Yuna, enticing a loud "HEY!" from the blonde in question. Tidus too, from his dark corner, was heard chuckling softly along with the insult.

From that sound alone, and regardless of the horrific cliché, Yuna found herself falling in love with him all over again. What he looked like didn't matter. That part of him wasn't what she had fallen for.

Carefully, the bride placed her bouquet down on the altar and made her way toward the corner where she knew her groom was hiding. With every step his form came slowly into focus, his blue eyes glimmering brightly in the candle light. He stood rebelliously, arms crossed, feet apart, gaze locked on hers. He too seemed to be only able to see her costume as the gap between them closed. His tense expression immediately softened upon feasting his eyes, for the first time, on his bride.

In addition to finding her breathtakingly beautiful, he also couldn't help but note how _clothed_ she was…in complete contrast to him. He had been hoping, as a reward for his having to go out in public in such a ridiculous get up, Yuna would have on an equally scandalous dress.

Upon seeing her up close though, the thin yellow fabric of the long skirt billowing behind her as she walked, her eyes having an extra glimmer beneath the shimmering veil, he decided her costume was beyond perfect. Besides, something embarrassing would have been bound to happen to his body if she showed up in Donna-esque type clothing. He decided the more covered the better.

Tonight he didn't want to _lust_ after her…he wanted to love her. Pure, virginal, everlasting love.

"You're…you look. Umm…"

Yuna blushed and silently thanked whoever had invented the marvelous concept of a veil. "Is that good or bad."

"Oh. Good! Definitely, definitely good. Heh..."

She smiled at his boyish embarrassment and dared to take a step further, trying her hardest to see through the dim light.

True, the 'robes' (if you could call them that) were little more that a two long strips of fabric sewn together at the sides to cover only the back and front of his lower torso, he still, somehow, fit the image of proper Besaidian royalty.

Thick, fur bands covered his lower arms and were held on by criss-crossed painted belts that snaked up his bicep and around his naked chest. His usual stud earring was replaced with a long beaded one, not unlike her own, which trailed down his cheek and onto his shoulder, ending with a dark, violet feather. His usual yellow sports boots were now fur covered moccasins, secured with broad leather straps surrounding his calf. The 'dress' itself was a rich dark purple, bordered in yellow silk to match her own garment and were laced up the side with the highest quality skins. If it wasn't for his lack of a customary hairstyle (his blonde locks being too short to braid and bead) and the mortified facial expression, one could almost confuse him with an ancient island nobleman.

"I look like Kimahri" he stated, glaring at Yuna with as much abhorrence as he could muster for a woman he was sickeningly in love with. "You could have warned me."

"I forgot, I swear!" she insisted, an evil smile unable to stop from surfacing on her lips.

He eyed her suspiciously. "I don't believe you. But I'll let it go…for now. First by failing to mention Rikku's invitation, and then when frantically searching for THE REST of my robes. That's twice in one night you scared me to death.."

Yuna giggled sheepishly. "After tonight, we'll have the rest of our lives for you to get back at me."

'_Rest of our lives: Two months.'_

"The rest of our lives" He repeated, inching closer. He dared to reach out a hand and stroke her cheek. The soft, shimmering fabric was nothing in comparison to what he knew her real skin felt like. She leaned into his hand and sighed in the simple pleasure of his touch. His other hand found its way to her shoulder, slowly running it down her arm, and across her waist, memorizing the dress, causing slight shivers to course through her entire body. He stepped closer, lightly pressing her to him. He wanted to kiss her so badly then, Tidus actually went as far as searching out the edges of her veil with the intention of pulling it over her head when the moment was abruptly halted by two people loudly clearing their throats.

Yuna and Tidus turned, facing Zuke and Rikku who had already positioned themselves sitting on the altar, their nails tapping restlessly on the wood.

"We're running out of time Yuna." Zuke stated, in a much more serious tone than she had ever heard him use. Seeing Tidus touch her like that may have perhaps hinted too strongly that they had had previous intimate encounters before this day. A fact which was surely frowned upon by a priest.

"Yes. You're right. Sorry." She took a large step backwards, pleading with her eyes that Tidus maintain the distance. He understood, and together they exited their dark haven and walked toward the altar.

"My my, Tidus!" Rikku exclaimed upon finally seeing his garb in the full light. "Aren't we fashionably daring?"

Tidus only stuck his tongue out at her before ever so carefully taking his seat on the altar, taking cautious measures to make sure that he didn't accidentally reveal too much of himself to anyone in the process. Yuna to took her seat across from him, completing what was called the 'circle of trust' necessary to initiate the marriage ceremony.

All too soon, they were ready.

"Shall we commence?" Father Zuke suggested, shuffling in closer to tighten the circle. The three youths nodded nervously, exchanging awkward yet hopeful smiles as they huddled together and linked hands, the four of them each representing a necessary link in the chain of union. Yuna's bouquet of wild flowers, the stolen small tumbler of sake, an ornamental bowl and dagger were strewn around the center of the circle on a small embroidered rug. Tidus felt a pang of guilt as he scrutinized the hastily collected objects, knowing that had they not been sneaking away like this in the middle of they night, he may have been able to secure more personalized items. But it was too late to doubt their decision. Besides, he was too nervous to even consider doubting at that moment.

Yuna's heart was beating loudly in her ears, making father Zuke's voice sound far off and under-water like as he began to read the opening passage.

"Drink of the earth, for what Yevon gives to you, you are hoped to return; Life and Blood. Drink and be conscious of your fortune to have found each other in dark times. Drink because Yevon smiles on you tonight. Drink for happiness and for purpose." Zuke filled the chalice with sake, taking a healthy gulp himself before passing it around to Rikku, who was visibly shaking as she accepted the cup. She was about to take a sip when Zuke covered the top with his hand, bringing it back down to the floor while rolling his eyes. "Not yet Rikku."

"Oh. Sorry."

He smiled and continued as if no interruption had been made. "Thy shall not bear false witness." He said to her, gesturing with his eyes for her to place her hands _back_ onto the cup to overlap his. She complied hastily while blushing. "Only in your trust are they coupled in Yevon's eyes. Believe not, and they are but strangers. Do you accept this responsibility?"

"Wait!…no one said I had to be a Yevon believer to do this! What are we gonna do now?"

Again Zuke rolled his eyes. "It's just old words Rikku. Drink the darn thing if you want to get out of here before dawn." They all laughed merrily as the young girl's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink before hastily snatching the chalice from Zuke, taking a small sip before carefully lowering it back onto the altar.

"I swear." She said simply, meeting her cousin's eyes through the shimmering gold veil. "I swear to defend this marriage with my very being. In my eyes and in my heart, Tidus and Yuna were always meant to be together. I saw this the day I first saw them. When I tried to kidnap Yunie while crossing the Moonflow. I was trying to stop her from continuing her pilgrimage." She giggled softly at the memory. "Tidus jumped right in to save her, no questions asked. Kicked my ass to (a cute, innocent little girl!) just to get her back!"

"Language my dear." Zuke warned.

"Oh. Sorry father. To sum up" she raised the chalice once more and toasted it toward both Yuna and Tidus on either side of her. "Congratulations you two. And I do promise to be there every step of the way. You can trust me." She finished with a wink and set the cup back down, sitting back on her knees proudly as the couple erupted into small, yet enthusiastic applause.

"Thank you Rikku for that completely unnecessary speech." Zuke teased, sighing at the girl's uncanny talent at drawing things out for much longer than intended.

"What? Aren't we supposed to make a toast or something?" She looked toward Yuna for support, but she was already shaking her head and biting down on her lip to keep from laughing.

"We three are actually supposed to remain silent during the entire ceremony."

"Well that's **boring**!"

"Moving on please. You two…" Zuke gestured to Yuna and Tidus, beckoning them to shift closer, callously kicking Rikku of the circle now that her pledge had been made.

"Well now what am I supposed to do, huh?" the Al Bhed complained.

"You do your job. You _witness_. Listen and watch." Zuke offered the chalice to Tidus and Yuna, skipping over the words as they each took a brief sip of the sweet wine. The priest asked Tidus if he would provide for, protect and love Yuna for as long as he lived. He asked Yuna is she would support, care for and bear children for Tidus. Blushing, they both replied "of course", clasping their hands tightly together in anticipation of the final rite that would finally bind them forever.

The Blood Rite.

"You have vowed to cherish one another. And cherish I know you will. But time has taught us all that words are meaningless. True intentions are not proven by promises but by a display of courage and strength of character" Zuke explained while laying out a white cotton handkerchief and laying upon it the ceremonial, jeweled dagger. "Any fool can _say_ he is able to leap across the gorge, but a select few are indeed brave and faithful enough to attempt." He smiled, somewhat maliciously at the two, who were desperately trying to remain stone faced. "For what is marriage, but a leap of faith? And yet only those who truly believe in its power will make it safely across. You understand?"

Turning to face one another, Tidus and Yuna exchanged one last desperate look as if to say _'it's not too late, you can still back out'_. Far from _wanting_ to continue with the rite, they both still nodded in unison, knowing perfectly well that there was no going back.

"Very well…" Zuke said somewhat dishearteningly as he raised their clasped hands to his eye level and began lacing red ribbon through their linked fingers, finishing with a small bow at the wrists. _"You had to have a Besaidian wedding" _he muttered in an annoyed tone, retrieving the dagger and sterilizing it over the flame of a candle.

"What are you doing?" Rikku asked innocently, peering over his shoulder. "Is there some symbolism to 'cutting the ribbon' or whatever?"

Zuke didn't answer her. Nobody wanted to put into words this rather barbarian part of the ceremony.

"Deep breaths you two." He reminded the couple, who were so lost in each other's eyes that they had temporarily forgotten to breathe all together. Reflexively, their free hands found each other as well and held on tight, attempting to ignore Zuke's positioning their bound and clasped hands so that the outside of Yuna's palm faced him. Carefully, he brought the dagger up to his eye level, and carefully pressed the tip against his chosen point on the bride's hand.

Behind him, he felt Rikku shift uneasily. "Wha-what are you doing?"

"Ready?" Zuke asked the couple.

"Always" Tidus replied, while a smart smirk.

"I love yo…" but she trailed off as the point slid through her flesh as though it were butter, thrust all the way through their joined extremities so that the hilt stuck out of her hand and the point out of Tidus'.

It hurt, yes. The pain was excruciating. But Yuna didn't feel the need to cry nor scream. Rikku was luckily doing enough of that for the both of them.

"Oh my! He stabbed you! Zuke freakin' stabbed you!"

"We know Rikku." Tidus confirmed, his voice quaking.

"Keep breathing" the priest reminded them, prone to having wedding ruined due to couples passing out during this specific rite. As the red, sticky fluid began to pool between their sweaty palms, he positioned the basin underneath to catch the drops. And then…he waited.

For a few moments it seemed impossible that they'd ever be able to clear their heads of anything besides the pain. However, as the seconds passed, the feeling of the dagger began to pleasantly cool their searing flesh, removing all sensation. As Tidus' vision gradually returned, he noticed a faint white glow surrounded the dagger.

Magic.

"A leap of faith" he reminded himself, smiling as the pain steadily began to fade into nothingness. The dagger was junctioned with curative magic, healing as it hurt, voiding the possibility of paralysis.

"My blood….Your blood…Our blood" Yuna gasped, through a tight throat, beads of perspiration gathering on every square inch of her body, her dress practically soaked through. It was worth it though. It was all worth it. "We are now unified." She announced, smiling toward her new husband through her blurry vision.

"Our blood" Tidus repeated, the haze of pain fading into the blissful realization that it was done and over with. They were officially married.

Rikku was jumping up and down in a far off corner of the tent, tears streaming down her cheeks and both hands clamped over her mouth in a vain attempt to muffle her whimpers. The reasoning behind her extreme emotional reaction could be anything from shock of the brutal violence she had just witnessed or happiness at finally seeing her cousin joined. Either way, Tidus prayed she somehow got a hold of herself for the next part. It was the witness' role to remove the dagger and even though the blade's abilities soothed the pain, the chalice was still quickly filling up with blood.

He was about to call her over when, out of the blue, Yuna grabbed hold of the knife's hilt and ripped it out of their hands, enticing a soft scream from her new husband's lips.

"JESUS! Warn me! WARN ME! It's all I ask. GOD DAMMIT!" he clutched his hand to his chest, forgetting that Yuna's was tied to his, trying to hold in the blood that continued to gush from the now, completely open wounds.

"Hold still!" his wife scolded, with a slight hint of humor to her voice as she felt around the altar for the white handkerchief and pressed it between their hands, almost immediately soaking it with blood.

"I thought Rikku was supposed to do that, huh?"

Yuna shrugged and concentrated on their hands, wiping off the smudges of sticky red and preparing to cast a common curative spell. "I figured she's done enough for one night." She explained, finishing her job as a bright white light emanated from her tied fingers. Tidus could practically feel his skin regenerate and close the wound. The remaining blood was absorbed back into his skin like a sponge and water. Within seconds he felt as good as new as Yuna, his wife, began to untie the stained red ribbon that bound them together.

'_My wife…' _

'_We did it…we actually did it. Yuna is my wife.'_

'_That fact is not gonna keep me from getting her back for this.'_

"Zuke?" Tidus asked, his eyes remaining glued to the veiled, downcast eyelids of his spouse, working diligently on removing the ribbon. Somewhere beside him, Zuke shuffled forward.

"Yes, Tidus?"

"Is that it? Is it over?"

"Yes Tidus. I do believe that is it."

"But you didn't say 'you may kiss the bride'. That's my favorite part."

Zuke and Yuna paused, both contemplating their own secret thoughts in regards to his statement. "You're right Tidus. It completely slipped my mind." The priest suspended his cleaning up and kneeled again before the couple, gently turning Yuna toward him so that he could lift her veil.

"Sorry about that. Once _you_ pulled out the dagger I figured the rest of the formalities were also being skipped. But if you want to then…"

"Yes. Well, why not you know?" she giggled innocently and turned toward Tidus, for the first time facing him directly, no longer shielded behind a shimmering veil. She couldn't tell exactly which emotion he was showing through his intense stare, but whatever it was she was relatively certain she was soon to be 'punished' for yet again ruthlessly surprising him.

"I pronounce you husband and wife." Zuke announced officially to the tent, leaning forward to kiss Yuna on the cheek as a poor substitute for what should have been her father giving her away. "And finally, last but not least…you may kiss the bride!"

Yuna had prepared herself for an explosion of unbridled passion, but instead Tidus only leaned forward excruciatingly slowly and gently pressed his lips against hers.

For Tidus, it was a chaste kiss. It was pure. It was innocent. It sealed them forever as more than teenage lovers, but as adult man and wife.

To Yuna, it was a kiss worthy of a Yevon temple. And she hated it.

She pushed more eagerly against his lips, trying to encourage something more but he deliberately resisted, pulling away slightly the harder she tried to move forward. She placed her hands daintily around his back and forced the small gap between them closed. Despite himself, she noticed him finally begin to reciprocate, though a tad unwillingly, opening his mouth a little only to close it again. He remained rather cold and stoic, forcing himself to remain still, ignoring Yuna's attempts to deepen the kiss. This miniscule battle between them went on for several seconds until their audience became obviously agitated.

"Okay okay, we get the point people" Rikku interrupted, physically breaking their kiss by pushing them apart. "Congrads guys, but seriously: Get a room!"

Tidus and Yuna, both breathing a little deeply, dared to look at each other, contemplating if there were indeed a way to meet the terms of Rikku's suggestion. It was a vain hope. Zuke, as according to their original plan, had already signaled for the Al Bhed to come in and start cleaning up.

"You better get dressed you two." He warned the couple, talking loudly over the bustling army of workers that has already began to take apart the planks surrounding them that composed the altar. The floating candles were being plucked from the ceiling, extinguished and thrown in a crate. An instant later, the fabric walls of their makeshift cathedral were also being ripped down, blinding all of them with the first faint rays of light springing over the horizon.

Sunrise…Lulu and the others would be waking any minute.

"Oh no" Yuna murmured, feeling her heart beat begin to climb again.

"We gotta get going!" Tidus yelled, pushing his wife away.

In a sudden panic they leapt to their feet, scurrying around the room, collecting various items and garments they had brought with them. It was barely 5 am and the Agency was already bustling once more. Al Bhed workers were removing their borrowed wares, the wedding party struggled to get dressed, and the Inn's staff prepared breakfast for their regular customers.

In the middle of their panicked organizing, Zuke pulled Tidus and Yuna aside, forcing ink pens into their hands and slapping down a small pile of parchment papers onto the top of an empty crate.

"Marriage certificate" He explained, pointing to the empty lines where they had to sign their names. Shuffling all their items into their left hands, the couple hastily scrawled their signature on several loose sheets, followed by Zuke stamping them with the official Glyph of Yevon.

"Rikku! Get over here!" Yuna called to her cousin, who was just stepping out of their original dressing tent, back in her full Al Bhed gear, gathering her hair up to return it to her usual ponytail.

"There's more?" she asked in an exasperated tone while jogging over, green bobby pins sticking out of her mouth.

"Last thing. I promise." Tidus reassured while tossing her his pen. "You just have to sign as our witness."

Despite the evident simplicity of the request, Rikku dropped the pen in shock and took a step back. "I-I can't." she stuttered weakly, averting her eyes to the ground. One would think they were asking her to perform brain surgery. The priest and the couple exchanged confused glances.

"Excuse my frankness dear, but why the heck not? It's kind of imperative to this whole thing. You don't sign, the temple assumes no one witnessed. Certificate is denied, etc. Basically this whole night was pointless." Zuke argued, while tossing her a new pen. She ignored the toss and let it fall into the grass to join the original.

"I'm sorry guys." She mumbled and swiftly turned, with the intention of running. But Yuna had foreseen her reaction, and already had her by the shoulders before she could take a step.

"No! You will **not** do this to me!" Yuna screamed at her cousin, pulling her around to glare into her tearful green eyes. "I worked too hard for this to let it all fall apart just because you're too afraid to have your name on a Yevon piece of paper! You don't believe in the temples, I got that. But I'm telling you now you better get over this stupid grudge of yours and fast cause you **will** be signing that document."

"But Yuna…I can't-" She was cut off my Yuna taking fierce hold of her hand and roughly pulling her towards the crate. The men were staring at the summoner with apprehension, never having seen the usually calm girl angry in her entire life.

When the women arrived in front of the contract, Yuna forced a pen into her trembling guardian's hand and pointed at the line where her signature was required.

"Yuna, pleas-"

"Sign it."

"I can't. Reall-"

"**Rikku**!"

"Fine!" The blonde, irritation laced in her every movement, forcefully planted to pen on the parchment and awkwardly composed four, absurdly large, apparently random letters.

_I hereby certify that I, **'NEGGI'**, have witnessed the union of party A and party B._

Tidus began to laugh. Her childlike scrawling just looked so absurd next to his and Yuna's cursive initials, refined after many years of giving out autographs to fans or worshipers in the summoner's case.

"Umm…Rikku? You do know that in order for this to be a binding contract you have to use your real name, right?" Zuke informed her, doing his best to try not chastising her for attempting to undermine the temple affiliates. Beside him Yuna brought her hand to her head, as if fighting off a headache.

"That _is_ my name." she insisted, throwing the pen down and crossing her arms over her chest.

"No Rikku, its not." Yuna reminded her, sighing in exasperation.

"Please my dear, we're all in a desperate hurry here. Could you not just sign the contract?"

"I _have_ signed it!"

"I mean _really_ sign it?"

"Ink. Paper. Letters. It's signed! Look! We're done here."

"Rikku…please…"

"Neggi." Tidus read, for the first time actually noting the word she had written. The rest of the party paused to stare at him as he traced his finger along the contract, contemplating it deeply. Finally, he smiled. "I think Rikku's telling the truth."

Yuna scoffed, glaring at her cousin menacingly. "Why do you say that?"

"Think about it Yuna." He said, taking a step closer, smiling a tad mockingly at Rikku who was avoiding his eyes. "I know **R** is N in Al Bhed. And I'm pretty sure** K** is G. That leaves…"

"**E** which is I and **I **which is U and-Oh my goodness!" Yuna's hands flew to her mouth as she whipped around, staring at Rikku in disbelief. "Your name is_ Neggi_?"

The Al Bhed looked everywhere but towards the wedding party, coughing at random intervals. Her silence was enough of a confirmation.

"Ha ha! It is isn't it? Your REAL birth name is Neggi! You just translated it to English." Tidus bent over chuckling, heaving for breath as she pointed toward Rikku and shook his head in disbelieving merriment.

"Yeah yeah, go ahead laugh it up." Rikku retorted, any trace of amusement gone from her voice. "Even my own mother thought it was bizarre, but it's a tradition in my Dad's family for the first girl born to the oldest son to have that _horrible_ name!" She shuddered just thinking about it. "In my travels one day, a villager learning Al Bhed made the mistake of translating names as well as words. I liked the sound of 'Rikku' and it wasn't exactly desecrating the family custom or anything. Just altering it. Cid agreed and I've been using it ever since."

She let her hands falls down in defeat after revealing her horrible secret and dared to meet the eyes of her friends. They were silent yet shaking with pent up hilarity, staring at her, trying to be supportive of what was obviously a traumatic childhood experience. Maybe it would have been less funny if she hadn't gone so far to try to hide it. It was her embarrassment more than the name itself that was the source of the amusement.

"Alright children. The Night is getting a tad old and we need to wrap this up so…umm…Neggi, could you-"

"Rikku! My name is Rikku!"

Zuke pressed his lips together, having an obviously difficult time keeping from laughing. "Yes, Rikku my dear, you have a few more places to sign."

She glared at him before returning to the contract, scrawling the same child-like English characters _'NEGGI'_ on the lines Zuke pointed to.

When she was done, she threw away the pen again, staring at the contract with disgust before facing Yuna who stood on the sidelines beside Tidus, her shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth.

"The things I do for you Yuna. You _owe_ me."

"I-I appreciate…all that you have sacrificed." She responded, giving what she hoped was a genuine smile of sincerity. Rikku gradually began to unwind, her initial glare melting into an easy smirk.

"Thank you. And, this goes without saying, tell anyone and I will kill you. Got that?"

Yuna nodded vigorously, and Tidus made a motion to zip his lips. "Your secret's safe with us."

"And your secret is safe with me." Rikku reminded them.

"And _both_ your secrets are contained on this document." Zuke added, handing Yuna a copy of the marriage contract. "This is convicting evidence. I suggest keeping it in a safe place."

"And I suggest burning it!" Rikku tried.

Yuna giggled and shook her head, hugging the document close to her heart. "I don't want this to be a secret forever. In Zanarkand, before the end, there we'll tell them. I'm leaving instructions for this information to be released after…after the final aeon summoning. You will make sure that happens, right?" She darted her gaze between Zuke and Rikku, silently pleading with them.

"Of course" Zuke said before giving her a low bow, doing his part to support the Lady summoner as a priest should. "The minute Sin disappears the press will get an anonymous delivery. The world will know your story Yuna. That is my promise to you."

"It's our story now" Yuna prompted, glancing toward her new husband with newfound admiration. He smiled yet said nothing, his gaze glued on the sun slowly rising in the background. He was annoyingly distracted considering, these last few minutes were all they were going to get as a 'wedding night'.Yuna was reminded of his timid kiss in the tent, and soon became uncomfortably curious as to why he was being so distant. She took a moment to look him over again in his revealing costume, searching for nothing in particular, just some vague hint to perhaps explain his secluded state of mind.

"Hey," she alerted him, taking a step closer. Automatically his arms went around her waist. His eyes, however, remained on the sun. "Hey, you okay?"

"Huh?" his gaze moved to Rikku and Zuke, who were in the midst of a heated debate about the public release of a contract which had her _real_ name on it. He hardly seemed to notice Yuna in his arms, looking up at him pleadingly.

Zuke was rolling his eyes. "The one I release will be a refined copy then. Your name will be edited. Will that suffice?"

"Don't you dare forget." Rikku warned, raising a threatening finger.

"I wouldn't dream of it my dear." He said, giving the couple a small wink.

"In the meantime," Tidus said calmly "we all gotta get moving. Look." He pointed behind him, and the group turned to notice the blazing sun, now halfway upon the horizon. The spare guardians would be waking up at any moment.

"Shoot!" Yuna pushed herself away from Tidus and barked instructions to everyone. She had been so caught up in worrying about him that she hadn't once thought of the time. She ordered Tidus back to his tent to change, Zuke to organize the paperwork, Rikku to gather her items. Within seconds everyone was running around again, panicking in the familiar chaos.

"I'll go on ahead!" Rikku yelled toward Yuna, miraculously already having her hair back up in its usual spiked ponytail and the items gathered in a pouch which she handed to the new bride within the minute.

"Oh thank Yevon!" Yuna exclaimed as she struggled to remove the satin slippers that had served as her wedding shoes, a pile of slipping garments clenched within her arms. "I hate to ask you to lie for me, but if Lulu happens to wake up before I get back just say I couldn't sleep and we went for a walk not 5 minutes before. They'll harass me when I get back but if I have the time to dress properly, they shouldn't notice anything particular. Can you do that for me?"

"I can do better." Rikku responded with a mischievous glint in her eye. Yuna paused from her hasty dressing, taking a moment to fully scrutinize her cousin. She knew that tone of hers. It meant she was up to something. Or, more specifically, she was in the intermediate process of a pre-arranged evil scheme. Either way, Yuna knew trouble was not far behind. She choose to remain silent and continue the battle with the slippers, waiting for her cousin to drop the bomb by her own prerogative.

Sick of waiting for a question to be posed, Rikku brought out of her pocket a small green vial. One of the ones she used whenever she did her usually 'mixing' experiments for her battle limit breaks. Casually, she strolled over to her cousin and placed it into her open palm.

"What is it?" Yuna asked innocently, rolling the vial between her fingers.

Rikku's ensuing laugh was worthy of a position in the devil's choir.

"Remember when Tidus asked how I got here? He thought he put sleeping draught in everyone's food and couldn't understand how I was still awake."

"Yeah…actually how _did_ you evade his poisoning?"

Rikku scoffed. "I noticed a pattern in the ingredients he was collecting and came to the obvious conclusion. Sadly, Tidus' concoction was so weak that it wouldn't have worked for five minutes on four, fully grown people. He would make a horrible Alchemist. And so I…I tweaked it a bit, and added it to everyone's bowl but ours."

Yuna could feel her apprehension growing as if a hand tightened around her stomach. Rikku had a horrible knack for fiddling with things that were none of her direct business. And it usually ended in disaster. "Tweaked it how?"

Rikku giggled, suddenly giddy like a school girl. "I quadrupled its intended potency. What those guys ate has knocked them out for at least another seven hours! Ha Ha!"

Yuna's eyes grew wide in horror, abruptly dropping her summoner's garments to the ground.

'_No, no, NO!'_

"Rikku! That was completely uncalled for!" she scolded, obviously furious. "They weren't supposed to know anything has changed! They'll be curious if they all wake up late, you know that! What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking this…" she jumped forward with another gift in her hand, slowly uncurling her fingers to reveal it. It was a dark, aged bronze key.

Great. Another key. Someone really should send a memo informing the populace that keys were not appropriate wedding gifts.

"Rikku…what…?"

"You deserve to be happy Yuna. More than anyone I've ever known." She interrupted, forcing the small key into her open palm. "And yet you're still too afraid to seize what opportunities you have left! This is a key to a small shelter built into the cliff's side. The Al Bhed delivery guys use it as a rest stop on the way to Gagazet, but its vacant now. It's on the way back to the camp, so you'll definitely see it if you look close enough. I, in the meantime, am gonna head back." She turned to leave, getting a few steps ahead before the speechless summoner gained the ability to use her voice again.

"Wait! Rikku! What am I suppose to do with this?" she called out to her cousin's retreating form.

She didn't pause in her running, just yelled a reply from over her shoulder. "Do whatever you want! Ha Ha! Just be gentle with him, okay?" And with that, Rikku ran off into the distance, disappearing in the morning fog, leaving the summoner mystified.

'_What was that about? She couldn't possibly be insinuating…' _

'_An empty shelter…be gentle…ohhh'_

Yuna shook her head.

'_No. That's not happening tonight. We agreed. Nice try Rikku.'_

After all, it was proven that the times she felt _it_ the most was during moments of spontaneity on Tidus part. She couldn't initiate nor plan anything. Not only would that disrupt her sense of comfort but Tidus may be displeased, thinking that she had this 'scheduled' all along. The very thing he told her _not_ to do.

No. Rikku had good intentions but one couldn't manufacture a moment such as that. Tidus and she would merely walk calmly back to camp, settle into their sleeping bags and cast esuna on the others to alleviate Rikku's poisoning and act as if just another day had just started naturally. And then, their undercover married life would begin.

Speaking of the devil, seconds later Tidus, her clumsy husband (it felt so good to say that) fell out of one of the dressing tents, holding up his pants with one hand while struggling to get his arm through his trademark yellow shirt with the other. The long earring still clung to his lobe, unnoticed by the wearer and Yuna stood on her tiptoes to unhook it, knowing that they may very well forget later and spur an unreasonable amount of questioning.

"Thanks," he mumbled through the uniform straps now held between his teeth. "You aren't dressed yet!" he noted in horror, seeing that she was still almost completely clad in the yellow wedding garments save for one shoe.

"Rikku she…she bought us a bit more time. She's going to tell Lulu we went for a walk." Yuna explained, glad to have a reason not to rush. They had not only just fit an entire three days worth of wedding preparations into less than an hour, but they also hadn't a wink of sleep in over a day and a half. Despite herself, Yuna was starting to feel the effects of pulling an all-nighter escapade. It would be nice…to have a little break before going back.

Despite all reason and sanity, she found herself beginning to contemplate Rikku's cryptic gift. What was done is done. The guardians were still asleep and would be for another few hours. The bronze key lay heavy with importance in her clenched fist.

"A walk? In the middle of the night? That buys us what? An extra five minutes knowing Lulu. We better get going." Tidus insisted, always paranoid when it came to that specific guardian discovering them. He hastily gathered her summoner's garments from the ground where she dropped them and her sac of items with included their folded up their marriage contract. He then took her hand, pulling her along, dressing while on the move if necessary. They hadn't a second to lose.

Without having a chance to even look back to see if they forgot anything, Yuna was suddenly heaved forward and running full force into the mist, following the route Rikku previously took.

They didn't talk. They didn't have the energy to talk and Yuna slowly began to lag further and further behind with every few steps, yawns forcing their way to her lips repeatedly. Her one silk shoe and other bare foot dragged in the mud.

She felt the key again in her palm and remembered Rikku's brief description of the delivery men's cave shelter. It probably had a few beds, warmth, maybe even food. A rest. A rest would be so good after all this pandemonium. Tidus obviously expected her to run _all_ the way back to camp; a feat which seemed most definitely impossible.

"Tidus wait." She tugged on his sleeve, trying to form the words in her head that would explain Rikku's gift without alluding to anything that may offset his obviously delicate state of mind. "I'm really tired. Can we…"

"We can sleep after we get there. But first, we have to get there."

That was the end of the conversation. Married for less than an hour and the unquestionable orders and feelings of disinterest had already settled. That must be some sort of record, even for a celebrity couple. Yuna had no choice but to try and keep up, her disappointed frown unnoticed by her husband.

They continued to run. They ran for almost ten minutes until her breath started to burn the back of her throat. She shivered under the thin fabric of her wedding dress and her heart pounded almost painfully within the constraints of her chest. She was so tired. Above them, lighting flashed threateningly. The weak light that slow sunrise had provided was almost made obsolete by dark clouds. She couldn't breathe.

Keeping a sharp eye on the cliff's edge beside them, Yuna finally spotted what she had been looking for. A crude wooden door hidden within the rock. Mercifully, the most beautiful door she had ever seen considering her desperation.

"Tidus please…I can't go…"

"We're almost there" he insisted, apparently oblivious to her pain.

"**Stop**!" A combination of failing stamina and pure anger at his ignorance caused her to fall to her knees, fulfilling her purposes of both taking a break to calm her burning lungs and getting Tidus' attention.

"Yuna!" He kneeled before her, lifting her by the shoulders to give some support. "What-what's wrong?"

Her reply, if she had had the breath to give one, was cut off by the loud boom of thunder. They both looked up only to have their faces instantly drenched in a downpour of heavy, prairie-land rain.

"God dammit" Tidus cursed while hastily tucking away the item pouch into one of Yuna's boots that he carried, praying that the contract hadn't yet had any connection with the water. Yuna sat there, breathing heavily, feeling the ground beneath her soften as it turned into mud. Her hair became heavy with the added weight of the water and several pins unhinged, letting thick strands slap her cheeks as they fell. She wiped them out her eyes and stood up, blinking to see Tidus through what seemed to be a solid sheet of water between them.

"**What do we do**?" He yelled over the loud pouring rain. "**If they weren't awake, they certainly will be now**!"

"Rikku gave them an extra dosage! They'll be out cold till tonight!"

"What?" He honestly couldn't hear her. He took a step closer, turning his ear toward her lips.

"I said…ug! Never mind. Follow me!"

"**I can't hear you**!"

"FOLLOW ME!"

Gathering her now saturated and heavy dress up in her hands, and kicking free her remaining shoe, Yuna took off at a run toward the cliff's edge. She heard Tidus protesting behind her but ignored him, pretending to be deaf because of the rain. The majority of her hair had come loose, letting daises and ribbon fall to the ground in her wake. The earth itself was soft and mushy beneath her feet, which occasionally got nicked by sharp stones. She could barely see an inch in front of her, her eyes blinded by constant droplets. She squinted and held a hand above her forehead as a lame makeshift visor. It didn't help much.

She was cold. She was wet. She was miserable. This wasn't what her wedding night was supposed to be like. And frankly, she was more than a little irritated because of it.

"**What the hell are you doing?**" Tidus screamed after he caught up, his breath coming out in ghostly puffs of air. Goosebumps trailed all over his skin seeing as he had taken off his waterproof shirt to be used as a tarp for the items and garments he held. "**The** **camp is that way!"**

"I know where camp is! I'm **not** going to the camp!" she snapped. The door was getting closer and closer. Tidus began to argue from his position to her right, but his words were drowned as the rain inexplicably thickened, creating the impression that someone was literally pouring a constant bucket of water over their heads.

Yuna hoped Rikku was alright. She trusted that the petite girl had the strength or the brains to either cure the group's unconscious state so that they could protect themselves or at least drag them, one by one, toward some sort of shelter. Knowing Rikku's unfounded persistence to give the couple some time alone, she was probably dragging the guardians under various rocks to provide some weak refuge from the storm. Unless she opted to merely cover their bodies with tarps. Degrading, yet it got the job done. Thinking about the painstaking task, Yuna considered that Rikku was perhaps even more depressed and befuddled than she was at the moment. The rain would cause questions of course, but she didn't care anymore. She'd burn that bridge when she came to it.

"**Yuna**!" Tidus exclaimed, practically screaming directly in her ear to get her attention. "**Are you insane**? **We HAVE to go back!**"

"**No, we don't**!"

"**Yes, we really do!"**

He tried to grab a hold of her arm, forcing her to change direction, but his vision was compromised because of the rain, and her skin was slippery making it easy for her to wrench out of his awkward grasp. He didn't know where she was going, or even what she planned to do. The one thing that ran through his mind was what _he_ thought _she_ wanted: that is, to keep her guardians comfortably in denial that anything unusual transpired tonight. The ceremony preparations had lasted longer than anticipated, leaving them no time to do anything but rush back if they wanted to keep this a secret.

He could see the others now, already angry because of the brutal wake up the rain caused. Then noticing that he and Yuna were not in their beds. Panic. Rikku trying to calm them down with lies about 'a walk' but then, after a few minutes, she would be pressured into revealing the whole story in a fit of sobs. A rescue party would be sent out. Scolding and disappointment once they were found. Interrogations. Revelations. The remainder of Yuna's journey, the rest of her life, would finalize in miserable awkwardness with those she had once called family. He would rather die than see her unhappy, and the route she was now on led exactly there. They had to get back.

"**Yuna, come on!**" he reached for her again, succeeding in grabbing a hand full of yellow fabric which she yanked herself violently free off, ripping off a sleeve in the process. She spun around to face him, dirty and torn, her hair disheveled with a few remaining braids, flowers and pins sticking out erratically, her gown now missing an arm at the shoulder and an expression of rage gracing her usually calm features.

"It's not supposed to be like this." She mumbled through tight lips.

"**What**?" Tidus screamed over the rain, struggling to listen.

"**It's not supposed to be like this!" **she screeched, taking a decisive step forward to make sure he heard her. Up close she looked even angrier and Tidus slowly felt his panic at getting caught fade into angry confusion.

"What's not supposed to be like this?"

"Everything! All of this! It isn't right! Running for our lives through mud and rain…our wedding isn't supposed to be like this!"

Tidus could feel his own annoyance unwillingly begin to boil beneath the surface. "You think this is how I imagined it to be? Need I remind you that this is what YOU wanted Yuna. You were the one who wanted to skulk away into the night like criminals. Don't blame me for your bad decisions, nor for natural disasters!"

The memory of his resistance to the kiss came back to her and she almost laughed. "We've been married an hour. AN HOUR! You haven't done anything! Not touched, nor even talked to me! Why? Was this whole thing for glory? For the fame of being the Lady Yuna's husband? Do you turn cold the moment the papers are signed?"

Tidus' fists clenched under the pile of clothing he held, suspicious as to how and why she had suddenly become so spiteful. "How can you think that? How can you think that after all that's happened?"

"**I don't know!** I don't know! I can't…I feel…" she brought she hands to her face, wiping away the mixture of rain and tears that had pooled within her eyes. She didn't know where she was going with the conversation. All she knew was that she didn't want the night to end like this. Not with a fight. Not with returning to camp and pretending nothing happened. It was inexplicable, completely illogical, but she knew that the moment she stepped back under the watchful eye of Lulu and the others, everything would be the same again. And that, for whatever reason, was a thought she couldn't tolerate.

She was married. So what? For all intensive purposes all she had to remember the night by was a pointless piece of paper and some cuts on her feet. It was supposed to be more. She needed it to be more. Why couldn't he see that?

_'You, more than anyone, deserve happiness Yuna.'_

'_This is the key to a house is Besaid!'- 'This house is meant for a family.'_

'_The difference between us is that you have everything to lose.'_

'_Just don't do it. Forget all that. Live a normal life!'_

'_I just think that…no…I **know** that anything between you two is a bad idea.'_

'_Not until the end, Always'_

"**Everything I've done, I've done for you!**" he yelled through the rain, his voice shaking with emotion. "**Every move I've made tonight. Every word. Every breath. All for you. Everything! What else can I give Yuna? Tell me and I'll do it!**"

She matched his furious glare, livid because he was perfectly right and yet she was still disappointed.

It was true. He had done nothing more than what she had asked: a quick, pre-dawn ceremony, the agreement to compromise everything should it threaten their secret, and the promise to stay with her till the end. Everything she had asked. No more, no less. That was the problem.

She stared at him through the ensuing flood, hugging the disorderly pile of items to his chest, dark blonde locks plastered against his forehead and still those familiar blue eyes shone brightly through the dim pre-dawn haze. He was obviously angry, silently fuming due to her comments as his ragged breath created several tiny puffs into the chilled morning air.

"Tell me what you want?" he repeated in a softer tone, honestly desiring nothing more than to see her happy. He thought that meant getting through this wedding undetected, but now he could tell her true wishes consisted of something more. "I'll do anything…"

"What do I want…?"

Secretly, deep down in her heart, she had harbored high expectations for him to take initiative tonight. For him to, yet again, show her what she wanted so that she could keep her honor by feigning ignorance. He was the one meant to break the rules. He was supposed to whisk her off her feet. This one time he had done everything by the book, keeping her initial instructions firmly in mind, wanting everything to be perfect.

"What I want…"

'_I don't want to go back.'_

'_I don't want to wait.'_

'_I want you…'_

All that had happened over the past few weeks…everything seemed to culminate toward this one moment. Macalania. The night in the woods. Her birthday. The Wedding…it all aimed toward one goal; one moment of ecstasy that she had been fumbling to get a solid hold of since the day they had first met. Since the day it became official that she was going to die. So much had happened since then.

She was now an adult.

She was now someone's wife. _His_ wife.

And she was as much his and he was hers to do with what she pleased.

'_Life is precious Yuna. And I want nothing more than for you to be able to live it to its full extent.'_

'_Mother…'_

No more denial. No more dignity and grace. Two months was all she had, and she intended to use it wisely.

'_Seize the moments you have left Yuna.'_

"What I want is…"

Tidus could do nothing but stare blankly in shock as his previously infuriated wife dove for his mouth, grabbing his wet hair in her hands, pressing herself eagerly against him as her lips devoured his.

To tell the truth, it was a little weird at first seeing as it was so extremely un-Yuna like for her to ever make the first move. He looked back to every kiss they had shared since the beginning, all of which had been brought on by his gentle coaxing. At times, he wondered if she indeed wanted him at all. But in this one display of affection, the pressure against her restraint had snapped a flood of passion free, hitting him candidly in the face, as plentiful as the rain.

The bundle of items fell to the ground in front of him, forgotten as the kiss deepened. She cautiously leapt onto him then, wrapping her long legs around his torso and he had no choice but to catch her, arms automatically wrapping themselves around her back. He was still confused, still wondering where this random spurt of energy was coming from, wondering how soon it was till Lulu came to hunt him down with a shotgun, when all thought abruptly ceased when he heard her softly moan against his lips.

It was such an odd sound coming from her. A noise attributed to either great pain or great pleasure. There was something animal about the way she did it. Something that made him suddenly acutely aware of the ripped sleeve of her dress, revealing her bare shoulder and just a little of her upper chest, the wet material of her dress clinging to her fragile form, the strange yet enticingly violent movement of her lips against his, even the rain itself…everyone of his senses contributed to the arousing nature of the situation.

It was no longer a question. It was no longer up for debate, striving for a 'convenient' time that would most likely never arrive. They both knew it. They both felt it in their hearts.

Yuna slowly extricated herself from his torso. The familiar heat was now not only warming her skin, but making her physically ache for something more. Without a word, nor even a glance, she led him the extra three meters toward the door hidden in the rock, their items left forgotten in the Calm Lands mud.

As she fumbled with the key in the lock, Tidus wasted no time, reaching around the front of her dress to undo the fastenings at the neck, slipping a hand inside and underneath the fabric, stroking his fingers along her collarbone. His breath was hot against her neck as he kissed it, making it excruciatingly difficult to concentrate on the door. More than once she dropped the key in the grass and upon turning to retrieve it she found herself instead capturing his lips again, the dress being pulled down her shoulders, the rain droplets sliding down the center groove of her chest.

It was frigidly cold and yet she felt boiling hot. For a moment she considered just staying out there, lying down in the slippery grass, letting the soothing rain cool them as they went along. But eventually her groping hand found the key, deeming the natural setting a tad too public and forced her attention to focus for the 3 seconds necessary to unlock to door. They fell through the opening together, passing the threshold, kicking it shut and blocking out the harsh white noise of the pouring rain.

There was no bothering navigating through the apartment, their eyes remained shut, the mouths cemented. Flailing hands knocked frames off the walls, unsteady feet kicked over tables as they made their way through the small, main living quarters. Finding the bedroom was unanimously deemed to be too complicated and together they fell to the cold, stone floor.

They didn't think. Just felt.

It was a morning that would change their lives forever.

* * *

**Author's Note: **drum roll And there's the wedding! FINALLY. Sorry for those who found the actual ceremony a bit rushed but, as you see later, that was the point. I actually had another scene written out for this chapter which jumped into the future again with Yuna's "illness" but all together it was waaaayyy too long. Thus, that entire section will be kept for next time:-P. On the bright side, that means half the new chapter is already written. Woohoo!

All in all, thanks for all the reviews last time guys! That, pretty much, is what inspired me to update so quickly through the pounds of homework I have to complete. Hope you enjoyed reading this as I enjoyed writing it and, as always, comments and criticism are welcomed and adored in review format, teehee!

Reached 10,000 hits :D


	14. Lovebird's Lament

**Author's Note: **I hate to title my scenes to blatantly point out that I'm jumping back and forth between the present, the past, and the future. To quote my scriptwriting teacher "To suggest is to create. To define is to kill." So I purposely complicated the order of events to make things a tad more interesting writing wise. However, many of you, my beloved readers, seem to be confused. I apologize -sad face-. It's too late to change the style but I will try to make the transitions a tad more obvious. To sum up, Yuna's illness is in the future (after Tidus' "death") while the wedding is still months in the past, back when they were in the Calm Lands. Any other random scenes are probably from the game and you will recognize if you paid close enough attention to FFX :-p. Hope that helps. Enjoy!

"_In life there are only Happy Endings. _

_If it's not, then it's not the end…"_

**-- Anonymous**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 14 …_ The Lovebird's Lament_…**

'_Mommy!'_

'_Just a sec dear.'_

"_Whenever Jecht was around, my mother wouldn't even look at me. Maybe that was when I started to resent him…even hate him. When he left us, Mom just lost her energy." Tidus explained, in an abnormally temperate tone. Yuna kept her eyes glued to the spectral image of his mother, trying to trace the similarities. He had her eyes. Silently, she thanked the woman for gracing her son with such a striking feature. _

_Tidus continued to tell her story._

"_The old lady next door told me that when a lovebird dies, the one left behind, it just gives up living so that it can join its mate. It was just like that…I hated my old man even more."_

_He paused, lost in the memory. After a few beats he shook himself out of his trance, noticing her silently standing beside him, waiting patiently. "Oh man…I must sound so stupid."_

_Yuna smiled. The image of his mother shimmered before them, hovering on the farplane's mist. "I don't think so. It's…its kind of romantic."_

_Tidus laughed uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck while doing his best to avoid the piercing stare of his mother's ghost. _

_He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to admit that the incessant nagging of his spoiled 7-year-old self had probably been a main factor in his mother's demise. Despite himself, he felt his eyes begin to burn familiarly. He turned from her, hastily blinking away any evidence of emotion. If she noticed, she didn't say anything. He was grateful._

"_This…this is pretty embarrassing."_

_Again, she remained mercifully quiet. _

_Together, they watched his mother float. Something about each other's presence brought comfort to the otherwise awkward situation._

_It felt…nice. It felt right._

…

_

* * *

Bright lights._

_Uncomfortable, cold bed._

_Voices whispering. _

Yuna wished they would be quiet. She wished everything would finally end.

She wanted to tell them to stop, to not bother. She didn't want to be saved. But they couldn't hear her, and she was too weak to tell them.

"It…it _hurts_" she managed to strangle out.

No response. She couldn't see, nor hear nor feel anything. All she could do was hope they understood what she was asking in those few meek words:

"It hurts."

'_It hurts too much. I'm broken. I can't go on. It hurts. Please… Let me go. Let me go to him. Let _us_ go to him.'_

'It hurts.'

'_When a lovebird dies…'_

* * *

A young boy strolled leisurely down the hallway and was waved passed the two sentries guarding the door to Lady Yuna's temporary chambers on the airship. Rumor had it that she had taken ill after the final battle and the entire community was buzzing with curious tension as to what the cause of her condition was. The captain sending him, of all people, to deliver a message to Cid had been a definite Godsend. Should he get even the slightest glimpse of Yuna, hidden deep within the recess' of the largest suite, he would gain his much sought-after 15 minutes of fame.

He approached the bedroom, his heart hammering madly in his chest, quickening with every step. As the distance between him and the door closed, he began to hear voices through the thin metal.

"We should be there by now. It's been long enough. I'll check on our flight status in a moment." He recognized the voice as his leader Cid's.

"What should we do in the meantime?" said a young girl. Rikku.

Cid sighed. "I assume word has gotten round about the sending of Sin. Every media personnel in Spira will be trying to get a hold of her. Something tells me that Yuna wouldn't want anyone to know she's sick. This has to be _low-key_. We create a distraction, sneak her in, fix her up and get her out ASAP."

"Luca is the second largest city in Spira you idiot!" An angrier female interjected, the only person he had ever heard scolding the great and powerful Cid. "You can't exactly _sneak_ anyone in. Especially now, after the murder of all the maesters the military branch there must be in chaos without any distinct leader. Regardless of that problem, what do you think hospitals do? Sprinkle you with healing **fairy dust** and then send you on your way? No! Yuna may need _time_ to heal and… "

"Woman, please! Give me a break! I'm doing the best I can here!"

"I can't help it if your plan lacks logic. What do you expect me to do? Follow blindly? I'm not Al Bhed, and seeing as such I have no illogical pre-conceived reason to trust you."

"You, lady, are the biggest pain in the neck I have ever met! And that's saying a lot. "

"I'm crying on the inside." She countered sarcastically.

Foreseeing that the argument was on the border of getting worse, the boy choose now to interrupt, cracking open the door slightly in order to relay his message.

"Umm…Mr. Cid?"

The voices insides paused, murmuring between each other.

"What?" his gruff voice answered finally.

"Five minutes till arrival at the shipping docks of Luca, sir. Buddy sent me to tell you." He make extra sure to announce that his presence had reason while daring to nudge the door open a little wider, trying his best to peek over the shoulders of the several guardians surrounding the single, metal railed cot.  
Cid, obviously not in the mood to endure curious bystanders, stood from his kneeled position beside the bed, took several deliberate steps towards the cabin door, and slammed it with all his might.

The boy cringed at the sound, his fingers barely escaping being smashed in the door jam. Cid had a tendency to become ruthless when discouraged. He should have known not to test the man's patience. Not now at least. Not today.

With a sigh the boy slowly retreated until he was back in the hallway. Once there, he averted his gaze towards his friends who were waiting with baited breath around the corner. He shrugged and watched as each of their faces fell and unanimous 'awwwws' of disappointment echoed down the corridor. They would all just have to take whatever places were left surrounding the off ramp, hoping to see the Lady Yuna as she was removed from the premises.

What a waste.

The boy was about to return to his post when suddenly he heard the door fly open again. Cid stood there, glaring down at him, an expression of genuine frustration on his face.

"Did you say we're arriving at _the docks_?"

It seemed more of a threat than a question.

"Y-yes sir." He answered in a stutter. "The docks of Luca harbor. Buddy sent me to tell you…"

"_Screw the docks!_ I told him I wanted to land in front of the damn hospital!" The boy stood a hesitant step back. Though the door was wide open, all yearnings of seeing Lady Yuna had evaporated into the terror of disappointing his clan leader.

"I-I don't think that's doable, sir." He replied as sensitively as possible. "The city's people will be petrified enough when seeing this airship, to fly it right into the city would be suici-"

"If he's too afraid, I'll do it my God damn self!"

And with that, Cid took off down the hallway, causing the friends waiting around the corner to scatter and flee the moment they caught sight of his furious face. Seconds later, they could all feel the ship psychically jolt, as if the controls were being forced by someone who didn't know how to properly handle them. Cid had obviously gotten his hands on the steering to pursue his determined and insane intention of flying directly into the center of Luca city, landing in the center square.

"He's nuts!" The boy exclaimed to the empty hallway, grabbing on to the wall for support as the ship tossed and tipped. He could hear the shouts from the people on the upper levels who by now could probably see exactly where the ship was heading, and the army of Yevon guards that had, without a doubt, sprung up to defend the city. They were seconds from being shot out of the sky!

The boy hugged the hand rail tighter, his life flashing before his eyes as the sound of gun fire blasted through the air, filling his senses with mind-numbing panic. The ship jolted and thumped repeatedly as heavy arsenal contacted from all sides, sending him falling to his knees. It was the Home invasion all over again…except this time, it was their own fault.

He had been so caught up in his own dread that he hardly noticed the door opening, and a solitary figure step out into the corridor.

"We're here," someone whispered above him. The voice was familiar. It was the same woman who had been previously arguing with Cid.

The boy opened his eyes and from his crouched position and was met with the sight of a hefty skirt composed purely of belts and buckles. Such a dress pertained to only one famous black mage. Lulu.

He looked up and met her wine colored eyes, truly in awe to finally be face to face with one of the renowned guardians he had spent the last few months living with, and yet never daring to get within 50 feet of. The summoner's group had been like phantom guests on the airship, appearing only at night to rest after days of training in far off lands. They would be gone again before any Al Bhed awoke. If it wasn't for the sworn word of some night-duty sentries who had caught glimpses, the people would never have believed that such a group ever existed.

And yet, here they were. In the flesh.

Lulu scanned the corridor, her eyes darting toward the windows that lined the wall where the Luca buildings slowly came into view as Cid attempted a hasty, unsteady landing. Lulu didn't fumble nor stagger once through all the ship's jerking. She was truly blessed with inhuman levels of grace and balance.

"**You're good to go! Can't get any more distracting than this, eh?**" Cid's voice boomed over the intercom, laughing maniacally. "**Warrior monks are beginning pop up like freakin' daisies on my temporary platform. I expect trouble. Don't forget to equip yourselves.**"

Immediately, without one word said, three other guardians emerged from the room, each sporting their weapon of choice. Kimahri the Ronso had his Lancet at the ready. Rikku, Cid's daughter, was strapping on her self-made Claw. And Wakka, captain of the Besaid Aurochs, did not have with him his traditional deadly blitzball, but instead held in his arms a frail, limb body.

A body that seemed relatively lifeless.

"Lady Yuna?" The boy whispered, his voice inexplicably choked with emotion. Yuna, unlike the others, had bothered to make a few acquaintances during their long stay in the airship's residence. He remembered her laughing, joking innocently with the other women despite her dire circumstances. She had always seemed to be one of those people who would be forever young, happy and strong. Right now however…never had he seen a human being appear more fragile. Not a living human being anyway. With those heavy, loose arms, pale skin and all that dried blood one would almost think that…

"She's dead!" the boy realized in sudden alarm, drawing the attention of the four guardians who were still contemplating which route to best make their exit.

Rikku, to the rescue, quickly leapt over to him, kneeling down to his level in an attempt to provide some sort of personalized consolation. "She'll be fine" she assured with an unsteady voice, trying her best to discourage any horrid rumors that may spawn as a result of this encounter. She knew her people too well. They tended to have big mouths and she, of course, appreciated how precious Yuna's privacy was to her.

Wakka, hoping to humor the boy, attempted to arrange Yuna's body a tad more elegantly in his arms. In his haste to remove her from the small bedroom, he had let her head and arms fall back limply, displaying for all to see her blood saturated clothes. In a few awkward movements he had her head resting against his chest and her arms folded in her lap. To the casual observer, she appeared to be sleeping. At least that's what he hoped they would see.

"Yuna's just resting, ya." Wakka tried, smiling sheepishly at the boy who was obviously on the brink of tears. "But we need to get her out of here. Quickly and quietly. You want to help us help Yuna, huh?"

The boy hesitated and stared at what he had once deemed to be the corpse of their savior. Upon closer inspection, he saw that she was indeed breathing, if a little weakly. And with an impulsive spurt of chivalry, he wanted nothing more than to see her arrive safely at the hospital.

"Th-there's a secret emergency hatch in the engine room" he admitted quietly. "It leads to underneath the main bow of the ship. They won't think to look there. Only the kids know about it."

"A secret exit." Lulu repeatedly hopefully, experiencing the first sliver of relief she had felt since witnessing Tidus begin to dissolve. It seemed like ages ago. "Show it to us!" she demanded.

"_Please_ show it to us." Rikku corrected, knowing all too well the intimidating effect Lulu had on children. The last thing they needed was for their key out to run for the hills in fear.

In Wakka's arms, Yuna groaned and curled deeper into his chest, as if looking for escape. "I-it…it hur. It hurts…" she mumbled, her eyes never opening. It was all she had said during her fleeting moments of consciousness in the past seven hours: It hurts. She had neither the will nor the strength to scream or cry anymore.

"Shh…I know honey." Lulu whispered while tucking a blanket she had borrowed around Yuna's body so as to hide the gruesome stains of vomit and blood covering her once regal clothing. "We're getting help. Just hang on a bit more okay?"

Yuna didn't respond. She never did. The pain had knocked her out again.

The group turned toward the boy with all their hope pressing upon his shoulders. Outside they could hear the fight beginning as the Luca citizens panicked, thinking the Al Bhed had invaded as revenge for Home's destruction. Cid would get them to calm down soon enough, hopefully before anyone got hurt. In the mean time, as the distracting min-war was in full swing, they needed to sneak Yuna into the hospital while all eyes were occupied.

Understanding the importance of his role, the boy immediately turned and ran down the hall toward the elevator. "Follow me!" he commanded courageously, feeling like a mighty guardian himself as he listened to the heavy footsteps of the four adults following him closely. This adventure would surpass all other fruitless tales of mere glimpses of the Lady and her entourage.

Cid was heard screaming incoherently through the thick metals walls, yelling instructions to his rowdy group of Al Bhed and their pet machines all the while claiming innocence to the warrior monks. If anyone could prove that landing in the middle of a city's central shopping district was nothing but a misunderstanding, Cid would be the one to do it. Yevonites, after all, liked to assume that the Al Bhed were a bunch of un-educated goof balls. They would get away with little more than a ticket and directions towards the shipping docks soon enough. But before that, they needed to unload their valued summoner.

The boy was not only enthusiastic but also quick on his feet, giving them sufficient warning to stay back should he spot a monk around a corner, inspecting the ship for anything that proved malicious intent. Soon enough, after many twists and turns to avoid any unwanted encounters, they arrived at the engine room.

"Down here!" he instructed, pausing to pull up a loose sheet of tin flooring, underneath of which, true to his words, was the hidden hatch. Their salvation.

Kimahri, for the first time in their knowing him, seemed in a rush. The big blue cat sprung into the hole the missing panel created and yanked open the hatch, peering briefly outside to scrutinize their position.

"Good." Was all he said, before opening his arms out to Wakka. Hurriedly, the Blitzer handed over his precious cargo into the big furry limbs, careful to keep her head supported as if she were a newborn. Kimahri was undoubtedly the fastest and strongest of them all. They would catch up to him. It was a silent agreement.

"Go." Lulu commanded, and he immediately complied. With agility impossible for humans, Kimahri sprang through the small opening with Yuna cradled securely against his chest and ran for it.

He was through the nearby hospital doors before any of them even had a chance to even get a foot through the hatch. One by one the three remaining guardians helped each other safely make the 10 foot drop to the cement square below before taking off in pursuit of the Ronso.

"Hey! Wait for me!" The boy called out after the guardians as they started to run with the obvious intention of leaving him behind. He put one foot through the hatch opening, hoping to somehow gain the courage to jump, when Rikku unexpectedly appeared below him, blocking off his potential landing pad.

"This is guardian business now kid!" she explained with an unbecoming tone of seriousness. "Plus, someone has to tell Cid that we've made it out. Very important message, you got that?"

The boy retracted his foot from the hatch hesitantly. The idea of springing ten feet to cement and most likely breaking his leg was relatively unappealing in the first place. Now he had another, more important, mission. Yuna and her guardians were depending on him.

"Roger!" he accepted, giving Rikku a stiff salute. She returned it eagerly; watching to make sure he completely closed the hidden hatch before sprinting off the join her original group who had just burst through the hospital doors a mere hundred feet away.

"Zoan Memorial. How can I help y-"

"Yuna!" Rikku cried upon entering, blatantly ignoring the receptionist's welcome while jogging over toward the crisis room entrance where her cousin was being placed on a small cot with wheels by Kimahri, the other guardians and novice healers pressed around at all sides. She pushed her way through the crowd of curious bystanders violently in order to reach the cot, feeling the familiar fear that had hung within her for the past seven hours beginning to rise climatically in her throat once more.

"What's wrong with her?" she screamed, watching as apprentices began cutting through Yuna's robes, cleaning off the caked blood from her torso, hooking tubes into her arms and casting bizarre spells methodically all while remaining irritatingly silent. "_What's wrong!"_

"We're waiting for the head healer." Lulu explained from the other side of the bed, holding on to Yuna's hand who, despite being unconscious, was returning the grip harshly.

"They can't tell us anything." Wakka further clarified, biting his nails in the background nervously. "We tried."

"Where the hell is this healer then?"

Lulu shrugged, her attention focused on brushing the sweaty strands of Yuna's hair away from her face. Wakka continued to chew furiously on his nails and Kimahri stood guard, glaring menacingly at any spectators from the waiting room who dared to get too close.

Seconds seemed like minutes. Minutes like hours. And Rikku's apprehension only intensified.

"**Where the HELL is the damn healer**!"

"Patience is virtue my dear" came the voice of an elderly man just exiting the crisis wing doors, a soft, welcoming smile appearing on his lips.

He approached the comatose Yuna, stretching strange translucent gloves over his thin, wrinkled fingers, as the novices parted like the sea in order to clear a path for him toward his new patient. "We've had quite the busy afternoon here, considering there was an Al Bhed attack and all."

"IT WASN'T AN ATTACK!" Rikku screamed passionately. Lulu threw a death glare in her direction, silently pleading for her to remain quiet. This was not the time or the place to attempt to defend her heritage. All that mattered now was Yuna. Rikku instantly calmed. "Please…just…just help if you can."

The head healer smiled, kindly ignoring her outburst as he contemplated his pale patient. "I'll do what I can" he said and began the tedious and methodical process of examining all her vital signs. Every move he made was being carefully recorded onto a chart by a secretary looking over his shoulder in a bored manner.

"How old is this woman?"

Wakka, finally able to step forward and take a position next to the cot now that the novices had departed, spoke up. "_This woman_ is the Lady Yuna." he corrected in a whisper, careful to check that none of the other medical staff were listening. "And she's 18 years old."

If the healer was at all shocked as to the identity of his patient, he showed no sign of it.

"She's unconscious." He stated lamely, lifting and dropping her heavy arm for emphasis.

"Well duh!" Rikku cut in, inciting another angry glare from Lulu. Like her father before her, she couldn't help but mistrust Yevon physicians. In her mind, this hospital was simply a last, desperate resort and thus she had no obligation to respect it. "Your diagnostic abilities are remarkable. Really."

Again, the doctor ignored her and continued his examination, gesturing for his secretary to come closer. "18 years old. Yuna."

"THE Yuna?" the secretary questioned, immediately showing profound interest. The healer moved on, disregarding yet another interruption.

"Yuna. Unconscious. Unwounded. Bleeding…Is she married?" he asked casually.

"What!" Rikku exclaimed, taken aback by the utter irrelevance of the question.

"I asked, is she married?"

"She's…I uh…" The Al Bhed's mouth opened and closed like a fish…at a rare loss for words.

'_How the hell did he know that?'_

"No" Lulu answered, taking over in Rikku's stead as informant. She followed the healer's gaze toward Yuna's blood stained left hand, guessing that that was the reason why he had asked. "The ring was a gift. From a friend."

"Hmm…" the healer mumbled, continuing his assessment without a further word. He massaged her throat, forced her eyes open, poked her abdomen, felt her forehead and cast several scan-like magic spells on different areas of her body. Yuna, by now, had fallen into such a deep trance that she no longer reacted to anything. This continued for several tense minutes until, moments before Rikku was about to verbally explode again, he seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Aha." he murmured quietly before turning toward the secretary who hung behind him, staring in awe at the patient that had now been identified as famous. He whispered something in her ear and she nodded, her face unable to stop from frowning a little in what looked like pity. She scribbled something on her clip board and signaled to the other apprentices. Before the guardians could even begin to comprehend what was going on, Yuna was being carted off down the crisis wing hallway by several novices, running with urgency through the doors.

Rikku hardly had time to blink before Yuna was out of sight with the head healer about to follow close behind, leaving their questions to remain hanging. Decidedly, after seven grueling hours of waiting, Rikku knew she wouldn't last a minute more of torturous uncertainty. And thus, ignoring Lulu's silent glares of warning, the Al Bhed lunged.

"Hey. **HEY**!" She grabbed the healer roughly by the shirt before he could disappear through the doors, spinning him around to face her. "What do you think you are doing?"

"I'm saving your friend's life" he answered calmly, while carefully prying her fingers off his collar. "She'll be in surgery for the next two or three hours. I suggest you all get some rest."

"Surgery?" Wakka exclaimed, eyes wide with fear. "Wha-What surgery? A-as in _you're gonna_ _cut her open_ surgery?"

"She just had another anxiety attack, didn't she?" Lulu rationalized, wringing her hands nervously. "I recognized some of the symptoms. She fell. She cried. She was sick. But when she didn't wake up I…and the blood came and I didn't…why _surgery_?"

The healer opened his mouth, and then shut it; glancing over his shoulder down the hallway where he knew the girl Yuna was being prepped. He sighed and pushed his spectacles further up the bridge of his nose, deeply considering what words to say next. Nothing he could honestly say would bring them any sense of comfort. Besides, he had taken an oath to respect a patient's confidentiality. He wouldn't compromise that for anything especially since, despite the recent turn of events; he had too much respect for the girl.

"Lady Yuna will be fine, I assure you. You brought her here in the nick of time. Good work, guardians" he complimented the group, staring pointedly into the Al Bhed girl's eyes, hoping to lessen the hate radiating from them. "By nightfall, after some rest and the sleep educing spells wear off, you will surely be able to speak with her. I, in the meantime, have an operation to perform. Every second counts. Excuse me please."

He knew very well that he hadn't answered their questions even a tad bit satisfactorily, but it was the best he could do within his limitations. He turned his back on the guardians and walked through the crisis wings doors, taking little notice of the novices that flocked to him, removing his heavy ornamental robe for a light cotton smock, dis-infecting his hands with holy water, placing a cap on his bald head, a new pair of translucent gloves and amulet around his neck – a symbolic prayer for luck that his patient survives the procedure…

Within the minute he was in the 'clean' room. Ready to go.

'_My dear Lady Yuna…'_ the healer gave the unconscious, now uncontaminated woman an intense look of pity as his hand hovered a jeweled, blessed knife above her pale skin, contemplating his incisions. _'What a mess you've gotten yourself into…'_

He sighed as he made the first cut.

* * *

'When a lovebird dies…'

'I want to die too…'

'Tidus…I'm on my way.'

* * *

**Author's Note: **Another fast update. Why? Because of your reviews, which have seriously brightened my day and pushed my determination to get this fic wrapped up and its 'secrets' (though obvious by now) officially revealed. The largest 'critique' against me seems to be that my chapters are too tediously long and thus why I've cut it down…instead of having 'two scenes' per chapter (one in the past, one in the present) I'm just posting each scene individually to make updates more frequent and less painful to read. I hope everyone agrees with my decision. I'm worried that it'll make the jumping between times even more confusing than it already is but only time will tell right? The scene of Tidus and Yuna following their wedding is already written (it was initially part of this chapter until I was advised to make things shorter) and is just itching to be posted depending on the responses I get –wink-…and, another warning, upon posting the next chapter my rating will officially go up to 'M-for Mature'.

Looking forward to your replies and advice. Till next time!


	15. Morning Glow

**-Warning-**: This work is rated "**M" for Mature **and the following sexual subject matter may be considered offensive or shocking for readers less than 17 years of age. Please take this rating into account before continuing.

"_Love's mysteries in souls do grow,  
But yet the body is his book."_  
**--John Donne, _Extasy_**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 15 …_ Morning Glow_…**

'_When a lovebird dies…'_

'_I want to die too…'_

'_Tidus…I'm on my way.'_

* * *

Yuna's eyes fluttered open gradually, trying to blink away the physical effects of sleep as her arms rose above her head, stretching in a forceful yawn. She squinted to adapt to the harsh, bright sun that filled the cave-like room, filtering through the small, crude hole in the cliff's rock that served as a window in the delivery men's shelter.

The beams of daylight were angled, direct from the east and painfully blinding; characteristics of the pre-midday sun…meaning it must be somewhere around ten am.

Ten AM. Yuna's eyes popped open.

They had over slept!

Abruptly, she tried to sit up but found her progress hindered by a warm body, deep in slumber, sprawled across her like the thin wool blanket they were using.

"Tidus?" she whispered to the head of disheveled blonde hair resting on her chest. "Tidus!"

No response. He lay there as still as a corpse, spent from a sleepless night followed by an exhausting morning of activity. He looked so darling snuggled up against her like that, hugging a dusty cushion to his chest like a stuffed animal. For a moment she felt certain that she couldn't dare disrupt such a perfect image of youth and innocence…but then her logic returned along with dread. They had to get up.

"Tidus?" she tried again while weaving her fingers through his still-damp wheaten locks, hoping to get a reaction. He only mumbled something incoherently and turned his head over, pressing his other, colder cheek into her bare flesh, enticing a loud wince.

"You're freezing!" she tired to squirm out from under him but the weight of his upper body kept her restrained, flat against the floor. She looked down and saw the golden, tanned shoulders jiggle slightly, his laughing muffled in her abdomen where his face was buried. He obviously hadn't been asleep at all.

She narrowed her eyes. "You're mean, you know that?"

Tidus looked up at her, blue eyes shining in merriment. "And you're beautiful" he responded with a boyish giggle. She tried to glare at him, but found it impossible. Instead her frown melted into an amused smirk as she mentally scolded herself for being so easily manipulated by his charm.

He then took a moment to scrutinize her. His eyes roamed over her body slowly and attentively, taking in the glorious sight of his wife finally visible to him in the hazy morning glow. He bit his lip, keeping their eyes locked, while snaking his fingers up the center channel of her chest.

"Good morning lover" he said simply, his mouth breaking into a wide smile which Yuna help but reciprocate.

"A good morning it is" she replied with equal, close to nauseating, cheerfulness.

It was weird being exposed like this. But a good weird. Having anyone, let alone a man, touch her in such a way she once considered not only downright scandalous, but disgusting all in itself. But Tidus was not just any man of course and, this time, she hadn't felt the slightest desire to punch him. As assumed that night in the woods, she had been able to cross that final barrier of intimacy only because the fact that they were married had calmed her few remaining nerves, putting to rest any impulsive urges for defensive violence.

The morning had been far from perfect, having encountered several odd and somewhat awkward problems along the way but still, it had been amazing all together in the end; a romantic yet somewhat skewed vision of what she considered bliss. And Tidus, apparently, had no intention of it ending just yet.

His lips followed the path of his fingers, climbing slowly up between her breasts, up her neck and finally to her lips, hovering above her, kissing her deeply. Despite herself, she felt the heat begin to resurface again, and Tidus seemed to be feeling it too as he pressed against her, every inch of his frontal body molded to her as if they were one entity. The kisses moved to her neck, his hand traveled up the entire length of her starting at the thigh, up past her ribs, down her arms, settling by clasping her hand.

Yuna sighed contentedly and buried her face into the side of his hair which was soft and warm from facing the direct sunlight. There was nothing better than the simple pleasure of lying there in his arms. The dirty, cold stone floor was her cloud number nine and she would give anything to lounge there forever, allowing her husband to worship her in the way only he knew how.

But she knew it couldn't last.

"It's late you know" she informed him, trying to ignore the obvious excitement pressing against her.

"Mmm-hmm." Tidus mumbled distractedly while continuing with his exploratory kisses. He ignored her and disappeared under the thin blanket they had been using, investigating the lower portions of her body.

"We-" her breath caught in her throat as she felt Tidus' mouth get a little too close. Thankfully, he moved on down her legs. "We've been here for hours" she continued breathlessly. "What if…"

"I don't really care how late it is" his muffled voice alleged from somewhere around her calves. "Especially considering that I'm going to be shot on sight once I leave this place I may as well enjoy my last few minutes alive, right?"

"Tidus, please" with an exasperated groan she sat up, pulling the cover away so that she could look into his eyes and attempt to have a serious conversation. "I told you Rikku knocked them out. There's nothing to worry about as long as we get back before the designated time."

"What if I don't want to go back?" he inquired, complaining like a spoiled child. "What if I wanted to send a message to Rikku instructing her to knock them out for an entire decade? Like sleeping beauty! Then, when we're ready after ten arduous yet divine years of heaven, _then _you say the word and I'll come charging out, I swear. They wouldn't notice a thing."

He moved toward her mouth again but she deflected the attack, turning so that his lips connected with her hair instead.

"Tidus, I'm trying to be serious."

"You think I'm not serious?" he tried to kiss her once more, and again she dodged it, causing him to whimper in frustration.

She rolled her eyes at the immature sound and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him defiantly. "No, you can't be. Especially because **no one** could do _that_ constantly for ten years."

Tidus' raised one eyebrow suggestively. "Is that a challenge?"

"No, it's a physical impossibility." She countered.

"For the regular couple, yes. But _we_ my dear…" he crawled closer to her, a mischievous smile adorning his boyish features. "We have something the others don't have…"

"A deficiency of common sense?"

He pouted, falling back onto his knees. "Now who's being mean?" he turned his back on her briskly while bringing the blanket with him, tugging it out of her grasp, leaving her naked and chilled without it.

"I'msorryI'msorry!" she pleaded desperately, laughing through her struggles to pull loose a spare foot of the wool to cover herself with. Despite all they had done, she still felt dreadfully uncomfortable with being _completely_ exposed to the elements, and to him. "I want to know what's special about us. Just give me the…"

With the agility of a cat he suddenly pounced on her, pinning her to the ground with a mighty '**aha**!' of victory, followed by an '_ouf_' of pain when his heavy Abes necklace smacked him in the eye, swinging with the movement. Yuna let out a loud belly laugh and soon found that she couldn't stop.

"Shh!" he warned, unable to stop his relentless giggling himself, while rubbing his eye. "Stop laughing! That seriously hurt. AND I'm still trying to get my point across."

"I- I can't!" she heaved through her giggles. With his hair all disheveled from being under the blanket, sticking up like a madman's, and a comic grimace of exaggerated pain plastered on his face, it was impossible not to find Tidus' image somewhat hilarious. But an angry glare compelled her to try.

"Okay, okay. I'm stopping." She promised, pressing her lips together and forcing a harsh frown. Tidus stared at her while she tried to compose herself, small giggles bubbling out at random intervals. He wanted to continue his joke, but somehow, in staring into her stunning multi-colored eyes, his lines floated somewhere irretrievable in the recesses of his mind.

'_God she's beautiful…'_

"So, Tidus? What were you going to tell me? Why are we so different?"

He blinked and stared more closely at her spread out underneath him. She hadn't yet bothered to fix her hair from the storm's chaos so it remained half-piled on her head with scattered pins and dead flowers. The little makeup Rikku had applied for the ceremony was smudged around her eyes giving them the appearance of having dark circles. She was a mess technically, and yet he had never felt himself more attracted to her.

Even in the direst circumstances she still managed to draw him in. Wanting her so strongly that he felt he would burst at the seams if he didn't touch her immediately. He hoped these feelings would go away, or at least diminish a little by the time they were forced back to camp. It would be downright embarrassing, not to mention dangerous, if he couldn't control himself while around the other guardians. But for now, they were alone. For now she was all his.

Only for now…

"Tidus?" Yuna questioned softly, raising a hand to stroke some errant hairs away from his eyes. She noted his intense expression and her humor immediately ceased. "What is it?"

He leaned down and kissed her then. Not teasingly, not jokingly but purely because she wanted her. He wanted to taste her.

He had been with many women. That part of his past had never been a secret, nor something to be proud of. And, being a teenage male, he experienced desire on a regular basis. But never like this…never so strongly. Never to the point where he felt he would absolutely die if he didn't have her then and there. The others had been a simple, enjoyable yet unnecessary bonus to playing for the Abes and having a famous father. But Yuna…but this…these feelings…

The logic behind the wedding had been to join their souls together, and to release her from that last restraint that kept her from fully giving herself to him with neither shame nor regret. But, perhaps, the ceremony had had another, alternate effect on them.

Along with easing Yuna's nerves, it released his passion; feelings that he had kept bottled up so long - not only over this past year of abstinence, but from an entire lifetime free from any sort of true intimacy; neither with family, nor friends, nor lovers.

He may have slept with people, but he had never 'made love' with anyone. Not until today. And the experience was horrifyingly addictive, the effects similar to the few times he had taken drugs in his younger years. And the more he had, the worse the craving became. There was nothing good about his need. Nothing good about it at all. It could turn dangerous.

"God….Yuna…" he broke away from her lips, panting hard, trying to maintain his composure, only to dive for them again. He shifted himself more directly on top of her, their limbs entwining, bodies melting into one another again. She didn't resist. He thanked every god he could possibly think of. He didn't know what he would do if she resisted.

He slid inside her easily and felt his entire skin pulse with pleasure. The feeling was ecstasy. That specific moment of their initial joining was, in his opinion, the best part of making love to Yuna. He opened his eyes, unmoving, sweat gathering on his brow as she met his stare with equal intensity.

"Is it okay?" he asked shakily. "Does it still hurt?"

"N-no. It's better now." She admitted with a small smile, her voice even more unsteady. "Third time's the charm, right?"

"This would make it four, Yuna. Can't you count?" he teased.

"If you want to be picky, this would be technically number five if we include…"

"Fine Fine. Three it is." He tried to smile but found he couldn't. Not now. He knew he was pushing things a little too much too fast for a woman of her experience but he honestly couldn't help himself. It had been so long though that they were both learning at the same time, going through embarrassing moments and similar dysfunctions.

The introduction had been the most awkward. Spurred by passion, Tidus had gone a little too quickly, both hurting Yuna and sending him over the edge within seconds. Both of them discounted that time and tried again a few minutes later. He learned to go slowly then, pacing himself, doing mathematics in his head to extend his stamina but Yuna was still uncomfortable and had to take frequent breaks to deal with the pain, killing the mood in the process.

Twice after that had gotten steadily better as they explored each other's strengths and weakness. What each other liked and didn't like. What Yuna shouldn't do if she wanted it and him to last…etc. But still, she hadn't been able to _get there_.

It was expected.

Rome wasn't built in a day, nor could a man ever properly get an inexperienced woman to the heights, by this method alone, without time and thorough research. But the fact that this may be their one and only chance together, Tidus was all the more determined to succeed. Desperate to succeed actually. Never had it been deemed more important. He just wished he had started it off better.

'_Fourth time's the charm.'_

He leaned his head against her forehead and sighed, reaching up to clasp her hand in his, hoping to give some moral support.

"I love you, you know?" he whispered, kissing the bridge of her nose.

"You better, considering our compromising position." They laughed with strain, foreheads still touching, comfortable, as close as two human beings could possible get. "I still don't know what you're trying to get through with all this. What's supposed to happen?"

"You'll know when it happens" he insisted, giving her a quick peck on the lips before beginning to move within her. "Just concentrate on the heat you were talking about. Do you feel it now?"

"I always feel it with you…" she mumbled, letting her eyes flutter closed as the sensations began; sensations which had mixed with pain before were now blatantly pronounced, undiluted by embarrassment and distress. Her eyebrows furrowed as she concentrated on the feeling, letting it grow within the pit of her stomach as Tidus stirred within her.

She felt her breath quicken a little and her legs unconsciously bend, unable to hold still, pinching him between her knees. It was hot. It was restless. It tingled. It was the same as all the times before which always inevitably led her to nothing but frustration. Was this what he was talking about?

Silent minutes passed as Tidus stimulated her, hands roaming slowly over her body, kissing and touching every exposed surface of skin all the while keeping up the gradual rhythm. Her breathing quickened, and along with it, he moved faster, using her heart beat as a metronome.

As instructed, she kept focused on the feeling. Knowing that for whatever reason, Tidus wanted to watch her concentrate. So far, it only made her sweaty and agitated.

She bit her lip, cutting off any whimpers that may have escaped when Tidus manually set her mouth free, spurred by the sounds she made, and using them as a map. Something changed then. The simple heated feeling seemed to move up a step, rising the temperature into a heart contracting burn. Concentration was no longer needed; there was nothing else to think of but the sensation. It clouded her brain, making her acutely aware of everything in the room. Every breath. Every sigh. Every movement. Everything was amplified and resonating.

Soon enough, she felt it begin to culminate in her stomach, her heart rate reaching dangerous levels despite the fact that she was hardly moving, her knees trying to clench together. Frankly, it was frightening. She opened her eyes, her expression a mixture of terror and need. Tidus was above her, his head pressed into the crook of her neck, sweat covering his back, muscles glistening in the light as he moved.

"I-Am I supposed to feel…like…like I'm going to explode?"

He lifted himself to face her upon hearing her voice, his features clenched in the agony of holding off. "Depends if you want to" was all he replied, finding it quite the challenge to talk and perform at this stage at the same time. He was too close.

"I…I may. want to. But I-I'm afraid."

"Let go Yuna. I'm right here to catch you." He held her hand to prove his point, entwining their fingers to reassure her as much as himself that they could both reach their goals. Their eyes remained glued to each other's. "Don't be afraid. I'm here."

She nodded, giving him a weak smile while grasping his hand tightly, preparing for the finale. "I trust you…" She took deeps breaths as she felt it begin its concluding cycle. Involuntarily she began to gasp and writhe, eyes wide, fixed on the plain stone ceiling above them as Tidus spurred forward on a reserve boost of energy. Kissing her neck, sliding a hand down between her breasts, clenching her other free hand for support, all the little movements he knew she enjoyed, innocent on their own, combined to produce what she described as a sensory overload eruption.

She blacked out for a few moments. She may have yelled. She didn't know. As far as she was concerned, time may have stopped.

She didn't remember closing her eyes, but when sight and consciousness returned, she noticed Tidus collapsed on top of her, completely drained.

'_You'll know when it happens'_ he had said. That must have been it.

Interesting…

* * *

Minutes after, Yuna was still staring at the ceiling as Tidus panted in exhaustion against her chest, holding her close, not daring to yet break the connection. They held each other, each lost in their own little world, frantic hearts beating in sync, waiting for everything to stop spinning. Waiting for heaven to disappear.

It never did.

Heaven was with each other. In being, if only temporarily, one combined entity.

Neither or them dared to speak or move first, dreading to idea of leaving this rapture…but their seven hours were almost up. And they still had to make themselves presentable, as if they hadn't moved from their beds since lying down with all the other guardians the night before.

"You're right." Tidus finally spoke, regrettably extricating himself from their tangled limbs, his arms shaking. "It's late. We have to go."

"No no. It's still early. Look!" Yuna transparently lied as she pointed toward the small window on the far side of the wall, their only view onto the outside world. The rain had long since dwindled yet beads of condensation streaked the steamed glass. "The sun is barely even up yet. We can stay here a bit longer."

Tidus laughed, bending down to give her a quick kiss as he cautiously moved out of her, both of them shuddering as the contact was broken. "Nice try Yuna" he chastised, rolling over so that his back was to her, shuffling through the various piles of discarded clothing, sorting hers from his. He sat up and began the search for his shorts, trying to ignore the woman lying beside him stroking his leg suggestively.

"It's early. We have time" she insisted, wrapping her arms around his neck from behind, planting heated kisses on his neck, trying her hardest to convince him. She pressed herself against his back and felt him stiffened in response. He laughed at his own weakness as much as at her new found enthusiasm.

"Time for what exactly?" he taunted, continuing to dress, trying his hardest to ignore the arousal rising within his chest. "Not fifteen minutes ago you were insisting on making the designated time, that every second counted and blah blah…What changed, dare I ask?"

She giggled, burying her face into his shoulder, embarrassed. "It got better."

"You seem to be implying that the other times didn't count." He said, pretending to be hurt as he leaned his head back against hers.

She sighed.

"You know what I mean, Tidus. It was…I was uncomfortable at first. I thought something was wrong with me. But you taught me…you showed me. I don't want to stop. Not yet. There's more to learn, isn't there? I felt like I merely touched brink of something spectacular. It can get even better, can't it?"

Again Tidus laughed, placing his hand over hers on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Like any sport, it takes practice. Lots and lots of practice."

Yuna cringed at the reference between what they just did and regular sporting event. She let her hands drop and leaned her head against his back, sulking. "You make it sound so ordinary."

"On the contrary!" he insisted, swiveling around to face her. "Such an endeavor can only be taken on and led to victory through skill, practice, patience and devotion. Qualities which few partners have in common. The true challenge is finding the right person. Everything after that just comes logically. There are bases, limitations, concentration needed until the game finally reaches its end: victory and a home run!"

Yuna laughed lightly and shook her head. He made it seem so intricate and mathematical. She preferred just to feel. Just to go with the flow. Even with her small, comparative experience, the preferred method was obvious. Had Tidus seriously been going along so mechanically this entire time? She felt sorry for him. He put too much stress on performance and routine.

"I disagree." She stated. "It's not a game. There are neither rules nor limitations. Only after I stopped thinking and decided to simply _feel,_ then I had truly reached what you call 'victory'."

Tidus sneered, picking out his socks from the mess. "Well, it isn't exactly the same for guys. We have standards to uphold." He continued to shuffle through garments, searching for his shorts. '_Where the hell are they?_'

Yuna frowned as she watched him work, the muscles of his back still shining with sweat from their most recent endeavor. He had worked so hard to please her. She suddenly felt an irresistible urge to show him what she meant. To not just be another female body to mechanically explore and gratify, but return the favor. It wasn't supposed to be about math and logic like a sport…it was supposed to be about letting go. He had taught her that hadn't he? And yet he didn't follow his own rules.

'_It's different with guys'. _Yeah right. They were both human were they not? They both wanting nothing more than to satisfy one another?

She knew they were running late. Knew that time was an issue. But still, she couldn't leave until she was proven right. The question would burn within her forever if she didn't sort things out here and now. There was no choice.

One more time. The last time.

"Yuna? What are you-"

"Shh." she placed a finger on his lips and gently pushed him down, his back gradually making contact with the cold floor as she delicately climbed on top, bending down to kiss the junction of his jaw and neck. Mimicking exactly what he had done to her previously.

Tidus cringed. Nothing good could come out of this.

"Yuna, we have to-"

"Don't talk" she ordered, continuing along with her shy ministrations "just feel".

He felt odd to be in such a compromising position, no longer dominating. It was…different. But a good different. Yuna was obviously testing something and had no reasons whatsoever not to let her. Except for the fact that they were due back within the hour. He tried to protest again which earned him a harsh kiss as a silencing punishment.

Five- well technically- six times in a row this would make it…He may have once thought that impossible, and too difficult to bother. That last time should have completely drained him, right? But still, at her kiss, he felt himself instantaneously and eagerly respond. He almost laughed at himself or -more specifically- at the idea that his body was willing to push itself to injurious lengths if only for a chance to be with Yuna again.

Yet again, he dissolved into her, relinquishing control to the intense sensation as his arms wrapped themselves around her petite form, pressing her to him.

"You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?" he murmured huskily between heated kisses, causing Yuna to sigh in exasperation.

"If you want this to work, you're going to have to be quiet. Don't move. Don't talk. Nothing. Okay?"

"Uh…sure. If that's what you-" she cut him off by kissing him again, her lips pressing almost painfully against his in a very un-Yuna-like fashion as she positioned herself.

No girl had ever done this before. Of course being with Yuna was always different, the experience more significant and forceful because of his fiery love for her. But this was _very_ different. It was an unspoken rule in Zanarkand that if you were lucky enough to have a girl invite you into her bed; you had to earn your keep. Yuna's innocence made her completely oblivious of the rules, stereotypes and formalities of a sexual relationship, deeming it more than acceptable for the woman to dictate. It was new. It was slightly intimidating. But more than anything, it was hot.

Never had a man been so contented to be with an inexperienced woman.

She guided him into her and for the fifth time, officially, they joined. For the first time with her in control. She moved slowly, teasingly, adapting to the variation. As instructed, he didn't think. Just felt. Yuna showed him the way, disallowing him to touch her, pinning his arms above his head at one point to stop him, holding them forcefully. No longer sweet, newly weds hesitatingly discovering each other. It was kind of brutal. Forceful. Animal. And it was the best time he had ever had.

They were definitely not going to make it back in time.

Outside, it started to rain again.

* * *

An hour later, Yuna's hand cautiously grasped the front door knob and pulled it open as slowly as possible, her other hand clenching the remains of her yellow dress draped around her body in a makeshift toga. With every creak the old hinges made, she winced as if in physical pain.

They were late. The other guardians were certainly awake by now and though it was unlikely that any of them would have ventured far enough into the vast expanse of the plains to this precise location, Yuna didn't dare be too hopeful. What if Lulu had hid some new ridiculous gadget in her clothing? A tracking device of sorts which led the group to her pile of garments which still remained outside in the mud? They could all be right outside at that very moment, silently waiting for her to emerge.

It was a terrifying yet plausible scenario, and for the fiftieth time Yuna kicked herself for being so hasty and leaving her garment to soak in the grass for all this time along with her sac of items - which included the marriage contract. Such damming evidence was left all out in the open for hours….proof that she was truly the precise definition of an idiot.

"Yuna? You back yet?" Tidus' voice called from the broom closet sized powder room where she had spent the last ten minutes trying to make herself look less like a depraved whore and more like a still-innocent girl who had the misfortune of getting caught in a downpour while out for a stroll.

"I-I'm about to head out." She called after swallowing harshly, hoping that he picked up on the terror in her voice and thus volunteered to retrieve the items in her stead.

But Tidus, probably equally if not more so panicked and rushed, remained oblivious. "Take your time!" was all he offered over the sound of water running from the faucet that filled the small apartment.

Yuna sighed and leaned her head against the cold wood of the door, trying to gather up any slightest ounce of courage. She didn't know which inevitable alternative was worse; getting caught in the act by her guardians, or leaving this private haven where she had just spent the most memorable morning of her life. Erasing the circumstances, she couldn't help but image a different scenario for this situation.

If Tidus were getting ready for blitz practice in a grand bathroom, asking her to retrieve the morning paper off the doorstep of their home in Besaid…she'd open the door, unashamed of being clothed in only a sheet, and be met with the sight of nothing but a private beach and endless ocean all held at bay by a white picket fence and a field of flowers…a house which actually existed in real life…a life which was entirely possible.

She pressed her forehead harshly against the door, trying to physically expel any of those rebellious thoughts.

"No." she told herself, drawing away a few inches only to press her scalp against the wood again, more harshly this time. These images of happiness, of perfection, they would surely drive her mad if she didn't stop immediately.

Tonight had been enough hadn't it? All the main things she had wanted to do before the end...fall in love, get married, make love…she had done it all. Everything. It was supposed to be over now. The end of all possible regrets. Then why did she still feel so…? Why did she feel as if it still wasn't enough…?

"No." she repeated, drawing back slightly to collide again, and again with the solid, crudely carved mahogany.

From this moment on, it would be over. No more kisses, no more touching. She hated the thought yet recognized its necessity. Everything he did, every loving gesture towards her made every step toward Zanarkand more painful. The marriage to Tidus had only enticed her taste for the many other things she'd be leaving behind. The house. A potential singing career. A Family.

"No!" She slammed her forehead into the wood one last time and sighed. It worked. Soon enough the pain drowned out all thoughts of the future and she basked in sick pleasure at the blissful numbness of forcefully induced indifference.

"Yuna?" Tidus interrupted her thoughts, poking his head out from the bathroom, staring at her with concern, his blonde tresses dripping water onto the stone floor. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" she answered in an awkward, strained tone while turning to face him with what she hoped was a genuine smile on her lips. Upon facing him though, instead of seeing relief, she noticed his eyes widen in horror.

"Geez Yuna." He sprinted over to her, a dirty cloth in hand and immediately tried to press it to her forehead.

Having just spent so much valuable time scrubbing her face free of makeup and dirt residue, Yuna's default response was the squirm away from the filth covered rag, slapping his intruding hands away in disgust.

"Tidus! Please, what are you…"

"You're bleeding." he explained, pressing the cloth against her face more forcefully, his brows furrowed in concern.

"I am?" she moved her hand up to her forehead and gingerly pressed against her hairline. True to Tidus' words, when she brought her fingertips back down within view, they were indeed coated in the tell-tale sticky red substance.

"What the heck did you do to yourself, huh?" he asked softly, while moping up the mess, his other hand rubbing her shoulder soothingly.

'_He's so kind. So thoughtful. He loves me. We could be so happy.'_

His actions only reminded her of what she was trying so desperately to ignore and forget and thus, unintentionally, she felt herself squirm free of his grasp, taking a hasty step backwards.

He let her go, slowly retracting the hand that was tending to her wound as well, unable to feel anything but surprise at her sudden reluctance to physical contact.

"Yuna…what-"

"Please don't touch me."

He flinched at the words, yet took a step back to comply, widening the distance between them. The scene was disturbingly familiar. It was like the week proceeding Macalania all over again…she was ashamed. She was avoiding him.

"What's wrong?" he asked more directly this time, lowering his head in an attempt to meet her downcast gaze. "Why did you hurt yourself?"

Yuna only shrugged, trying to disguise the true reasons for her act, yet she couldn't for the life of her keep the slight quivering from her voice. "I-I just slipped…and fell into the door...there. Sorry to scare you. I-I'm such a klutz, huh?"

He remained silent, swallowing loudly, eyes glued to her wound. He didn't believe her, but still she didn't care to expand on the subject. The silence between them was no longer comforting as when they lay on the floor together only minutes ago. Now it was awkward.

She had to say something. Anything. The morning had been so wonderful. At the moment she wanted nothing more than for it to end as beautifully as it began. She needed this memory to be untainted. They had had their time together. But now it was time to return to reality, morphing from husband and wife back to summoner and guardian. She prayed he understood her wishes.

"So, to re-cap on the plan" she improvised, still keeping her eyes on the floor. "When we get back, we tell Lulu we went for a walk and then got caught in the rain…so we hid out at the Inn until…"

"Let's not go back."

Her head snapped up then. Eyes wide, mouth open, heart clenched.

"What?" … _'Please don't tempt me…'_

"Let's not go back. I don't want to go back." He reiterated, while throwing the blood stained cloth onto the floor beside their bare feet. "And, from the looks of it, neither do you. You shouldn't have to resort to masochism to force yourself into doing something you really never wanted in the first place."

Yuna aggressively shook her head, her mouth having suddenly gone very dry. "I told you…I slipped. Don't make this a bigger deal than it is, okay?"

He remained silent; his eyes radiating disappointment that she dare to so blatantly lie to him. Yuna turned and gripped the knob once more, the outside suddenly seeming much more appealing than remaining under Tidus' petulant stare. She only got the door open a crack before it was slammed shut again, a certain heavy palm pressing it closed above her head.

"We haven't finished talking." He persisted, his voice slightly hostile.

Yuna leaned her head against the cool wood yet again, silently yearning for someone to indeed burst in and save her from this conversation.

"There's nothing more to say." She whispered, hoping that he would get the point and move on before digging himself deeper into an emotional grave. "Not here. Not now. Not ever."

Tidus persisted.

"We're married now Yuna." He said while grasping her hands within his and spinning her around to face him, enticing a pained wince from her at the rough movement. "That means our lives are bound together. It means that everything we own, from material possessions to decisions have to be shared, fifty fifty. It's not just your life anymore. And I'm telling you that I don't want to go back."

'_I don't want to either…that's not the point.'_

"I don't…please don't do this Tidus…" she begged, tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes. This seemed to do nothing but fuel his anger.

"Don't do what? Love you? Don't raise even one finger as you sacrifice yourself? To just go along with this insanity, pretending to be oblivious to the idiocy of this mission of yours that you obviously don't want to have a part in? **I refuse**."

"Please…" his grip on her hands began to hurt as he squeezed more firmly, disallowing her to squirm out of his grasp this time. He was not going to let her run away again. She had no choice but to talk. "We agreed. You knew what this night was about. You knew what would happen. Why ruin everything we worked for?"

"Everything _you_ worked for." He corrected, taking a menacing step forward, pushing her against the door. "This entire wall of lies you set up for years, trying to prove that you're a selfless human being, killing yourself for the good of the _world_. No one is that noble, Yuna, and I sure as hell am not. I never wanted any part in this one-night-stand of a marriage. I wanted the real thing. I still want the real thing. It's not too late."

"It **is** too late!** It was always too late!**" She screamed, finally wrenching herself free from his painful grasp "Why? Why bring this up now? What's the point?"

He was ruining everything. This perfect, blissful agreement they had spent so long contriving. The wonderful idea of having someone there to support her, giving her encouragement and hope along the way. She should have known it was too good to be true. Her very life was connected with this mission, and if he dare oppose and insult it, he may as well be physically defiling her to.

Silence enveloped the room. It was Tidus' turn to speak. He hadn't answered her question.

"I said I'd find a way to save you." He reminded her, daring to take a step closer "I did."

"Wh-what do you mean?" she asked nervously, reluctant to hear to the answer, which could very well pull them apart forever.

"I mean that I married you to save you." He admitted, his expression solid and docile. "I married you to show you what life was like. You wanted me, and I used that against you. I'm not sorry."

Yuna's fists clenched at her sides as she listened to his confession, at first unable to even fathom what his words meant.

"So…are you saying that…tonight. All this. Everything…" her voice started to choke as free tears found their way down her cheeks. His proposal, his charm, his working so hard to please her; were they all temptations meant to veer her off her path? "All of it was strategically arranged to make me want to leave? Make me want to give up my life dream? You set it up to…to break me?"

Tidus scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "You make me sound like a monster…I did it because I love you. Because I refuse to let you kill yourself."

She pushed him away from her then, back into the hallway, suddenly disgusted. "You promised! You said all these things about helping me to the end. Supporting me. You promised to keep this a secret and that all we needed was tonight. You said you understood! You said all these things…"

"I lied" he admitted bluntly, without the slightest hint of regret. "And I never intended to go on with the pilgrimage after tonight."

Yuna cringed and turned away, no longer able to even look at him. She hoped he was happy, for his plan had worked all too well. He had never actually verbally suggested that she quit, but his actions had all gently seduced her toward his way of thinking. And now, the thought of continuing and leaving all these potential experiences behind…it physically pained her. In her heart she found she honestly didn't want to continue anymore. He had known all along that this was going to happen, and she despised him for it. Anger she had once thought impossible to consider, flared within her along with the realization that he had succeeded. But like hell he was gaining his prize.

"Then you're a selfish bastard!" she screamed, picking up a ceramic vase that stood innocently on one of the wooden end tables and throwing it at his head with all the force she could muster. He ducked it easily, letting it smash on the wall behind him, seemingly undeterred by the violent attack and she fell to her knees, breaking down into heart wrenching weeping, burying her face in her hands.

"I don't have a choice!" she mumbled between sobs, never having felt so betrayed in her life. "I thought you understood that! You god damn _said_ you understood."

"I don't understand. I don't think I'll ever understand why you'd choose death over me." He seemed so calm, only a slight quiver to his voice as he stood there, hovering over her, simply watching her break down.

Yuna cried harder, finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. How could he be so dense? How could he not see how the very idea of leaving this room, let alone an entire lifetime with him was tearing her apart inside?

"My pilgrimage has nothing to with you!" She yelled passionately between gasps, hoping that to be the end of the conversation. But, regrettably, her words seemed only to spur a new onslaught of rage.

"See! I **hate** that! Don't you see that it has everything to do with me? Especially now!"

"It's my life!" she screamed, dropping her hands to glare at him through tear blurred vision. "IT'S MY LIFE!"

"We're married Yuna. It's _our_ life now."

"And if I had known you were going use that fact against me like this, we wouldn't be married!"

Tidus made a noise that resembled a growl and kicked the door furiously, venting frustration on the old wood. Yuna flinched, having rarely seen him lash out so violently, her sobs immediately lessened. After a few deep breaths, he seemed to calm a bit, and turned toward her this time with not anger, but disappointment etched on his features. He met her watery eyes, breathing heavily, and then turned back into the main living area, settling down slowly onto the wooden bench that served as the single piece of living room furniture.

He leaned his elbow on his knees, his face in his hands, and breathed…

Yuna watched him from her huddled position on the floor, still clutching the ruined, dirty dress to her chest, listening as her heart beat slowly receded back into its usual steady rhythm.

"You don't want this Yuna. I can tell."

"Of course I don't" she acknowledged weakly, her throat burning from screaming. "But that doesn't mean you had the right to interfere."

"I tired not to. I honestly didn't think you'd go along with…but then you said you actually wanted to marry me, I couldn't help but hope. Eventually that hope turned into assertion. You obviously didn't want to die. I wouldn't let you. I'd show you…I'd let you see it on your own time. I didn't ever push you Yuna…not physically or verbally."

'_Only mentally' _she clarified, choosing it best to remain quiet and not aggravate the argument. He didn't deserve her explanations. He would never understand. _'To me you're no better than the brainwashing maesters.'_

After a few beats of the silent treatment, Tidus couldn't help but continue to try to redeem his actions. "Don't blame me for your weaknesses Yuna" he asserted, annoyed that she dare be angry with him for no longer wanting to die. "You're a human being, not a wholesome, selfless savior machine. And you're also nothing but a conceited snob if you honestly believe that all the doubt you're currently experiencing is in any way _my_ fault."

Yuna sneered. Of course she was far from selfless. That was what last night had been about; humoring her desire to experience some shred of normality for a woman her age.

She obviously didn't _want_ to continue the pilgrimage. She needed to continue. She needed to for the completely selfish reasons of wanting to make her father proud, of ensuring that _her_ family lived safe and happily in the future, wanting her life to be used in a worthwhile manner and be recognized for her sacrifices.

She didn't deny her motives. But that did not mean it was right for him or anyone to pressure her otherwise. If his main argument was that 'nothing was set in stone' and that 'she still had a choice' then why couldn't he possibly comprehend that this _was_ her choice?

The answer was simple; he didn't want it to be.

He had had alternate motives with this marriage; the hope of coaxing her into changing her mind and turning around.

Not only had he failed at lessening her determination, he had also tugged on the first thread – leading to the unraveling of their once fairytale love by revealing his malicious intentions. She would never be able to look at him the same again.

The Honeymoon was officially over.

"I will go on." She stated forcefully, breaking the silence.

From his position on the bench she heard him sigh, followed by a reluctant nod of acceptance.

"I thought last night would change things." He said quietly, head still buried in his hands. "I thought it would be different."

"You thought wrong." She glared at him menacingly, not moving from her spot a safe distance away. "Nothing will stop me from completing this mission. And damn you for even thinking or trying to do otherwise."

Tidus laughed. Not his normal, cheery laugh, but one full of spite. "Would you believe…that I figured after tonight, after the wedding and everything…I thought you'd find the idea of leaving me too unbearable to consider. I thought we'd run away. I thought you'd realize that you loved me…"

She didn't know whether to slap him for trying to mislead her, or hug him and never let him go for being so needy. She decided to remain where she was, for neither emotional outburst of rage nor pity was deemed to be appropriate. "I did- I do love you Tidus…you need never question that."

He lifted his head slowly, facing her, eyes full of pain and longing. "Obviously not enough."

They stared at each other, no distinct emotion passing between their gaze. It was a mixture of love, need, sympathy and mainly, surprisingly…pure hate.

He hated her for refusing to drop her mission and live with him.

She hated him for trying to veer her off her path, for lying to her.

It was too early to contemplate forgiveness, or if reconciliation was indeed likely at all. The resentment was too strong to simply forget.

Not even twenty-four hours of marriage, and already they couldn't stand to be in the same room with one another.

"We…we probably shouldn't have done this." Yuna admitted softly.

"Probably…" he replied, staring at the blank wall in front of him.

They were young, infatuated, and stupid. It was like every other stereotypical case of hasty nuptials gone wrong in the past. Even if their happiness had just been an illusion brought on by false hopes and basic human desires, that didn't mean that it hadn't been worth it.

Yuna had her one night of happiness. Tidus had his.

That was enough. It would have to be enough.

From now on, they weren't lovers…they weren't even friends. They were summoner and guardian. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was a silent agreement.

"Yuna! Tidus?" Both of them jolted at the sudden interruption to the silence, Tidus jumping to his feet while Yuna fumbled to keep a grip on her robe. Panic gripped them as they dared to meet one another's eyes, temporarily reunited by mutual fears.

Tidus brought a hand to his lips, signaling her to remain quiet. She nodded and carefully crawled a couple of steps back, straining to not make the slightest noise as she moved at the speed of a snail with a limp.

"Yuna?" the voice asked again, bothering to knock on the door. "Are you in there? I found your clothes outside. Are you alright? It's Zuke."

Simultaneously, they resumed breathing, the sound echoing loudly in the vast empty cavern. Yuna immediately ran to the door, yanking it open as quickly as she could, deliriously happy for having some distraction from the intensity of the atmosphere.

"Zuke! Oh thank Yevon."

"Good grief child, what are you wearing?"

Yuna peered down at herself and cringed, trying to wrap the extra loose bit of yellow fabric around to cover her bare shoulders in a lame attempt at appearing more respectable.

"Uh. My dress. The rain. It ripped and umm…I had to…"

Zuke only waved her explanation away, dumping into her arms the sopping, muddy garments that were once her regal summoner's robes. "You're married my dear. It's to be expected. In fact, now I don't have to go through the awkward phase later of lying to the counsel if they try to decline the legality of your contract because I had no proof of you consummating."

"Zuke!" Yuna blushed, averting her eyes from him. "We- we didn't…"

"I wasn't always a priest my dear." He reminded her with a wink, stepping up past her into the apartment, leaving her dazed and mortified in his wake.

"Tidus, catch" he tossed the yellow shirt Tidus had also left in the mud in the blitzer's direction. He caught it with ease, cringing as he inspected its mud saturated state.

"Now get dressed you two. And hurry! Lulu's apparently tearing apart the countryside looking for you two."

"Lulu? She's awake!" Yuna screeched, trying to sort through her sopping pile clothes one handedly, the other busy keeping her toga secured while Tidus, in an equal rush, sprinted to the bathroom to rinse out his shirt.

"Rikku blurted out this longwinded story about how everyone slept in and you wanted a final confession with a priest before moving on to Gagazet so you asked Tidus as accompaniment to find me and so on" he paused for breath before continuing. "Lulu, of course, grew suspicious of your choice of guardian and began a search party. Rikku, praise her fast little legs, got to the Inn first and informed me. As long as we all show up together, there shouldn't be an issue. But we have to hurry! Tidus?"

"Ready!" He popped out of the bathroom and ran past his wife and the priest, jumping outside in such haste that one would think there was a lack of oxygen in the cave. "I'll go on ahead!" he yelled, not bothering to pause as he spoke before galloping off into the distance.

"Wait!" Zuke screamed after him, taking a step outside the threshold. "We should all go togeth-"

"Let him go." Yuna interrupted, pulling him back inside. "He's right. I need more time to sort myself out and it's less obvious if we're found separately."

"But my Lady…the fiends…"

"He'll evade them. He's good at that." She said, unable to keep a hint of spite out of her voice. Zuke couldn't help but notice the slight edge of anger laced within her words and became instantly curious.

He stared at her, hoping she would confess to him her worries all on her own terms. She remained quiet, her stare stern as she watched Tidus' retreating form disappear into the afternoon mist. After a few moments of careful study, he noticed a unique change in her appearance.

"Yuna my dear?" the priest reached out toward her face, his brows furrowed in concern. He smoothed away the tuff of her hair that hid the shallow gash on her forehead, still bleeding freely, a small rivulet of blood snaking its ways down her cheek, mixing with the obvious tear streaks. Zuke frowned. "Did he do anything…_unappealing_ to you tonight?"

'_He betrayed my trust.'_

'_He lied to me.'_

'_He broke my heart.'_  
So many 'unappealing' things Tidus had done tonight, none of which Zuke was referring too of course. He simply wanted to know if she was physically sound.

Yuna shook her head. "No, nothing _unappealing._" She laughed lightly, remembering how likable indeed _that_ portion of the night had been. "We just had a slight disagreement earlier. I slipped. That's all."

"A disagreement? About?" Zuke prompted.

Again, Yuna shook her head. "I'd rather not discuss it. I apologize."

"No need to excuse yourself. These are now your private affairs as a married couple. I understand." He gave Yuna a weak smile and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "This is only the unsteady beginning. Do note that it will get easier. But also remember," his smile instantly faded, to be replaced with a stern glower "if he _dare_ hurt you I'll…"

"He didn't hit me, if that's what your thinking. He would never do that."

"I wasn't implying that my Lady." Zuke asserted, retracting his hand. "But sometimes figurative stabs at the heart can cause greater damage than any bodily wounds. You understand?"

'_If figurative stabs were real ones, I would have been long since dead.'_

Yuna forced a small nod, turning from him before he could take notice of the moisture brimming in her eyes. If anything, the last thing her and Tidus' relationship could be getting was easier. "I-I have to start getting ready. Excuse me." She mumbled before sprinting off to the powder room, locking the door behind her.

She turned on all the faucet's are hard as they could go, filling the apartment cave with the booming sound of rushing water to muffled her gentle weeping as she scrubbed as much grime as possible from her clothing.

She watched, helpless, as her hopes and dreams spiraled down the drain along with the clumps of dirt.

So much for a Happy Ending.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Wow…Almost ALL of you said that you didn't mind the long chapters. I don't even remember why I thought that in the first place. I think it was one person who repetitively complained about it. Oh well, majority rules so here's another long one lol! For some reason I just hate leaving chapters all mushy and optimistic so the thought of posting just the beginning scenes of Tuna fluff was making me internally cringe. So let's hear a 'whoppee!' for 16 page long updates with depressive endings! –sigh-

Sorry for making Tidus a jerk (sorta) but I purposely made him way too accepting of her mission earlier in order to lead up to this argument, which is a crucial plot point in later chapters. I also tried to make the 'lemon-ish' scene the least raunchy as possible while still keeping the mood. I went through those paragraphs SOO many times just exchanging slightly carnal words for innocent ones, blunt sentences of activity into mere suggestions. Definitely the most difficult scenes to write so far.

This was a ridiculously fast update considering this is my final, panicked week of school. But the reviews I received recently were just too enthusiastic and plentiful to ignore. I even managed to squeeze some comments out of those people who have added me to their favorites list yet have never reviewed me ;) teehee. Thanks guys: D.

Only a few more chapters left till the end folks, and then, perhaps, I start working on a sequel in the X2 section. Hopefully, if I keep updating at this rate, everything will be nicely (or miserably) concluded by the New Year. Wish me luck! And again, thank you for your comments and support. A little word to my most veteran reviewers;

**Bbychrangel**: you demanded a fast update, so here it is! Thank you for so diligently reviewing every chapter. I always look forward to your comments.

**Rollarcoaster217: **Ah…the comic relief lol. Exclamation marks are key to an enthusiastic review –wink- . If you didn't find the chapters too long, I didn't see why anyone else was complaining. Thanks for your always detailed and amusing responses.

**Warui-Usagi:** Hey evil rabbit –grins evilly- That's right, I read author profiles haha. And I always knew that 'usagi' was rabbit from the sailor moon character. I remember seeing the first review from you and thinking "what the hell? Rabbit?" Lol. You're always the FIRST to comment after I've posted and, not to mention, your writings are also on my favorites list. Congrads on your success and thank you for your relentless support.

To all reviewers: Keep em' coming:-P

-Mayonaka


	16. For the Love of the Game

"_Hate is such a luxurious emotion_

_That can only be spent on the ones we love…"_

**--Bob Udkoff**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 16 …_ For the Love of the Game_…**

_With dry eyes, Yuna casually crumpled up a piece of parchment in her hands and gently tossed it into the flames of the nightly camp fire._

_Her heart clenched in agony, expecting all the guardians to immediately gasp and rush in to save her last remaining link to potential happiness. _

_Nothing._

_Everyone continued to chatter and joke with each other as they gobbled up their meals and sipped their beverages, completely unaware of her monumental actions. From across the fire, Yuna dared a glance at Tidus._

_As usual, he was deeply immersed in his and Wakka's ritual argument about the player's positions on the blitzball team. He had no idea that she had just sealed their fate…right before his very eyes. He was oblivious._

_Yuna tore her gaze away and reverted back toward the dancing flames._

_She watched as the paper certificate, the one and only physical proof of their marriage, curled, blackened and finally exploded into a cloud of ashes._

_Rikku would be happy at least. The evidence of her real name was being destroyed as per request._

_Yuna sighed half in satisfaction half in hopelessness. No turning back now._

_Rule one: Sometimes a good defense is the best offense._

_She had to end. Piece by piece._

…

Three weeks…

Three weeks of nadda. Zilch. Nothing.

She wouldn't even look at him, let alone strike up a conversation. And seeing as such, the pressure was on Tidus' shoulders to make things right again.

Inside he still considered himself to be the morally correct winner of the dispute, but he knew better than to argue. Such insignificant details no long mattered. They were so close to Zanarkand. Another month and they'd be on the city's edge. Time was too precious to be wasted in an endless loop of angry squabbling.

If she was indeed set on finishing this mission, though he could not support her decision, he at least wanted to support her person. He wanted to love her. He wanted to ensure that the last of her days were spent as pleasantly as possible. And, selfishly, he wanted her to love him again in return…he missed it terribly. So much so that he suffered actual withdrawal symptoms from their not being together, like an addict after dropping a drug he had once depended on to remain stable.

He didn't sleep.

Couldn't eat.

All he did was re-play the scene of their fight over and over again, imagining various scenarios in which he went about things differently, resulting in his optimistic goal. And if that got too depressing, he'd backtrack, and remember the time they spent together before the infamous argument. Only those memories kept him sane. Otherwise, he spent day and night cursing himself and falling deeper and deeper into an endless pit of regret.

Not even an hour after running away from the cave and joining the regular group of guardians in their 'search' for Yuna had he realized how truly sorry he was. Not sorry for what he did, nor what he intended to do; but sorry for not keeping his mouth shut.

He had tried to convince her to leave. He failed. He should have accepted that. He should have moved on and not pounded the subject to a bloody, gruesome death, causing this seemingly irreparable rift in their relationship. Next time, he wouldn't make that same mistake. He had to swallow his pride and simply say what she needed to hear.

Five minutes were all he would need. He'd get Rikku to set it up, leaving them alone for those crucial seconds so that he'd be able to patch things up. Words were not exactly Tidus' strong point, as repeatedly proven at several intervals in their journey, and he dare not chance making things worse by speaking to her candidly _'from the heart'_.

Pfft! Hell no. That would be like strolling into Coeurl's den with nothing but a toothpick as a means of defense.

He needed a strict plan and outline to follow or they may very well end up in another screaming match, except this time with the other guardians as witnesses. Their encounter had to be perfect. The words had to be sincere. Every gestured has to be romantic and sensitive. He spent all his spare time preparing the speech, jotting down notes and mumbling to himself in the background, which prompted Lulu to frequently question the stability of his mental health.

Finally, when he figured he was ready, he sent Rikku as an official messenger to set up a secret meeting in the dead of night, much like that of their wedding. He waited with baited breath as the perky blonde left his side and skipped over to her cousin, leading the summoner away from the crowd of guardians before whispering fervently in her ear. Not even ten words were exchanged between them when Tidus saw Yuna violently shake her head and walk away, leaving Rikku dumbfounded in her wake. The two blondes' eyes met from across the plain and their faces fell in synchronized disappointment.

Yuna was refusing to talk to him…There would be no five minutes alone. She wouldn't cooperate.

Tidus' fist clenched at his sides as he watched her saunter back to the safety of Lulu's presence. He wanted to pitch the sandwich he was gnawing on at her head for being such a baby about the whole thing but he figured that would probably just irritate her. Still, he persisted, deciding that if she refused to schedule anything he'd simply force her into listening to his reasons and apologies by using the grossly over-rated element of surprise.

He approached her once while she stirred the soup, hoping to trap her between her responsibility of not burning the camp's supper and her need to avoid him. However the moment she saw his impending figure she snapped into action, calling Lulu over to help her with the recipe. The black mage, who could faintly sense the tension between them yet thankfully not question it, steered him away with one menacing glance.

Strike One.

Another time he tried to follow her into the gorge as she went to fetch water. Unpredictably, this time it was Wakka who held him back, violently insisting that Yuna said that he said that he was planning on changing the Auroch's player positions behind his back. By the time Tidus calmed his captain down enough to stop strangling him, Yuna had returned to the camp, toting her full bucket proudly, a small smirk of triumph on her lips.

Tidus growled low in his throat as he watched her elegantly return to her seat next to the camp fire. Strike two.

She was a crafty one, his wife was. This went on for several grueling days.

After a while, he stopped bothering to try. They used Rikku as a go between for times when it was necessary to discuss something related to the pilgrimage…or having to do with what was to happen next concerning their situation; a subject which Yuna was coldly and mechanically eager to confer through her unwillingly cousin to her enraged husband.

The young summoner was playing her own game. One of strategy instead of physical prowess, which she hoped would result with the least amount of damage to her spirit as possible. They had agreed it was all a mistake. All that was left to do was erase it.

This was her goal. She made the first risky and major move.

The first time divorce was mentioned, Tidus started to choke.

His reaction was in fact so strong and exaggerated that the entire party stopped to rush to his aid. Kimahri was patting him forcefully on the back in an attempt to dislodge the intrusion, Rikku was jumping up in down with guilt at having caused the attack with her announcement, Wakka and Lulu tore apart their sacks searching for their water canteens and Auron stood laughing.

In a moment of panic, Yuna actually thought that the shock of her decision may have in fact killed the boy! She stood fidgeting alongside her cousin in nervousness, watching as Tidus' face grew more and more red, cursing herself for not going about things more lightly.

Soon enough, a thick wad a blue chewing gum came shooting out of his mouth, landing in the moist Calm Land's grass. The party let out a unanimous sigh of relief. After a glass of water and a few harsh lectures about spending hard-earned gil on pointless, now-deadly treats such as gum, Tidus and the group of guardians were on their way again.

It was only later that night that Yuna realized that in the chaos of the event, her initial proposition had been dropped and completely forgotten. She silently seethed.

The next few days, Yuna repeatedly sent Rikku off as messenger, determined to finalize things before heading up Gagazet. Divorce was uncommon and complicated in the Yevon religion and she only had so much time.

Tidus was obviously not too fond of the idea and thus not very cooperative. Every time Rikku would approach him with a somber expression he would skillfully ignore or deflected her interrogation by re-enacting some dim-witted joke. She'd laugh, tell another one in return, and completely forget about the message her cousin initially sent her with; to discuss making their break up official.

The Al Bhed was hopeless. But, remaining stubbornly persistent not to talk to him, Yuna could do nothing but glare as the two blondes avoided the subject yet again, laughing with each other from across the campfire.

It was one thing to be a widow at eighteen; such things were common in the dangerous Sin-filled world of Spira. But to be an eighteen-year-old divorcee? Tidus considered the notion plainly idiotic. Especially after less than a month of marriage.

Especially without even talking about it first. Not that that was in any way _his_ fault.

It was on this, the third week of Yuna's boycott that Rikku approached him once more, nervously fidgeting which, by now, was a recognizable sign that she carried a message from his reluctant wife.

The Al Bhed plopped herself down on the stone bench beside him, her eyes glued to where Yuna was conversing with the Ronso children, demonstrating her summoning skills to their tumultuous applause. She sighed.

"You know what I'm going to say, don't you Ti?" Rikku said quietly, not daring to look him in the eye.

Tidus nodded, chuckling softly and humorlessly. "The same as always I suppose. She wants a divorce?"

Rikku sighed again, more deeply this time, and pulled her knees up to her chin, trying to ward off the bitter cold from her bare legs. "She's getting desperate. The Ronso clan settlement is our last link to the civilized word; her last chance to get a letter to Zuke telling him not to file the contract. With the teleports and the speed of the Ronso messengers we could get the memo sent, the papers drawn, returned and signed all within the day."

"Buuuuut…?" Tidus prompted her, knowing that she didn't come to talk to him merely to relay information. There was a question involved here. There was always a question. He looked back at Yuna playing with the young Ronso and smiled somewhat maliciously. This game had been going on for more than an hour and Lulu, Wakka and the others seemed to be getting impatient in the background. "She's stalling isn't she? She can get the contract but she's not doing it!"

Tidus felt his skin flush with happiness regardless of the extremely chilly climate.

This meant so many things. It proved that the divorce was an idle threat. She didn't want to leave him. She wanted to talk. She was considering reconciliation. About freakin' time!

"Whoa whoa…don't get too excited there boy." Rikku warned, pushing him back down in his seat when she noticed him preparing to rise and head towards Yuna. "She's stalling, yes. But there's another, more general reason for it."

Tidus felt his heart plummet to his feet. He slouched back into the bench, defeated. "Another reason?"

"Yeah…I figured you don't know much about the legalities of Yevon ceremonies, possibly even less than I do. But, from what I remember, and what I'm getting the gist of from Yuna…is that…ummm…she needs…_ahem_" she coughed and mumbled something under her breath, disguising the words in the harsh noise.

"What?" Tidus asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

She coughed again, disguising yet another unintelligible torrent of distorted words under her breath.

Tidus rolled his eyes and leaned in closer. "I can't hear you."

More incoherent mumbling.

He groaned in frustration and fell back into the bench. "If you don't want to tell me, all the better. That means she'll hafta scrounge up the nerve to talk to me herself." He smiled evilly at the thought, silently praising Rikku's hesitation. Using the Al Bhed as the involuntarily go between was not only ridiculous considering they were less than ten feet apart, but also unfair to the mediator herself, who obviously loathed the position she unintentionally ended up with.

Besides…Yuna couldn't possibly _really_ want a divorce. No matter how badly he had messed up he knew that residing slightly below the surface of her presently flaring hatred, she still cared for him immensely. As he did her…despite her many, MANY painfully stubborn faults. This divorce, he considered, was nothing more than a warning meant to punish him. He took it all in stride. He had dealt with this type of female mind games many times before.

He reverted to the old plan he had contrived weeks ago, hours after their initial fight. Five minutes were all he needed. Five minutes to whisk her off her feet and make her want him again. It would be too easy.

With a cocky smirk, Tidus turned back to Rikku who was still muttering to herself in an attempt to explain the situation.

"And then she said 'I can't anymore'…and then I just went 'whoooaa'…and then we…"

"Rikku?" he leaned forward and pressed his hand over her mouth "shut up."

Her green eyes widened in surprise and she immediately began to shake her head. "Bwut Vunie Stold be stooo…"

"Shh!" he insisted, pressing more firmly against her lips, finally succeeding in drowning out her words until she gave up. Only upon pleading with his eyes for her to remain silent, and after receiving audible confirmation that she indeed planned to shut up, did he dare speak again. "Listen, I think Yuna's making a horrible mistake. She's reacting drastically out of panic, pain and anger, which is in no way grounds for divorce. Especially without even talking to me first." He couldn't help but add a slight hint of bitterness to that last sentence, unintentionally leading his speech off on a tangent. "I mean, how could she even suggest that? We're married ya know? She's acting just…so …so immature! It's stupid! Don't you agree?"

Rikku shrugged, exaggeratedly lifting her arms out to her sides for effect. "Deshpends onsh whats yos didsh?"

He squinted at her "_What_?"

"Deshpends. Onsh. Whats. Yos. Didsh?" she stated more slowly.

"Huh?"

She growled in annoyance while rolling her eyes and took the initiative to point at the hand that covered her lips, a hindrance to her speech he had obviously forgotten about in his passionate banter. "Oh." He let his hand fall, embarrassed, and waited anxiously for her reply.

She took a moment to moisten her lips and rearrange her jaw from being pressed uncomfortably. "It depends on what you did." she repeatedly softly, eyeing him with suspicion. "By the way, what did you do that was so horrible anyway?"

Tidus sighed, exasperated with thinking about it. Of course Yuna hadn't told her. After hours of debate she probably considered it as pointless an argument as he did, and yet was too ashamed to admit defeat. Damn her pride…but still, he dare not risk further betraying her trust. Regardless of her many mental flaws, he still wanted to come out in her favor in the end. No matter how disjointed her reasoning may be.

"If she didn't want tell you, then I don't think it's my place to either."

Rikku inquisitive stare immediately melted into a sly grin. "Ohhh…I know what this is about." She began giggling furiously, enticing odd stares from not only Tidus but the other passing Ronso.

Tidus cringed at her suggestive eyebrow raising. "Whatever you're thinking, trust me, that's not it."

"Uh-huh. Suuuure." She persisted, poking him in the ribs knowingly. "Something happened after you spent time in that den alone for a few hours. You didn't make her do anything…_unnatural_ did you?"

"NO!" his features contorted into angry disbelief as he swatted her intruding fingers away. "What kind of guy do you take me for, huh?"

"An experienced one of course!" she countered. "One who may, or may not, have developed some odd fetishes. Like…feet maybe?"

Tidus cringed. "You're sick. You know that?"

"I don't hear you denying it. Maybe a little rough housing you're into?"

"Rikku. Stop. And no. It had nothing to do with…with that. That part was…fine."

The Al Bhed's jaw dropped, apparently offended by his vague description. "Fine? _FINE_? That's all it was; **fine**? Geez Ti, no wonder she doesn't want to go near you anymore."

He rolled his eyes in response and slouched deeper into his stone seat, continually rubbing his bare arms to generate some sense of warmth. He didn't want to remember that night. It had been too perfect. Too amazing and satisfying. Only to turn so abruptly into this desolate, empty, so-called relationship filled with shame and disappointment. For the thousandth time since that night, Tidus involuntarily found his heart begin to clench and his eyes burn.

"It-it's cold out here, huh?" he said, sniffing loudly.

His father was right. He was a cry baby. But he bet even Jecht would be on the brink of a breakdown if he had ever had what Tidus had had and then lost it so suddenly and foolishly. That night was both the best and the worst of his life.

He wanted it back.

He needed it back. Either that or spend the rest of his life curled up in a ball, constantly close to tears, even second spent with regret until he eventually either surrendered to insanity or killed himself. For Yuna's sake as well. The remainder of her pilgrimage shouldn't be spent contriving schemes to avoid him. All she had to do was ask, face to face, for what she truly wanted. If she thought that him turning around right now and leaving her to complete her journey alone would bring the slightest sense of peace, he would do it. All she need do is ask…he would do anything. Anything and everything.

"Tell Yuna," Tidus began, eyes not on Rikku, but glued to his wife in the distance. "Tell her that if she wants me to sign anything, she's going to have to talk to me. I'll do it. Anything she wants. Just no more using you as a go-between."

"Ti…she doesn't want to talk to you. She won't do…"

"She will if she wants this to happen."

"Please. She's hurting real bad. I don't wanna make things too hard on her..."

"You saw us. We were happy. We can still be happy. I'm not gonna just give up Rikku. She's hesitating too. She still wants to be with me. I mean, that can be the only reason right?"

From the corner of his eye, Tidus saw Rikku shift uneasily. "Right?" he asked again, turning to face her this time, noting the guilty wince and fidgeting fingers. There was definitely something going on that he didn't know about. "Rikku…? What is it?"

"Heh…well…" she began with a nervous giggle, scratching at her temple with worry. She trailed off, leaving the answer hanging.

"Rikku…" he said again, a tad more sternly. He placed a hand tightly on her shoulder as an almost threatening spur to continue. "Tell me."

The Al Bhed winced, biting her lip before continuing.

"Yuna's being slow for other reasons" she vaguely explained before taking a deep breath to compose herself. "Me specifically. I…I was supposed to get you to do something for a while now and I kept putting it off." She paused and averted her eyes, staring back towards her cousin now in conversation with the head Ronso and her other guardians. "You know the Yevon religion is pretty paternalistic, right? Women don't have that big of a role in governing at all. They pretty much pass from the property of their fathers directly to the property of their husbands. A yevonite woman, not at all like the Al Bhed mind you, can't really…do anything. Officially and religiously speaking. Not even…file for annulment."

"_Annulment_!" Tidus exclaimed loudly, capturing the attention of some nearby Ronso children. Had he had anything in his mouth, he definitely would have started choking again. "When did this turn into an **annulment**"

Rikku shrugged, shifting slightly away uneasily in response to his enraged tone. "Sometime last week. Whe-when I explained that it better suited her purpose of wanting to void the marriage. Divorce is kinda messy ya know? And it requires more discussion about dividing assets and such, not that you have much. An annulment is a simple, clean break."

"**You** did this?" he wanted to scream, thrash, or maybe even throw something or someone. But the look of terror on Rikku's face proved that she had been mentally punishing herself enough. If it hadn't been for her help, they wouldn't have been able to marry in the first place. She did nothing but relay information. His temper flare immediately eased into a dull, throbbing headache. He buried his face in his hands.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse.

"And_ I _have to file for this? She actually expects me to willingly write a letter to the Yevon temple saying the marriage was a mistake and un-true in the eyes of the temple and all that crap?"

Again Rikku shrugged, daring to scoot an inch closer toward her distraught friend. "A letter from Yuna would legally have to be ignored. She has no power in this. It's the husband's decision or no one's."

"That's insane."

"I agree. Yevon is scum." She said with a slight, uncomfortable laugh. "But that doesn't change the fact that this is what Yuna believes in. And that it must be done in order to get this ordeal over with."

"How can she expect me to…I can't believe she…" Tidus took a deep shaky breath and lifted his eyes from the ground, once again staring at Yuna across the mountain slope, barely noticing the gentle hand Rikku place on his knee for comfort. "Signing something was bad enough. But having to list and outline and debate to prove that the only right thing I felt I've ever done right in my life was a mistake that deserves to be erased? I-I don't think I can do it."

His cousin-in-law smiled sympathetically.

"She figured as much. She also figured you'd have no idea what to say to convince the temple. They're pretty choosy when it comes to these things" Rikku explained, before beginning to dig in her pockets and pulling out a crumpled piece of parchment. "She already wrote the letter. Addressed it and everything. You just need to re-copy and sign it. The rest will be taken care of. See? Easy as pie!"

She pushed a pile of parchment, coated with Yuna's tidy scrawl, into his un-resisting hands, watching as he gently flipped through the pages. His breath caught in his throat every once in a while as choice words caught his eye among the apparently infinite list of reasons as to why the marriage was to be damned.

'_Performed in a false temple.'_

'…_untrustworthy Al Bhed witness.'_

'…_not a practicing Yevonite…'_

'_No proof of consummation…'_

'…_possible infidelity.'_

'_Family history of unstable mental health…child abuse…'_

'…_unwilling to have children…'_

'_No means of financial support…'_

'…_ignorance of traditions…'_

'_Unease between the two parties…no emotion…no caring…' _

'…_several previous encounters with women…'_

The list went on and on. He didn't even noticed when Rikku eventually tip-toed away to leave him alone as he read, leaving behind a fresh stack of parchment and a pen for whenever he choose to fulfill his task.

The letter was convincing. Had he not been the subject of debate, Tidus would immediately be campaigning for this couple's marriage annulment. The husband especially seemed like the biggest womanizing, irresponsible, abusive jerk…almost a perfect description of Jecht near the end actually. Tidus gripped the letter so tightly in his hands that he almost ripped it in half.

He couldn't believe that Yuna, his dear, sweet, innocent, Yuna could be so brutal and conniving; twisting the truth of his not-so-happy childhood into credible reasons as to why he was an improper husband. The letter, to put it simply, was a collage of several, pre-school-worthy low blows to his masculinity, using his shady past as a battering ram.

_'Hell hath no fury…' _Tidus quoted, coming to the somewhat relieving conclusion that Yuna was more enraged than genuinely out-of-love with him. She wrote this letter knowing that he would read it, knowing that it would hurt him and also knowing that he'd have to completely change the wording if it was suppose to be legitimately written from his point of view.

He scanned his surroundings of the mountain gorge, hoping to perhaps catch her eye and discover the true purpose of this spiteful letter…but she and Kimahri were no where to be seen. Just as well. The unnerving surge of blind rage running through his veins was so powerful at the moment that he may have indeed done something stupid in front of the entire camp had she been in sight.

The pilgrimage, the wedding with Seymour, their marriage…they were all starting to look similar. Beginning with some monumental, stupid decision performed with good intention, and all ending in sacrifice, disaster and inevitable death. Yuna seemed to attract her own suffering. And yet she welcomed it with open arms every time. It was the game called Life, and they were both losing miserably. A multitude of bad decisions followed by endless regret in a never ending-spiral.

"Aw man." Tidus breathed loudly and ran a hand down his face, peaking between his fingers at the letter that he had yet to decide was either a vicious betrayal or a cry for help. He didn't know whether to be angry and rip it to pieces, staying married out of spite, or be sympathetic of her wishes to try to help erase at least one of her many colossal "mistakes".

Maybe…just maybe…he could do both.

Throwing Yuna's useless letter aside in the snow, Tidus picked up the pile of blank parchment Rikku had left for him, and got to work.

He only had one more shot until he struck out. One try. One hope.

He could only pray that it worked.

* * *

Yuna shivered as she followed Kimahri, Biran and Yenke up the steep mountain path, heading towards what she hoped was some sort of shelter complete with walls, a fire and possibly a hot beverage. Though the teleportation platforms had erased more than two thirds of the normal climbing time, that didn't change the fact that exposed, human flesh could only last so long in this impenetrable frost. And after a mere 10 minutes she felt chillingly close to an icy death.

"Kimahri…" Yuna whispered, grabbing her tall, hairy companion by the arm, wishing in a moment of insanity that she too would love to be covered head to toe in fur. "I don't mean to be bother, but how much further? I'm, sort of, freezing to death…"

Biran and Yenke turned to face her swiftly, their expressions ones of shock. Though more than ten paces in front of her, the Ronso's fox-like ears could pick up any sound within a 50 meter radius even over the snarling wind. She quickly bent over in a low bow of apology. "Forgive me" She spoke absurdly loudly toward the towering figures above her, forgetting yet again how good their hearing was. "I mean no disrespect. It's just...I thought the teleport would bring us straight to the summit. I didn't bring my skins with me and…"

"Lady Yuna cold." Biran stated with a nod of understanding. "Close now. Ronso show summoner where horned statue be. Summoner will know where look from Farplane. Yes?"

Yuna stood up straight again and smiled the best that she could considering her lips were frozen. It was a kind gesture. And even had they offered instead of **insisted** that she come along, you wouldn't dare insult such a proud race by denying what they deemed to be such a grand gift. One of the highest tribute. It was her own fault for not bringing some sort of covering in the first place. She didn't know what to do but bow again.

"Yes. Thank you. I am honored." _'And officially have frost bite.'_

They continued on up the path and not five minutes later, Yuna was in a constant state of merciless trembling. However, every time Biran or Yenke turned to scrutinize her, she'd instantly straighten and grin, reassuring them that she was indeed having a good time, all the while pushing down her body's natural instincts to call Ifrit out and turn their sacred snowy mountain into a blazing hellfire just so that she could feel warmth again.

She was on the brink of passing out when she suddenly felt a heavy, furry object drape around her bare shoulders, acting as a makeshift shawl and immediately soothing her close-to-blue skin. The tension instantly dissolved.

"Thank you" she whispered breathlessly to her guardian, wrapping his limb more securely around her. "I was…getting a little uncomfortable."

The gruff noise of muffled Ronso heaving filled her ears; a sound which Yuna, over the years, had deciphered as Kimahri's laughter. She nudged him firmly in the ribs to acknowledge his teasing as they continued up the mountain.

"In Besaid, Kimahri hot. Hate fur. Normal that Yuna, when in Kimahri home, feel 'uncomfortable'. Yuna want fur too."

Yuna laughed. He knew her too well. It felt good to laugh. She hadn't had much of a reason to these past few weeks. Nor in the coming weeks. Nor ever again.

They continued up the mountain, Biran and Yenke in the lead while Kimahri dragged Yuna to keep up, holding her securely under his arm for warmth and stability. Without the fear of freezing to death to keep her attention occupied, Yuna was finally able to gaze up at the mountain itself, admiring its serene beauty in the constant gentle snowfall. She wished she could have come back here one day. Under different circumstances. Purely for sightseeing and not as a means to violent end.

Tidus would have loathed such a vacation.

_Tidus…_

She cringed at the thought of him and pushed it to the back of her mind. She had become a master at doing that just recently, spurred by the obvious conclusion that the less she saw, spoke or thought of him, the less she would need him. Despite a few slip up that resulted in her breaking down into tears in Rikku's arms one or two nights, it was working. All it took was determination.

Lulu had been right, as always. She couldn't handle a relationship while in the midst of such an important mission. They had already detained things long enough in the Calm Lands in order to go through with that bizarre marriage. And all through their striving to speed things up, he had actually had the intention of detaining her permanently.

Yuna fists involuntarily clenched.

His arrogance was truly despicable. And his deceitful revelations were plainly unforgivable. How could he even think for a second that they could be even _friends_ again after that night? On her wedding night no less! Right after taking her innocence! The all-around cruelty of the…

"Here." The three Ronso stopped abruptly at an apparently random point on the path, causing Yuna to practically walk right off the edge, if Kimahri hadn't been holding her so securely.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stumbled back onto solid ground, clutching jat the solid wall of rock at her back, breathing heavily. The Ronso each eyed here with suspicion and one with concern. She managed a weak smile a yet another bow, unable to think of any alternate apologies under the deafening sound of her rapidly beating heart.

So much for determination. She was going to walk herself right into a fiend's jaws if she didn't focus and set her brain straight. Hopefully, by tonight, everything would be sorted out, finalized and erased. Tomorrow, everything would be back to normal. Everything would be comfortable again. She wanted her concentration back more than anything. More than him.

"So…" she improvised, meeting the eyes of all three of her companions "is this where the statue is going to be?" she looked down at her feet and her lips immediately fell into a deep frown. The path was barely half a meter wide, already dangerous considering the altitude. A statue would be a definite hindrance to any traveling summoner parties to come after her.

She raised her head to prepare a question and met Biran's wide, cat-like smile, his yellow eyes almost throbbing out of his skull with pride. "Here perfect." He roared. "We make big statue of Lady Yuna. Right here on mountain. All travelers see."

"B-But we don't want to block the pathway" she interrupted, holding out her arms to judge the official width of the pathway ledge. Not even the length of her arm's span.

"No. No here. Too small. Weight crush path. Make impossible to go to Zanarkand. Silly human summoner."

The three of them laughed heartily, in the gruff Ronso way. Yuna stood there silently, completely lost on the joke. "But you said…"

"Up Yuna." Kimahri advised, pointing to the sky. Yuna craned her neck, raised a hand to her forehead as a visor against the blinding sun, and gasped.

In perfect view, a large outcrop hung over the path before them, on top of which a large rectangle slab of magnificent marble stone was already being positioned by several members of the tribe. Anyone who walked this path in the future on their way to the legendary city of the dead would easily see the pedestal like formation and the larger than life carving adorning it; The Lady Yuna, High Summoner, with a proud horn adorning her forehead. She almost laughed at the thought, but luckily restrained herself. For the Ronso, this was a solemn moment.

"It's perfect." She said soberly, nodding in appreciation. Though a statue of her that large and obvious did seem a tad extravagant, she was used to the awkward pledges of appreciation people gave when you and your father were famous. She could do nothing but humor them. "Thank you. Biran. Yenke. Kimahri. It's a beautiful location."

They said nothing. Just stared. The sun was rising behind the chunk of marble, making it glow almost in the soft light. It was a beautiful sight. But they'd see it again once they properly climbed the mountain with the other guardians. In fact, the native Ronso would be seeing it everyday for the rest of their lives. And yet they continued to stare, and every minute that passed Yuna felt the familiar fear of freezing to death becoming stronger and stronger.

"The others will be worried." Yuna tried, squeezing Kimahri's arm to get his attention. "We should probably head back."

"We promise Yuna see statue. Yuna see statue." Biran answered, keeping his eyes glued to the giant rock in the distance. Yuna frowned.

"I have seen the statue. It is beautiful and I look forward to seeing it again tomorrow when we move on. But for today, what else…"

"Statue mounted on sacred Gagazet summit. Yuna go to summit."

Her eyes widened and her stomach dropped to her feet. She returned her gaze up the ledge. It suddenly seemed a lot higher than it used to be. "Up there?" she asked in disbelief, pointing in case they didn't understand. The three of them nodded. "B-but that's incredibly high. And there's no path to the summit, isn't there?"

"No path. Humans forbidden from summit. Ronso climb."

"Climb?" The wall beside her seemed like a solid sheet of rock, ice and snow. Perhaps a Ronso's claws could pull their way up but certainly not her. She was the least muscular person in all of Spira. "I…I don't think I can…I mean…I'm not exactly dressed for…"

"We know simple path up rock. Easy climb. Come."

Before Yuna even had a chance to protest, Yenke had his hands under her feet, giving her a firm hoist upward toward the cliff's wall. It didn't seem she had a choice. One second she was on the ground, next she was flailing through the air, her heart about to explode out of her chest in pure terror until she unexpectedly landed on a rocky ledge, invisible from below yet painfully, obviously real under her skinned palms. She struggled to get her pulse under control and fight the urge to scream at Yenke for not warning her, when the other Ronso, easily clamping onto the icy wall, showed up at her side.

"First step, hardest. Yenke help." Yenke explained. He then climbed further upwards, stopping about 8 feet above her, pointing the yet another ledge. "Next Step."

Yuna shakily got on her feet, grasping onto the wall behind her for dear life, contemplating the barely in reach ledge and certain icy death far below.

"Kimahri no let Yuna fall." Her big blue furred guardian announced over the screaming wind, appearing in between the gap where she would most likely plummet should she loose her grip. He gave her a wide grin of pride which Yuna could only return in a second-long nervous twitch of the lips.

'_This is it…this is how I'm going to die.'_ Yuna thought while practicing her regular calming exercises, inhaling and exhaling at full lung capacity.

She glanced down at the ground again. At least 20 feet Yenke threw her. And, despite her lack of any sort of gymnastic skills, Yuna bet the odds of survival were greater in her favor at pulling herself up the next step than jumping down, breaking a leg, and possibly sliding off the edge of the path, not to mention insulting the Ronso.

So, being the ruthlessly logic person that she is, Yuna closed her eyes, took a deep breath and jumped forward, latching her fingers into the rocky edge of the next ledge and hoisting herself up, her arms burning with effort, her nails broken, her face and clothing smudged with mud and dirt…she felt her fingers slip, but then swiftly relocated her grip, clutching dirt and stone instead of snow and ice.

After a minute of struggling, swinging, kicking and pulling…she finally made it up. The elegant summoner collapsed onto the ledge, her feet still dangling in the air, struggling for the breath fear had robbed her of. Around her, over the hissing wind, she barely heard the grunts of congratulations her entourage gave her before she was being prodded by Yenke once more; pointing to another ledge of equal height on the cliff's wall, with a two meter gap between her and it.

She groaned. "How many more of these 'steps' are there?"

"Thirty-Eight." Kimahri stated indifferently.

If she had any shock reserve left, Yuna would have gasped. Instead she just pushed herself to her feet and scrutinized the distance.

"I'm not exactly the best jumper." She warned.

"Yuna fast learner." Biran complimented, nodding his head in approval. "Yuna learn jump high. Jump far. Soon, Yuna able to visit sacred summit easily, any time she wishes. Yuna remember path."

'_A lot of good that'll do me' _she internally chided, honestly wondering why the Ronso were even bothering to pretend she'd come out of this pilgrimage alive. But instead of the usual spiteful laugh that she may have given, Yuna instead hiked up her long, billowing skirt and tied it into a bulky knot at the side of her waist to both prevent tripping and ensure that she could fully stretch out her legs as she attempted this suicidal leap of faith.

"Kimahri? You still ready to catch me?" She screamed over the wind, trying to ignore the icy breeze saturating her now exposed upper legs. And not five minutes ago she had deemed it impossible to feel any colder. She stood corrected.

"Kimahri promise. If Yuna fall, Kimahri here. But Yuna…" he waited for her to look at him as she danced on spot, stretching her legs. When their eyes met, the old Ronso smiled. "Yuna have faith. Yuna will no fall. Yuna believe."

'_Believe'…_

She paused her preparatory stretches.

Believe. The word she had told Tidus before she jumped off the Bevelle tower. So much had happened since then. He had taught her…he made her feel like he could do anything. Regardless of rules, regulations and female bias. There were no games when she was with him. She was un-restricted by the direct path the pre-determined board game rules had laid ahead of her.

But the consequences of a lack of restrictions reared its ugly head all too soon. And what a mess she was in now. He didn't believe in the same things, and seeing as such, he could never understand. It was tragic, but never – never would she regret.

And just like that, thinking about all the times she had held back for the sake of propriety and honor, Yuna let go of her fear and shame and decided she didn't need them anymore.

"I can fly." She stated lamely to her companions, closing her eyes, leaning her head back and stretching out her arms for emphasis "I can really fly. Right, Kimahri?"

The Ronso all exchanged uneasy glances, silently hoping she wasn't actually confident enough to not try all together. Though they spurred on her self-assurance, they couldn't deny that the jump was still relatively far. And there was about a fifty/fifty chance that she'd make it across.

Still, Kimahri could tell when his summoner was in need of a little encouragement. And so, like the faithful guardian he was, he humored her. "Yuna can do anything. Yuna free!"

"Yes. Yuna is free." She announced, slapping her arms back down at her sides and smiling widely and genuinely for the first time in weeks. She took several deep breaths, checked that the knot of her skirt was tied securely and then stepped backwards as far as the ledge would allow her, her eyes focused only on her goal; the opposing ledge.

With a painfully screeching, banshee-like wail, Yuna's battle cry echoed through the mountain as she leapt for her life, scattering birds in trees from miles away.

Though it wasn't the most graceful of jumps, and her feet missed the mark by a landslide, one of her flailing hands somehow managed to attach itself to the target ledge.

"Woohoo!" she yelled in Rikku-like triumph, only to feel her fingers begin to slip mere milliseconds later. Before she could blink, Yuna was already falling off the cliff, screaming all the way down. But, as promised, Kimahri was there immediately under her, grasping her hand as it flew past him and using the momentum of her fall to throw her back up onto the original, first ledge.

Literally, back to square one.

She landed with a dull thud, feeling every inch of her frontal calves bruise on impact. Broken, but not yet defeated. She took a moment to compose herself, brushing dirt off her knees, hair out of her face and then up at the second ledge, the one above her that she had already conquered. "Let's try this again, shall we?" she said breathlessly, trying to ignore the fact that she had barely escaped certain death.

The Ronso nodded in compliance, positioning themselves in a triangle blockade below her; a safety net, should she fumble again.

They watched her reach out for the ledge and successfully hoist herself up, then leap almost too easily to the next, landing on her knees but at least not her face. "Next!" she called and Yenke moved up to show her the way.

It was going to be a long trek.

* * *

Several hours later, Yuna felt as though her entire body was composed of nothing but one, giant, walking, talking bruise.

She didn't even have the energy to heal herself to ease the pain once they reached the summit, seconds after which she was immediately pushed into thoroughly exploring every crevice of the giant slab of rock that was to be her statue followed by a two hour long sitting as the Ronso artists sketched their horned renditions of her figure and _then_ having to feign enthusiasm while watching the sculptors begin their masterpiece, scrapping off millimeter sized chips every two minutes or so.

It was more than exhausting. It was physically painful.

Yuna put her foot down then. Having spent a grueling more than half a day in this frozen hell, she felt she officially deserved a break.

She _needed_ a break if they didn't want her too pass out mid-jump on the way down the cliff wall.

Kimahri, thankfully, knew the perfect place for her to achieve the relaxation she so urgently craved while the elite Ronso finished their artistic business. Having spent his entire childhood wandering the various caves and crevices of the Gagazet summit, the blue Ronso discovered a secret hot springs deep inside one of the mountain's many cavern.

Never had she felt so much affection for the giant fur ball (as her uncle Cid liked to call him) as the moment when he revealed to her the shallow, steaming pool. She was sore, dirty, cold and now exceptionally sweaty after a prolonged term of grueling activity filled with heart pumping trepidation. An hour alone in the bath-like water was just what the doctor ordered, not only ease the tension and clean herself up, but to also sort out her many muddled thoughts.

Nothing good awaited her when she returned to camp. Rikku had probably delivered the news by now of her decision to annul the marriage. His inevitable dramatic reaction followed by a possible emotional, public outburst was not something she could have handled, had she been present. He needed time to cool off. She needed time to think. Eventually he would come to appreciate her reasoning. After she was gone, he would someday come to understand how much more difficult letting her go would have been had they remained as they were; secret, passionate lovers seeking refuge from time itself. It was hopeless.

Yuna sighed as she untied her obi and gently folded it across her lap, pressing down the wrinkles and trying to ignore the grime saturating the yellow silk.

This was the first time in weeks she allowed herself to think about him…well, the first time she allowed herself to think of him without cursing his name and mumbling death threats. Though she didn't condone what he did, she was beginning to realize the moral quality of his actions. Had he not admitted to her then and there of his true purposes hidden under a guise of guardianship, he may have in fact succeeded in his plan of whisking her away. And she would have been none the wiser, instantly falling into to common housewife role, constantly hearing of more deaths by Sin, her heart breaking a little with every announcement…until the day she died; her tombstone engraved with nothing more than 'daughter of high summoner Braska, wife of Blitzball player Tidus and failed Summoner. Rest in Peace'.

Yuna shook her head of the ghastly image and assured herself for the millionth time that she had made the right decision. That role was no more of a worthy life than dying now at 18 was, at least having fulfilled some grand purpose.

She had been horrifyingly close to giving up her pilgrimage that night. Which is why she had to end it. End every trace of it. They were simply too obsessed with one another to continue as they were.

_'Yes. **Obsessed**'_ was the word Yuna liked to use when she thought of Tidus. Love seemed to be too pure a term to describe the shambles of their current relationship. Obsession excused it all. Her lust. His deceit. Her masochistic behavior at the thought of leaving him. His jealous rampage when she chose her pilgrimage over their marriage. Both of their animal-like aggressiveness both physically during the act, and verbally the morning after as they tore out each other's hearts.

Obsession. Not love. Sad but true. It was the only explicable way they could ever hurt each other so badly. People in love don't do that…

Yuna finished undressing, depositing her boots next to the rest of her garments on a nearby rock before tip toeing to the water's edge and stepping in. She heaved a happy sigh as the warm water enveloped her, immediately defrosting her chilled skin and easing up the knots in her neck and arms and legs and…well, everywhere.

She swam around for a little while in the shallow water, stretching out her sore muscles then sitting down on a choice rock in the corner of the pool where the mist was thickest. Alone or not and with Kimahri keeping guard, a summoner still had her modesty to protect. There she picked the mud from under her nails, inspected the many bruises that adorned almost every inch of skin and washed her hair the best she could with a lack of proper toiletries. The cleansing was pretty pointless since she knew she had to head back down the same muddy cliff wall in the next hour but, for the moment at least, she wanted to be comfortable. Though naked was never exactly a soothing state for Yuna, at least she could be clean.

She had just surfaced for some much needed air after practicing how long she could hold her breath, when the recognizable sound of heavy footsteps met her ears. For a fearful moment, Yuna panicked, backing further into the corner to hide even though it was far too steamy to see even an inch in front her nose. Her fears instantly eased though when logic reminded her of how completely desolate an area she was in. Besides, not only could only Ronso make the climb to the summit, but Kimahri was guarding the only entranceway. Though usually he would wait for her to emerge herself instead of coming to fetch her like this, perhaps she had been drifting longer than she realized.

"I'll be out in two minutes Kimahri!" she yelled while squeezing the water out of her hair and combing her fingers through it hurriedly, not wanting to make the long walk back with icicle locks. Though Shiva would be proud.

The footsteps paused. But instead of turning back, continued approaching.

"Kimahri?" Yuna questioned quietly. Why hadn't he responded? "Kimahri?" she asked again, more loudly this time while slowly gliding out of her hiding spot, pushing clouds of steam out of her eyes.

She approached the shore, agitated more than embarrassed that some wandering Ronso came to disturb her. Especially since the big, fur covered race avoided the area (the heat and moisture in the air uncomfortable for their type of thick, hair covered skin) none of them had any reason to be in the cavern other than to visit her and harangue her with questions about the statue. They probably hadn't thought that she would be taking her clothes off before going for a swim.

"I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but I really must be alone for the next few minutes. I will come investigate the progress of the statue as soon as I am ready. Understand?"

The intruder remained silent, save their slow footsteps, making Yuna more than uncomfortable.

Where was Kimahri? He was meant to prevent this from happening.

A voice, echoing off the cavern walls, seemingly coming from everywhere and no where at once, answered her question.

"He let me pass." a man said, his footsteps continuing along the edge of the pool, still out of sight. Not that she needed to see him to know who he was. Yuna's heart accelerated painfully within the confines of her chest. "He said that he saw hurt in your eyes. He said that I should fix it."

"What are you doing here Tidus?" Yuna scowled, scanning the mist for any sign of him while sinking lower into the pool, arms crossed protectively over her chest.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." He reminded her in a slightly mocking tone.

Yuna responded by sinking deeper so that her chin touched the surface. She hated that he had the advantage her. This was not how their first encounter was supposed to be. It was supposed to be civilized, _clothed_, sitting down privately after supper to sign the papers and before heading their separate ways. She was going to ask him to leave the party tonight. He could tell couldn't he? She had hinted it enough times in her letter. And clearly, he was not amused.

"You haven't answered my question." She continued, crawling on hands and knees on the spring's floor to stay submerged. "What are you doing here?" _'Not to mention, _how_ did you get here?'_

"I came to talk" his omnipresent voice declared, still cloaked in the maddening fog. "You didn't think I'd just go through with this without a discussion now, did you?"

Yuna rolled her eyes and gave up the charade, boldly swimming towards the section of the pool where she knew her robes where draped. Now was not the time, nor the place. There would never be a time or place.

"There's nothing to discuss." She voiced her thoughts, arriving at the section of the pool where she thought she deposited her clothes. "We agreed that it was a mistake. I don't know why you're making such a big deal about ending it. Our marriage isn't even technically legal anyway so..."

"It _is_ a big deal Yuna. God…we're talking about annulment here. Do you even know what that means? Are you really that dense?"

She hesitated, taking several deep breaths before deeming herself stable enough to reply.

"Please…I-I can't discuss this right now." Frankly it was getting rather hard to keep her resolve within these conditions. She felt vulnerable, afraid, enraged by his insults when just a few moments ago she had finally gained peace with the subject. She hated him for ruining that inner sanctum that she had been craving after weeks of tearing her hair out over him and what he did to her. And his verbal abuse was just fueling the slight spark of rage that she had spent so long taming by rationalizing his otherwise unforgivable actions.

"Can you ever discuss it? Huh, Yuna? When something hurts too much, will you just push it away and avoid it until it goes away? Is that the face of the true Lady Yuna whose courage is praised all over Spira? You're as fake as Seymour. Maybe you two belonged together after all."

'_He's just mad. Don't take it personally. Be strong Yuna.'_ She bit her lip harshly to suppress any angry replies that would just worsen the situation and reached over the pool's edge toward her clothes, her eyesight compromised by the blur of tears. Still, the sobs of frustration couldn't help but escape her lips and she grasped desperately at thin air, hoping to get a hand on some garment to cover herself with before running away as fast as possible back to camp.

After a few beats of unsuccessful grasps at cloth, Yuna fell back into the pool to warm her trembling back, finally breaking down into quiet weeping, mainly at how pathetic she must look to Tidus instead of the situation itself. The sound seemed to sober Tidus, wherever he was.

"I-I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I didn't mean it." He said meekly, the sound of his nervous pacing on the gravel filled her ears. "I-I'm just confused. And angry. And hurt. I don't know why you're acting like this. All I know is that I hate it. I want things to go back to the way they were. But you're making it impossible…and I…I can't fathom why."

"You don't understand" she heaved through the cracks of her fingers.

"Yeah. You keep saying that. Doesn't help explain it a whole lot."

"Please. I promise I'll talk to you after. Just, for now…please go."

"I would. But you see Yuna, we need to talk eventually. Really talk I mean. And, as long as we're around the others, you seem to have this pesky habit of ducking out a lot. I can't risk that. So I think we should talk here."

It was true. She didn't bother denying it. One of the reasons she wanted to talk at camp was for the comforting safety of having her other guardians nearby, should he take the conversation to a place she didn't want to go. She needed that safety net. Just like she need the other Ronso below her as she climbed the wall that morning. Without it, she was a great risk of plummeting to her death with every spoken word.

"I don't want to talk to you now. Not here. Later. At camp. I promis…"

"Nah. Not good enough." He interrupted, causing Yuna's scowl to deepen in anger at his haughtiness.

"It'll have to do. Cause I'm leaving now. See you at camp Tidus." She made to hoist herself out of the pool, no longer caring how much her saw of her, just needing to find her garments to get dressed and…

Upon leaving the vapors of the pool, the rock Yuna was sure she left her robes on was brought into plain sight.

It was barren.

Yuna let out a small screech and immediately jumped back into the pool and sunk low, her carefully tamed anger threatening to unleash itself full force should she figure out where he was hiding in the fog.

"Missing something?" his daunting voice teased. The summoner could feel her face redden in a mixture of embarrassment and pure rage.

"Where are my clothes Tidus? This isn't funny!"

"I didn't do it to be funny." He stated plainly, unable to keep the slight edge of humor from his voice.

"You can't keep me here against my will! I'm will not be a hostage!"

"You are not restrained in any way. The path back to camp is clear, with sturdy Ronso waiting for you at the summit's edge to help to safely back down to the base. There is nothing that is in any way forcing you to stay here, Lady Yuna. In fact, I would greatly enjoy if you choose to return the way you are. I've had little to smile about these past few weeks."

"You're sick! You-you're insane!" Regardless of the many messy situations she and her friends had found themselves in throughout the journey, this one was, without a doubt, the most frustrating of all.

"I'm desperate Yuna" he corrected, all hint of teasing immediately erased from his tone "there is a difference."

They stayed in uncomfortable silence for a while, each contemplating their words carefully.

"They'll come looking for me." Yuna offered as a weak threat, the only defense she had at the moment.

"Not for several hours." Tidus reminded her, breaking down the last of her resistance. "You'll get very prune-y. I know how you hate getting prune-y." It was meant to ease then tension, but Yuna was obviously not in a very humorous mood. She really did hate getting prune-y. And now it seemed like it was inevitable.

"Only five minutes. I swear. All you have to do is listen. I wrote the letter. If you still want to, I'll send it off right away. And…I'll leave. You'll never have to see me again. If that's what you want…but let me try at least."

"Try what? Try to tempt me again into seeing things your way?" she scoffed and moved to a shallower part of the pool so that she could sit down properly, leaning her chin on her bent knees. "It won't work." At least she hoped it wouldn't. When it came to Tidus, nothing was certain.

"I was wrong. I know that. What I mean is, I want to try to make you…no, not make you…try to help you understand that…arg!" he started pacing again. Yuna almost smiled at his signature gesture, imagining him scratching the back of his neck at the same time. Almost. "I had a whole speech. I need to start again. Five minutes, k? Will you listen?"

Yuna looked down at her reflection, studying the pitiful sight of her icy hair, bruised legs and arms, close to blue lips and general defeated expression and posture. Not to mention her skin was starting to prune. She had no where to go. Literally exposed, alone and helpless, she now knew how it felt to be truly desperate. "What choice do I have?" she mumbled to the mist.

Tidus smiled.

Checkmate.

* * *

**Author's note:** Here's an insanely long one to make up for my disappearance in the past month. Working two jobs and all that is more difficult than full time University studies believe it or not. At least while studying I could take breaks on my laptop and switch to write a page or two. Oh well. I'm back in school come next week so hopefully they'll be coming out fast again. Wish me luck! And next chapter, a scene from the foreboding future ; ). Looking forward to writing as much as I hope you're looking forward to reading it. Review pleasseeeee. 


	17. Redemption

"_Forgiveness is the remission of sins. _

_For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again."_

**-- Saint Augustine **

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 17 …_Redemption_…**

_Bright lights._

_Uncomfortable, cold bed._

_Voices whispering._

_Yuna wished they would be quiet. She wished everything would finally end._

_She wanted to tell them to stop, to not bother. She didn't want to be saved. But they couldn't hear her, and she was too weak to tell them._

"_It…it hurts" she managed to strangle out._

_No response. She couldn't see, nor hear, nor feel anything. All she could do was hope they understood what she was asking in those few meek words:_

"_It hurts."_

'It hurts too much. I'm broken. I can't go on. It hurts. Please… Let me go. Let me go to him. Let us go to him.'

'_It hurts.'_

'_When a lovebird dies…'_

* * *

'_Pray for me…'_

Within in the hour, Luca Memorial Hospital had morphed from a quiet healing facility into an all-out circus; complete with clowns played by useless healers, carnivorous beasts played by the paparazzi and even a popcorn stand, an actual popcorn stand, set up on the lawn to feed the hungry fans of the Lady Yuna that crowded Luca's center square, waiting to catch a glimpse of their savior.

Kimahri stood outside the hospital doors, rejecting anyone who attempted to enter without a genuine and obvious injury. Basically, if you weren't bleeding profusely or missing a limb, you weren't getting in.

Somehow the news of both the summoner's success in vanquishing Sin and her present whereabouts had been released to the press and the big blue Ronso got roped into playing bouncer. A doctor was even forced to stand outside next to Kimahri in order to treat those patients with smaller ailments, sorting the legitimately injured, from the invented. Some press members had even gone as far as to inflict dire wounds upon themselves in order to increase their chances of entrance.

Every security guard who had ever worked had been called in to duty, stationed at every possible entrance with extra members positioned in and around the wing where Yuna was resting. The atmosphere was tense, chaotic and a tad suffocating and Kimahri hated every second of it as he roughly pushed away a group of kids who had attempted to sneak by him.

He hated the city, people packed in such a small area, like clustered ants. Yuna hated it too. She should have been granted peace after her ordeal. She should have been able to wake up in the soothing environment of the Besaid Isle. So many things Yuna deserved, that she would never have again.

As he played sentinel, Kimahri was praying to the mountain. He prayed for the health and safety of his friend. He prayed that the ever growing crowd in front of him would soon grow weary and stumble home. He prayed that his little Yuna would somehow, some day, find happiness once more.

Inside, Wakka was pacing outside the emergency room entrance, praying to Yevon that Yuna come out with all her parts still in working order.

Lulu was seated, hands calmly folded in her lap with apparently infinite patience. She was praying for strength, so that when Yuna did eventually walk out those doors (and she _would_ walk out) her own emotions of fear and relief would be held back so she could concentrate on consoling and supporting her adoptive daughter.

But Rikku. She had nothing to pray too. No sacred landscape, no phony god nor even an inanimate object to squeeze for luck. The Al Bhed could do nothing but sit and wait impatiently, feeling guiltier and guiltier by the second that her cousin's dire fate was becoming more and more her fault.

And while the others coasted along on their ignorance, trusting the Yevon healers completely to deal with Yuna's mysterious illness, Rikku couldn't help but be ruthlessly logical; as was the habit of people with her blood.

It didn't take her long to put two and two together. However, the certainty of her diagnosis was no more comforting than being completely in the dark. It was perhaps even more unsettling. For a moment she envied Lulu and Wakka; uninformed, oblivious and comfortable that whatever was wrong, it could easily be fixed by hope.

But, if Rikku's theory was right, it would be a long time before Yuna would be alright…that is if she ever healed at all.

She watched one of the apprentice healers scurry out of the emergency wing doors. Instantly, she sat up straighter and tried to catch his eye, begging for some, _any_, type of news concerning her cousin's health.

The man seemed to be a professional at ignoring tense family members for his eyes never even flicked upward in their direction. He simply disappeared inside a supply closet and then scurried back in again, beyond reach in the intensive card ward before she even had a chance to get to her feet and contemplate ambushing him.

"Damn it!" the young blonde swore loudly as she slumped back into her seat, cursing herself for letting any opportunity for information pass her by.

"Rikku…" Lulu hissed in reprimand, fixing her with one of her infamous disapproving glares. "We are in a house of tranquility, where people come to find peace from their suffering. Now is a time for reflection."

"Now is a time to kick someone's ass if they keep us waiting any longer."

"Rikku, please…" Wakka repeated in warning as he paced by their uncomfortable chairs. "Your complaining will do nothing to help Yuna get better faster."

"And my sitting here twiddling my thumbs is doing _loads_." Wakka, stumped for a response, simply shook his head and continued on his nervous path around the waiting room. He wasn't willing to deal with her. No one was willing to deal with any form of potentially painful honesty.

Wait patiently, atone, follow blindly and everything will turn out all right in the end. That was the Yevon belief system in a nutshell. Yuna could have been dead for the past two hours and the healers were just sitting around her bed _praying_ for a damned miracle. It was bloody ridiculous. Everything, this entire situation, was far past the borderline of insanity.

_'That's it!'_ Rikku abruptly jumped to her feet, deciding that he couldn't take anymore of this incompetence.

"Where are you going?" the ever-supervisory Lulu had her restrained by the wrist before she could even take a step, knowing that nothing good could come out of the impulsive girl who had a rather long track record of being blasphemously impetuous.

Though her initial urge was to rip herself free and cause a screaming scene, Rikku had long since come to learn that Yevon believers responded better to calamity. So, she took a page out of the age-old Maester's book of politics; she lied through her teeth.

"Geez Lulu I'm just going to the bathroom. Or am I not allowed to do that either?"

The black mage paused, contemplated and then reluctantly let go of her wrist. "Be back soon" she said a tad nervously "they may come out with news of Yuna any second now."

_'Yeah right.'_

"I promise to be back in a jiffy" she patted her friend's hand in what she hoped was a reassuring manner before walking off toward the visitor's powder room, trying her hardest to appear calm and collected and not break out in a run.

Orderlies were preoccupied with running to fetch supplies, tend to patients and keep the mob outside at bay. The receptions didn't even have a chance to glance up since their communication sphere lines never ceased to beep with incoming interrogations. Those citizens who were lucky enough to gain entrance to the hospital were desperately nursing their dire injuries.

Everyone was busy. Everyone was frantic. A fight just broke out in the mob outside and the resulting screams were enough to draw everyone's attention for the crucial three seconds it took for Rikku to take a detour from her route toward the bathroom and duck behind the swinging emergency room doors that had commanded her attention for so long.

She would find Yuna. She needed to talk to her before any other's got the chance to hound her with questions. She needed to find the head healer before his resolve faltered and decided to confess the source of her illness to her guardians.

But most of all, she needed to apologize…and be forgiven.

No phony god. No sacred landscape. No lucky inanimate object to squeeze for luck.

Only Yuna could give her salvation she so desperately needed.

With potential redemption gleaming temptingly on the horizon, Rikku somehow gained the courage the step forward into the wing's main corridor; an endless winding maze of white walls and identical closed doors.

Now if she could only _find_ her cousin.

Preferably, before she got caught.

* * *

Yuna blinked. It felt as if her eyelids moved in slow motion; a full five seconds to open, giving her a brief, blurry image of the world before her, and then another five to slowly and dauntingly take the vision away.

Again, darkness.

She tried once more. Forcing those heavy lids to lift was almost as difficult as cracking open a coconut with her feet, and equally awkward. Her eyelashes fluttered. The sensation of movement was stiff, like the clamping of rusting, metallic jaws.

She caught a glimpse of white and gold; coincidently the most blinding shades in Spira, setting her delicate retina ablaze with their painful luminosity. She groaned and brought her hand toward her forehead, as a shield, but it too seemed to move at a reluctant pace.

Tears were leaking out the corner before his fingers finally arrived, blocking out the horrid light.

White and gold. Endlessly.

White and gold and yellow…all she could see.

Was this what if felt like?...traveling to the farplane? Was this the sight of a pyrefly soul departing the material world for the great beyond?

If so…it was far from the peaceful comfort she had heard about. The voices slowly entering her mind were also obscenely loud, like the light.

This wasn't harmony.

Maybe, just maybe, her grief had turned her into a fiend. She shuddered at the thought and groaned again. The voices paused, contemplating for a moment or two, and then continued; their shrill screeching gradually melting into distinguishable syllables.

_"Hold. sec…I thi . .. she's wakin… up."_ One said, the sound reaching her ears as if from underwater; broken, echoing and distorted.

_"About fre- time. Guardia…berserk-Al Bhed. for informa. Check h- Vital."_

A silhouette of golden hues moved towards her, and Yuna didn't have the strength to defend herself against the intruding hands that forced her eyelids further open, shining a blinding light into her pupils. She wanted to scream at the pain but didn't have the energy to do anything but whimper softly.

_"Lad- Yun. Ca- you -ear me?"_

It took her a moment or two to register the foreign sounds as discernible words, but soon enough her brain began to comprehend the cryptic message. She nodded.

The two spirits heaved sighs of relief. At least she assumed they were spirits. Why else would she able to hear them when obviously dead? Maybe they were summoners, trying to lead her to the Farplane. She listened with all her might for further instruction while still trying to adjust to the blinding golden hues. She needed to get to the world beyond Spira, or she may never be able to see him again. The spirits spoke again, conferring with one another.

"_Get-heale…Tell hi- awake." _

"_Do- think…visitors?" _

"_Not ye…wait."_

Yuna groaned again, her only method of communication, hoping that they understood how impatient she was getting listening to their pointless banter. She had things to do. Grievances to ponder. A future to mourn. And people to beg for forgiveness. One person specifically.

So many regrets…to think how things could have been…had she not been such a coward.

She needed to apologize. Or she'd never know tranquility.

'_I should have told you…'_

'_Then maybe…if you had known…maybe, it would have been different.'_

'_Forgive me.'_

"For-give…me."

There was a commotion somewhere in her infinite surroundings. More people joined in, surrounding her, crowding her space. She felt their presence like a suffocating pillow pressed against nose and mouth. They spoke harshly, though the words were muffled and eager, she still understood the general message. They didn't feel she was worthy of forgiveness. They wanted to punish her for her many sins.

She deserved it, she guessed.

But that didn't stop her from bursting into pitiful, heart-wrenching tears.

The spirits paused, apparently put off from such a pathetic display of naked emotion. The shame of it all only made her want to cry harder. She didn't bother to resist the urge. It had been so long since she let herself cry. _Really_ cry. Without anything to hold her back. It almost felt good.

Almost.

"Im- sor-sorry." She muttered as a last plea of defense.

Through her haze of grief she noticed her chaotic surroundings suddenly go still. A prick on her upper arm. It hurt like hell for but a blissfully distracting moment, until a warm sensation flooded her veins from the point of impact.

She instantly relaxed.

Her crying ceased.

And all too easily…

She opened her eyes.

_Is that…really you?_

The golden hues that compromised her sight began to morph slowly and teasingly, the edges curling together to fit a pre-determined shape in the center of her eyes, leaving behind nothing but white light as the ever increasing background. At first an indistinguishable golden blob, the vision grew in detail; the top becoming that signature outline of feathered, spiked hair, the body lean, average height and muscular, those familiar hands reaching forward to stroke her shoulder.

His touch was warm. She could feel again. Sensations were returning. And, gradually, the golden silhouette grew features and clothing.

A man. A perfect man. Brilliant blonde hair. Eyes as deep as the ocean. Dressed in a plain white robe. A vision. He had come to redeem her.

He smiled and she felt all her troubles melt away.

"You're going to be okay now Yuna." He said. Yuna grinned and placed her hand over his on her shoulder.

"_Of course I am"_ speaking was difficult, her throat dry and rasping, but she would bear it for his sake. _"Now that you're here, I will forever be okay."_

He laughed; the sound like music to her ears. She leaned her cheek into his touch, wishing she had the strength to pull him down onto her and kiss him until her lips felt raw, like they used to do. They'd have eternity to do that later. But, for now, she needed him to know.

"_I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't tell anyone. I should have. Maybe…if I had then…things would have been…"_ Her voice was hoarse and broken, painful to her own ears and he was quick to shush her, noting her obvious pain.

"Shhh…Do not blame yourself Lady Yuna." He spoke gently, tightening his hold on her shoulder to prove his immovable opinion on the matter. "It is no one individual's fault. Fate, sometimes, is simply unkind."

Yuna shook her head, giggling lightly. Fate had brought them back together, had it not? Fate had done too many good things to be put down but a few measly tragedies. They were together again. That was all that mattered. He forgave her. That was all she needed in order to rest in peace.

Her eternal Calm could now officially begin.

"_Do not shun Fate so. For we can be happy now" _she whispered to him, reaching up to stroke the side of his gentle cheek. _"There's no one to hide from here. We can be a family. It's what you wanted all along isn't it? From the moment you asked me to marry you…"_

Suddenly, his calm features contorted into a mask of confusion and he quickly pulled away from her outstretched fingers before they had a chance to connect with his flesh, as if her intention to touch threatened an electrical shock.

Yuna furrowed her brows and studied his terrified expression with bewilderment. _"Tidus? What's wrong?" _

"Lady Yuna, I…I'm not…" he took a couple of steps further back, removing himself from the edge of her bed until the wall hindered him from going any farther. Yuna sat up and tried to reach out to him, but a series of metal bars and constricting cotton sheets kept her firmly pinned to her single cot.

A _real_ cot…he was leaning against a _real_ wall…

No longer a gold and white abyss but an actual room. The force of colors hit her like a ton of bricks as her surroundings came into blunt, bright focus.

Red.

Blue.

Orange.

Her eyes immediately began to sting and water, forcing her lids to close.

But then the noise came, replacing what was once only a gentle hum and his lulling voice. Now there were people, thousands of people.

Crying.

Screaming.

Dying.

Machina beeped and buzzed all around her, through the open door fast paced footsteps echoed agonizingly behind her temples. It was deafening and she found she had to latch her hands over her ears just to be able to think properly.

It was complete and utter chaos. Tidus must be equally lost and panicked. They weren't supposed to be here. Something was wrong.

"_Tidus_?"

Nothing.

"TIDUS!"

Despite the pain she forced her eyes open to look for him, planning to latch onto his hand and run until they found that same peaceful atmosphere once more. But where Tidus had one stood, another man was, dressed in the same white smock. He rushed to her side, pressing her back down by the shoulders into the cot as she tried to get up.

"Lady Yuna. You need to calm down." He warned, as she began to writhe and struggle under his powerful hold.

"I had him. He was right here! **Give him back to me**!"

"Yuna please" he pressed her harshly into the bed, and she continued to frantically struggle against her attacker's grasp. "You are under the influence of several types of tranquilizing spells. You were hallucinating. Now please just…"

She wasn't listening.

All she knew was that this man had taken Tidus away. Replaced him somehow. His once blonde tresses were now a completely bald scalp. His smooth, bronzed skin was wrinkled and pale and those soothing blue eyes were dark and cold. She hated this man. She wanted to hurt him, but more than that, she wanted to return to that white and gold haven where she had felt the first inkling of peace and happiness that preceded eternal rest. She hadn't finished telling Tidus how truly sorry she was. She needed him to know…that she had been wrong all along.

Yuna kicked weakly at the healer's torso, desperate to be set free. But in her weakened state she was obviously no match for him.

And, for the first time, there was no sign of Tidus coming to rescue her.

Maybe this wasn't the farplane after all. Maybe this was the opposite.

Maybe this was the underworld…

She earned it. The number of hearts she broke, and the vast number of people she had disappointed. Not to mention the multitude of sins she had committed recently with no time to atone. Doomed to a life of never ending suffering and pain. An afterlife alone.

Convicted yes, but still far from hopeless. Far from giving up without a fight.

"_Let me go! Give him back to me!_ **Let me go**!"

"Lady Yuna, you have to calm down. _Please_!"

She screamed. She struggled. But with each movement she grew more and more tired. She fought until black dots danced in front of her eyes but still, the evil man did not strike back. Nor did he even defend himself against her weak, yet obviously substantial hits. She released all her pains and frustrations onto the old man's chest until her knuckles bruised by the constant impact.

Only then did she notice the pain. Only then did she notice how _real_ the situation was…

At the sound of a commotion, several orderlies rushed into the room with needles in hand, ready to sedate a troublesome patient. But the healer instantly waved them away, his forehead drenched in sweat as he focused all his strength into not crying out after every hit the young, yet powerful, woman bestowed upon him.

"Leave us." He mumbled over Yuna's powerful, manic screams as he struggled to keep her from falling off the side of her cot. The orderlies exchanged disbelieving glances.

"But sir…she's obviously…"

"She's had enough drugs pumped into her to last a lifetime. She needs to face reality eventually. No more needles. No more forcefully induced harmony. "

Through her frenzied haze, Yuna heard every word. And as she listened to the apprentice healers further argue to stability of her sanity, her voice lowered in pitch, her hits became weaker and weaker…until eventually, she was completely aware that there was no point.

"With all do respect sir, in my medical opinion I believe…"

"And it is because of your lack of any useful medical opinions which is why I am head healer and you are simply a nurse. Now leave."

"But..."

"I'm fine." All three healers turned to contemplate the patient in silent wonder.

The young girl, who had a few seconds ago been screaming and flailing like a tantrum toddler, was now sitting calmly on the edge of her cot, hands folded in her lap and eyes glued to the floor in shame.

The orderly, despite his superior's instructions, took a few careful steps into the room. His hand hovered toward the high summoner, shaking as he offered her his gifts. "My Lady, if you would like to rest for a while longer, I can…"

"No!" with a swift, poorly aimed swat of her hand, she knocked the needle out of his hands, letting it shatter on the linoleum floor at her feet. "I don't want any more. Understand?"

The young nurse chanced a glance at the head healer, who raised an eyebrow as if to say 'I told you so' and also added a slight grin of malice, hinting that he would be punished for disobeying. The apprentice hung his head low.

"I-I'll just clean this up." He knelt down to pick up the shattered pieces of the tranquilizer when his friend and fellow nurse, tugged him back by the collar.

"We should go." And before the man had a chance to protest, he was out the door, slamming it behind them.

The head healer and summoner Yuna were left alone.

They stood for a moment in awkward silence as he allowed the girl to get her bearings, blinking the sleepy crust for her eyes and adjusting her sight and hearing to regular values after being unconscious for such a long period of time. Eventually, the screeching hissing of the outside world faded into the background and the colors, which initially blinded her, focused; revealing heaps upon heaps of bouquets of flowers covering almost every spare inch of floor space in her tiny hospital room.

Soon enough, she felt normal again.

Well, as normal as possible considering the circumstances. She remembered.

'_Yuna, I have to go.'_

'_No.'_

'_I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand.'_

'_No.'_

'_Goodbye.'_

'_**NO**!'_

'_Yuna!'_

_Darkness._

She remembered everything. She shuddered.

The memory of Tidus jumping off the airship's bridge was still all too clear in her mind. And the secret she whispered to him seconds before he disappeared forever. It hadn't made any difference. It had been too late…had he even heard her?

Yuna decided not to speak for fear of breaking down once more. She had embarrassed herself enough in one day in front of this man. Now was a time to mourn, a time for silence. No matter how curious she was.

The doctor matched her discomfort and took a step back, maintaining a more appropriate distance between them before bending down and retrieve his spectacles from the floor where they had been knocked off during the miniscule brawl.

"I think I know what you want to ask" he said quietly while wiping the dirt off the lenses with the edged of his smock. He considered her. She was motionless, unblinking, but listening still. "And I also think you already know the answer."

"It's gone." Her answer was blunt, emotionless. A statement, not a question. He felt the need to confirm anyway.

"Yes…"

Her eyes remained glued to the wall in front of her, no hint of sadness, only apathy.

Again, awkward silence filled the room.

"You're in Luca by the way." The doctor began, daring to take a step closer and cautiously look her over while she remained catatonic. "You're guardians knew you were sick and wanted you taken care of properly. Zoan memorial is the only hospital in Spira with the proper facilities to accommodate your…condition. They made a risky yet wise decision to bring you here. Probably saved your life." He made sure to meet her eyes, still staring off into the distance, as he held her hand to check her pulse. "You should be grateful. Life is precious, Lady Yuna."

She made no response. Just continued to stare.

"I'm not here to judge you. You can tell me anything in the strictest confidence, you know that right?"

She chuckled softly and sarcastically, closing her eyes to rid them of the gruesome sight of reality. Other than that she remained quiet. The healer cleared his throat before speaking again, desperate to ease the young woman's intense denial a little before releasing her back into the world, the entire populace of which was waiting to celebrate her ultimate sacrifices.

"Your guardians are waiting for you. They are desperate to know how you feel."

Still, silence.

"If you wish, I can…" he coughed "stretch the truth a little about why you are here. They don't have to know. No one has to know Yuna."

Yuna cautiously ran a hand across her shoulder, over her abdomen and down to her knees. She sighed. She had no one to talk to. No one in the world.

But would confiding in a stranger would make things any better?

She chanced a glance at the doctor.

He seemed concentrated, eyes closed, focused on her and her words alone. And for a second, she saw Tidus again standing there before her in his place…listening intently. Though the thought was a tad unnerving, it also allowed her to speak freely.

If Tidus couldn't know, someone should. If he couldn't forgive her, someone had to.

Someone had to understand…that she had no choice.

"I was…really scared." She admitted slowly, tugging nervously on the hem of her white gown.

The doctor nodded before scooting closer, pulling up a chair beside her bed.

"I can imagine."

Yuna laughed, not her usual cheery laugh but one full of spite. "I doubt that you can."

"You're right" he said, agreeing with her a little too easily. "But let's say for the moment, I don't understand why you did it. By the moral code of this hospital, I should be arresting you now."

This caused her to perk up, her back to straighten tensely and her stare to move back towards the apparently infinite dimensions of the wall in front of her.

"But I didn't." he admitted, in a lame attempt to soothe. "And I won't."

"Because I'm _the_ Lady Yuna right?"

"No." he corrected. "Because I believe you had a reason. A reason which defies all reasonable logic, but some motive none the less."

"And why would I tell you?"

"Because you want forgiveness." He said bluntly. "And right now I'm seeing an executioner sitting before me. A young, beautiful, cold blooded criminal."

Tears welled up in her eyes. A murdered she was. Of both her husbands. And now this.

"It's not what you think" she insisted. "We were married."

"I know…" he stated calmly, before casually tossing something small and metallic in her direction. She let it land softly on the bed sheets before her, reluctant to touch the things in case the happy memories it symbolized destroyed her already shaky sanity.

Her engagement ring of course. The one with the studded diamonds forming the symbol of the Zanarkand Abes. The last remaining proof that Tidus had existed at all. Curiously, it hadn't faded like the rest of his personal items. But she had neither the will nor the energy to contemplate why.

She let it sit there in the sheets. Touching it could do nothing but harm. The healer only waited patiently for her the gain her bearings.

It took a couple of minutes before she was stable enough to speak.

"I couldn't tell him" she confessed, eyes now glued to the metallic symbol of her past mistakes. "I couldn't let him win. Just another reason, one of many, for me to turn back and quit."

"So it was revenge?"

"It was desperation!"

'_How dare you. How dare you even pretend to understand what I went through these past three months. How dare you judge me.'_

"And now there's regret. Things didn't turn out as you had planned, had they?"

'_I was supposed to die. Not him. Neither of us was supposed to suffer like I am now. No, things didn't go as planned. But…'_

"I don't regret" she murmured quietly, happy that for the moment that fact gave her the slightest sense of security. "Sadness, yes. The wish to have gone about things differently, yes….but no regret. Not him. Never. I just wish that…I wish for…"

"Redemption?"

Yuna met the healer's eyes, for the first time looking at him directly. He was smiling. She returned a weak grin to the best of her ability.

"Yes. Exactly. Redemption."

'_I cannot change the past. So there is no point in wishing to. I can only hope that I will someday not hate myself…'_

The healer only nodded knowingly. His compliance was a tad peculiar, but soothing all the same. "But he's not here anymore, is he?"

This was the end of the line; the moment in life where you have to drop all barriers and shields and be faced with the blunt, brutal truth of the ugly world. No, Tidus wasn't here any more; he wouldn't be ever again. And she, for the sake of those around her who loved her immensely, she would have to, in time, find a way to survive that heart wrenching fact.

Starting now.

"He died. To save me."

Acceptance, the final stage of death. Denial and anger were far passed. The healer was pleased at this swift recovery, noting how strong this woman must be in order have survived everything up to now with her wits still intact.

"And you will live on, for his sake."

"I don't know if I can." Yuna confessed. It would be so tempting to end it all now. "How can I? He won't forgive me. He can't."

"My dear Lady Yuna" he moved towards her, brushing away the sweaty bangs from her face like a father caressing a fatally ill child whose odds of survival depended purely on their own will to live. "It seems like the only thing you need, the only thing you can hope for, is to forgive yourself."

And with that, the old man pulled away and exited the room, leaving her alone with her many menacing thoughts. The door slammed closed and she couldn't help but wince at the abrasive sounds.

Forgiveness. Such an abstract concept.

So many scenarios of what could have happened. So many different endings to the story, both satisfactory and dismal. And yet, the most unnerving of all her thoughts was this:

"_Did he hear me?_"

'I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand.'

'Goodbye.'

'_Tidus. I love you.'_

'_Tidus…I'm…It was an accident.'_

'_Tidus. I'm sorry.'_

"Forgive me." She breathed to the empty space before her.

Not to her surprise, no one accepted.

Not yet…

* * *

**- . Author's Note . -**: Had some trouble writing this chapter, as most of you know from my complaints on my main bio page. After a while I decided just to cut the entire second half I wrote and deal with its impudence later. In the meantime, I needed to post SOMETHING of substance, so put together this little scene in a hurry. Sorry for being so evasive but I feel the need to hold off on bluntly stating Yuna's issue. Part of its obvious, part of its not. I still have some surprises left in me yet folks. : P

Again, I want to thank all reviewers for sticking with me. Chapters would be coming out MUCH more slowly if it weren't for the reviews I kept receiving every couple of days bitching at me to update soon. Thank you all so much. Another reason it took me so long this time is that I've been working my ass off on a digital art portfolio to get into this super-competitive program at my local university. It was due March 1st so that's over and done with…now I just hafta pray for acceptance…or that all the other applicant's work gets set on fire or something -evil laugh-.

It's nearing the end folks. Look forward to the next update.


	18. Sweet Surrender

"_When we know love matters more than anything. _

_And we know that nothing else really matters, we move into the state of surrender. Surrender does not diminish our power, it enhances it."_

**- - Sara Paddison**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 18 …_ Sweet Surrender_…**

**"Forgive me…"**

**"For I have sinned."**

**"…and I relished every second of it…"**

* * *

"_For the love of…" Tidus took a deep breath to calm himself, fists clenching the boulder he was leaning on so tightly that he could feel the rock beginning to crumble beneath his fingers. "Would you stop being so damn narrow minded for one damn minute?"_

"Narrow minded_?" Yuna's voice repeated incredulously from somewhere in the foggy abyss of the spring. "Just because someone doesn't necessarily see things your way does in no way imply that they are narrow minded. In fact, quite the opposite."_

_He heard a soft splashing in the distance. She was moving. He took this as a hint to shift further back into the steam, moving around the perimeter of the pool._

"_This whole divorce thing-"_

"_Annulment" she reminded him._

"_Yeah, sorry" he muttered sarcastically while kicking at the loose gravel with his boots in frustration. "This _annulment_ is absurd and you know it."_

_A long sigh of annoyance filled the cavern. "Tidus, I-"_

"_I know you still love me!"_

_There was a soft laugh but other than that, nothing. A sudden silence that implied waiting. He refused to respond. The ball was in her court. Thankfully, it didn't take her that long to figure it out._

"_That's not the point…" she whispered. Her tone was so faint, he couldn't even tell where it was coming from. Maybe it was even an echo._

"_Dare I ask what this infamous point is?"_

"_The point is… we're two weeks from Zanarkand…"_

_The silence was mutual then. A time for reflection. The emotional tension was as tangibly thick as the fog, suffocating them with its sickly bittersweet aroma._

"_I'm not coming back you know. I think that's obvious now" she said quietly while rubbing her chilled shoulders; half to encourage circulation, half in a subtle attempt at self-soothing. "And…I'm okay with that."_

_Still silence._

"_Tidus?"_

_A splash. The sound of briskly moving water. And, before she knew it, Tidus was no longer a faceless voice in the atmosphere. He was there, standing right in front of her…terrifyingly…suffocatingly…enticingly close._

"_My five minutes are up." He reminded her. His hair was dripping with beads of water, dribbling down his chin, mindlessly obeying the laws of gravity. It was oddly fascinating to watch them disappear down his neck, under his shirt and then down his arm to join the majority back in the spring._

_The image brought on a strong sense of Déjà vu._

"_Yes. Your five minutes are" she confirmed, yet made no effort to move, too busy staring at the riveting dance of nature against his dark skin._

"_You're not going to change your mind, are you?"_

_She shook her head. "I can't."_

"_I promised then. I'll do it."_

"_Thank you."_

"_As soon as I leave here, it'll be over. We'll no longer be husband and wife." He was stalling obviously, and for some incomprehensible reason, she was letting him. He took a step closer. She didn't back away as would have once been the habit. Her nakedness was suddenly painfully obvious…obvious and yet comfortable._

_She made a bold move and reached out to him, stroking away a few strands of errant blonde hair from his forehead. It had been so long since she touched him, she noted. Not until now had she realized how much she cherished and yearned for the sensation._

"_I'm sorry it turned out this way" she mumbled as her wayward fingers traveled from his hair, to his jaw, tracing the outside of his face gently as if the memorize its precise texture and shape. "I didn't want to hurt you."_

"_I know. I under-" he paused, shaking his head a little. Why lie in their last intimate moment together? "I _want_ to understand."_

"_You _will_ come to understand. Of that I am certain."_

"_This will be the last time then…"_

_Yuna grinned. She couldn't help it. "The last time what?"_

"_The last time I kiss you."_

_Her eyes quickly shifted targets from his face to the water, and she impulsively drew her fingers away. "You probably shouldn't" she coaxed, but her tone betrayed that her heart obviously did not support the objection._

"_Probably." he agreed, and yet leaned in anyway. His gloved hands snaked around her back and before she had time to even consider denying him that final request/demand, Yuna was pressed to him, his eager mouth upon hers._

_Like all the times before, it took her breath away. Unlike all the times before, he put his heart and soul into the pressure of his lips. The last time. Like the first time._

_Déjà vu for certain. It was Macalania all over again, along with the familiar feeling of divine helplessness…and of absolute sorrow that this should never happen again. _

_She reciprocated. It was only polite. They were married for only a short while longer. This was to be nothing more than a small, simple seal to the deal. That was all. A goodbye of sorts._

_One last kiss._

_The last time._

* * *

'_He better not be doing anything stupid…'_ Rikku mentally scolded her partner in crime as she trudged up the slippery mountain path at a brisk pace, following the tell-tale footprints of blitzball boots embedded in the crusty snow.

She had _thought_ that leaving Tidus alone to sort out his feelings had been a good idea.

She had _thought_ that he had come to accept Yuna's peculiar needs and intended to humor them by writing that annulment request.

She had _thought_ that he had some, miniscule ounce of respect somewhere buried deep inside that jock attitude of his that he had scrounged up for the occasion of indulging her cousin's last request.

She had thought wrong.

After close to an hour of mindless chatter with Lulu, Rikku had come back to check on Tidus' progress with the letter only to find him long gone. Split. Flown the coop! ...and headed straight in the direction of Yuna's Ronso entourage up the sacred mountain with the intention, no doubt, of forcing her to see things his way. And Yuna, being the malleable person that she was with all things concerning her husband, would have no choice but to comply with his every wish.

It wasn't fair. No matter what he did to initially upset her, didn't he see how staying in this sham of a marriage was killing her inside? Didn't he notice that it was a mistake? That they all, including her, had fallen victim to the illusion of a fairy tale happy ending when such a scenario could never be?

Did he really intend to force his name upon her just for the sake of pride?

Of course he did.

He was a guy. And if this trip had taught her anything, it was that all males, no matter how charming or innocent looking on the outside, were all arrogant brutes.

Rikku's fists involuntarily clenched at her sides as she picked up the pace a little, desperate to catch up before he could perform any further damage.

'_That conniving, stubborn, pig-headed, son-of-a bi-_'

"Rikku!"

Rikku paused, gritting her teeth as an incentive to not to scream every curse word she could possibly think of in either language.

Wakka was jogging to catch up with her, his hands pressed firmly against his hair as if afraid it would blow away in the unyielding wind. She turned and took a few polite steps down the path, noting how the uphill climb was obviously straining him.

"Rikku" he called again now that there were a mere ten meters apart, his voice broken by intermittent gasps and wheezing. "I've been following you for a bloody ten miles!"

Considering that the entire path was less than ONE mile, she sincerely doubted that.

"Sorry." She apologized loudly over the howling wind, sliding down to close the gap between them to meet in the center of the icy path. "What's up?"

He bent over, raising a finger to signify that he needed a moment to recuperate. A moment which Rikku was reluctant, yet had no choice, to give. She needed to stop Tidus from ambushing Yunie. And he had a generous head start.

"Wakka, what?" she demanded after a solid ten seconds of restlessly tapping her feet in the snow, becoming more and more impatient after every strained breath the Auroch's captain took. "I don't have all day."

"There's a storm coming in." he breathed at last. "It's suicide to head up there now, ya?"

"I can handle it" she said automatically with inspiring confidence. After all, a measly snow storm was nothing in comparison to the sandstorms in the Bikanel desert right?

"Don't be daft!" he scolded and made a grab for her arm, a gesture which she easily side stepped, causing the blitzer to groan in frustration. "Yuna has Kimahri and the other Ronso to help her back. She'll be fine. A tiny thing such as yourself will get whipped off the path and plummeting to your death before you can say _'I told ya so'_. **Splat**…on the jagged rocks, ya!"

"I'm not looking for Yuna." Rikku admitted, trying her best to sound not at all frightened at the horribly graphic potential consequence of her moving on. "Tidus ran up here a while ago. Said he wanted to explore. Someone has to warn him."

It wasn't a complete lie. She _was_ chasing Tidus and she did have every intention of dragging him back down by the ears to the safety of the campsite. However, what was not an option in her vengeance plan was either of them making this mountain their icy tomb. Not today.

"What's the idiot doing running off in this weather?"

"Give the guy a break. He's obviously retarded." no amount of willpower could have kept the malice out of her voice. "On the bright side, he couldn't have gotten far." She turned briskly with every intention of continuing her former path when a beefy hand latched onto her wrist, preventing any advancing steps.

"Hey!" she exclaimed in annoyance, trying and failing at wrenching herself free. "What's the big idea, huh?"

Wakka scoffed in annoyance as he began to drag the petite girl down alongside him. "The big idea is that I'm not gonna let you kill yourself" he stated firmly, apparently oblivious to the girl desperately trying to pry his fingers off. "Tidus is smart. He's probably holed up in some cave shelter waiting for the wind to stop, which means you're wasting your time looking for him. He could be anywhere. He could even have found one of those teleport things and be back safe and sound at the base at this very moment for all we know."

Rikku almost laughed at the insinuation that Tidus may be back at camp, all the while twisting her wrist and scratching at the fingers that held her in a vice-like grip. Like that lecher would ever pass up a chance to corner Yuna alone, with or without the obstacle of a rampant snowstorm. And as for the teleports…

Rikku stopped stock still in her tracks, a slow smile spreading onto her slightly blue-tinged lips.

'_The teleports_!'

…examples of one of the many brilliant forms of lost technology that survived only in these mountains, created by the engineers of the ancient city Zanarkand. Luckily, thanks to Yevon, not much had changed in 1000 years and the machina of then was machina of the now. Rikku knew those machines inside and out.

"Rikku…" Wakka questioned timidly, having also been pulled to a halt by her sudden spurt of enlightenment. "You okay?"

With every ounce of self-restraint she possessed, Rikku forced the grin off her face and adopted a serious tone.

"I'm fine Wakka" she said a tad shakily, summoning a mirrored performance of her reluctance to continue on the thunder plains. "Just a little scared that's all."

"Scared? Scared of what?"

The Al Bhed giggled nervously and gestured with a nod of her head to the dark abyss that lined the path on either side of them. "It's different going down. Slipperier. I'm not that great a fan of heights."

His initial response was to laugh off her fear and force her down the path. But then Wakka followed her gaze and suppressed a shudder of terror himself. It was indeed a long drop down.

"I never noticed" he confessed with a new slight quivering to his words, all macho tendencies having vanished. "Kind of intimidating, huh?"

"More than kinda." During the interlude Wakka had loosened his grip, giving Rikku enough mobility to take a few careful steps backward, as if in fear. "I'd rather go up."

"Rikku…"

"I saw a teleport just on the next ledge!" she explained hastily, hoping that the odd flat structure she had seen jutting out of the frozen earth had indeed been one of the consoles. "If we can make it there, we don't have to risk the climb down in this weather."

"Eh? Well…see, I dunno." He scratched the back of his neck, craning it upward to judge the distance to the next ledge. "Aren't those things kinda wooly?"

The Al Bhed internally groaned, more than a little tired with the Blitz captain's completely illegitimate fear of machinery.

"I promise it'll be fine. I've worked with these things hundred of times and I bet our odds are better with them than walking."

The skeptical look refused to leave his face.

"Trust me?" she tried.

He didn't trust her of course. But he did at least acknowledge that there was no other choice. Within the minute their conversation took, the wind picked up a notch, threatening to distort his already fragile balance and send him plummeting over the edge with the first slightest misstep. He followed Rikku as she turned and jogged back up the path, completely unaware of the evil grin that contorted her features.

After sending Wakka back to camp, a slight calibration would send her straight to the summit, hopefully depositing her directly in front of Tidus' destructive path.

Her only regret was having not thought of it earlier.

'_You'll never get to her Tidus'_ Rikku promised herself, relieved to discover that the structure before her was indeed a teleportation pad.

'_For her and your own sake, you better not get to her…'_

* * *

Yuna didn't know how he did it.

She couldn't even begin to comprehend how five minutes ago she had been seething with rage, ready to pound him to the ground and insist that he send that letter to make their marriage annulment official.

And now…five minutes were all he needed…five minutes until she was kissing him, lost in a haze of passion, and never wanting to let go.

Five minutes and a lifetime ago she had hated him. And now she was slipping her hands beneath his shirt, pulling it off his shoulders, letting it float away, lost in the steamy spring water.

Five minutes was all it took…

Damn him…

One more time, the last time, he had said. She had been powerless to resist. It was to be the last time, she rationalized. They both deserved it.

She should have known…there was no such thing as _just_ a kiss…

The buckles came next, the straps pulled off his shoulders, leading to the shorts themselves.

Together, they slowly swam/crawled toward the corner, the one Yuna had hid in previously to protect her modesty was now the place she was to loose it again. He pushed her almost violently against the wall. It scratched painfully at her naked back but she wasn't one to notice. In fact, if anything, it heightened her senses.

One. Last. Time.

He began. It was odd underwater, but still heart-stopping all the same. He made up for the lack of comfort in other ways, submerging his hand down between them. She tried not to think about the fact that he had probably much experience in the Zanarkand Sphere pool, where he had learnt the exact procedures of how to compensate for the awkwardness of aqua love-making.

She tried not to think about a lot of things; about how when they returned to the mountain base, she still planned to send the annulment request. About how much she would miss this physical explosion, never to be experienced again. And, mainly, she tried not to think about how much it was going to hurt…when she asked him to leave.

Later. Tonight.

But now, for the next five minutes, they were one again.

Ever sound, whimper or groan they made echoed off the walls of the vast cavern, enhancing the exhilaration all the way to her eardrums.

The one miniscule part of her logical mind that was working almost scolded him to be quiet, paranoid that her large Ronso friend standing guard may recognize the sounds and the reason for spurring them. But then she noted that Kimahri probably already knew what may happen when he sent Tidus to her in the spring. He, after all, was an animal himself and understood better than any of them the true source of primal nature. He was probably able to smell it on them the moment they returned from their secret wedding night.

The thought embarrassed her. She was grateful he didn't say anything. And even more grateful that he had let Tidus pass…or she wouldn't be feeling like this…

"Yuna…"

His voice, strained by exertion, brought her back to reality, reminding her of the position they were in and her role in the activity. This was, after all, the last time…it had to be good. It had to be the best.

_'Concentrate' _she remembered his old instructions from that night. _'Concentrate on the feeling…the heat…let it build. Let go.'_

She held onto him more tightly, using the leverage to quicken their movements. It was almost comical how easily she had given in to him after weeks of convincing herself and Rikku that he was unworthy of her affection. One kiss and she had no choice but to raise the white flag.

'_Let go. Feel the heat. Give in.'_

'_Sweet surrender…'_

'_Ah…'_

It happened too quickly for her liking. One moment she was touching him, hoping this moment would last a lifetime. Next thing she knew it had already culminated in the pit of her stomach, setting her veins on fire.

Too fast.

Too soon.

But still, amazing as always. She held him close, pressing against the back of his head as she lightly sunk her teeth into his shoulder, muffling her cries of anguished ecstasy.

This would be the last time she would feel that mind numbing explosion. The last time…

Tidus felt her unexpectedly began to clench around him and the sensation was too much for him to hold on too. He too fell victim not five seconds after.

And just like that, the last time had made its final bow. They shuddered in each other's arms, both a tad disappointed with themselves. Satisfied, yet less than satiated. Who knew it would be so short?

After a couple of beats to steady their pounding hearts, Tidus pulled away and looked into her eyes, pushing away strands of sweaty wet hair from her forehead before leaning in to kiss her again with carnal aggressiveness. The atmosphere seemed to get unnaturally balmy again, in addition to the heat of the spring itself and the effect of his closeness. She felt suffocated and asthmatic. But in a good way.

_'You were right. I do still love you. I do still want you. How could I not?'_

His gentle hands slowly rubbed heat into the exposed sides of her torso, ensuring that every inch of her flesh was warm and relaxed. Yevon, how she would miss this…

'_I'm a coward. I was immature trying to avoid you. I was hoping you'd prove yourself to be the arrogant jerk I thought you to be and take off. But you stayed. You stayed with me. Always. Like you promised. Praise be to every conceivable God there may be, that you stayed with me.'_

'_Arigato. Thank you.' _

She wanted to tell him what she felt. But years of etiquette training made voicing her words of gratitude too embarrassing an alternative. Instead she clung to him like a frightened child, wrapping her slender arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder, hoping that he understood the height of her feelings compacted into that one zealous gesture.

Stupid as it was, despite the sacrifice of pride it entailed and the coming months of agony it would sentence her too, she dared to hope that things could go back to normal between them. The doubt she had worked so hard to expel from her conscious had instantly returned the moment he touched her. Soon, she would have to face the grisly fact that she hated the profession she had been born into, that she no longer believed in any of it, and that she had wasted her life.

After all, they were two weeks away from Zanarkand. Now, at this very moment, she was as good as dead.

"I-I'm sorry…" his words barely came out coherently, choked with emotion as they were. Yuna remained glued to his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut to prevent an disgraceful outburst of her own. She needed only to listen.

"Please don't ask me to leave" he whispered to her cheek, trailing kisses along her jaw and neck. It was his way of begging. Instead of falling on his knees like most, he pleaded with his lips. "I don't want to go…I promise I'll stop trying. I promise. I'll be happy just knowing you're safe till the end."

_'You're a dreamer Tidus…Giving up is not something you're prone to doing…'_

"We both know that isn't true" she asserted, her arms still around his neck, her chin resting on his shoulder, refusing to look him in the eye. It was her weakness. "You'll want more. I'll want more. This, what's happening now, can't happen again."

"I'll annul the marriage and keep my distance." He mumbled into her hair, sighing deeply as he tried not to become too intoxicated by the sent of her skin. Her very proximity was an aphrodisiac. "The letter is as good as sent. Those are your conditions, I will abide by them, but I have two of my own Yuna."

The old Yuna, the fully clothed, protected with her guardians nearby Yuna, would have told him to shove his conditions up somewhere inappropriate, knowing that there was nothing he could do about it with Lulu so close by. But the Yuna here, in his arms, still shakily recovering from one of their iniquitous sessions, could only nod and obey. "What are your conditions?"

"Well, first of all, I want to remain as one of your guardians. Till the end. I will go to Zanarkand."

"But-"

"And secondly," he interrupted, forcing her to extricate herself from his shoulder, far away enough to look at him. Still she kept her eyes down cast, apparently riveted by the surface of the milky water. "Once I find a way to save you, when Sin disappears for good and we're both still alive at the end of it, you have to promise you'll marry me again."

"_What_?" she had to look up then, if only to discover whether he was being serious or not. His steady glare said more than any words of assurance ever could.

"The real thing next time. Your letter was right. We didn't have a real temple, no proper witnesses, and no intention living out a proper couple's future potential. That entire night was just a staged, illegitimate, secular production for me trying to get you to stop the pilgrimage and for you to get me to sleep with you."

"Tidus!"

"Don't deny it." He interrupted, pressing a finger to her lips, a sly smile adorning his handsome face. His playfulness was contagious. "You wanted me. You wanted me baaaaddd…and who was I to deny the wishes of my Lady summoner?"

Yuna tried to glare at him but found it impossible, a smirk kept irrepressibly forcing its way to her lips. "You don't need to be do blunt…"

"The point is; we both went in with the wrong intentions. The wrong circumstances. The wrong everything…next time it'll be different."

"Next time…?" Normal Yuna, back at camp with the other guardians, would then have haughtily interrupted, candidly reminding him that there would never be a next time. Normal Yuna would still be angry about the events of their wedding night, breaking his heart with painful declarations that even if she were to survive Sin (which would still never happen) she would never marry someone who had deceived her.

But again, the hazy fog was still clouding her judgment, and the images of such a gathering involuntarily began to assault her imagination.

It would be a beach wedding in Besaid. All her friends would be present, with smiles of genuine congratulations. They would have the actual twenty-four hours in a cave as per tradition. The after-celebration would include drinks and dancing with live Al Bhed singers. White silk tents would be erected at…

"We could have it at the house!" she blurted out, the image of those silk tents along that white picket fence and colorful garden was just too beautiful a scenario not to share. However, upon seeing Tidus' look of confusion, she remembered that she had never told him about her mother's consent gift. And now was not a time to bring it back up.

"What house?" he asked obliviously, never having been one to let questionable statements slide. Yuna bit her lip.

"It-It's nothing." He raised a skeptical eyebrow, causing her to wince sheepishly. "Just…just before we got married, before we even kissed, I thought of a lot of ridiculous scenarios…of the future, had I decided to give up my pilgrimage." She shook her head, chuckling with embarrassment. "It's stupid."

"No. No, tell me. This sounds intriguing." He swam further out of their little corner, paddling in little circles in the open space while waiting for her reply.

Maybe it was the heat getting to her. Maybe it was because of his confession that their first wedding wasn't much of a legitimate wedding after all. Maybe it was because he had just made love to her so originally…whatever the reason…she wanted him to share her vision of perfection. The house and the life that could have existed.

"There's this house, I saw…in a magazine once. A drawing of a house actually" Somehow, making the image less attainable and unrealistic made it easier to describe. "It was white. Umm. Two levels. It had a garden and a white picket fence, corny I know but traditional. It was on the Besaid beach. Well, I imagined it on Besaid beach. It was probably another beach. In the magazine. But…ya know?" she sighed, sinking down deeper into the pool so that her chin touched the surface. A description was unnecessary. In one word; "It was paradise."

Tidus stopped swimming, noting that all too serious tone in her voice. The tone of regret for things that would not be. He hated when she spoke like that. It only made him more determined, not to make her leave, but to re-write history itself and be the first summoner-guardian party to defeat Sin without a human sacrifice.

It was only a dream, a hope, something that everyone else in the world had tried in vain to capture and then eventually surrendered to the harshness of 'reality'.

But dreams can come true…sometimes…can't they? He used to only _dream_ of being with Yuna once upon a time…

"I'll make it happen, Yuna" Tidus said with a haughty smile over his shoulder towards her. "You will have that house. You will have that life. I promise."

_'Even if it isn't with me.'_

Yuna scoffed, distracting herself by playing the wet feather on the end of her earring. "Another condition; don't make promises you can't keep."

"You add one, I can add one. Another condition of mine: don't doubt me."

"But-"

"Uh-uh!" he interrupted, raising a finger to silence her. "You have no reason not to believe me. After all, I bet you didn't think we'd be here, skinny dipping on the Ronso's sacred mountain after five minutes, huh?"

Yuna's jaw dropped open. "That is in no way the same thi-" but he only stuck out his tongue at her, diving below the surface of the water before she could put together a full reply.

"Tidus?" she scanned the water around her, milky with minerals and steam. He was no where to be seen. "Tidus…**ow**!"

She felt a strong pinch on her upper thigh and before she even had a chance to examine the injury, a splash and a giggle from a distant corner of the spring confirmed the culprit.

"Tidus!" she called again, hoping the anger in her tone inspired him to tame his playfulness. "We don't have time fo-" he dove again, cutting off her words.

A second later, she felt another pinch.

"Urg! Stop it! Where are you?" More boyish giggling was the only response she received, the echoes making it impossible to determine location.

"Fine!" she screamed to the cavern, raising her arms and then dropping them in defeat. "You are the master. I don't doubt you. Can we stop this now? Ow!"

Another pinch. Her thigh was starting to feel like a pin cushion. She wanted to scream in frustration, but forced herself to repress it. It would only amuse him.

Instead she dipped low in the water, listening for the subtle splashes he couldn't help but make as he moved. Pro blitzer or not, these were shallow waters and his feet couldn't help but surface every once in a while as they furiously kicked for speed. She waited, her eyes darting furiously around the pool. The slightest wave in the corner of her eye spurred her to move, swimming as fast as she could to the north east portion of the pool.

Tidus surfaced in the far corner, more than ten meters away from where he had last pinched Yuna. But, to his surprise, the second he wiped the water out of his eyes, said object of his amusement was right in his face causing his heart to jump in his throat in shock.

"Cripes, you're faster than you look!"

"Condition four;" she continued relentlessly, trying to pretend that the sprint-swim over to catch up to him had not phased her in the least "no more playing games with me. You are my guardian. You have to start acting like one. Protect me, don't drive me insane!"

"I thought you liked to be driven insane." He teased, leaning forward for a kiss which she skillfully avoided, dodging his lips and swimming to the other side of him in one fluid movement.

"No more playing games includes _this_ type of behavior." she warned him, swimming backwards to establish a distance. "It's too risky. This is the last time. No more attempts to seduce, okay?"

"Fine. My condition four then: stop asking for it and I'll stop trying."

Yuna's jaw dropped in outraged offense. "I do **not** ask for it!"

"Come on Yuna. Up here, naked, in a hot spring, all alone…makes a guy wonder."

"I was _forced_ up here by some scary-looking Ronso. I didn't have much of a choice."

"Yeah, but did they _make_ you take your clothes off?" he cocked an eyebrow knowingly. Yuna opened her mouth only to immediately shut it. "I didn't think so." He confirmed, swimming a pace closer. "Cause that's wrong on so many levels."

"I was tired. I didn't want my clothes to freeze. I-I'm on a _sacred, _close-to impossible to climb, mountain. I don't even know how you got up here! But one thing I know is that I was most definitely, positively, **NOT** asking for it!"

It took her a while, but after glaring a Tidus for a good few seconds through pinched eyelids did she notice he was actually trying to keep himself from laughing, biting his lip to suppress the noise while his shoulders still shook with tamed hilarity.

She let go of her tense expression and sighed. "You're teasing me aren't you?"

He sniggered childishly. "It's just too easy with you."

She punched him not so softly in the shoulder, figuring he deserved the pain to make up for what was sure to be obvious bruises on her legs from his little underwater pinching game. "You're such a-"

"Charmer? Funny guy? Amazing lover?"

"A **PAIN**!" _'and a charmer, a funny guy, and gentle lover.' _"I don't know why I put up with you!"

_'Because I love you more than life itself. Don't leave me. No matter what happens, please don't leave me. Please…'_

"Because it's destiny!" he yelled with borderline manic enthusiasm. "Because it is written in the stars that we're meant to be. Because you have no choice."

_'Destiny…?' _

"Destiny…"

'_Yes. I don't have a choice do I?'_

"Written in the stars. Meant to be."

She shared his smile while coming to the same terrifying, yet the only plausible, solution. Things happen because they are meant to be. Not because of logic. Loving Tidus made absolutely no sense which is why she believed, more than anything, that their being together was simply a pre-determined effect of destiny.

"It's because I need you…" she confessed. No longer ashamed of the fact.

"Huh?"

She kissed him then, satisfied with the knowledge that their relationship was neither some mental deficiency on her part nor some need for physical gratification on his. They were written in the stars. They were meant to be. And nothing, not even death, would ever pull them apart.

In that one moment, as he pulled her closer to deepen to kiss, she honestly felt like everything would work itself out in the end. He would save her, her knight in nylon armor. They would marry again, properly. She would get to live in the paradise home her mother had built for them. And the fairy tale ending would indeed occur all in due time.

She couldn't wait to tell him about it. Maybe after…one more time…

"**OH… my god!" **

Tidus and Yuna leapt apart and sunk low under the water so that their torsos were no longer exposed, each of them blushing a deep crimson.

"He-hey" Yuna mumbled unsteadily as she approached the edge of the pool, coming face to face with their jury and trying to look as innocent as possible considering the circumstances.

"Good morning….Rikku…"

* * *

**-Author's Note- **This chapter makes me laugh cause it's composed of an unorganized collage of events somehow forced together to create a coherent chapter. School is busy, as you know. And my video editing ring has decided to start an AMV idol contest…so my free time has been spent making random final fantasy videos to ridiculous themes in an attempt to not be voted out and bring shame to the other elite members. VOTE FOR ME ( I'm in 3rd place) lol! Anyway, again lovely threatening reviews and messages spurred me to continue, writing a paragraph here and there between classes and work breaks. While I'm in the transition period between two jobs (I'm moving from Starbucks to Chapters bookstore) I have some 13 hour days -groan-. But no excuses. I WILL continue and FINISH this story as long as I am convinced people are actually reading it. Thank you all again and again. I am now on the favorites list of over 100 people :D. Look forward to the next update.

- Mayonaka (Nancy Townsend)


	19. Innocence

'_Every harlot was once a child, once virgin, once pure. _

_And thus, to honor and mourn the death of innocence, be sure to shed a tear of regret as you cry out in ecstasy_

…_and dissolve into her arms.'_

**-- Nancy Elizabeth Townsend**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 19 …_ Innocence_…**

"_I'm not here to judge you. You can tell me anything in the strictest confidence, you know that right?"_

_She chuckled softly and sarcastically, closing her eyes to rid them of the gruesome sight of reality. Other than that she remained quiet. The healer cleared his throat before speaking again, desperate to ease the young woman's intense denial a little before releasing her back into the world, the entire populace of which was waiting to celebrate her ultimate sacrifices._

"_Your guardians are waiting for you. They are desperate to know how you feel."_

_Still, silence._

"_If you wish, I can…" he coughed "stretch the truth a little about why you are here. They don't have to know. No one has to know Yuna."_

…

"_I don't regret" she murmured quietly, happy that for the moment that fact gave her the slightest sense of security. "Sadness, yes. The wish to have gone about things differently, yes….but no regret. Not him. Never. I just wish that…I wish for…"_

"_Redemption?"_

_Yuna met the healer's eyes, for the first time looking at him directly. He was smiling. She returned a weak grin to the best of her ability._

"_Yes. Exactly. Redemption."_

* * *

_'Now I'm the one paying. For both our sins.'_

_'It's not fair and yet…'_

_'It is a burden I am proud to bear…for you'_

* * *

Wakka was right.

By the time the group sorted themselves out, awkwardly redressing in each other's self-conscious presence, and were ready to brave the long path back down the mountain; the wind had already reached a truly dangerous notch. The infamous storm had officially hit mount Gagazet, as ferocious as the animals that called the place home.

As suicidal as attempting to climb down the icy summit cliff was, the teleports were also stricken off the list of potential traveling methods. The relentless, brutal weather having already buried the landing pads in ice and snow, which highly risked deformation if used in such a state.

If being tossed off the edge of a cliff was not an option, neither was returning to camp with an arm in place of their heads. There was just too much interference to guarantee safe molecular transfer.

Thus, resentfully, Rikku Tidus and Yuna had had no choice but to agree with the Ronso: that it be best they all spend the night in the summit caves. Morning would, hopefully, bring about milder weather conditions. And, after a good night's sleep, milder state-of-minds. Hopefully.

Accustomed to impromptu camping on Gagazet each Ronso had equipped themselves with thick fur blankets, rations of salted meat and water canteens – portions of which were shared with their unprepared human guests during what, Yuna regarded, as the most uncomfortable dining experience of her entire life.

Wrapped in cozy pelt shawls, the three non-fur-covered members of the party huddled around a fire created solely for their comfort in the shelter of a shallow cave while they quietly chewed their supper.

'Quietly' was probably not the right word.

Eerily, disturbingly silent was perhaps a more accurate description.

Never had Yuna heard the two usually hyper active blondes go so long without saying a word besides the usual catch phrases necessary out of politeness: 'sorry', 'please' and 'thank you'. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tidus was embarrassed, that was easy enough to determine by the way he refused to look the Al Bhed in the eye. Rikku could have also been uncomfortable by what she had witnessed, but was more likely to be confused and angry. And Yuna…Yuna didn't know what to feel.

Ashamed: for having given in so easily despite her apparently infallible will only ten minutes before the event in question?

Amused: for having been caught in the act in such a stereotypical, soap opera worthy manner?

Or…guilty: for having mentally tortured her cousin for so many weeks while preparing for the divorce? For forcing her to listen for hours on end about how Tidus wasn't worthy of her? For pretending that she was a much stronger woman that she indeed was?

Guilty. Yes. Definitely guilty.

But wasn't that the whole cliché of being in love? That you had no power over yourself? Maybe, she could only hope, that someday Rikku would feel exactly what she felt then: completely and utterly helpless to resist. But in a good way. Until then, her cousin would never understand. And Yuna did not feel the need to excuse her seemingly 'weak' actions.

In this specific case her surrender was more than justified. Her actions deemed completely and wholly _innocent_ on all counts. With Tidus as her shelter, as her defending attorney, she would be impervious to any form of persecution.

Come morning, after the initial shock wore off all of them, maybe Rikku would be willing to talk. All Yuna had to do was wait out the night, snuggled comfortably in Tidus' arms. As punishments and silent treatments go; this was one she was greatly looking forward to.

That is until…

"_Tidus_."

All three humans' eye instantly flew upwards, their nerves on edge from their starved attentions.

Kimahri was coming trudging up to the cave entrance, apparently immune to the blasts of snow and sleet that threatened to pick up and throw any lighter being. Upon entering the towering mammal shook himself, removing all traces of icy particles from his thick fur in that one vigorous gesture before approaching the tiny camp ground.

"Tidus," he repeated while landing a heavy paw on the man in question's shoulder. "Come."

His bright blue eyes immediately crinkled in confusion.

"Whyyy- _Ahh_!" With one firm yank, the nimble blitzer was suddenly on his feet fumbling for a hold on his warm pelt, his only protection against the biting cold, now slipping down his calf as Kimahri began dragging him towards the cave entrance.

"H-hey!" he exclaimed in surprised offense, struggling to regain both his balance and his dignity. "What's the big idea huh?"

Kimahri, true to form, ignored him.

Yuna's eyes widened, shifting between her husband and her eldest guardian, until she finally recognized the Ronso's intention.

Night was fast approaching and, by Ronso tradition, males and females always spent the night in separate quarters. She had completely forgotten.

The custom had nothing to do with propriety. It was spawned merely because the females usually woke early to begin the daily hunting and the males did not wish to be disturbed by their rousing, having usually stayed up late to ritually praise the mountain.

But no…not tonight! She needed him nearby tonight. And it wasn't like she was going to feel a sudden urge to stalk rabbits at five am.

'_Please…please! Do something. Anything!' _

Out of the corner of her eye Yuna saw Rikku shift in her seat, inspiring an involuntary internal cringe.

'_Don't leave me alone with her…'_

Her silent begging went unnoticed, as did Tidus' feeble attempts to pry the clawed vice-like grip off his shoulder. They locked apologetic glances, Tidus' seeming to say: _'I tried. Sorry. See ya tomorrow.'_

He hoped to see her tomorrow. That or Kimahri was dragging him off to be shot because of what happened in the hot springs. Either way they wouldn't be seeing each other again tonight, that was for sure. But, for some reason, the summoner considered that dire option unacceptable.

"Kimahri! Wait!"

As ignorant as he was of Tidus' objections, a request from Yuna could never be completely denied. He paused, half a step outside the cave, one set of claws already buried in snow, and turned towards the young girl he helped raise.

No, the _woman _he helped raise. She was a woman now. Girls and boys, pups, could spend the night together. Men and woman could not. There was no debate to be made while here on the sacred mountain. This was how things had been for over a millennium.

Yuna of all people should know this. She understood the strength of tradition better than any other human he had come across. Once upon a time, there would have not been any question.

He told her this all within his steady glare and yet her determination did not falter in the slightest. She still felt the need to oppose him. He didn't know whether to be proud of her independence, or angered by her newfound impudence.

"Just this once…" she whispered quietly, hands daintily clasped in front of her, trying her best to impersonate her former childish self. That, after all, was the issue wasn't it? The naive, virgin Yuna would have been trusted. The _little_ _girl_ Yuna, whom all her guardians wished her to remain forever, her strong morality would have been unquestionable.

Sometimes, they all made her feel like a porcelain doll in a glass case. Despite Rikku and Kimahri's recent attempts to let her experience life, they only let her free for brief moments before crudely shoving her back into her packaging where she belonged. She was to be stared at, treasured, manipulated by the whims of others and otherwise remain _seemingly_ untouched forever. Exactly like that cold marble statue they were currently constructing only a few feet away. It was infuriating.

Fine. She could revert back to that state, if only for a moment. If it would give her Ronso guardian peace of mind for the night. She balanced on her tiptoes and adorned a small, silly smile. "Please?"

Still, Kimahri shook his head. She should have known an act could not have fooled him. She sighed in frustration and let her hands fall to her sides. All traces of innocence vanished.

"Fine. Take him. I don't care" she muttered heatedly, her feet shifting from side to side in an attempt to tame her agitation while crossing her arms defensively across her chest. Kimahri, sensing her indecision, didn't move. He waited, hand still firmly latched to Tidus shoulder, his one paw swiftly becoming buried in snow.

"Yuna angry?" the large Ronso asked disbelievingly, with only the slightest tilt of his head to show his awareness of her position.

"**Of course I'm angry**!" Yuna screamed at a volume that inspired a pained wince from Tidus. The last time he had seen his wife this furious had resulted in a vase being thrown at his head. And, knowing her poor aim, a rock meant for Kimahri had a greater chance at hitting him square on the nose. Memories of her fist colliding with that particular spot that night in the woods had brought back _literal_ painful memories. Said memories inspired him to play the mediator, before things had the chance to get out of hand.

"Yuna. Please, just calm down" he tried, making a pressing down gesture with his free arm to emphasize his point. "It's not that big a deal."

"You-**both of you**!" she continued, ignoring the blitzer's desperate plea, while pointedly gesturing to not only the Ronso but also the silent Rikku seated beside the fire "you two are such…you're such hypocrites!"

"_Hypocrites_?" the Al Bhed finally spoke, leaping to her feet in order to be face to face with her cousin, their expressions of rage matching almost exactly. "We're the hypocrites? You've been dragging me around for weeks going on and on about how much you hate him! I almost _freeze to death_ in order to protect your 'sensitive' emotions and what do I find?..." her eyes shifted unwillingly to Tidus and a bright blush immediately appeared on all three of their cheeks at the mere memory of that specific close encounter. "Well…you know" she improvised, her voice loosing a few volume levels. "How am I supposed to feel, huh? You're so damn fickle about everything. I just don't know _what_ to believe anymore."

"How about believing in my ability to fend for myself?" Yuna offered being sure to keep Kimahri equally into the conversation. "I'm not perfect. I get confused sometimes. I make mistakes. I'm human for Yevon's sake!"

"Kimahri know. Yuna, human. Yuna woman."

"You knew exactly what was going to happen didn't you Kimahri? When you let him pass to see me in the spring?"

"Yuna, please…don't go there" Tidus begged, slowly shaking his head to note his disapproval with where this conversation was going. His plea went unnoticed, overwhelmed by her need to vent long pent up frustrations.

"You knew very well! You knew we were – you knew that we _have_ been on several occasions…intimate."

Tidus and Rikku both harshly sucked in their breath and exchanged terrified glances.

"_Yuna_...!" he hissed in warning, making a desperate throat slashing motion with his free hand while making terrified glances over his shoulder toward the stationary Ronso. "Ixnay on the _giving-more-info-than-necessary-to-the-Ronso-who-can-_literally_-bite-my-head-off_ nay."

She disregarded him.

"Knowing this, you let him come to me while I'm bathing, and then pull him away when all I want to do is sleep! And you!" she returned her attentions toward her cousin then. "You tell me to marry him, arrange everything, go to extreme lengths to set up a honey moon and then request that I get an annulment! It's…it's _confusing_. It's _infuriating_!...it's…"

She suddenly started to feel horribly dizzy. The room starting spinning, blending the golden form of Tidus with the purple of Kimahri, the brown of the walls and the yellow glow of the fire. She laced her hands into her short, unexpectedly sweat-soaked hair and begged her mind to slow down, simultaneously fighting down the urge to be violently sick.

'_No…not now. I can't have an attack.'_

She aggressively shook her head in an attempt to clear it, swallowing the bile rising up in her throat and struggling to remain on her feet.

'_I'm stronger than this. I am above this.'_

"Yuna?" Rikku asked with quiet concern, being close enough to actually notice the apparent inner struggle that repressed her cousin's intended words. "Yuna, you okay?"

"I'm fine" she asserted forcefully, thankful that the episode had already begun to lull. The nausea retreated, her vision returned, and her will to fight became stronger than ever. Her head lifted once more as she, one by one, met eyes with each of her present guardians.

She looked at Tidus, then at Kimahri then at Rikku. Trying to find some sign of weakness. Some inkling of guilt over their actions.

Not a drop. She expected nothing less.

"Tidus sleep with men tonight." Kimahri stated, repositioning his hold on the man in question's bicep.

Yuna sighed sadly and slumped gracelessly back into her seat next to the fire. She pushed her wayward bangs out of her eyes and rubbed furiously at her temples, warding off the soft, throbbing headache that arrived in the wake of the dizzy spell.

Kimahri made no move to leave, having never been the type of man to solve an argument merely by removing the obstacles and leaving the premises. He waited for her to collect her thoughts, watching as the summoner waved her hands front of the searing flames and pulled the fur pelt more tightly around her shoulders.

The other two blonde members of the group dare not speak. They dare not even move.

"So, is this how it's going to be from now on?" Yuna asked in a distressed whisper, her gaze fixed on the dancing flames. The anger in her expression had melted away to be replaced by one of a certain regretful sadness. "Am I to be punished for growing up?"

She signed up for this, that she knew. Guardians will be guardians; proud and shielding of their summoner. Family will be family; desperate to ward off potential mistakes. But what she wanted, what Yuna really needed right now…was a friend.

"I hate fighting" said young Al Bhed.

Yuna's teary eyes looked up to meet her cousin's; a small, sad smile spreading on her lips.

"I hate it too" she admitted easily.

Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe she was just being selfish with wanting Tidus to stay, requesting that her guardian forego a thousand year old tradition in order to humor her silly need to be in his arms for the most time possible until the end.

She didn't dare to look up at their expressions. Best that he just take Tidus and leave quietly. "How can I expect you to support my decisions when I'm not even sure of them myself?"

Only the soft crackling of the fire could be heard over the deafening silence. Everyone shifted uncomfortably, waiting for the unavoidable dramatic conclusion.

'_Fickle. That's what you called me isn't it Rikku? I never thought such a word would describe someone like me…'_

'_I'm sorry.'_

Yuna said nothing. She merely waited.

"Tradition…important to Ronso" Kimahri stated, finally having turned to face the cave, both hands now lightly resting on each of the shorter Tidus' shoulders, who was still standing tensely as if expecting an attack any second. "But," the large feline added while giving the on-edge blonde a firm shove into the cave.

"Whooa!" Tidus regained his balance centimeters from flailing head first into the fire, breathing heavily with his hand clutching his heart.

"Yuna. More important."

He didn't smile. A Ronso's face could not naturally fit the expression without looking ferocious and/or ridiculous. Instead he just gave a curt nod and exited the cave without hesitation, choosing the trust Yuna and to respect her own, personal needs above those old fashioned whims of his people. Within seconds, the towering form disappeared, enveloped into the abyss of snow and ice.

Tidus watched him go with wide eyes, still confused as to why exactly he still had his limbs attached after what Yuna had so bluntly stated a mere minute ago.

Kimahri knew.

He _knew_! Tidus couldn't help but shudder at the thought.

He must have known all along what was happening between the two of them. And, if so, why was he so non-chalent about it? For whatever reason, he had always considered Kimahri as a sort of father figure toward Yuna. The stereotype of which demanded that he automatically take violent action against the man who 'defaced' his daughter.

He didn't get it. Maybe Yuna would explain it to him later. In the meantime, there was still that other issue to deal with. A relationship that was still in dire need of mending.

"I'm sorry…"

He was surprised to hear Rikku say it first, seeing as she was the one who was forcefully dragged through the entire muddy trail that encompassed his and Yuna's romantic life.

"Rikku," he began with a comforting tone while taking his original seat near the fire "there's nothing to be sorr-"

"I came to stop you. I admit that. I ran up here with the direct intention of interfering." The Al Bhed paused, taking a moment to rearrange her pelt more comfortably around her knees and collect her muddled thoughts. "I had no right. I see that now. I should never have gotten in the middle of this whole situation in the first place. It was none of my business." She laughed then, a quiet giggle to fill the silence between confessions. Yuna was patient.

"I thought- I thought it was all so _romantic_, the whole idea of eloping. And the cave shelter…I thought I was helping. But then you came back and-and everything was ruined."

She gave a long sniff which thankfully deafened her to the couple's awkward throat clearing. Neither of them really wanted to remember that night.

"I felt it was my fault you had that fight. I had to fix it, which is why I suggested the annulment. Which is why I offered to organize it. So that you'd forgive me, Yuna. If I erased everything, as if it never happened, I thought everything could go back to normal." Despite all attempts to keep restrained, a single tear fell from a green eye which she hastily wiped away, embarrassed at displaying such a weak form female emotion. "I-I'm so sorry Yuna. Tidus. I ruined everything didn't I? I ruined your one chance to be happy…"

Her quiet sobbing filled the room, echoing off the various cave walls and causing her companions hearts to squeeze unbearably.

It would have been so easy to blame everything on Rikku. Maybe then Yuna wouldn't be feeling so guilty about all the time she lost merely rejecting Tidus' attempts at reconciliation. Though her support did make the whole awkward situation a tad more bearable, the underlying decision had always been hers.

"You did everything you did because I asked you to" Yuna reminded her, suddenly fascinated with the twiddling of her thumbs. "I can't be mad at you for that. And you can't be mad at yourself. That's completely illogical." She chuckled uncomfortably, hoping to raise the blonde's spirits, but this only caused her to cry harder. Yuna reluctantly swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to continue, despite the weeping. "What I'm objecting to is you following me up the mountain. I am offended about the extent to which you don't trust me."

"I-I…" Rikku sniffed again, wiping her nose on the thick fur that covered her forearms. "I just didn't want you to get hurt again."

Yuna smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corner as she did so and shuffled on her knees closer to the sniffling young girl. Her next words would have to be heard clearly and strongly in order for their point to get across.

"I will get hurt. Living every day now, so close to the end, hurts. But," she made sure to meet her husband's stare then, wanting him to hear her words as well. Kill two birds with one stone. He nodded in acceptance to her silent invitation, listening.

"My life is still my _life_ in the end. Such a decisions are mine to make" she explained, wrapping an arm around the shuddering Rikku and leaning her head against her shoulder, her voice dropping to a whisper. "You're my best friend Rikku. I will always need you. But, sometimes, I want to stand on my own two feet. Maybe, sometimes if I ask for it, I'll need your support and guidance and protection. But – until I ask for it – please remember that…" she took a deep breath, pausing for dramatic effect. "Remember that…I'm the older one **Neggi**! Ha Ha!"

She succeeded in her goal: making Rikku laugh genuinely and thus ebbing the flow of hot tears down her pale cheeks. She placed her hand over Yuna's on her shoulder and squeezed gently.

"So, you forgive me?"

"Only if you forgive me…"

"And don't forget about me" Tidus interjected, grinning uncomfortably at the two women before him. "Maybe I should have slept over with Kimahri after all. Looks like I'm invading a serious girl talk session."

Rikku giggled, gesturing for him to move closer. "Trust me, no you shouldn't have. An echo-ey cave filled with not one but _ten_ snoring Ronso? You wouldn't get a wink of sleep."

"Hmm…touché."

Tidus dared to crawl a bit closer, careful to keep his pelt out of reach of the roaring fire when, out of the blue, he was tackled to the ground. The petite Al Bhed had flung herself at him, arms thrown tightly around his shoulders in close to desperate hug. After his the initial shock wore off, Tidus somehow found the power to return the gesture, his arms also finding their way around her back on squeezing her gently, eternally grateful that she choose to forego his scolding for ditching her at camp and instead move straight to consolation. What a relief.

"_Promise me…_" he heard he whisper almost imperceptibly in his ear. His eyebrows furrowed, cerulean eyes still locked on Yuna a mere meter in front of him, smiling at the hug yet oblivious to the words being said.

"_Promise me,_" Rikku repeated, her voice beginning to be chocked with tears once again "_you'll find a way. She can't die. We love her too much. She just can't…okay?_"

He held her more tightly in response, feeling his own throat begin to close up and his vision become blurred. He dare not speak. Not only to keep from alarming Yuna but also to not let his own desperation show as he came to terms with the inevitable.

'_Another condition; don't make promises you can't keep.'_

He remembered his pledge to Yuna earlier that day in the spring; one of the conditions of their new relationship along with her agreement to re-marry him once this was all over, assuming they came out of it alive and sin-free.

He watched, silently, as Yuna stood and started spreading out the extra blankets the Ronso had sacrificed for the comfort and, not to mention, survival of their guests. She created three separate beds, equal distance apart and then stood back, pondering.

A second later she adjusted the center one, pulling it almost an imperceptible inch closer to the right, towards what he assumed was to be his sleeping area.

Tidus couldn't help but grin as he watched her, drinking in every one of her delicate movements: from her tiny fingers, trembling with cold as they smoothed out the fur, to the top of her head, hair sticking up oddly from being wet and abruptly dried by a combination of freezing wind and the harsh heat from the flames.

True, as Kimahri stated, she was now an adult. No longer _innocent_, so to speak, thanks to him. Though he trusted her to make her own decisions and knew her better than anyone as a full fledged woman…still, to him, to every one, she would always be the young, naïve, fragile Yuna they all knew and loved. No matter how old she grew, or whatever the amount of adult experiences she encountered, Yuna would be Yuna. And he would always feel the need to protect her. That couldn't be helped.

"_I promise_…" he whispered in reply to Rikku, still trembling in his arms, once he was sure Yuna's attention was occupied enough to have not heard him. "_Nothing will happen to Yuna. We'll defeat Sin. She won't die. And we'll all be happy…someday. I promise."_

'_Don't make promises you can't keep' – he heard her scolding voice in his head, angry for feeding such blatant lies to her impressionable cousin._

'_I have no intention of not keeping this promise.' Tidus would reply confidently. 'No matter what.'_

'_Why aren't we cocky? Why so sure of yourself?'_

'_Because…because that's the way it has to be.'_

'_Because I love her so much I'd die for her.'_

'_Because this is my story.'_

'_Hmph' he though he heard her imaginary scoff. Annoyed yet flattered. And all together hopeful. 'Good answer.'_

Reluctantly, Rikku released her grip on his shoulders, gradually drawing away while wiping her nose and eyes messily with the back of her hand.

"_Thank you Tidus_" she mumbled quietly, frantically trying to erase every shred of evidence of her breakdown before turning to face her summoner. "_That's exactly what I needed to hear_."

"We have an early start tomorrow. We should probably get some sleep" Yuna suggested, curiously peering over Rikku's shoulder in an attempt to guess the subject of their conversation by one of their expressions. Tidus' steady stare gave her nothing but familiar chills up and down her spine, which she tried her hardest to pass off as a reaction to the cold by rubbing her bare upper arms.

She was feeling…_like that_ again. Restless.

The random instances in which these heated emotions arose were always at the most inconvenient times it seemed. She had already disturbed Rikku enough for one day and so, reluctantly, Yuna forced herself to swallow down her desire and prepare for bed with the limited supplies at her disposal. She threw the remaining bit of kindling on the fire and watched with a hint of amusement as her cousin crawled immediately under the covers of the leftmost bed, trying a little too hard to hide her obviously tearstained face.

The poor girl had been through a rather large, psychologically stressful ordeal today. Yuna could only hope that her emotional exhaustion was strong enough to allow her a good night's sleep despite the horrid conditions.

Sooner than she thought possible, by the time Yuna had finished feeding the fire, a light snoring signified the young Al Bhed had already reached a comatose state. She giggled, shaking her head in amusement as she brushed off the dust from her palms by slapping her hands together.

Turning around with the intention of heading to her bed, Yuna's heart leapt in her throat when she was seized by the neck, strong hands pulling her chin forward into a deep, longing, hopeless kiss.

Her eyes remained open in shock, much like the first time they kissed, until her panic gradually ceased and melted into that now familiar state of bliss, forcing her lids to gradually close and her arms to daintily move up toward his shoulder. One set of fingers weaved themselves through his still icy hair while the other remained pressed against his neck, pulling him closer.

In response, he picked her up, moving her softly onto his lap and spreading his pelt around the both of them to ward off the chilly night air. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, the embarrassment of having being caught by Rikku still all too fresh in his mind. But his little interlude with the Al Bhed had also served to firmly remind him of how dangerously close they were to Zanarkand.

Despite his assurance that Yuna would get out of all this alive, despite his certainty that she would be able to grow old, surrounded by fat, happy grandchildren…for some odd, discomfiting reason…he knew these next two weeks would be their last together.

Meanwhile, thoughts of death of tragedy were far from Yuna's mind. Funny how Tidus seemed to know exactly what she needed at the exact time she wanted it, waiting for Rikku to fall asleep so as to avoid her discomfort while still indulging long suppressed urges. Every time they were around each other, close but unable to touch, she felt as if the air was filled with static electricity. Some sort of sweaty tension would take over and she became restless, fidgety and hot.

She didn't know exactly how these types of relationships worked; this being her first and definitely her only, but maybe their three weeks apart had emptied some passion gauge that attached itself to all 'amorous' couples –dictating how many times they had to have each other for a given amount of time. They had made the mistake of starting the system off to such a hefty start that first night that now, three weeks later; there was a substantial hole to fill.

Maybe that was why, even with her cousin sleeping a mere ten feet away, she was seriously _considering_ -no- what she was now actual in the process of _doing_…subtly of course, almost imperceptibly…sliding her hand down his chest, across his firm abdomen, down into the open space between the top part of his uniform that attached to the buckles and the thick material of the waist band.

She didn't get very far though.

The second her fingers began to claw their way inside, Tidus harshly sucked in his breath and his hands flew up to meet hers, promptly both breaking the kiss and placing her hand far away onto her lap.

Her eyes narrowed in confusion, dipping her head low in an attempt to meet his averted gaze.

"Tidus? wha-"

"Imsorry" he muttered hurriedly, laughing a little as he wiped the moisture from his lips. "I didn't mean…it wasn't my intention too…heh." He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, a grin of shame gracing his lips, now a little red from their brief encounter of rather harsh kissing.

"It's okay…" she cooed, leaning forward to kiss him lightly on the cheek while running her hands down the sides of his neck. "I don't want to stop…" her kiss moved to his forehead, then his nose, her hands still cradling his chin. "Please don't make me stop…" she felt his breathing deepen and allowed herself a wide grin of satisfaction as she felt gloved hands snake up her back from under the pelt.

"We should go to bed Yuna…" he suggested, unable to help but tilt his head to the side as she went for his neck. "I'm pretty tired."

She giggled in response, her breath tickling his ear. "You can't be _that_ tired."

He sighed, knowing that she had probably already noticed his body's natural reaction to her teasing. Still, no matter what she offered, there was no way he could do anything here, now, with Rikku so close by. And he had no idea why Yuna appeared to be so completely oblivious to the young girl's presence.

"Okay, I'm not tired. That was a complete lie."

"I knew that." She laughed again, moving her lips across his collarbone while one of her hands trailed the same path as earlier, sliding underneath the smooth fabric of his yellow shirt.

"**But**,"he asserted, once again snatching her hands away from any potential dangerous areas "that does nothing to change the fact that we have company."

Having apparently forgotten about Rikku, Yuna followed Tidus' head nod toward the sleeping figure buried in fur and immediately her face fell.

"We- we can be quiet?" she offered, her expression so hopeful and childlike that Tidus couldn't help but laugh.

"No, no you can't." He gave her a quick peck on the lips before slowly extricating himself from her tangled limbs. "Let's just go to sleep, okay?"

They could go look for a different cave? They could try to form another sleeping draught and force it down Rikku's throat? Several scenarios for how to get what she wanted entered Yuna's mind, each more unlikely that the next. She sighed in frustration as she let him help her up from the ground, collecting their blankets within his arms, and then lead her by the hand towards the beds.

For the millionth time since their engagement, Yuna wished she could have a night…just one night…alone with him, maybe in an actual furnished room instead of out in the wilderness like all the times before. But that was never going to happen. The last time was supposed to be in the spring right? They had a contract. A promise.

But that time, she was sure he would agree, couldn't have counted due to its extreme brevity. Once more _at least_, she rationalized, was necessary in order to satiate them both. Though obviously that time was not now, she could only pray that another opportunity would arise eventually. Before the end.

Tidus released Yuna only long enough to bend down and pull the center bed all the way to the right, linking the two of them together and settling down under the covers.

"Tidus!" she exclaimed with blatant disapproval.

Sure, they agreed that nothing of an erotic nature was to happen to night but, in Yuna's eyes, sleeping in the same bed with a man was almost equally as bad and _sleeping_ with a man. What would Rikku think if she woke up first?

"Come on Yuna" he said while giggling, patting the space of soft fur next to him. "I promise I don't bite."

"It's not that…it's just…" her eyes shifted to Rikku, suddenly horribly ashamed of what, just a few minutes ago, she had almost done in front of her cousin.

"Pft…Rikku doesn't care." Tidus insisted while untying the laces of his yellow boots, groaning in pleasure as the restricting footwear was tossed aside, wiggling his sock clad toes to encourage circulation. "It's just to sleep."

"_Just_ to sleep?" Yuna repeated in an incredulous tone, biting her lip and keeping her worried gaze toward the single bed not five feet away. After a moment's deduction, she swiftly shook her head. "No. I don't think so…I don't want to risk offending her so - **ahhh**!"

With one firm yank Yuna was pulled to the floor and held tightly in Tidus' arms. Annoyed at not having a choice in the matter, her immediate response was violent defense.

"Stop struggling." He insisted with a hint of amusement as she twisted this was and that trying to pull away, if only for the sake of her pride.

"You didn't even listen to me!" she hissed while elbowing him offensively in the stomach, lightly enough to avoid damage but hard enough for him to lose his breath. The second he took to recuperate was long enough for her to roll out of his reach and sit up, pushing the strands of sweaty hair out of her face. "Who says I even wanted to sleep in the same bed with you, huh? What-what if I can't stand you're snoring?"

"I don't snore. And, by the way, **owww**!"

Yuna rolled her eyes at his exaggerated pain. She definitely hadn't hit him _that_ hard. "Stop being such a baby."

"You stop being a baby and just come to bed. Come on! Now I really am tired…"

"No you're not. You're gonna help me put the beds back."

Tidus only groaned, pulled the covers up over his head and rolled over, turning away from her.

"Tidus!"

"Go away" came the muffled voice from under the thick blanket as she tried to pull it free.

"Tidus…" she tried with as angry a tone as she could muster, hands on her hips.

"_Tidus_…come on. Stop being so childish." he pulled the blanket down only long enough for her to witness him sticking his tongue out before disappearing once more.

"**Tidus**!"

"**Will you two shut up!**" Yuna's eyes instantly flicked up towards her bleary looking cousin, sitting straight up in her bed and looking more than a little peeved. "We have to be up in _four_ hours! Screw the sleeping arrangements; I seriously don't care, just as long as you're quiet." And with that, the girl fell back into the pelts, bringing the cover up above her just as Tidus was rolling his down, eyes peeking over the edge with his eyebrows raised suggestively.

Yuna crossed her arms over her chest and lay down with a sigh, careful to place herself at the very opposite edge of the bed. But, Tidus being Tidus, he was over there in a flash, arm securely placed around her waist, his lips resting against her bare shoulder.

She tried to protest, but he never gave her the chance.

"This may be our last night together" he reminded her instantly, while placing a soft kiss on the back of her neck. "Please…can we not fight?"

Her mind could not, for the life of her, conjure up any sort of protest.

This was…nice, to say the least. Having his arms around her, clothed and modest. A friend nearby and not having to feel any sort of fear or shame. It was enough to tame her initial pride and anger as she snuggled deeper into his arms, feeling, for the first time in her life, warm, safe and above all…loved.

"Don't think you've won mister." She whispered to him, unable to keep the sleepy contentment from her voice. "If this were a normal night or if we we're really married or at camp or whatever I'd…"

"Good night Yuna."

She sighed, turning around to give him one last, lingering peck on the lips before settling more cozily against him. Her back nestled perfectly against his warm chest and his arm seemed to be made to drape across her hips, settling protectively with his hand splayed on her stomach.

This was the sort of battle you won by loosing.

"Good night Tidus" she mumbled in reply, feeling her eyes already begin to droop closed.

For years to come, Yuna would remember this night as the best sleep she ever had.

* * *

- **Author's Note** -

You may have noticed that, this time around, the opening quotation was written by yours truly :P. The theme of innocence came up during a birthday party with some old high school friends of mine and inspired this chapter. All of us, varying in age between 19 and 21, have grown up a lot since graduating in 2003. One, the girl of our group we had deemed to be the 'cutest' and 'most innocent' all through our lives (she played a ladybug in the school play for god's sake), showed up with her newborn son! It was quite a shock to say the least but she was as cute and cheery as ever and the baby even more so. No contrast between now and then whatsoever.

A parallel story, sort of, is this of Yuna's 'coming of age' so to speak. In X2 though the summoner acquires a completely new wardrobe more fitting to the free spirit she has become, hers lines, attitude etc. still date back to her younger years. From 17 to 20 a lot can change, as my friend proved, yet a lot can stay the same. The purpose of this chapter is pretty much to delve deeper into that theme of growing up. Every harlot was once virgin…

You all know the math by now: more reviews equals faster updates! Teehee…looking forward to your comments, both criticism and praise. We're nearing the end folks…I've been saying that for the past 6 chapters haven't I? _Sigh_. I just keep coming up with new themes I want to explore. Anyway, wish me luck with writing the next one. Off to Zanarkard (finally).


	20. Sun Will Set

"_I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. _

_For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. _

_But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets."_

**-- John Glenn**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 20 …_ Sun will Set_…**

_He touched one the keys. Lightly. Experimentally. The sound was arousing. Loud and rich, though slightly out of tune. _

_He touched another. And another. His feet found the petals, pressing them in synchronization with certain keys to either prolong or abruptly end a note. The music was in his power. The song was his strength. _

_He felt…intoxicated as he played._

_He felt fanatical._

_He felt angry…_

'You killed her…' _a voice kept repeating in his head. He played more furiously, venting his rage on the ivory keys. _'But it wasn't only your fault. It was theirs…everyone. The millions of people who started this war…it was their fault she died.'

_The song's tempo grew more ferocious as he practically bashed the keys with his fingers, barely noticing when he almost ripped off a nail. He couldn't have stopped then even if he wanted to. The show must go on…he needed to reach the end._

'Avenge her death. Avenge your death.'_ The voice told him. He felt himself nod in agreement. _'Redeem your mistakes. Kill them…kill them all.'

"_Tidus?"_

_He fumbled his song and pressed too many keys at once, the brash noise finally pulling him out of his reverie. Turning around, he met Auron's eyes. The retired monk was standing in the doorway with a candle in hand, looking a tad stern at being woken up, but also more than a tad alarmed at the discovery of who was making such a racket._

"_I…I'm sorry." Tidus stuttered, removing himself from the rusty stool with such haste that he knocked it over. "I didn't mean to wake you."_

_Auron coughed, giving him a brief nod to acknowledge his apology. The issue disturbing him had obviously nothing to do with disrupting his sleep._

"_I'll…I'll go now." Tidus tried to make it past the threshold without another word, but Auron caught him by the shoulder on the way out, holding him back firmly._

"_Since when do _you_ play the piano?" he asked, giving the younger man a stern glare from above the rim of his glasses._

_Tidus opened his mouth only to promptly close it, struggling for an answer to explain his spontaneous musical talent. _

_None came._

'I don't play…I…I never did….'

* * *

The team came tumbling out of the cave at an alarming pace, stumbling as they crossed the threshold, a gigantic cloud of gun fire smoke billowing after them. As soon as their lungs were filled with fresh air, all four of them fell to their knees gasping. The documentary girl, the strange one with the red eyes, held her cloth bag of sphere cartridges to her chest as she breathed desperately – holding on for dear life.

The commander stared into the abyss of the dark hole which had been filled abruptly with a tumult of overlaying moans, screams and shots…and was now close to silence. Save for the piano.

He had sent more than one hundred men into that cave a mere forty minutes ago…what the hell had happened?

"You!" he addressed the documenter, whose job after all was to simply watch and record the performance of her assigned team. She must have seen everything. "Where are the others?"

"_Dead_" she replied instantly with a wispy sort of dry voice, closing her eyes while wiping the beads of sweat from her brow. "We're the only ones left."

"Dead?" the commander repeated in confusion, kneeling slightly in an attempt to catch the eye of the wheezing young girl. "What do you mean _dead_?"

"What in Yevon's name do you think she means Kinoc?" growled another member of the group. Kinoc quickly shifted his eyes towards the white haired man in question, annoyed with the implied scolding in his tone.

The commander quickly righted himself, tugging on the sash of his robe which had a habit of loosening under the pressure of his rather large stomach.

"Remember your place Baralai," Kinoc warned through squinted eyes, chastising the young man with unrestrained malice. "Your father will not be very pleased when he hears about your performance this afternoon. He may even reconsider appointing you as his heir if he knew…"

"My father has no more of choice to give me his title than I have to take it" he snapped more forcefully than intended, his hands involuntarily bunching into fists at his sides "so don't you dare give me empty threats". A rather sensitive nerve had obviously been hit, one which Kinoc didn't dare to probe any further.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and returned his attention to the young woman, carefully keeping his gaze averted from the other two men, both of which were thoroughly drenched in each other's blood. During his sort discussion with the Maester's son, the girl had acquired a comfortable position sitting crossed legged in front of the entrance to the 'den of woe' – as they had named the cavern – staring into the dark cavern with a bland yet…relaxed expression gracing her gentle features.

She was concentrating. Focused on an invisible entity that surrounded her subconscious, trying to understand if not absorb it.

She hardly even noticed when the commander questioned her again, tapping her rather harshly in the thigh with his boot when she didn't answer.

"This was a simple exercise to choose members of the elite Crimson Squad." Kinoc explained, moving himself into the girl's line of sight in order to earn her attention. Shell shocked or not, he needed that information. "I sent the best soldiers from all of Spira into that cave, so don't you sit there and tell me they're all dead!"

"See for yourself then!" one of the men challenged through a pained wince - the Al Bhed one whose strong abilities had allowed the general to overlook his heritage and permitted him to participate in this contest. He gestured weakly towards the smoke-screened entrance while keeping one hand pressed firmly against what was once his right eye, blood seeping through the cracks of his fingers. "I guarantee you, no matter how long you wait, no one else is coming out of that cave."

"Don't talk Gippal" the friend that was supporting him warned, while uncorking a potion vial with his teeth and handing it over. "Drink."

"No!" the delirious Al Bhed knocked the vial out of Nooj's hands with an unsteady flail of his arm. It promptly shattered on the hard earth which instantly absorbed the precious liquid, creating what was sure to be a fascinating Alchemist mud. But Gippal never deterred from his objective. "You did this on purpose, didn't you Kinoc!"

"_Hold your tongue Gippal!_" Baralai hissed, taking a step forward in case his friend dared to pull yet another dangerous stunt… "Need I remind you that it was _you_ who opened that tomb which caused all this in the first place."

Gippal felt like laughing. In fact, he did laugh, though it came out as a wheezing bark instead of the intended chuckle. It was the only way of temporarily nullifying to grueling pain.

"They knew what was in there of course." He stated, as if the fact was obvious. His friends exchanged uncomfortable glances. "They knew this was going to happen!" he laughed again, as if amused by the fact that he hadn't interpreted their intentions earlier. He took an unsteady attempt at a step forward causing Kinoc's two body guards to immediately move into defensive position. Not that there was any need. Gippal hardly had the strength to support his own weight and his knees buckled beneath him.

"No one could have known" Nooj whispered lowly, wincing as he struggled to keep a hold on his teetering companion. "This was nobody's fault. Placing the blame on a _Commander_ for the actions of an unruly unsent is completely and utterly ridicul-"

"YOU KILLED THEM! YOU KILLED ALL OF THEM!" Gippal suddenly screeched, letting his hand fall off his face to reveal the hideous disfigurement of the gorged out, empty eye cavity, still pulsating blood in a constant river down his cheek as plentiful as the tears that came from the other. "You sent us there to die! Didn't you?"

Kinoc didn't move, didn't blink, didn't breathe.

"**DIDN'T YOU?**"

The Commander kept close to the stationary Paine seated before the entrance of the cavern, his back rigid.

"The best of the best huh? That's what you told us this test was for, remember?"

"Gippal…" Baralai whispered in a half-hearted attempt to pacify. "Don't-"

But the young Al Bhed was determined. "We _are_ the best. The best of your Al Bhed enemies. The best of the Guado, whose rapidly expanding race threatens to taint the perfect human gene pool. The best of the half-machina invalids, who must depend on the very machines you curse in order to survive."

Both Nooj and Baralai opened their mouths to stop him, but soon found it impossible.

It made sense…it made horrifying, utterly painful, mind boggling sense.

"And lets not forget, by pure coincidence no doubt," Gippal added, catching his one remaining green eye with Baralai's two wide brown ones. "The only Yevonite addition to the group also happens to be the son of the man whose title _you_, Kinoc, intend to inherit."

The Commander stood stalk still, his eyes still glued to the passive, grey-haired, field recorder in front of him. Nooj and Baralai remained equally breathless, hoping against all hope that Kinoc would at least bother to deny it. Gippal was delirious. He was manic with pain and horror at what they had all just witnessed.

It was a tragic accident. Nothing more.

It was a ghastly twist of fate, punishing them for being so impetuous and daring to disturb the dead for a simple shot at infinite glory. Kinoc would calmly explain this, get them all patched up and then send them home with his most _sincere_ condolences about those many friends who had lost their lives today. An accident.

It was just an accident.

_Wasn't it?_

…

Kinoc took a deep breath, tightening his sash once more as was his habit and bent down to eye level with Paine.

She seemed almost as if in a serene state of reflection, the loose grey hair fluttering softly in the breeze, brushing against her closed eyelids. If it weren't for the ragged state of her torn and dirt covered clothes and her skin covered in sweat, blood and grime, she could have perhaps been mistaken for a meditating monk.

He listened with her to the remaining, feeble cries and gunshots coming from inside the cave. Fewer and fewer sounds being emitted with every passing second. And, beyond it all of course, between the realms of the human screams and the machine bursts…the bittersweet melody of a ghostly piano player echoed throughout the audio chaos.

Paine's eyes snapped open.

And then, quite suddenly, there was silence.

The song had ended.

The girl's fingers coyly clenched and unclenched from where they rested on her thighs, as if testing the motion. The entire party held their breath.

"So…" the Commander asked at last, a slight grin forming on his thin lips. "Is that all of them you think?"

Paine swallowed, craned her neck this way and that until it cracked, and then met eyes with the commander.

"_Yes_." She answered casually, in that same eerie echoing voice that Baralai recognize as hers…yet not hers. The one that assured him with inexplicable confidence that the music would not harm them. The voice that pleaded _'he just wants to go outside'_…

"You missed a few." Kinoc chastised her, gesturing with his head toward the remaining three men; the only ones left alive of the original one hundred and fifteen.

Pained blinked. Her eyes squinted and then opened wide. She shook her head.

"_I…_" She shook her head again, more fiercely this time, clamping her hands to the side of her head in an attempt to ward off the voice. _That_ sinister yet heart-broken voice. "I…" her own tone was gaining pitch, returning to some state of human normalcy. "I _don't feel_ so great…"

"I know. I understand." Kinoc nodded while running his hands through her short hair tenderly, a gesture that made both Nooj and Baralai shudder. "But don't worry Paine…" he stood then, taking a few careful steps back while fumbling with one of the many pockets of his robe. The three Crimson Squad candidates tensed, preparing for action. But they could do nothing but stare, held in place by the positioned rifles of the Commander's body guards.

"I promise…" Kinoc began, having finally gained a hold on the object he sought, an expression of close to genuine pity toward the impossibly frail-looking girl who was now weeping uncontrollably, hands tangled in her own hair, rocking back and forth like a child. "I promise…I'll make it all better."

He raised his machina pistol, aimed perfectly in line with Paine's neck.

"**NO**!"

Pyreflies exploded from her body.

A shot fired.

She barely registered the sounds.

"You **_bastards_**!"

"Commander!"

"_Fire_!"

More shots. An inhuman howl. Pyrflies everywhere.

"**RUN**!"

In a sudden moment of clarity, she understood the words. And she found no reason not to instantaneously comply.

With a spurt of energy drawn from a hidden reserve of adrenaline, Paine burst from her seated position and sprinted towards the exit into the unknown. She hardly noticed the pieces of exploding rock that rained down as many bullets missed her by inches, thanks to the maze-like walls of Mushroom Rock road's underbelly that made an open shot impossible.

She ran for what seemed like forever, never once looking back, not once thinking of her friends or enemies who may or may not be following close behind.

She clutched the bag of memory spheres in her hands, holding it close to her heart. Her only comfort then was the knowledge that even should she be shot down this very moment, it would be impossible to remove the sacred objects from her possession.

They wouldn't be able to even pry them from her cold, dead fingers.

* * *

The six of them sat around the campfire, restlessly sucking in the sticky air; thick with a mixture of humidity and uneasy tension.

Lulu distracted herself by mending some spare garments. Kimahri sat cross-legged sharpening his lancet. Wakka was preparing the chopped greens that were to be their dinner with mechanically slow movements while Rikku focused on fixing the feathered braids that began at the nape of her neck. Anything that kept their hands busy and that conveniently gave their eyes an excuse not to look at her.

Yuna scrutinized her guardians one by one, subconsciously wishing that someone would dare speak to her about…something. Anything. A remark about the weather perhaps? A toast to celebrate the Auroch's victory in the Blitzball championship? She would have even appreciated a scolding from Lulu concerning the disheveled state of her dress. Maybe even try one last attempt by Rikku to make her change her mind, though she was sure to politely refuse.

But alas, nobody had the mental strength to face her directly during these final hours. It was simply too difficult.

She didn't blame them. She couldn't. Had their roles been reversed, Yuna wasn't sure if she herself would have been able to drudge up a sincere goodbye without either breaking down into persistent weeping for the remainder of the journey or force them, kicking and screaming, to deny their fate and simply return home. Neither option being even close to beneficial or acceptable to her cause, Yuna choose silence over sociality and instead continued to mentally jot down goodbye notes for each of her guardians that she later planned to add to her secret diary sphere.

This was a long and grueling task, for there seemed to be no end to what needed to be said to each.

The awkward quiet endured until sunset, yet no one dared to utter a single syllable, not even a sigh of vexation.

Auron's spare sake had been passed around to all, consumed as part of a death ritual and equally to calm frazzled nerves. Yuna was sure to take a healthy gulp before passing it on to Lulu, her hands shaking on their way back to her lap where they continued to desperately clench and unclench the pleats of her skirt. Despite their efforts to celebrate what was soon to be the defeat of Sin, Yuna's impending doom was all that was on anyone's mind

Though modesty forced the young summoner to veil her emotions to the best of her ability, those guardians physically closest to her could practically feel the anxiety radiating from her very skin, despite her outward appearance of perfect calm. The signs were small and seemingly insignificant: a twitch of the fingers, a bead of sweat traveling down her cheek despite the cool weather, or her eyes that kept flickering all too often towards to small outcrop behind her: the cliff where Tidus had disappeared to more than two hours prior.

Yuna inwardly cringed every time his slouched silhouette came into view, hoping as always that he would jump in and automatically brighten everyone's spirits. But Tidus was obviously in no mood to entertain. Not tonight. Not ever again it seemed. The sight of Zanarkand and all its connotations seemed to instantly suck every last drop of livelihood from his spirit and, as a result, he hadn't said two words to anybody since the dead city had appeared on the horizon

'_What is he doing? What is he thinking?' _Yuna pondered, as her eyes strayed a little longer than necessary on his dark form.

'_Will he keep his promise? Till the end. Till always…'_

'_What is he thinking?'_

Tidus had spent the last year mentally preparing himself for this day; the moment when he sent his eyes upon his former glorious home which was now nothing more than towers of crumbling ruins. Though she knew that no kind of imaginary scenarios could have prepared him for the real, in-the-flesh sight of the present Zanarkand, she hadn't expected _this_ kind of reaction.

The silence. The quiet concentration and sorrowful eyes that made her heart break every time she crossed his gaze. In truth, it had been earlier than just yesterday when this change had happened. It began in the Fayth's Scar. That was where the initial transformation had occurred; turning her usually rambunctious and spirited husband into the sulking shell of a man he was now.

_'Correction: _ex_-husband'_

Yuna involuntarily winced while tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and took a sip of water to distract herself, concentrating desperately to contain her gag reflex which lately refused to let her ingest anything easily. She swallowed, smiled her trademark sleepy smile while wiping her lips with the back of her hand and then offered the cup to Lulu beside her, who was looking both mentally as well as physically drained.

"Thank you" the black mage muttered, before downing the crude wooden cup's entire contents in once healthy gulp. She smacked her lips happily once before her eyes widened in unabashed horror at her selfishness. "Oh Yuna I…I didn't mean to finish…"

"It's alright" she interrupted while placing a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder, smiling that same, stable, heartbreaking smile. "I couldn't possibly have anymore anyway. Not tonight."

The black mage's eyes reflexively moved down to the summoner's feet where her dinner plate lay in the grass. As expected, the meal was untouched except for a few displaced radishes – exactly as all her meals had been for the past four days in a row.

Lulu couldn't help but sigh and locked gazes with her adoptive daughter, her eyes softening with concern.

"You need to eat something Yuna."

The young girl's gaze became immediately fascinated with her hands smoothing out her skirt, a faint blush creeping onto her impossibly pale cheeks. Her guardian watched for a moment, allowing her to collect her thoughts, knowing perfectly well that Yuna wasn't one to leave concerns hanging.

"I should, I know" she responded at last, her voice soft and meek. "But I can't. Not tonigh-"

"Especially tonight." Without waiting for the protest that would never come, Lulu already had the plate in her hands and was gently depositing it in her summoner's lap, manually coiling her delicate fingers around the rim.

Yuna couldn't help but giggle at the action, reminding her so much of the time this very same woman, along side Wakka, had taught her to fish. Both of their significantly larger hands placed her fingers in the correct position on the pole, at the ready to reel in a prize. Another simple pleasure she was never to experience again.

"There." Lulu exclaimed with a finalizing flick of her thumb, proud of having finally made her doomed comrade genuinely amused. "Now promise me you'll have at least six bites."

Yuna bit her lip while staring down at the plate in her lap, knowing perfectly well that even an overpowering whiff of the salted meat and steamed vegetables would be more than she could bear. She looked around the campfire and noted how her and Lulu's little dialogue had captured the attention of the entire party, all of whom had been concerned about her depleting eating habits and yet had been to afraid confront her so close to this day: the last day.

Which meant…this was her _last_ _supper_.

Too bad she couldn't stand the sight of it.

"Come on Yunie" Rikku interjected softly while crawling closer toward their side of the fire. "You're gonna need all the strength you can muster. Aren't ya?"

Yuna turned to her cousin and smiled. She always smiled. It seemed the only expression she was capable of lately. As if someone had replaced her true face with the inexhaustible mask of coy, not-exactly-genuine-but-close-enough smiles.

"I shall try" she promised with a nod of the head. Then entire camp seemed to let out a collective breath and the invisible restraint that held them all captive in rigid tension snapped free, inciting an initially uncomfortable but eventually easy flow of conversation.

"So what's the plan for- **hey**!" Rikku smacked the tanned, thick fingers that had somehow wandered over to her plate. "You've had more than your share already Wakka!"

"Geez…" the blitzer slumped back into his seat, shaking out the wounded digits before sticking them in his mouth. "Why do you have to be so violent, ya?"

"Because you don't seem to have grasped the concept yet of 'no means no'" Lulu offered, taking another swig of Auron's sake before moving to hand it back to him. However before the old guardian had a chance to redeem his property, it was snatched by the Ronso, who gulped down the final drops with no remorse before returning it to its owner – completely drained.

Auron wasn't a man of many emotions. But the disappointment on his face was all too obvious as he upended the empty jug, watching the remaining drop of his precious, ritual sake fall to the dry earth at his feet. His lip twitched almost imperceptibly before he began reattaching it to his sash.

"What's the big idea Kimahri!" Wakka protest in the monk's defense, even though he already seemed to be over the event in question.

The Ronso merely licked his lips in response, an action that reminded them eerily of his ferocious feline inheritance. He said nothing.

"What's the matter Kimmy, huh?" Rikku teased, crawling closer to the group while obviously on the brink of manic giggling. Kimahri cringed at the nickname but gave her no further notice. A Ronso liking sake was as uncommon as a human who indulged in the occasional glass of rat's blood. But years in Besaid had somewhat altered his traditional taste buds. It wasn't a subject he cared to emphasize.

But still, the unyielding Al Bhed moved in closer, never having been able to leave a potentially amusing and/or scandalous fact go unpublished. "Someone's got a taste for the human's happy juice, huh?"

Not a word.

"Huh?" she coaxed. This inspired a low growl at least.

"Aww come on Kimmy." She fell back on her heels and pouted. "What?…has the **cat** got your tongue? HA!"

Her lame attempt at a pun wasn't at all funny, but they all laughed anyways. Laughed hard enough to wake the dead.

Up on the ledge, not even fifteen feet away from the main campfire circle, Tidus imperceptibly titled his head to catch a short glimpse of his comrades doubled up in over-exaggerated mirth. He smirked at the scene.

Déjà vu.

He remembered that day when leaving Djose Temple, right after the catastrophe that was operation Mi'hen. Yuna, exhausted from a full night of healing survivors, was in such a rush to catch up after sleeping in that she hadn't had a chance to even glance in a mirror. The result was their elegant summoner, usually the picture perfect model of grace and timid beauty, came tumbling out the temple doors at full speed, completely oblivious of the fact that half her head of shoulder length hair brown was pasted in an awkward fold, sticking out like a sideways mohawk. That is until her entourage pointed it out.

Yuna had been mortified of course. And everyone's teasing didn't help. But it was funny. He thought it had been funny. They'd all been laughing, so he went along with it. But, upon review…it hadn't been funny at all.

So Kimahri liked wine. They all knew that. No one really cared and he was more than moderate so there was no point in a confrontation. And that 'cat got your tongue' bit had been used twenty times at least. It wasn't funny. Nothing this entire journey had ever been funny. And nothing would ever been funny again.

Tidus took another swig his own, private bottle that he had not-so-discreetly stolen from Auron's stock, cringing at the bitter taste that disgusted him every time. The young blitzer had no doubt that if the retired monk sincerely didn't want him to be drinking it, he wouldn't be drinking it. But a sort of silent communication had passed between the two after his episode at the Fayth's Scar. A mutual understanding of sorts. One which included Tidus thinking 'I need to not think' and Auron silently responding 'I have just the medicine for that'…

After another gulp and another test of his gag reflexes, Tidus held up the bottle to the dying dusk light, shaking it a little to note level of liquid remaining. Still three quarters to go. He sighed.

"Why does getting plastered have to be such a chore?" he asked a passing pyrefly while bringing the bottle to his lips once more, this time with the intention of chugging.

He would have, to. He would have guzzled the whole bottle, hopefully while not throwing up, if it hadn't been for that cough. That polite little throat clearing that made him lose concentration and instead pour half the content of his precious stock down the front of his shirt.

"Shhhi-"

He would have cursed, but the last few days had taught him to hold his tongue around her.

She laughed lightly in embarrassment, her plate of untouched food held tightly in her white knuckled grasp as she took a cautious step closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Polite. Stoic. Careful. As innocent and untouchable as those cold marble statues of virgin priestess you find in the temples. This wasn't his Yuna anymore. This was the _summoner_ Yuna: and the last person he wanted to see.

"I'll live." He responded in a disgruntled tone while mopping at his chest with his sleeve.

She stood there. Watching him. Occasionally turning back to the rabble below who were thankfully ignoring her departure, generously allowing her this last opportunity to speak alone. An opportunity she was sorely tempted to give up in light of his obviously foul mood.

"If you want me to I…I can leave you alone?"

He chuckled, a tad more maliciously than intended, before taking another swig and gesturing carelessly at the place beside him on the cliff where his legs hung over the edge. _Summoner_ Yuna was modest without being subtle. She used the guise of complete selflessness in order to get exactly what she wanted. Tidus was tired of games. She obviously wanted to talk. Was it so damn hard just to ask?

With one last glance over her shoulder, Yuna dared to shuffle closer to him. She seated herself about two feet behind him, sitting on her knees. Should any of the party members happen to glance this way, as they were sure to do, their stance would appear completely innocent and casual.

"So. _Lady_ Yuna…" Tidus began with an exaggerated swagger, thanking her silently that she chose a seat that faced his back. "What happens now?"

He heard her move closer toward the edge of the cliff, followed by the sight of her hands reaching forward, still clutching her wooden plate, and then gently upturning it, allowing her entire supper to land with a barely audible splash into the river below.

The slightly-tipsy jerk in him wanted to reprimand her for wasting perfectly good food, but as he turned for confrontation, he remembered the other nights over the past week he had seen her do this. Not only with dinner, but lunch and breakfast too.

Yuna hadn't eaten in close to five days, he realized with a start. So that when he faced her this time, in the dying light, he was taken aback by the sight of the impossibly frail girl crouched before him. No longer the tanned, slightly plump, rosy cheeked woman he had taken as his wife all those weeks ago. She was now but a pale, skeletal looking thing. It was horrifying.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. Her eyes burned through him; innocent and determined summoner gone, strong and hopeless girl was back. Her true self. But, for the first time, Tidus had to admit that he preferred the façade.

"So uh-" he cleared his throat, delaying time to search for the right words. "You look uhh…"

"Like a cave dweller?" she improvised miserably, wrapping her arms around her frail body to ward of the chilly night air. "Yeah…I know."

Tidus faked being flabbergasted. "I was going to say **'ravishing'** but," he shrugged "whatever floats your rock - as they say."

Yuna cocked an eyebrow. "Whatever floats my…" she stopped herself, caught off guard by his odd type of flirting yet again. His charm was so strange that most women needed a specialized dictionary to understand it, and only his tone made his intent to flatter obvious. He was so very weird but still, Yuna found she couldn't resist the muscles that were tugging on the corner of her lips. Almost as much as he couldn't resist retaliating with an equally wide smile.

They took a moment to stare at each other before Yuna nodded towards over her shoulder, signaling that they didn't have much time. Tidus nodded in return, then gestured at the empty plate in her hands.

"A-are you sick?" he started, knowing very well how stupid a question it was.

"Does it matter?" she grinned at him. Honestly, hopelessly grinned at him. Like her failing health was a joke, an obvious prelude to imminent death. Eighteen going on eighty.

Though Tidus found nothing humorous in her question, he grinned sadly anyway. "Touché."

They sat there, smiling at each other. It was a welcome change from the tension of the last two weeks, from the burden of their secrets weighing down on them, getting heavier with every step. Simply being conscious had long since become exhausting.

He missed her. Missed her terribly. But another pressing issue had occupied the majority of his thoughts lately, deterring him from his original mission of finding a way to get rid of Sin forever. Only recently had it occurred to him, that the main reason for his dedication to exterminating Sin was not only saving Yuna, but saving Yuna so that she could be with _him_. Not exactly a selfless heroic act. But if he happened to save the world while pursuing his own endeavors, then why the hell not?

But now…now everything was so messed up.

Sin.

Yuna.

Himself.

Three candidates in the race for existence, only one of which would make the final cut. No two can co-exist it seemed. Either Yuna nullifies Sin and they both die, Yuna fails killing Sin and everyone dies or…

Or…

"You know!" he interrupted his thoughts, having gone through them enough times they were starting to drive him slightly mad. He instead tried something. He needed time. Time Yuna obviously didn't feel she had. And though this may be the most pointless, stupid idea he had ever conjured, anything was worth a shot. "I may be close to a solution to this, uhh, Sin problem."

Yuna raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes really! I'm just missing a…a piece. I need, like, four days to get it. K?"

She laughed. God he missed her _real_ laugh. Tidus was so entranced by it that he hardly noticed when she reached over and gently pried the bottle of sake out of his hands. In fact, only when her laughter because interrupted by the bottle on her lips did he detect his missing prize.

"Hey!"

"It's my last day on Spira" she murmured through gulps. "Humor me."

"Yuna," he pulled it away from her a little more harshly than intended, causing her to dribble the luckily clear liquid down the front of her robes. "You shouldn't be drinking now."

"I'm facing Sin tomorrow. If there's any day I should be drinking, it's tonight." She reached for it again but he switched the bottle between his hands, a mixture of horror at her unhealthy attempt to pacify her fears and concern for her general well-being beginning to brutally clench his heart.

"You haven't eaten anything. You'll get sick."

"I'm already sick." She reached for it again but he skillfully deterred her.

"No. Scratch that then. I don't mean 'sick' sick. What I mean is passed out unconscious during the biggest battle of your life and then being dead. Screw sick. Drinking equals dead. You followed by the rest of us - dead. Got it?"

Her efforts instantly ceased then, hands gradually falling to her sides. As much as she no longer cared for her own miserable body's state, she would dare not risk her guardians' health. No amount of temporary relief from the mind-numbing panic settling within her would be worth that price. She fell back on her knees, hands in her lap, docile once again.

Tidus took the opportunity to upturn the bottle over the ledge, feeling only the slightest hint of regret as the last of Auron's precious stock joined Yuna's dinner in the dazzling river below. On the bright side, at least some fish would be happy tonight.

'_Remove the temptation.' _He remembered something frighteningly similar to this situation. His mother from all those years ago, pillaging the house of every last drop in liquor in the vain hope that it would restrain Jecht's now uncontrollable drinking. In the end it had only served to fuel his anger, screaming at them both at the top of his lungs for wasting precious gil before storming out to the local bar anyways. A waste indeed. A waste of time and effort and dreams. Tidus vowed it would never come to that in his household. Not that he would ever have a household…not according to Bahamut.

"I'm sorry…" she sounded uncomfortably calm, hands in her lap, sitting on her knees. He kept his back to her, unable to look into those different colored eyes that would surely be his downfall. He needed to be strong. He needed to find a way to get them both out of this alive. Alive and _real_.

"I'm so sorry." She repeated, a tad more shakily than before. "I'm just tired I guess. So very tired. I- I just want it to be over and done with ya know?"

His heart leapt up in his throat when he heard her say that but he pretended not to be moved. After all, her dying was not part of the plan. Of either plan.

"Don't be sorry." He chastised her a tad more harshly than intended. "Be strong. Don't loose hope yet. Give me some time and…"

"Tidus. Tidus please…" she watched, helpless, as her years of emotional control training instantly evaporated upon hearing the desperation in his voice. She should have known coming to talk to him would inevitably result in tears. "Please, don't…"

"Fine" he interrupted, apparently unmoved. "Say we don't have time. You're already here. You're all ready to die. There's no other way, right? And all that other bull shit. Fine! But I'm not giving up."

Yuna's eyes narrowed, obviously insulted. "It's not bull shi-"

"Let me talk to Yunalesca." Instantly he was in her face, hands gripped on her upper arms, blue eyes flashing with some indistinguishable emotion.

Yuna blinked, desperately trying to clear her blurry vision and get a hold of her feelings. "Wha-what?"

"Before you begin the Final Aeon Summoning. Let me talk to her. If there's another way, she'd know it. Just for a minute."

"Wha-who?"

She wanted to listen, and listen intently, but he was close. Too close. It was off-putting, reminding her all too well that it had been more than two weeks since he'd last touched her. Since the divorce had been made official in the caves of Gagazet. So long ago it seemed. Too long since they'd last made love.

Her gaze dropped to his lips and for a minute they seemed to be all she could see. She felt his fingers on her arm like red-hot pokers, searing her flesh wherever they had contact with skin. And though painful, it was the only short of warmth she had felt in days. Seeing as such, Yuna couldn't help the small gasp of pleasure that escaped her lips as he tightened his hold, urging her to respond coherently.

"Yuna?" he prodded, his tone firm and serious. "I refuse to go on tomorrow if you don't agree to this."

"Huh?" she shifted focus back to his general facial expression. "Oh …yes. I'm thinking." She struggled to arrange her muddles thoughts, playing back his request in her head till she could finally translate it.

_Yunalesca…_

Speaking with ancient summoner was pointless, that she knew for sure. Pointless yet harmless all the same. Nothing would stop the inevitable goodbye tomorrow. But, if only for tonight, she needed him calm enough to listen. She needed to tell him. So why not indulge him for the moment?

"You may speak to Yunalesca" Yuna accepted, smiling her same saddened smile. "Up until our final minute, when there is nowhere left to turn except the Final Summoning, I'm honored if you will fight for me."

Despite the audience he knew they were probably attracting, Tidus could not stop himself from raising his hands up to cup her cheeks and leaned his forehead against hers. It took all his stamina to keep back the tears, yet he had no control over his trembling, breaking voice.

"Of course I'll fight for you…" he whispered, stroking her now moist skin with his fingers. "I'll fight for you forever." He heard her sniff loudly and took that as a cue to kiss her cheek gently, his lips tasting the salty streams that had already begun to run down her face as his hands wove their way, for the last time, through her silken locks.

"Promise me you'll stay. Please…" her arms were around his neck now, clinging too him like a frightened child seeking shelter from the storm. She seemed so fragile then, so weak. In that moment, he knew he knew he would do anything to protect her. He would _give_ anything. Everything. All that he had, he would give, if only for the slightest chance that she would make it through this. Even if that meant…

Tidus took a deep breath, pecking her one last time on the junction of her jaw and her neck, allowing his lips to selfishly linger before moving up towards her ear. The final confession.

"I would die for you…"

He felt her tense against him, and then gradually release.

It was a frightening realization, how far he would go simply to see her alive and happy. And though the thought of him being possibly erased from existence in exchange for Yuna's victory was beyond terrifying, the vision of her genuine smile after Sin became eternally vanquished was soothing enough to quell any possibility of doubt.

He could die for her.

He may die for her.

'_I will die for her…'_

"Until the end?"

Tidus let out a sound that was one third sigh, one third chuckle and one third hear-wrenching sob. It took him a few seconds before the expected reply "always" was finally able to slip between his lips.

His hands traveled down her back and pulled her too him, wrapping his arms tightly around her with the intention of never letting go. She was so cold, quivering with exhaustion and emotion, and he could feel the ridges of her spine perfectly jutting out from her bare back. Though the recognition of her failing health did indeed disturb him, he decided to waver a chastising until tomorrow was over. Until they were back in Besaid, when the world was at peace and before they began preparations to get married…again.

Properly this time.

By sunset tomorrow, everything would be alright.

"Tidus?"

"Hmm?" he didn't trust himself to move, and so he kept his head firmly planted in the crook between her neck and her shoulder; a temporary safe haven from having to deal with the overbearing emotional pressure of their ominous destinies.

"I lov-"

"Shhh…" he interrupted, squeezing her tightly as insurance to cut her off. "Not now."

"But I-"

"Next time you say those words will be when this is all over. Okay? After the final battle, when you stand up proudly, safe-and-sound after having saved the world, only then will you tell me. Those words will symbolize not the end, but a new beginning. You will have accepted your fate then. Your fate to live a long and healthy life, filled with love and laughter. Not death and destruction."

Yuna shuddered, finding herself gradually losing the will to fight him on this. He would try. He would fail. She would die. Her corporeal self was failing, disintegrating into nothing anyway. What did it matter who won the argument of where their fate would lead tonight?

Tonight she would dream.

She would dream a dream of monotone happiness. Dream of being in his arms. Dream of his vision for them in the future. And that vision she would keep in her mind until the Final Summoning drained her of her very last breath. She would die with a smile on her face, after whispering 'I love you' one last time, and then pass on for eternity in that dream she created. There she would find her _bliss_. Her _rapture_. Her _nirvana_. Finally.

Her ecstasy.

"I promise" she told him while snuggling herself deeper into his arms where she finally found the warmth her chilled bones sought.

It was indeed such a beautiful dream; an afterlife spent in his company. Tomorrow, then. Too soon, yet not nearly soon enough.

Facing away from the camp group where everyone was surely staring with moisten eyes at the lovers' embrace, Yuna dared to open her eyes.

Her breath caught in her throat as the ancient city's skyline came into view, a vision seldom seem by the people of Spira and never seen by her comrades.

"Tidus…" she whispered to him, allowing her lips to linger a tad longer than necessary at the base of his neck, relishing the feel of his feather-soft hair brushing against her cheek.

"Hmmmmnnn?" his voice was breathless, seemingly exhausted beyond the ability to form actual words. Both mentally and physically drained, allowing him to be more than content to just fall asleep there in her arms, regardless of their entourage's opinions.

Yuna grinned against his neck, taking in the glorious scent of his salty skin with each breath.

"Look."

Timidly, the blonde-haired boy removed himself from his haven, forcing his shining eyes to meet his lover's which crinkled at the corner; a tell-tall sign of a smile. He seemed to get stuck there then, riveted by the way the highlight stood out in her honey brown hair that blew in wayward strands across her eyes. Eyes that darken in this dim light to the deepest shades of ocean blue and forest green.

"Look!" she insisted again after noting his apparently catatonic state. She nodded her head toward the scene behind him and tried to manually twist his head in the opposite direction with her hands. "You're going to miss it."

"Miss what? I-" His eyes found their intended target, and immediately the words died on his lips.

Between the towers, half covered by a veil of blushing clouds, the sun was setting. Immediately banishing the once solid, cerulean daylight sky into warmer shades of pink, orange and rose red.

Pretty…

"The stars…appear, one by one" Yuna recited backwards, wrapping her arms around him delicately from behind, smiling into his ear. "It's kind of, rose colored…Right? Yes. First in the sky," she raised her palm, gesturing to the heavens, pulling his eyes along with her every movement "then to the sea" she pointed to the body of water barely visible beyond the ruins "getting darker and darker…till…"

"Everything fades…" he finished with an eerily steady voice. "Everything light eventually fades to nothingness. Every story must have an ending."

"Yes." She whispered, her voice soft with a note of genuine, serene contentment. "You understand now?"

He nodded.

'_I know what I have to do…'_

"Good."

Yuna gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before crawling over to his side and leaned her head against his shoulder. Her eyes became glued to the vision of ultimate beauty presented exclusively for the two of them and sighed with a note of much needed peace. "It's gorgeous."

"Yeah. I told ya so." His arm snaked around her back, pulling her closer to his side. Their combined warmth combined with the natural breeze to envelop them, holding the two lovers in a sort of invisible, ethereal embrace.

Sure, it wasn't exactly the sunrise he had meant to show her, along the coast of the actual living city Zanarkand. But, for now, for tonight…it was more than enough.

"Woah! Would ya look at that."

Yuna and Tidus turned just in time to witness Wakka dump himself unceremoniously on the cliff beside them, apparently completely oblivious at having interrupted anything. He met their gaze with wide, excited eyes which Tidus found so humorous that he could no longer bring himself to dismiss the big lug. "That's not something you see everyday, ya?"

"It is quite exquisite." Yuna agreed sleepily while raising her hand to cover an insuppressible yawn.

"Wowee!" the loud exclamation made them all jump as Rikku appeared on the scene, equally, if not more so, astounded by the sight of the Zanarkand sunset. "Guys! Guys, ya gotta come and see this!"

One by one, the other guardians found their way to the cliff and found a seat along the edge. All seven of them, transfixed into silence by the glowing sunset. Whether they didn't notice the young couples embrace, or didn't care anymore – Yuna was thankful no one tried to pry them apart. She needed him tonight.

The end was nearing. It was inevitable. People live only to eventually die. The sun struggles to rise even if only for a few short hours and then sets, doomed to repeat the process over and over again until the end of infinity.

One could consider such striking natural occurrences such as dawn and dusk as nature's method of personifying the cycle of life and daily death. Yuna however, in these final hours, made an effort to see the glass as half full.

Cautiously, she leaned her cheek on the shoulder of the man she loved, and her hand squeezing those of her large, un-official family members. And though the day was over, the end was coming, and darkness was minutes away from consuming them all in inky blackness…the young summoner took a deep breath, exhaled, and rejoiced at the journey that had been her life; a breathtakingly beautiful day with an equally glorious sunset leading it to a close.

_I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin._

_For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance._

_But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets._

And at least there is always the peace of night to look forward to, and the hope - the certainty -of a new dawn on the horizon.

* * *

**-.Author's Note.- **Yes people. I am alive. Barely. If any of you have been **very** bored and thus read my profile notes, then you know why my absence is entirely justified. For those of you who don't know: this summer, for close to two months, I went on the clichéd 'Euro-Trip' with three of my close friends. London, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Paris, Frankfurt, Berlin, Milan, Florence, Rome, Civitaveccia, Avignon, Marseille, Barcelona and back to London….yeah. Long-ass trip with no more than four days in each city. And, in order to not be thousands of dollars in debt when I start up school again, I've been working two jobs for the remainder of summer since I returned three weeks ago. But I'm back baby! Booyah! – As Wakka would say.

So I'm striving for an ending here folks, as you may have noticed. I see about two or three chapters left AND, if I get a good enough response, a sequel in the making : D. Thus why I felt the need to finish up the Paine, Baralai and Gippal scene since it ties in with my later ideas. Whew, this was a long chapter, intended to serve as an apology for my absence. Can you believe it's been a YEAR since I started writing this story? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY _FUMBLING TOWARDS ECSTACY_!

Okay, I'll stop rambling. I'm tired. I've been writing for about 6 hours straight desperate to get something posted since this is my only day off for a while. Hope you enjoyed the sappiness. Oh, and just for anyone's information, twas my birthday three days ago, August 7th. I am no longer a teenager – cries – as that day marked my 20th year. Guess what I want for my birthday?...reviews! hahaha. Till next chapter. Sayonara.

-Mayonaka (Nancy Elizabeth Townsend)


	21. Consequence

"_Happiness is not a reward / it is a consequence. _

_Suffering is not a punishment / it is a result."_

**-- Robert Green Ingersoll**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 21 …_ Consequence_…**

"_Tidus?"_

"_Hmm?" he didn't trust himself to move, and so he kept his head firmly planted in the crook between her neck and shoulder; a temporary safe haven from having to deal with the overbearing emotional pressure of their ominous destinies._

"_I lov-"_

"_Shhh…" he interrupted, squeezing her tightly as insurance to cut her off. "Not now."_

"_But I-"_

"_Next time you say those words will be when this is all over. Okay? After the final battle, when you stand up proudly, safe-and-sound after having saved the world, only then will you tell me. Those words will symbolize not the end, but a new beginning. You will have accepted your fate then. Your fate to live a long and healthy life, filled with love and laughter. Not death and destruction."_

_Yuna shuddered, finding herself gradually losing the will to fight him on this. He would try. He would fail. She would die. Her corporeal self was failing, disintegrating into nothing anyway. What did it matter who won the argument of where their fate would lead tonight?_

_Tonight she would dream._

_She would dream a dream of monotone happiness. Dream of being in his arms. Dream of his vision of them in the future. And that vision she would keep in her mind until the Final Summoning drained her of her very last breath. She would die with a smile on her face, after whispering 'I love you' one last time, and then pass on for eternity in that dream she created. There she would find her bliss. Her rapture. Her nirvana. Finally._

_Her ecstasy._

* * *

Judgment Day.

Apocalypse.

To be more precise: the end of the world.

It was a lot less extravagant than one would have expected.

No spitting hell fire. No screaming demons. Not even a single wailing and ravenous lost soul threatening to drag any unlucky man within their reach down into the abyss.

None of those expected biblical theatrics presented themselves within this scene.

Just silence.

Pure, unadulterated, never-ending quiet; bone chilling in its maddening simplicity.

The Zanarkand temple's central chamber gradually dimmed to smoky blackness as the luminous magic that once gave the ruins a semblance of life flickered and died. Only the occasional wandering pyrefly served as a light source, illuminating one by one the increasingly desperate and dismal expressions of each of the summoner's party members.

Yunalesca was gone. Her blood on their hands. And with her she took Spira's only sliver of hope.

It was the end of the world all right. Sin would come. And now, for the first time in history, there was no fathomable way to prevent him from gradually wiping out Spira's entire population.

Small gasps and shudders traveled around the room as this information sunk in. Some fell to their knees in anguish. Others fought back tears and buried their heads in their hands. One or two stared blank-faced into the distance, trying and failing to seem pensive and rational while their primary objective was repressing absolute panic.

However, one guardian…only one…whose clarity of their plight may not have been as advanced as with the others, found a most original way of coping with certain doom.

He groaned.

He groaned the groan of a carefree man who had just accidentally dropped his ice cream onto the beach. Tough luck, moving on. It'll be better next time. No use crying over spilt milk. Etc. The pure inappropriateness of the exclamation, and its volume, immediately caught the attention of his comrades. As was his intention.

He stood in the middle of the chamber on the exact spot where Yunalesca's body has just moments before erupted into a cloud of pyreflies, fists on his hips posed with undeserved confidence.

"Hey… oh Queens of Drama?" he called mockingly, his voice echoing off the invisible cavern walls. "Ya done moping yet? Can we move on now?"

The sound of slight shifting and intermittent coughs were the only response he got. Tidus groaned again, this time with annoyance.

"I hate to be Mr. Points-the-obvious, but shouldn't we, I dunno, **not** be sitting ducks for the Bevellian army's target practice? Once the news gets out that…"

"They'll all hate us." A soft voice said from somewhere in the darkness, broken and weak. "Let them come. It's nothing less than we deserve."

A few murmurs of agreement echoed around the chamber.

One could practically hear Tidus rolling his eyes in the dark. "Man you're lame. So is that the brilliant plan now? To just give up?"

"And what exactly do you suggest, huh?" another voice argued. "Spira isn't exactly plentiful on thousand year old sorceresses with the power to create Aeons."

"Is it so crazy of me to recommend actually fighting back?"

"Yes. Insane. The Final Aeon is lost. We can't win now."

"Says who?" He countered, struggling to focus on the various voices and matching them to barely visible forms.

"Maybe you can annoy him to death with your cocky, empty threatening. Remember how that worked with the Goers in Luca" another voice piped in, giggling a tad too manically for comfort.

"Ouch. That was a little harsh."

"Yeah well…"

"I mean, I know I'm no scholar but I thought that's what you liked about me. A dumb jock for the team." The lights flickered, giving the group a second long view of their surroundings before fading to black once more. A mutual wince was exchanged at the sudden brightness.

"On or off. Choose! Dammit!"

"Her spirit still lingers here. She's angry."

"Shouldn't she be? We did kinda…kill her. Not to mention ruin her legacy. That would make any undead priestess grumpy."

"Angry ghost or not, this isn't exactly the place for a rendezvous. It's too scary!" The small Al Bhed girl, having been pulled from her trance, scuttled further toward the center of the room.

"Oww! Rikku…that was my foot!"

"Oh. Sorry Lulu."

"We leave. Now."

"I agree. There's nothing left for us here."

"Duh! What have I been trying to do for the past five minutes, huh? Does Kimahri have to repeat my sentences in order to be taken seriously?"

"Tidus…can you not. Let's not do this right…"

"Maybe next time I'll just let the manic summoner chick kick your ass."

"Ti- not-"

"Is a little appreciation really so much to ask?"

"Arg…I'm too tired to think, ya. My head hurts"

"Well standing here in the pitch black complaining isn't going to do anyth-OW! Rikku, the foot!"

"Oops. Sorry."

"Wait a minute…Where's Yuna?"

"I-I'm..." her voice stuttered and faded, making it impossible to locate her position in the near total darkness.

"Are you okay? What happen- Hey!" Tidus was suddenly jerked back a couple of steps by a vice-like grip on his wrist. "What's the big…what's wrong?"

"Nothi..uh…" they swallowed, choked and gagged. "I-I think gonna to be sick."

"Ohhh…oh!…LULU! HELP!"

* * *

Yuna wrapped her thin purple cloak, the only covering available in the entire camp, more tightly around her shoulders. She had at first offered it one by one to every remaining member of her party, desperate to grant even the weakest morsel of solace to anyone. But they had each declined politely, not only because they wanted to shelter her most from the harsh elements, but because they had each honestly insisted that the weather was too warm for a covering.

She shivered again, stealing a glance out of the corner of her eye at Wakka and Lulu kneeling near the edge of the cliff, the former emptying the contents of his stomach into the sparkling river below while his support rubbed his back soothingly. Yuna cringed at the sight, turning back to her view of the sunrise over the crumbling tower of Zanarkand, willing with all her might not to shed one single tear while still within close quarters to her comrades. It had been a long night for all of them. But Wakka, apparently had been hit the hardest by recent events.

There would be enough time to grieve for her fate later; right now she had to be strong. People would be looking to her for answers and for strength, so pathetically little of which she had to offer. Everything was different now. New questions couldn't help but be raised about the future now. Her future. The world's future. Their future.

"Yuna…"

Speaking of the devil.

Yuna hastily blinked away the small pools that had unconsciously gathered in the corner of her eyes before turning to face him, forcing her lips to stretch into that all-too familiar smile of calm content.

"Hey you."

"Hey." He bent his knees to lower himself down to her sitting level, biting his lip in nervousness as he did so. Tidus was so rarely serious. This was a definite 'wanting to talk' moment. One that she sincerely couldn't handle at the moment.

"Yuna-" he began.

"Not now" she interrupted, hastily pressing her entire palm against his mouth in order to upgrade her gentle request into a demand. "I can't talk now. Later. But not now. Understand?"

He nodded slowly with only a slight hint of hesitation. He had never been the type too shy to show his disapproval, but was at least respectful enough to comply. Yuna gradually let her hand fall, purposefully brushing her fingertips against his lips as she did so, allowing herself a slight giddy grin.

As soon as she returned her attention to the sunrise, she saw Tidus plunk himself down beside her, staring straight ahead. The sound of Wakka's dry heaving and Lulu's whispered consolations in the background were actually a welcome break from the otherwise dead quiet.

"That Wakka huh," Tidus chuckled, mainly at his poor attempt at spurring a conversation topic that had nothing to do with their mission. "Always knew he didn't have the stomach for this sort of thing…"

"He's in shock." Yuna countered protectively, exactly as he predicted she would. He couldn't help but grin at her unyielding devotion to her friends. "It's a normal, healthy reaction after witnessing a truly horrifying event. Wakka is strong AND sensitive, which makes him all around a morally superior human being."

"Oh he's morally superior all right" Tidus quipped, sorely tempted to bring up the perfect argument of Wakka's previous racisms towards the Al Bhed. But he hadn't come here to discuss his blitz captain's sketchy ethics and even more unstable masculinity. "I, personally, blame it on last night's supper. Ya know. The behemoth stew?" he watched out of the corner of his eye as Yuna's finger's instinctively clutched her cloak; a sure sigh of discomfort.

She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Was it…spoiled meat, you think?"

Tidus shrugged. "Well, I've never had it before so I'm not exactly a good judge. But-" he fumbled into one of his many pockets, allowing himself a small 'aha!' of victory upon retrieving his prize; a small square package wrapped in cheese cloth.

"Lulu told me once that, back in Besaid, you used to love Behemoth meat. You even officially named her stew your favorite meal once, which is why she went to extreme lengths to make that meal last night." He slowly unwrapped the package under Yuna's apprehensive stare, slowly revealing what smelled and appeared to be the remainder of last night's Behemoth meat rolled between two pieces of thin rice pancakes. Leftovers. And also what had once been Yuna's most appreciated afternoon snack.

"She called it: 'Beast in a-"

"Beast in a Blanket." Yuna finished, smiling coyly in genuine amusement at the package in his hands.

It seemed a lifetime ago since. She, Lulu, Wakka and Kimahri sitting on the Besaid beach for a mid-day picnic between summoning lessons. Only on special occasions would Lulu go through the long and complicated process of obtaining and cooking the behemoth meat, such as when Yuna did exceedingly well on an exam or someone's birthday. It had been such a cherished treat then. When Beast in a Blanket appeared on her plate, Yuna knew that all was good in the world and that she had done something right.  
Funny that it appeared here of all places, in Tidus' palm.

"Here," he pulled her hands out from within the cloak, suppressing any comment about the eerie coldness of her palms while curling her fingers around the snack. "I want to know if it's up to her usual standards, or if she's just feeding scraps to the dogs after assuming you wouldn't be there to critique."

"I- …"A large whiff of the salted marinade forced its way into her nostrils and immediately instilled a strangled gag. Hastily, she dropped it back into the cloth on his lap and turned away, chanting to force the bile to remain in her stomach.

"Yuna?...Yuna, what's wrong?"

She gently raised a finger, signaling that she needed a minute, all the while taking deep breaths of fresh, sticky air to expel any remaining atoms of beef scent. She hated feeling like this, the nausea that never failed to appear every time the usually drool-enticing aroma of a cooked meal entered her nostrils. More than anything, she wanted that to stop.

After a couple of beats, she had yet again managed to suppress the urge. And by the time she faced Tidus again he had wisely decided to return the morsel to its preserving cloth tucked into a pouch.

"Thank you…" she whispered shakily, tucking a tuft a sweaty stray hair behind her ear. "It was very kind of you, and Lulu. But- but I'm not in the mood right now."

"I can see that" his brows knitted together, blue eyes scanning her face for any hint of deception. "That's been the case for a while now, hasn't it?"

She could do nothing but shrug in response, grinning sadly with an air of slight discomfort. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry everybody. I try. Every time I try. It just – I can't seem to…" she trailed off with a sigh of frustration and yet another shrug. "It can't be done. And, I guess, I didn't think it mattered."

Tidus nodded in false understanding, watching with a continuously pensive expression as she resumed fidgeting.

"It's the stress I guess" she rationalized, nodding in approval of her own conclusion. "Actually being IN Zanarkand…it put a whole new perspective on things, you know? And new fears surfaced. And the whole, muddled confusion that was…us…and now with this additional obstacle of not having a Final Aeon with which to fight Sin. It's," she met his eyes, her own wide with unspoken horror of the future "it's not even close to over. And, until a horizon is in sight…I don't believe I can even think about-"

"You need to eat Yuna" he interrupted, leaning forward slightly. "No matter what the future holds, the odds are that much more in Sin's favor it you have no energy."

Yuna instinctively pulled the thin cloak more tightly around herself, feeling suddenly naked under his scrutiny. "You think I don't know that? I'm trying. Yevon help me…I'm trying." she fell back against the rock behind her, feeling especially drained and dizzy, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples to ward off the throbbing. "I'm trying so hard…"

It wasn't exactly her choice not to eat the stew, or the 'beast in a blanket' which had indeed once been and still was her favorite snack. Her body would simply not accept it, and as a result she could practically feel the stamina being sucked out of her with every passing minute. Another obstacle Fate's sick sense of humor had thrown at her, a test probably. To be worthy of an honor such as High Summoner, the journey is meant to be difficult. And with her rather large rabble of guardians for protection, comfort and friendship, she had had it pretty easy in comparison to Summoners past.

A test. That is what this random sickness was. And it was worth every agonizing millisecond if the alternative was leaving behind any of her dear friends. She would get through it. She would be strong. She simply had to be, what other choice was there?

The sound of Tidus shuffling against the gravel filled the silence and soon she felt his warm arm slip around her shoulder. She fell easily into his embrace, grateful for the support.

"I know what you're thinking" he began while absent-mindedly running his fingers through her hair. "You're thinking that maybe you're too physically weak for this mission. You're thinking that the Fates must not find you worthy of being High Summoner by throwing these barricades into your path."

She grinned into his shoulder. He knew her too well.

"You're also thinking that Wakka's kinda lame for having such an extreme reaction to the Yunalesca thing, and that I look amazing with three-day old unwashed hair."

Yuna giggled. "I told you! Wakka's reaction was perfectly justif-"

"For the latter, you are absolutely correct" Tidus interrupted, contorting their bodies slightly so that he could rest his forehead against hers, delighting in seeing her multi-colored eyes light up in genuine mirth. "But for the former?" he brushed a few stray hairs away from her face, sliding his fingers down her cheek to rest on her chin and forcing it up to stare at him directly. "You have traveled further, survived more grueling obstacles and discovered more ghastly information than any other summoner before you and still you refuse to give up. That makes you more than great. It makes you…" he paused, struggling to find the right expression while Yuna hung on his every word.

"Yes..?" she prompted.

"Special" he finished, smiling as she winced.

"Special?" she repeated through a grimace. "Like 'stop eating the paste' special?"

"Nooooo. I was aiming for more of a 'one of a kind/divine' special."

"Well that's not very original."

"Hey. I spent the morning battling a thousand-year-old dead chick dedicated to maintaining a loop of death and suffering by reincarnating her father as a giant beast in the body of a guardian. Give a guy a break!"

"Fine. Special it is." She sighed contentedly and snuggled deeper into his side, blissfully ignorant of the happenings on the other side of the rock on which they rested. For all intents and purposes, they were the only two people in the world.

"I'm not giving up you know." She warned him, suddenly somber.

"I didn't expect you to." He replied honestly. "As you said, it's far from over."

He felt Yuna nod against him. "We'll think of something else. And soon. I can't live with the guilt of this hanging over me every waking moment."

"It's a heavy burden to bear."

"When Cid picks us up, we'll go to Bevelle. I'll make an announcement about the lies of Yevon and Yunalesca. We'll gather the best minds in Spira to find a way to release the Fayth and stop the cycle. We'll-"

"Whoaaaaa!" Tidus exclaimed in interruption, lifting her off his chest slightly to stare at her skeptically. "I think your number one priority is to get better. You're still sick Yuna. Our first stop will be a _doctor_. And then you can gallivant around Spira making speeches and meetings and battles to the death all you want, okay?"

"But…"

"No buts. Promise me before you do anything related to this mission that you'll at least get someone's advice."

Yuna casually waved his concern away. "I'll feel better once we gain momentum, I'm sure." She stated, gently untangling herself from his arms so that she could sit up independently. "All this simple waiting for the final battle…it stressed me beyond belief. I need to do something productive. I feel better already just thinking about being productive."

"Yuna, please. Just consider…"

"Look!" The young summoner's finger flew up skyward as a loud rumbling of engines simultaneously filled the air. Cid's airship on the horizon, coming in full speed to the cliff's edge.

"Pops! Good timing!" Rikku could be heard screaming into her portable radio.

'_Welcome home kids! Uncle Cid to the rescue!'_

The engines grew louder as the gigantic vehicle loomed closer and the party scrambled to gather their scattered belongings. It took Yuna a few tries but eventually with the support of both Tidus and the boulder, she was able to make it to her feet, her mouth hanging open in fascination as she observed the captain maneuver into an impressive landing on uneven ground.

"Wow. It's amazing isn't it! A real airship…" he had forgotten that she hadn't been with the group during their first encounter with the Cid's pet project. It truly was an awe-inspiring sight for first-timers who used minimal technology such as Yuna. Since the destruction of Home, Cid's ship had become an official mobile residence to the hundreds of Al Bhed who survived the attack. It was complete with all the necessary facilities, including a cafeteria, exercise rooms…and even a medical clinic.

"Yuna!" Tidus caught her wrist mid-skip as she moved to gather her satchel. Her sunken, dark circle rimmed eyes still danced in excitement about the upcoming airship ride as she struggled to give him her full attention.

"Yes?"

"There's a clinic on the ship." He stated, bending down to retrieve her satchel while linking their hands. "Promise me, the first thing you do is go see a doctor."

"It isn't really necessa-"

"Promise me. Please."

"Why does it matter so mu-"

"Yuna, just humor me. Okay?"

His grip on her hand tightened, eyes softening in a way that begged for no more questions.

"Fine." she agreed absent mindedly while gathering the edges of her cloak within her fist to stop it from whipping around in the engine generated wind. Together, hand in hand, they took their first steps toward the ship. "But seriously, why are you so adamant about it?"

"I just," he sighed and ducked to avoid one of the ship's rafters "if it was something big. If you were really, possibly life-altering 'sick' lets say, you'd tell me, right?"

Yuna's brow furrowed in confusion. "What does that have to do with…" she slowed her steps, looking up at him with an incredulous expression. "What do you think's wrong?"

"No. Nothing wrong. Something right. Really right….maybe."

"Tidus…?" she stopped walking, tugging on his hand as a signal for him to remain where he was. The other party members were thankfully still far ahead of them as they had just entered the sheltered undercarriage of the ship, the stinging sandstorm no longer hindering conversation. "Tidus," she repeated, suddenly inexplicably nervous "tell me. What are you thinking?"

He pressed his lips together, taking a step back to close the distance between them, glancing over his shoulder briefly to ensure that none of the others were within earshot. "First, answer me this." He spread his feet further apart and lowered his head, attempting to make them on the same level. "If something came up, would you take a rain check on the Sin mission?"

In those few words, several physical chain reactions were set off in Yuna. The glee of the airship ride instantly vanished, the headache moved full force to the front of the head and the nausea almost made her gag on the very thought of what he was proposing. Impulsively, she let the hand he held drop. The night of their wedding had been a mere six weeks ago…had he already forgotten?

"What?...No. I-I can't. You know that. Why are you asking me this again? We decided…" she paused, taking a breath to sort her many muddle thoughts. "I can't think of anything that would justify…not completing my mission. You know this. I won't give up. Why are you even bringing this up again? Why can't you just let-"

"Whoa! Okay. I'm sorry!" He rose his hands up in surrender. "I forgot. Untouchable subject. Besides, I'm getting ahead of myself. So much merely…depends."

Yuna raised an eyebrow. Tidus and cryptic never were a good match. They usually ended up in disaster. "Depends on what?"

He just grinned. That maddening, cocky, heart-stopping grin.

"Yuna! Tidus! I want to get OUT of here! MOVE!" the couple turned to meet the eyes of all five of the other guardians, waiting not so patiently on the metal staircase above them which led to the interior of the ship. The smallest and blondest of which had bypassed the barriers and took a shortcut of climbing the scaffolding in order the yell at them. "Don't make me come down there!"

"I swear she gets more like a monkey every day," Tidus whispered, causing a nervous giggle the escape Yuna's lips. She was still frightfully curious of Tidus' portentous expectations.

"We'll be right there!" Tidus yelled back, gesturing with a nod of the head that they should continue up. "We better get moving."

Taking her hand once more, Tidus moved with new found enthusiasm toward the staircase, pulling her along like a rag doll since she sorely lack the energy to keep up naturally. The clicking sound of their comrades' shoes on steel rang above them as they gained ground, moving closer and closer to the promised foreboding clinic.

"Try to get your own room" Tidus whispered in her ear as they got closer to the ship's entrance, a mere few meters behind the general party. They slowed their steps to a normal pace, Yuna's breathing labored from the run as Tidus stood behind her, hands on her shoulders to lead. "We have a second chance to say goodbye, and I don't want to waste it. I want to memorize you…every piece of you."

His breath tickling her ear made her shudder, as did his words. Her breathing quickened to an even greater pace and her skin that had once been chilly suddenly felt unbearably hot. The sudden change made her dizzy but, as usual, it was a good dizzy.

A second chance, huh? As avid as she was to get the Sin termination ball rolling, a relaxing night with Tidus in her bed, an actual bed for once, was the very epitome of temptation. It was risky with her guardians so close, each probably wanting to discuss the day's events. It was disrespectful to her gracious uncle who would, without a doubt, turn the residents upside down to secure her the best room. It was wrong in general, for they were no longer married.

But…

His hand was on her back as he led her down the steel catwalk, closing in on the group as Rikku struggled with the intricate machina lock. His fingers, splayed gently right underneath her hair, swept small circles delicately along her skin, sending jolts of electricity wherever they brushed.

It was hot. Too hot. Her head started throbbing, sending a vibration through her mind that buzzed so loud it blocked all other sound. Lulu was looking at her with a concerned frown, mouthing words that she couldn't hear. Tidus was saying something. Something about the clinic. Something about touching her. Something…

All she could hear was her heart beating. Every breath she took added to the intense pressure in her chest. She was so very tired.

She noticed too late that her foot had missed a stair, sliding sideways along loose scaffolding, stripping her of what little balance remained. She felt herself falling.

Everything went dark.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Ten years later…she updates! Haha. Sorry about the wait. After loosing this chapter due to computer being stamped on I procrastinated rewriting for as long as possible. Pain in the ass but it's done. There was an extra scene in the original that I'll hafta face eventually, but for now I just really wanted to update with something. On brighter note, this semester due to overload of insanely difficult classes I somehow convinced my dad to help me out financially so I don't have to work. No, that doesn't mean more free time since school is doing a fine job of sucking that up. But it does mean that my breaks, instead of having a cup of coffee, I'm chained to my desk and write in between programming. I started this chapter two weeks ago and voila! All in spare time :D. Hope you're still willing to read and review. You know it makes my day and inspires me to speed it up. Enjoy!

-Nancy


	22. Hopeless

"_To love means loving the unlovable. _

_To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. _

_Faith means believing the unbelievable. _

_Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless."_

**-- G.K. Chesterton**

**Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 22**** …**_** Hopeless**_**…**

"Rin. Rin. Rin. Is there anything you _don't_ do?" the perky, blonde Al Bhed asked while hopping up onto the kitchenette counter. Rin gave her a sideways grin but otherwise kept his focus on the sterilization of his medical utensils.

"I trained for seven years at the Bevelle Healing Temple," he mentioned placidly, ignoring the slightly dropped jaw of his younger colleague. "But it wasn't long before my Al Bhed heritage earned me an expulsion." If the memory held any grim feelings, he was awfully good at hiding them. "With an incomplete certificate, I am no more a healer than your father."

"Pft!" Rikku exclaimed, grabbing a sharp and suspicious looking device from the drying rack and scrutinizing it. "Only an idiot would let Pops get within ten feet of them with this type of thingy. He's more likely to gut you while attempting an ear exam."

"Your father is a great man," he continued, snatching the object from Rikku's hands without missing a beat. "One doesn't necessarily need superior intellect to be a good leader. A fair heart is the most important accessory a king may ever need."

"Yeah, but an I.Q. that rivals their shoe size isn't a high on my list of qualifications."

The dark man's grin widened, his gaze still fixed on his task. "When you're older, you'll see."

Rikku instinctively rolled her eyes. "Man I hate when people say that to me." She hopped off the counter and made her way to a bar stool on the other side of the island. "I may as well not bother asking questions since, apparently, I will lack the ability to see reason until I hit forty-five."

"Ah. Exactly. Now you understand."

"You're not funny Rin."

"So people tell me."

The young girl grinned sleepily in response and stretched her arms down the length of the counter, watching as her companion began wiping down the individual parts of his contraptions with cotton swabs dipped in antiseptic.

It was late.

Must have been around two a.m. And nobody, not even unlicensed physician standing before her, had seen or heard a peep from Yuna in over ten hours.

Unconsciously, Rikku's gaze wandered over to the bedroom door of the suite whose kitchen she and Rin were currently occupying. Behind which lay their summoner, recovering from a sever bout of dehydration.

For four days…_**four days**_… she had been wandering the Zanarkand wasteland without a drop of sustenance in her body. She was as mad at Yuna for not taking proper care of her health as she was at herself for not noticing the summoner's condition and immediately responding. She would have definitely not made it through the Final Summoning in such a weakened state. She would have died attempting to gather the stamina for the Aeon summoning before even getting close to Sin.

Thank goodness Yunalesca ended up being insane.

Thank goodness they had had the collective will to fight her.

If they hadn't…the most horrifying of worst case scenarios would be Yuna dying for absolutely nothing…She shuddered at the thought of how close they had come to that gruesome alternate ending.

"Do I need to tell you again?" Rin's voice interrupted her thoughts. Her head shot up to meet his friendly eyes, acknowledging the fresh glass of milk he was pushing her way. She smiled.

"Yes. Please. If you don't mind…"

He took a deep breath, settling back on his heels as Rikku took her first satisfying gulp.

"Yuna is very fine" he stated calmly, prompting a burst of giggles from Rikku's milk-filled mouth.

His brows furrowed slightly at her reaction: his personal, toned-down version of the popular '_what the hell is wrong with you_?' expression, as he reached for a cloth and began wiping her spit off the counter.

"_Perfectly_ fine, Rin" she corrected while wiping off the liquid that had dribbled down her chin, intermittent giggles and coughs escaping her lips. "She's perfectly fine. Very fine means you find her attractive. Ha!"

"Yuna is perfectly fine then" he recited, a statement he must have repeated at least a hundred times with different words and in various languages over the course of the evening. "She's resting because she needs sleep. She will be at breakfast with the rest of you tomorrow, and it is very pointless for you to wait all night in case she decides to walk in her sleep."

Rikku scoffed with indifference to his final remark. "It's not like I'm gonna fall asleep anyway. May as well waste my time here with you instead of just pacing in my room."

"And did you ever think that maybe I would like some privacy?"

"Nope!" She brought the glass to her lips once more, large green eyes crinkled with amusement.

Rin, in his customary apathetic manner, choose to simply return to the task at hand without another word. For the next several minutes, the silence was only interrupted by Rikku's loud gulps and the gentle clinking of metal on metal as the medical tools were returned to their designated places within his merchant's rucksack: a complex invention of hidden pockets and cubbies that contained an assortment of field items, clothing and a huge supply food for the road.

When finished, the temporary healer rolled up his belongings and tied the cords with exaggerated gestures, hoping to signal to his stalker that things had indeed reached their anti-climatic finale. He took his time in placing the bundle carefully by the edge of the island, gently pried Rikku's empty glass from her hands, washed it, dried it, returned it the cupboard and returned to stare at the blonde, who had yet to take the hint.

She stared right back at him, sighing deeply while resting her cheek in her palm, adorning the most bored-looking expression she could muster.

"Soooo…" she drawled, rocking the balance of her stool back and forth. "Wanna play cards or something?"

Rin's eyes simply narrowed slightly, which she supposed was his version of the famous _'get the hell away from me'_ outburst.

"Fine, Fine! Geez. You don't have to be so dramatic." She threw her hands up in the air in exaggerated defeat and winked as she hopped of the stool, spurring the intended small smirk from the stoic man.

"I'll make sure Yuna knows how _aggressively_ concerned you've been tonight."

"Yeah, well" she paused to gather her jacket from a hook near the door, taking her time in pushing her arms through the sleeves. "I just…I wanted, well, _needed_ to talk to her. Make sure she'll alright, from the horse's mouth."

"And yet again, I remind you that…"

"I'll see her tomorrow at breakfast. Yeah yeah, I know." She pulled at the ends of her jacket sleeves, frowning a little as she realized she was fully out of excuses to hang around and be the first to interrogate Yuna. "But if she wakes up in the next thirty seconds you'll yell down the hall for me to come back, right? I'll walk extra slow just in case, okay?"

Rin's expression stayed in its usual calm smirk as he reached behind her and opened the suite's main door.

"Goodnight Rikku."

She met his eyes and let a small sigh of exasperation escape her lips. "Yeah. Ditto Rin."

As hesitantly as possible, with her eyes forever glued to the bedroom door behind which Yuna lay, she followed his outstretched hand into the dark hallway of the airship and listened with a heavy heart at the door being closed and locked behind her with a finalizing click.

She stood there stiffly for several seconds with strained ears, unwilling to move in case any whimper or even cough came through that signified Yuna needed attention.

But alas, as it had been for the past several hours, over the gentle hum of the engines only thick silence could be heard in all directions of the sleeping airship.

Wrapping her coat more tightly around her frail frame, Rikku contemplated both ends of the dark corridor with equal distaste. She could have gone to her family's quarters and attempted to get some rest, but the very likely potential of laying awake for the remainder of the night, listening to the combination of Cid's snoring and Brother's bursts of sleep-talking was equally if not more unappealing than simply staying put and continuing the arduous wait.

She made her way across the hall and slid down the wall opposite the door; a prime location that guaranteed her at least a few private seconds with her cousin before joining the rest of the group to discuss the dire future.

Little did she know, the light being so dim at this time of night to save on power, that the spot was already occupied.

"Yuna?" a low, sleepy voice called out of the darkness directly to her right. Rikku let out a loud yelp as her hands flew up to her chest to settle her rapidly beating heart.

"For the love of…" she blinked and struggled to focus on the dark blob shape that gradually picked itself off the floor beside her. It didn't take long for her to recognize the outline of a signature feathered haircut, not to mention the list of people who would be disturbed enough to monitor Yuna's room so closely and gracelessly was short indeed.

Rikku leaned her head back against the wall and took a deep breath to compose herself. "What are you doing out here Tidus?"

"Same as you I suppose" he mumbled in the strained voice of someone just waking up. She saw his figure stretch out its arms in a giant yawn. "I want to be the first person to talk to Yuna the second she wakes up."

Rikku scoffed at this "and what makes you think you have dibs? I'm the one who's been waiting in there _awake_ and _vigilant _all this time while you've been having your beauty nap."

"I don't really consider passing out from exhaustion on a metal floor in any way beneficial to my "beauty". My face probably looks like it's had a little-too-close encounter with a waffle iron." He ran his hand along his cheek to feel the ridge impressions left from the being pressed against the floor for so long and, upon closer inspection, Rikku did indeed notice to bizarre pattern embedded into his skin.

"You look like one of the desert worms after I've run them over with my motor bike. Ha ha!" She couldn't help but let out a burst of giggles which all too soon turned into full out hysterics as she leaned in to get a closer look.

"Well I'm glad you're so easily amused by my discomfort" he gave her an annoyed sneer while positioning himself more comfortably on the floor beside her. Despite the obviously unhygienic repercussions, Tidus cautiously licked his palms and worked on rubbing the dirt off his cheeks. The last thing Yuna needed was to see upon waking what a mess he became from worrying over something as lame as dehydration. He had to be strong for her, or at least appear to be, so that she didn't feel her failure with the final aeon affected the mission that gravely. His appearance was just one of the many details he had to refine for when sharing his plan with her. A plan he hoped she would see as having no consequences, pushing his already shady acting skills to their limits

"Better?" he asked while facing Rikku, who was still pressing her lips together in suppressed hysterics. "And I'm not aiming for 'photo-shoot' worthy here, just a tad above the 'street-urchin' look, alright?"

"Did I mention you've got the last half of the Val-dyke brand imprinted on your face?"

His eyes whipped to the floor to where his head had been seconds before and, sure enough, he had been lying exactly on the spot where two floor panels met, the metal sheet being embossed with the maker's logo between the grill lines.

"…damn it!" He fell back against the wall and rubbed more furiously at his cheeks, spurring a new onslaught of laughter from his companion. "This isn't funny."

"It kinda is Ti." Unable to not feel pity for the poor man, Rikku opted to surrender her freshly laundered oil rag from her coat pocket, giving a slightly more sanitary option to his toilet routine. "Especially since Rin has told me about a thousand times that Yuna definitely won't be up until at least sunrise. We have some time."

"Oh…" his frantic scrubbing slowed to a gentle stroke with the cloth, realizing that the impression was sure the smooth out naturally within the next few minutes and sunrise was, regrettably, still hours away. "What are you still doing here then?"

She met his eyes briefly, and in that one passive stare...she told him all he needed to know.

He nodded, understanding, and together they slumped further against the wall, unanimously deciding the get comfortable for the long wait ahead.

"Hungry?" Rikku asked after a few minutes of silence, pulling out from Yevon-knows where a complete meal platter of dried meat and fruits, carefully sealed in plastic containers for long-term freshness. Only then did Tidus remember that he'd been without food since early that morning, since before Yuna fainted…and he was famished.

"Man Rikku," he instantly swiped a handful of wrinkled apricots and shoved them into his salivating mouth. "Yoush aresh a liyfeshaver."

"Yeah well" she shrugged innocently and passed another container into his waiting hands, this one filled with cherries. "I figured it'll be an hour or so before Rin notices it's missing and is forced to come out to give us an update."

"Wha…?" with his cheeks filled, chipmunk-style, with food yet to be chewed, Tidus turned to face her with a disapproving glower. She returned the look with a mischievous grin which, within seconds, he couldn't help but match. Together they laughed softly and settled more comfortably into their positions, Rikku daintily picking through Rin's rucksack while slumping as far down as possible as Tidus spread out his legs to make his lap a temporary dining table.

It would be a long night indeed but, at the very least, it wouldn't be so lonesome. Especially when the only thing keeping you company was trepidation…

* * *

The latch had barely been closed behind Rikku when the light in Yuna's bedroom flicked on. Everything in the suite was instantly illuminated by the bright beams escaping through the seams around the door, highlighting it like a sinister beacon, unable to escape his immediate attention.

Rin wasn't the least bit surprised.

He locked the door and slipped on the security chain, not putting it past Rikku to force her way in earlier than recommended to ensure a few moments alone with her cousin; a wish that Yuna had made perfectly clear she didn't want granted. Not for Rikku, not for Lulu, not for anyone…especially Tidus.

In a few steps he arrived at the bedroom threshold, knocking gently to announce his impending entrance before twisting the knob, knowing that a simple acceptance to enter was still beyond her vocal capabilities.

"Lady Yuna?" he asked softly upon entering, trying to rouse her out of the near-catatonic state she had been in since waking. She hadn't moved since his last inspection, through all those hours humoring Rikku. She was still dressed in the plain white gown the laundress had given her even though her normal robes were pressed and waiting on the nightstand. Her hands were still folded in her lap, her back still straight and her empty eyes continued to stare directly ahead.

"Lady Yuna" he repeated, taking careful steps until he arrived at the stool next to her bedside "I am here". Gingerly, he sat down, leaning forward in an attempt to catch her vacant gaze which continued to have no reaction to his presence.

He waited. Patience luckily being one of his virtues, until eventually the summoner's lips began to open and close, trying and yet failing to find words with which to communicate her feelings.

"I…" her voice came out in a quiet rasp, her throat being so dry from hours of open-mouth gaping. She took a moment to swallow. "I-I…I don't. He didn't…I can't…"

"Are you honestly surprised?" Rin interrupted, foreseeing nothing more than a long string of pronouns in the coming conversation. "This was bound to happen eventually. You're young, the act was relatively frequent, you didn't even try to protec…"

"I thought…" she interrupted, yet lost her train of thought all too soon as her eyes, for what seemed like the hundredth time in the span of a few hours, began to shimmer with tears. "I believed. I- I assumed that…"

She began to shake with the effort of speaking, her thin arms slowly lifting with the minimal energy she had to wipe her eyes. She had never felt so weak and pathetic as she did at that moment and yet, no matter how much she tried, she could neither sleep nor hold down sustenance. Rin too seemed noticed this; as he regarded her nearly untouched platter of food with a wounded sigh.

"Whatever the reason, it is now more essential that you try and eat, my Lady."

With extreme effort, she managed to shake her head, feeling the weight of her skull like a bowling ball on her shoulders. "I tried. I-I swear. I just…I just can't…" Her quiet crying gave way to hiccups, each one making her want to throw up again.

This was too hard. She was supposed to be dead by today. She wasn't supposed to have to deal with all this. She should have ignored Tidus. She should have accepted the Final Aeon anyway regardless of the spiral it continued. The world hated her and the ordeal had made her too weak to make it up to them and now…and now this.

It was too much.

"I…I can't do this Rin" she whispered, never taking her eyes off the wall. "I'm not ready. I'm not strong enough. I still have a mission to complete and I…"

"Forgive my bluntness my lady, but you don't have much choice."

"There's always a choice!" she spat back while finally daring to make eye contact, her tears relenting to anger. "Look at me!" she gestured to her skeletal frame, noticeably frail in the thin white robe. "I…I can't have a child. I'm still a child myself. And I have things to do, _important_ things and…"

"You're of perfect age and with good eating and a few weeks in bed you can make up for months lost" he interrupted in what he hoped was a reassuring voice "it's far from too late". Though severely uncharacteristic of his usually indifferent personality, Rin shifted his seat onto the bed beside her, sincerely believing that a certain amount of gentle coaxing could make this news a reason to celebrate instead of a metaphorical anchor tied to her ankle. "I have a special tea I recommend to all expecting women of Home. It's rich in the vitamins and instantly soothes. I could make you a cup right now, free of charge as a congratulatory gift." He smiled then, as if certain that his generosity would lighten her spirits but Yuna only turned a paler shade of white.

She visibly shuddered, continuing with shaking her head as if hoping to wake herself from a nightmare. "No. No teas. No diet. No bed rest. I don't have time for any of that."

"But my Lady, to ensure the health of your chil-…"

"There won't _be_ a child!"

With an amount of energy he deemed impossible considering her weakened state, Yuna catapulted herself off the bed to stand before him – her reddened eyes hard with determination and her fists tightly clenched at her sides.

"We can fix this…" she muttered through tight lips, her shoulders trembling with the effort of standing up and keeping her resolve. "I know you can fix this."

Rin shifted uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding her eyes in an attempt to tame the overwhelming awkwardness of the situation. "I don't know what you mean, my Lady" he feigned, twiddling his thumbs as a distraction. "I am but a simple-…"

"Rin…" she tilted her head down to stare at him more firmly, her eyes softening in an attempt to rouse his sympathy. "Please…you're the only one who can help me. Please."

"My Lady…I-I," now it was his turn to stutter helplessly, his mouth opening and closing with the inability to form the words. "I- I cannot-"

"Please." She repeated, firmly this time. More of a demand than a request.

He remained silent, his head beginning to shake back and forth, mimicking her earlier involuntary reaction to disbelief.

"Please!" This time she collapsed onto her knees, the effort of standing having proved to be too much and conveniently putting her in the proper position to grovel. Her hands blindly sought out his, grasping them near painfully in desperation. The tears were flowing even more heavily, yet no matter how blurred her vision became, nothing would ever weaken the image burned into her mind of her now seemingly unavoidable future.

"_Yuna the Al-Bhed Bastard_ they'll call me" she spat out, her face contorting into a mask of agony. "_Yu-Yuna the Anti-Summoner Wh-Whore_. N-Not only did she destroy this world's only hope of the C-Calm, she did so while seducing every man that gave her a glance the second her husband was dead, probably even before. Quite mul-multi-talented isn't she?"

"My Lady," Rin tried to pry his hands free to offer a comforting gesture, but they were caught in her vice-like grip. "I sincerely doubt…"

"They'll do the math. They'll know it's not Seymour's" she choked, her panic rising the more she gave the subject thought, nearly cutting off her air supply with hiccups and tears. "I can't stay in bed. If I don't do something now I won't have another chance. And then everything I've done, everything I've worked for all my life…it-it'll all be gone. Peace with the Al-Bhed, the Calm, my father's legacy, my own purpose. All gone. Ju-Just like that."

The gravity of her situation seemed to suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks, draining her face of what little remaining color it had. She would later describe the sensation as if her heart was torn out of her chest and shoved down her throat while simultaneously being squeezed from all angles into a tiny cube.

"What have I done?" she said softly, eyes widening in utter shock. "Wh-WHAT HAVE I DONE!!"

She fell backwards off her knees, releasing Rin's arms in just enough time for him to dive and catch her inches from smashing her head on the tile. The second she felt his hands on her, hysteria seemed to officially set in and she violently pushed him away, catapulting herself backwards into the corner of the room and bringing her knees to her chest. She began rocking frantically, her eyes remaining wide and terrified all while chanting a shaky tune that he found eerily familiar.

"_Ieyui Nobomenu…" _

"Shh.Yuna. Shh. Lady Yuna please…" he dared to approach her once more, but she reacted to his touch as if his hands were burning pokers, squirming with a near inhuman strength out of his grasp, her hum becoming a wail like that of an injured animal.

"_Renmiri Yojuyogo_…"

"You must calm" he coaxed again, keeping his hands at a safe hovering distance. Her state being as delicate as it was, this amount of self-induced stress could lead to much harm on her physical system. "It will not be like that. I promise. No one would think of calling you those names."

He reached for her shoulders again, hoping against hope that she would accept his help. Alas…

"**Don't touch me**!" she screeched upon seeing him move, pushing herself even further back into the corner. "No man will ever touch me again! I can't- I can't believe. All gone. _Everything_. For what? For…What-_what have I done_?"

She wasn't showing any sign of calming down, yet he continued anyway, speaking firmly to be heard over her sobbing. "Shh. It will not be like that. It **will not** be like that, I promise. I guarante-"

"Thi-This is exactly what they need t-to bring me down. I won't be allowed near the temples. An-And _him_…him. He wanted this- wanted this to happen. He knew. He- he must have." Their conversation from that morning came back to her, adding an unruly dose of rage to her already unstable mental state.

"_If something came up, would you take a rain check on the Sin mission?"_

"_I'm getting ahead of myself. So much merely…depends."_

"HE KNEW!" she was suddenly screaming, her multi-colored eyes flashing in anger. "He freakin knew! Well it's not going to work. You tell him tha-that it's not going to work! I- I not…I won't. I won't be giving up!"

"Yuna my dear" Rin interjected soothingly, pretending to be ignorant of her maddened, nearly incomprehensible rambling "Whatever of whoever got you into this situation, it doesn't change the fact that you are in it. And in a few months time you will have a beautiful baby boy or gir-" he deflected a flailing arm, most likely aimed to shut him up, and pressed on even as her wailing heightened in volume. "or girl and you will love them. You will love them very much and nothing else will matter."

Yuna was shaking her head aggressively, eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenched as a flood of tears continued to pour from her eyes and hacking wails of despair escaped her pale, cracked lips.

"An-And you will be happy. You will have friends and family and never worry about Sin or Yevonites or the lost Calm." He took the opportunity of her distraction to reach out and finally grasp her shoulders, half to comfort her and half to quell her violent shaking, struggling to find the right words in his broken English. "Because they will not matter. You see? _Nothing else will matter_. You understand?"

"_Yuna_?"

Rin's eyes whipped towards the entrance where the door was being pounded on so heavily the metal was beginning to dent inwards. He felt Yuna stiffen, her flailing arms pausing to grip his wrists tightly with trepidation.

"_Yuna! What's wrong? What's happening_?"

The ship's soundproofing was relatively sturdy, but the combination of his patient's nearly inhuman volume and the assurance that Rikku probably had her ear pressed against the wall since she left had led to this untimely attempt at an intervention.

"Everything is fine!" he hollered back, easily reading the panic in Yuna's expression that said she couldn't handle another person. "Go to bed Rikku, please."

_Please don't make this any worse than it already is…_

"_Rin? Let us in_." Another voice responded, deeper, assertive and obviously male. He heard Yuna's already haggard breathing speed up in response, making it sound like she was sucking in air from a straw.

"**Don't**" she hissed franticly, tightening her grip on his wrist to painful heights after interpreting his slightest movement as an attempt to open the door. "I- I can't handle him."

Rin looked at her then, noting the sweat soaked hair, bloodshot eyes and various other obvious visual cues signifying that this woman – this once beautiful, young and strong woman – was in the poorest state, both mentally and physically, that any man could possibly endure before completely succumbing to darkness.

The only cure for such intense, heart-wrenching hopelessness, as cheesy as it is to say…was Love.

Just maybe _he_ would be enough. Enough to revive sanity, disperse despair and, hopefully, restore sense. Sense enough to make the right choice, and be happy.

"_Dude, I'm serious. Ten more seconds and I'm breaking down the door!_"

"_Ha! Like hell you could. That's solid iron ore."_

"_You're not helping Rikku."_

"_Look, I'm just saying, with your puny arms…"_

"_RIN!! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"_

"_Just threaten to hack it down with his own weapon merchandise, dulling the blades and making it near impossible for resale. That'll get him scurrying." _

"Don't. Please don't" Yuna was begging quietly, her grip on his wrist slowly loosening as her adrenaline strength waned. Rin slowly freed himself from her restraining fingers, taking the opportunity with her immobility from exhaustion to run what he hoped was a comforting hand through her disheveled, matted hair.

"It's for your own good" he whispered before standing up quickly, not giving her a chance to find the strength to restrain him again nor convince him otherwise with her heartbreakingly miserable expression.

Without daring to look back, closing his ears to any other tear-choked pleas, the dark-skinned Al-Bhed decisively headed to the doorway – listening with mild apprehension at the two young blondes deciding which of his high-cost merchandise to destroy.

"_That long sword looks like it could do the trick."_

"_Naw. Too cheap. Lets try the Avenger. 8200 gil apparently."_

"_Niiiiiiice."_

"You're paying for all that by the way."

In their concentrated state, neither Rikku nor Tidus had noticed the door being finally unlatched until Rin stood there glowering, framed in the light from Yuna's bedroom. He stared in mild displeasure, arms crossed against his chest, at the wide array of once carefully arranged supplies and products now scattered all over the airship corridor, not to mention a large portion of his food preserves now ruptured and tainted.

"Yeah, yeah. We break it, we bought it." Rikku retorted with an air of disinterest, yet immediately set about replacing the Avenger in its fabric casing with the utmost care. "We needed to say _something_ to get you to open the door."

"We both know you're very capable of picking the lock. Why the -how you say?- drama?"

"Meh. Keeps life interesti-"

"Where is she?" Tidus interrupted, suddenly springing into guardian mode as he desperately tried to look over the taller man's shoulder, blinking into the unexpectedly bright light. "We heard yelling. What happened? Is she hurt? Is she-"

"I-I'm fine…" came a shaky, weak voice from somewhere in the vicinity of the suite.

Rin took the cue to step aside, allowing the guardians to feast their eyes on their summoner for the first time in nearly a day.

Somehow, in the last minute, she had managed to drag herself back into bed, straighten her hair, robes and tearstained cheeks in order to appear none the worse for wear, regardless of the howling mad woman she had seemed only moments before. The years of suppressing frequent panic attacks had all been worth it, all practices leading up to this performance of performances. She even managed a small smile upon seeing her friends.

"Yunie!" Rikku screeched with that inhumanly shrill voice of hers, roughly dropping the costly Avenger to the floor with a loud clank before sprinting to her cousin's side. Tidus followed suit at a light jog, leaping over furniture that blocked his direct path, both of them visibly relaxing upon visual confirmation of Yuna's relative well-being.

Rin was impressed, with both the blondes' dexterity and Yuna's infallible facade. If the people only knew of the intense suffering shielded behind every one of her handsome smiles, no one would dare call her names.

It was true; a pregnancy couldn't have come at a worse time, with the people looking for any excuse to blame her for Yevon's corruption. And if she expected to carry the child to full-term, there would be no adventuring or battles for sure. Sin would be left to continue its rampage of the people, hurtful rumors will definitely be spread and the Lady Yuna may indeed lose all her credibility.

But, on the very, very bright side…a new life would be created. One that is sure to receive more love and affection than it would possibly need in a lifetime.

It would be hard, her frail body and political status adding so much more complexity to an already physically demanding task. However, knowing Yuna's entourage of friends and family and their unfaltering devotion, Rin was confident that she'd be coaxed into the right decision. And that by this time next week the airship's suite would be packed with congratulatory gifts and Yuna would be glowing, healthy and have a genuine smile gracing her features.

Before decided to completely leave the situation up to the fates, Rin took a moment to quickly rummage through the scattered contents of his sack. It didn't take him long to find the package he needed.

"I was soooo worried" Rikku breathed in a tear-choked voice while in the midst of giving her cousin a, perhaps, unhealthily tight hug. "At some point I was convinced Rin had actually killed you and was just taking his sweet time to tell me the news since, you know, we'd obviously have had to kill him back. An eye for an eye, ya know? And then he officially kicked me out, so I stole his rucksack. Then I tripped on blondie here who was sleeping on the floor and had grills imprinted on his face from the floor, which I pointed out and that gave me a laugh for a few minutes but then I just kept freakin out about whether you were alive or not so I…"

"Whoa whoa, let the poor girl breathe Rikku!" Tidus leaned over and manually pried Rikku's hands from Yuna's shoulders after getting the impression from her intermittent gasps that she was being held a little too tightly.

Yuna smiled softly in appreciation but kept her eyes downcast, hoping he didn't notice the involuntary shudder that coursed through her when they touched.

"Don't stay up too late you three" Rin advised, returning to collect the last few of his instruments from around the bedroom. "Oh and Yuna, I almost forgot, this is for you."

He tossed her a small package wrapped in brown paper and string which she let land on her lap placidly, too tired to even bother inspecting it. The sweet smell of fresh herbs resonated from it, instantly filling the room with its pleasant musk.

"Wow! That smells amazing!" Rikku exclaimed, always one to appreciate random presents. "What is it?"

"It's that tea I told you about Yuna." He said loudly, noting with disappointment that she still winced at the mention of it. "It will help. I promise. Half a teaspoon in hot water, twice a day. Alright?"

Yuna nodded once, curtly, making it obvious that the only thing holding her back from bursting into tears while ripping the package to shreds was the presence of her friends.

"Well then…have a good night."

"Night Rin!" Rikku called cheerily "Hope I didn't drive you too close to the brink of insanity!"

He smiled and gave a small bow, proper for a person of Yuna's previous station. Then, as quietly as possible, the Al-Bhed physician made his way over to the entrance of the suite and gently closed the door behind him.

After a quick sorting of his belongings (finalized by tabulating a bill for the food they consumed which he slipped under the door), he headed off to his room. On the way he couldn't help but review the night's events and consider what the repercussions would be – on both the close-knit group of guardians and Spira in general. He contemplated the shame, panic and pain of betrayal Yuna was obviously coping with and hoped that she too would soon find the true happiness her condition deserved…somehow.

After all, as a physician he had witnessed many unplanned pregnancies in his day and they had all managed to find and thrive off whatever smidgeon of silver lining they could get a hold of. But no teenage mother had ever been _that_ resistant, _that_ discouraged, _that_ completely void of positive emotions…until today.

Then again, no other woman had ever been in the Lady Yuna's rather prickly shoes.

He breathed a sigh of indignation before entering his quarters. There was really nothing more he could do for her, but hope.

But he knew hope was rather hard to find, in a hopeless situation.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Aha! So you all pretty much guessed it but it's finally out. Only a few more chapters left as the gap between the present and the future draws to a close. The only surprises left really are how she deals with things.

I speed wrote this in order to get it out as quickly as possible so I apologise for a lack of quality. But better than nothing right? More care will be given inthe final chapters though, I assure you.

Regarding my ridiculously long absence…yeah, you know the story. Work, school, boyfriend, life…blah blah. But I'm still into fanfiction writing and hope to finish the two currently open. Especially FTE since we're now at TWENTY-TWO chapters. It's just gonna be slow, has been slow since I started University. But I hope you guys still find it worthwhile. Please, please, please review since I do take comments into consideration when writing the next chapters and, since it's been so long, I really need my fix of reviews. I miss you guys. You're a big chunk of why this has gone on so long, or else I would have gotten bored and started another project.

Till next chapter! Which will hopefully be poster after a less ridiculously long interval. Heh.

Thanks!


	23. Soon

"_You cannot do a kindness too soon,_

_For you never know how soon it will be too late…"_

**-- Ralph Waldo Emerson**

**~*****Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 23*****~ …**_** Soon**_**…**

_She couldn't stop running. _

_Four days and she still didn't dare stop._

_Past the Moonflow, through the woods, out onto the grassy Calm Land's plains and still she couldn't stop. She didn't dare. He could be right behind her still. He could be anywhere. He was everywhere._

_Whatever strange, inhuman amount of reserve energy kept her going she thanked whatever gods there were for it. One pause, one break, one blink and he would be on her. She felt the remnants of his invasion still under her skin like a tracking device, despite the all-too obvious proof that he had moved on to another host._

_Still, she ran._

_The blood from her shoulder had long since turned into a dark, crispy stain, mingling with the sweat to produce the vile odor she was sure to be emanating. Some had stopped to stare as she ran past. Some had tried to follow her and give aid, but she was too fast. Others had barked insults at the dirty Al Bhed frightening their children, some had gone so far as to throw things. But nothing could faze her in this trance. Nothing could pull her out of the shock of the things she had witnessed the last few days. And her friends, her confidants…the only people she could possibly ever depend on to talk to without being committed to an asylum or thrown in prison for treason…her crew…her friends…they…_

'Gippal...'

'Baralai…'

'Nooj…'

'I'm so sorry…'

_All of a sudden it hit her, the reality of what had happened…what may still be happening. It felt like a full ton of bricks dropped onto her shoulders, pressing nails into her already searing gunshot wound. So, with an animal sounding cry, Paine fell to the ground at last, loosing consciousness immediately upon impact with the cold ground and hoping against all hope that she would be spared._

_And yet, in the final nano-seconds of consciousness, she could swear she heard the eerie soft notes of a horrifyingly familiar pianist's last song._

_He had found her._

_It was far from over._

_

* * *

  
_

Yuna forced herself to take a deep breath before even daring to think about the words needed. That was to be the first step in this solemn and stressful mission. Choose the words carefully. Try not to concern yourself about the arrangement of said words, the politeness of presentation, the tone used to promote calm nor, most frighteningly, their reactions to them.

None of that mattered anymore. For none of her carefully toned skills in etiquette and poise could affect the blow of her message. These weren't Maesters seeking her favor, nor scared townsfolk needing her reassurance.

These were her guardians. These were also her friends. And they had a right to know why she had no choice. Why she was bound to fail them in every way imaginable.

They were all here, waiting, watching her intently, respectful of her need for time. Lulu and Wakka had small smiles of encouragement on their lips. Auron nodded once as a courteous prompt. Rikku was lightly bouncing in her chair with obvious impatience, but appreciatively restrained herself from any outburst and Kimahri was…being Kimahri. He watched her cautiously, standing in the shadows of the room's corner with his arms crossed on his chest, unmoving except for the twitch of his tail.

She feigned a quick smile for them, reassured by their presence despite her dire news. After all they had been through, titles such as 'guardian' and 'friend' seemed insulting to the bond they had formed. These people were family; Ronso and undead included. They would love her no matter what, of that she was certain. And there was only so long she could evade this announcement.

She had made a choice, the only choice according to Rin. And they had a right to know first. They _needed_ to know first; to protect themselves from the imminent and unavoidable calamities.

Another deep breath. It was now or never.

"I've brought you all here…" dammit. She had done it again, buried her true message with formal introductions. She cleared her throat once, another deep breath. "I-I've decided. I'm…I am not to continue my pilgrimage. Someone else will have to find a solution to defeating Sin."

She saw Wakka's eyes widen and Lulu's lips immediately fall open to protest.

"Let me finish, please," she insisted with a raised hand in their direction. Again, her courage had failed her. Those weren't the right words to begin with of course. But perhaps a smaller blow would prepare them for the final, fatal one. She dared to glance up at her friends from her automatically lowered head. They were still waiting, less than patiently this time. More than ever, she now had their complete and eager attention. "I have my reasons of course. One…one reason in particular…"

Words. Words. Pointless words.

_Say it_.

"I know this may disappoint some of you…"_ All of you, in fact. _"And I know you all expected more of me…"

_Just say it. Say it and make it real._

"I didn't plan on this happening."

_Say it!_ One, last deep breath.

…

And like that…it was done.

The words that made it official had been said - the words that made this whole nightmare real. She took another deep and reassuring breath before daring to raise her eyes from the floor, nearly giddy at the fact that ruining her and their lives had been much easier than she thought it would be. So far.

She met their gaze.

Suddenly the conference room seemed to reduce in size by nine tenths, squeezing all of the confused, agonized and angry expressions of her loved ones into a collage of pain that overwhelmed her retinas. The image burned like a toxin that produced immediate and plentiful tears, despite all her mental preparation to remain calm and confident.

She felt herself breaking.

No one said anything for a full minute. Mouths opened, then closed. Emotions swirled across their faces, none of them encouraging.

"But…but how..?" began Lulu, finally settling on confusion.

"Who?!" growled a red-faced Wakka, choosing anger.

Auron, his mouth still firmly set, had his fists clenched tightly on the table. His silence reeked of disappointment.

Ten years in limbo. Wasted. Foolishly spent.

"Oh Yunie…Yunie…why?" Rikku was shaking her head, tears immediately welling up, brightening those vivid green irises. Despair for their situation; that was her flavor of choice.

Kimahri did nothing. His demeanor had not changed at all since the announcement of their collaborative doom. After all, he had no questions, and neither did her now blubbering cousin. They knew how and they knew who. They even knew when and where.

But even those in the know could find no solace in their comprehension. For their encouragement may have led to this disaster of a situation. Yet they had never fathomed that their beloved summoner would be so careless. Even if she was expected to die…

"I can't believe…"

"How could you be so…"

"WHO?"

The questions, arguments, comments and insults exploded from their mouths in unison. The strength of them forcing her to take a step backward, physically flinching at the words.

"Why didn't you…"

"WHO!?"

"I can't believe he…"

"What are we going to do now…?"

"How could you be so _stup-_"

Yuna's hands flew up to her ears, trying and failing to block out the sounds; sounds that were a mere sample of the many she was sure to hear for months, maybe years. And yet, though the onslaught was expected, she could still already feel her body fiercely reacting.

Rin had warned her not to get too emotionally animated. Her condition was still far from stable. But this needed to be done. It would be needed to be done a thousand times over along side apologies for the death of Yunalesca and the explanation of Yevon's treachery. It was her duty. The world still needed saving…by someone, anyone. For she had been made impotent by this… The very same thing that was, rightfully, forcing her closest friends to shower her with verbal abuse.

"…the most idiotic…"

"…I figured you had enough sense to…"

"WHO DAMMIT!?!"

"_I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…_" she whispered uselessly under all the shouting, eyes still clenched shut, the tears now running freely down her pale cheeks. "Forgive me. Please forgive me."

_**They will never forgive me.**_

The guardians' now unanimously furious faces pressed in closer, voices rising in volume, overwhelming her, circling her. Like she was the last rabbit in a village of starving citizens. Hungry for the vengeance of their wasted reputations.

If this was to be the reaction of her friends, she could only imagine that of her enemies. A young death would be an inevitable part of her story, as it was always meant to be. Proof that you cannot escape your destiny, your designated time. But if you're lucky, very lucky, you can at least control the circumstances; a luxury she had been robbed of.

_I was so close. _

_I almost had everything I wanted. I was to die with honor. _

_And now…_

Lulu had her by the shoulders, shaking her for answers to unheard questions. Yuna sensed herself beginning to drown in their pooled resentment, her heart and stomach clenching in agony despite all efforts. Breathing became impossible. It was no use. She would die because of this. They would both die. Everyone would die because of her foolishness. There was no preventing it.

_This can't be happening._

_This can't be happening. _

_**This can't happen. **_

He couldn't have chosen a worse time.

"There you all are!" He jogged casually into the conference room, lightly out of breath from running up and down hallways for the past hour. His bright eyes were a shining beacon through the gloom of their collaborative misery. "I've been looking for you guys everywhere. What's going on?"

Of course, the moment his voice was heard, something in the guardians' minds clicked and they all simultaneously became silent. Heads slowly turned from the cornered Yuna to the opposite entryway where he stood, their expressions a mixture of awe and complete, utter fury.

Intuitively, he took a large and meaningful step back upon seeing their faces.

"…Who died?" he asked sardonically.

It was meant to be a joke, a casual way of asking what was wrong that was rather tacky in a world where death was constantly looming over everyone's heads. His lack of tact seemed only to confirm the near solid conclusion.

Out of everyone Yuna had had contact with on this journey…

Who was bold enough…?

Who was crass enough….?

Who was **stupid** enough and had enough of an opportunity to take advantage of their innocent and virtuous Lady Yuna…?

"_**You**_…" Wakka answered his own questions with a near inhuman growl that turned Tidus' jokingly concerned expression into one of pure terror.

His gaze quickly flickered up to Yuna, whose widened, fearful eyes were a mirror of his own.

"Run." She told him instinctively with her barely audible voice.

"What? What's going…" Tidus was interrupted by a large, heavy fist landing squarely on his nose, quite literally knocking him off his feet.

"_You bastard_!" Wakka towered over him, his fist covered in the blood that was gushing from Tidus' certainly broken nose. He lay on his back, coughing at sudden rush of salty liquid into his mouth and lungs. Still too stunned to even fathom why he was in such a compromising position.

"_Wa_-_Wakka_…?" he sputtered weakly between coughs. "_What the hel_…"

He was roughly pulled to his feet by his blitz captain before he had the chance to regain his senses, only to be slammed against the opposite wall, groaning loudly as the wind was knocked out of him and quite possibly some ribs broken. Even from across the room, Yuna could hear the plaster cracking beneath him and winced at the sound.

She thought back to the numerous skirmishes she had broken up between the two over the past year and noted how Wakka must have been using one eighth of his true strength. At that moment, Tidus seemed nothing more than a rag doll in his powerful, nearly inhuman grip.

Another hit, this time in the jaw, causing Tidus' eyes to roll to the back of his head and a trail of blood to leak from his lips At that moment, Yuna came to realize that her guardian, her brother, was actually trying to kill him. And a quick glance around the room confirmed that no one was daring, or wanting, to intervene.

"Please…stop" she called out in her meek voice, noting how the once all too claustrophobic room now seemed infinitely large, the table between where she stood and the entranceway stretching endlessly into the distance.

They ignored her. They all ignored her. Lulu, Kimahri, Auron, even Rikku were now slowly closing in on the battling twosome, throwing in attacks or insults of their own. _He_ had ruined their reputations, their only chance at being happy. Because of him, because of what he did to her, they were all to be shunned, ridiculed and hated for the rest of their lives. She couldn't blame them. He wasn't her favorite person in the world either at the moment.

But no one deserved this. No non-fiend deserved to feel Lulu's Ultima, no one deserved to hear the man who practically raised you, Auron, yelling about his disappointment as you slowly died at the hands of your once closest friend.

No one. Regardless of if or if they had not planned on her condition to force an end to her mission.

"Stop…" she called out slightly more strongly. But the scene was already disappearing on the horizon, far out of her earshot let alone reach.

"Stop!" despite the pain, she forced herself to take a step forward, to try to catch up with them. As angry as she had convinced herself she was, watching him be hurt forced certain feelings to surface. She remembered her desire to see him comfortable and safe in the end, how secure and loved she felt in his arms, and she remembered how hard he had fought for her. After lying about her reasons for marrying Seymour, after Yevon renounced her, even after she had pushed him away so forcefully…everything he did was in the name of her happiness and, understandably, his own sometimes irrational need to have her by his side…always.

This was not the way it should end. This could not be the end of their story. It was too pathetic, too tragic.

"STOP!" She called with all the power she could muster this time, so loud that it echoed throughout the cavernous, empty, space.

But it was too late. Her friends were by then a mere spec on the horizon at the end of the table that stretched forever. And yet still she could faintly see their still forms, all five of them staring without remorse at the lifeless corpse at their feet. The golden hair she had so adored now stained forever with dark, red blood.

Her best friend. Her lover. Her reputation. Her dignity. Her family's love. Her mortal soul.

Dead. They were all dead.

"_No_!"

* * *

"**No**!"

Yuna sat up suddenly, eyes struggling to regain focus in the dim light, desperate to intervene in the conference room massacre in any way she could. It took her a moment or two, but gradually her surroundings became clear; not the top floor conference room, but her small suite's bedroom, the same four walls she had been staring at for the past day. Never before had she felt so relieved to recognize a prison.

"You're awake," came a disgruntled and low voice from behind her, causing her breath to catch in her throat and her stomach to reflexively clench.

Tidus.

Of course he wouldn't have listened to her insistence that she needed some time to rest, ideally alone. Of course he had snuck into her bed, like he used to, after shutting the lights and sternly bribing or threatening Rikku into leaving. Of course he didn't care to break every rule or invade what was once impenetrable, personal space, if only to be close to her.

With a sigh, Yuna fell back down into the pillows which were still damp with her sweat. She kept on her side and stared at the wall, hoping that he'd let it be and let her sleep.

Alas…

"A nightmare?" he asked while snaking one hand over her hip from behind and shuffling closer. She couldn't help but shudder at his too-personal touch, noting the familiar panic that had been reanimated from their first attempt at becoming intimate those many months ago in the valley forest. Whatever the temple teachings' faults were, they were right to warn young women about succumbing to men like Tidus.

Sins were sins, from any moral standpoint. And retribution will always find its way through. An eye for an eye. Or in this case, a few moments of pleasure for several lifetimes of agony.

For the millionth time that night, Yuna cursed her bad luck.

No, not luck actually…it was her bad _judgment_. There was no point in denying responsibility for her own actions. The characters of her dream were right…how _could_ she have been so stupid? Why hadn't she thought to be more careful, even if she was meant to die? Why hadn't _he_ thought of it?

Once more, the obvious assertion that he must have known this would happen, occurred to her. He must have counted on it.

Yes Tidus, it was a nightmare. The nightmare that was currently her existence…

"Yuna?" he asked after several moments of silence, shaking her lightly on the shoulder as a prompt "you okay?" Again, her primary reaction was to brutally push him off. His touch could no longer be trusted. But she resisted the urge of course. She didn't have the energy anyway.

"A nightmare…" she stated plainly once realizing that he would not be leaving her alone. She dabbed at the pools in her eyes with the corner of the sheet and prayed he didn't notice. "Everyone…disappointed." The horrific scene was still all too fresh in her mind.

"Shh. It wasn't real…" he cooed softly into her ear, causing another wave of terrified yet enticing shivers to travel down her spine. He shuffled closer, pressing himself against her back, his warmth seeping in between the thin fabric of her gown. Despite herself, she felt the anger release itself a little upon contact, noting with a small smirk of contentment that, sinful or not, nothing in this world felt quite as good as having a man like Tidus warming you at night.

But not tonight. Not ever again.

"I'm glad you're awake…I've missed you…" he whispered, his voice having taken on a low, growl-like quality. His fingers began to crawl down the length of her arm; a seemingly innocent and comforting gesture that she could tell was a cover for a salacious suggestion.

If she just lay there, if she remained silent and still and simply let him do his work, she could see where the night would be headed. Those very fingers would continue to travel all the way down to the hem of her dress. Slowly, carefully, while giving her more than enough time to verbally or physically resist, they would sneak their way underneath the fabric and onto her thigh.

The strong, warm hands on her cold flesh would feel exquisite. And no sooner than that, as the digits slyly moved around and forward, she would be reminding herself that she was long since on her way to hell already, so why not enjoy the ride?

He would tease her first. It was his favorite part. Lips on her neck, golden hair in her hands, legs slightly parted, his fingers hovering, flicking. He would wait for her to ask for it. He always did. It satisfied both his fear of doing anything she may not want and would stroke the ego of a man who once prided himself on pleasing scores of women.

When he finally touched her, she would lose herself. She would forgive everything. She would undress him, slowly, one article at a time, pausing only when one of his skilled fingers made her incapable of movement or sight or thought or all of the above. Once free, he'd press himself into her with enthusiasm, energy and desperation. After all, this was their second chance at life. They would want to make it last, want it to never end, want it to be worth all the pain they had caused Spira in exchange for that moment.

It would be the best time they'd never have. It was too risky.

Not the ecstasy part. The list of her sins was now long enough that one more could be ignored, especially in exchange for a few moments distraction. It was what it would lead to that she had to avoid at all costs.

A confession in the afterglow. An ecstatic response. A renewed marriage. A quiet life on Besaid, in the white house on the beach: her mother's gift. A child, a beautiful child with golden hair and aquamarine eyes, possibly something she could love more than anything, more than everything.

A child that all of Spira would hate. A child that lived in a world of fear, where Sin was constant and eternal. A child that would, without a doubt, die before its time. Despite everything that had been sacrificed for its life. Not to mention the ever-present guilt and resentment that would surely drive her mad.

And that was the best case scenario.

Others included: a confession and a murder by angry guardians. Or a confession, a marriage, death from stress or death from angry Yevonites or, commonly, death from complications similar to her own mother's labor.

All options included death, every scenario that involved this child.

But if the child didn't exist…

"Stop," she whispered sternly as she felt his fingers begin their expected climb under her gown's hem. She had let it get a little too far, allowed herself to debate a little too long, and so he paused but did not withdraw. Waiting for permission to continue.

With shaking hands she reached down to push his offending appendage away, rolling herself further on her side to prove she was far from interested.

"I'm tired," was her simple explanation.

"Oh. Sorry." She felt his warmth pull back and tried not to shudder in its absence. Still, he dared to remain within arm's reach, stroking the side of her torso tenderly, hoping to lull her into relaxation. But she couldn't help but remain in a surely uncomfortable clench, flinching ever so slightly with every stroke of his fingers.

Tidus tried not to be disappointed. Her resistance to him tonight he assumed had something to do with the stress of the last 24 hours. And though he would have loved to take advantage of the fact that Rikku and Rin had been kind and observant enough to recognize that they needed this time alone together (well, after a few death threats Rikku had been kind enough…), Yuna's health was of course the number one priority.

So she was tired. Fine. It was expected that she would be. But he had also expected to sleep with her in his arms, not curled in a ball and turned away. She hadn't even looked him in the eye yet…

And so she didn't want to talk about the failed pilgrimage or what it meant to their relationship. Also fine. But he needed some kind of minute consolation, assurance that she was alright, a reminder that she still loved him. Even if only a sentence or two.

Nothing yet, after a full two hours of restlessly watching her.

And so she didn't want to make love even though she had just slept. Understandable. Even though this was the perfect opportunity. Even though it had been so long and he was so relieved at her surviving the Zanarkand temple that it was taking all his willpower not to rip open the flimsy nightgown she wore and cover every inch of her glowing skin with his lips. If only to make sure she was really there, really alive. That he was alive, in whatever sense he could be.

Despite the obvious resistance, he kept stroking her. His eyes were practically burning holes into her back, begging to be told something, anything, that could explain her odd behavior. Life...it was too precious. And he didn't dare waste a second of it without being as close to Yuna as possible.

"You haven't said three words to me since I came in here Yuna," he reminded her. Giving up the ruse of even attempting to rest, Tidus pushed himself up to be sitting straight against the headboard. Yuna remained still beside him with the sheets clenched tightly in her grasp and shiny, wide eyes glued to the wall. He sighed when she didn't respond.

"Fine," he violently grabbed the sweet smelling package of Rin's herbs from the nightstand and whipped the sheets off his legs, readying to stand up. "I'm not going to sleep until you tell me what's wrong and until then I may as well make myself useful. I'll be back with that tea."

He had one leg off the bed when he felt a weak but insisted hand grasp his wrist. Yuna, having finally turned to face him, with frightened eyes fastened to his fingers, silently and desperately requesting that he stay.

"I'm not going far," he insisted, mistaking her fear of drinking Rin's brew for fear of him leaving. "I'll just be in the kitchen. Five minutes tops."

"I don't want tea," was her gruff reply. She pulled more tightly on his wrist to assert the statement.

"Wow. Four words. We're getting better."

"I just…I," she gulped, her gaze forever stuck on the place where her fingers connected with his hand. His eyes were her weakness. She dare not look into them. "I want to be alone. Don't read that much into it. I just need to be alone. No more tea. No more words. Go. Please."

She dropped his wrist in a gesture of release, hoping that for once in his life he'd take her seriously. Hoping that the pathetically desperate lilt to her tone would somehow inspire enough a spurt of respectful pity that he'd give her at least a few hours of peace.

"Please…" she repeated after noting that he had yet to move a muscle. To her shock and horror her voice was already cracking with emotion, almost assuring that he wouldn't leave her so distraught no matter how much she argued.

"Yuna…" he began. He gave a frustrated sigh and dared to shuffle closer on the bed, arms reaching out, causing Yuna to retreat further back into her pillows and up against the wall until she had nowhere else to go.

"Please…" she tried one last time. But still, through her blurred vision she saw his hands and knees move closer, coming in to corner her for the kill. Like a caged animal.

"Yuna," he repeated while softly placing himself directly next to her, leaning on the wall and ducking in an attempt to make eye contact. "I'm here."

He reached out to touch her clenched hands but, at last minute, retracted. Thinking better of it. She breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"You don't have to say anything. I don't want to force it out of you," he said quietly, nervously fidgeting with the blanket himself. "I just thought, maybe, you, possibly, wanted to talk. Just talk. About anything. To me. Without Rikku. Without Rin. Without Lulu, Wakka, Kimahri and Auron. Just me." He flicked his eyes upward, hoping to gauge something out of her expression. It remained blank; focused intently on her fingernails, eyes wide and lips pressed closed.

"Or…if you didn't want to _talk_. Heh" he smirked suggestively. Her lips only became thinner in response. "Okay. Bad joke. I'm sure that's the _last _thing you…"

"I just need a bit more rest," she interrupted, surely at a much higher volume than intended. She coughed lightly to clear her throat. "That's all. Just some rest. I can talk after some rest."

"Some rest, yeah, I got that." Tidus grimaced, obviously not buying it. Especially because her gaze remained locked onto her fingers. For he knew very well that if he left that room tonight, after the other guardians swooped in to console her and start planning, they would never again get this chance to be alone. "Okay Yuna. If rest is all you need…" he moved to get up and watched in annoyance at the small smile that twitched onto her lips as he did. "One more thing though."

Yuna nodded enthusiastically. "Anything."

_Anything to get you out of here. _

"Look at me."

She almost choked on her own saliva, sputtering to clear her throat and giving herself a blissful few seconds to digest his request.

_Look at me_.

Why…of all things why that? A hug, a kiss, a cup of tea she could have pulled off and forced down. Her body and brain were well practiced in the art of a constant façade. But seeing him, those eyes that had once made her melt, that would force her heart into the equation. It would force her to process things…things that she was already struggling so hard to keep locked in the back of her mind…

"Yuna?" he prodded, gingerly replacing himself onto the bedside and, to her horror, shuffling closer.

"Yuna…" this time it was softer, a gentle coaxing to give into his request. "I just need to know you're alright. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're alright."

_I'm not alright. I'll never be alright again. Because of you._

Despite herself, the moisture was already beginning to gather in the corner of her eyes. She could feel the pressure travel up her veins into her skull, filling it with horrific images of her future.

The people who had once thrown flowers at her feet now throwing rotten fruit.

Her tent in Besaid being burned to the ground.

A high-pitched, screeching wail filling her senses, following her every move.

"I-I'm fine." She repeated, hiccups forcibly interrupting. "I just need…I-I just, just want to be alone. Okay? So I can rest. I need to rest. Please."

She looked at him then. If only because she knew she was on the brink of losing control. If there would be any final shot at convincing him to leave, it was now or never.

It was not meant to be. As expected, the sight of those concerned blue iris melted what little resolve she had left. The last of her wall came tumbling down as her lower lip began to tremble, followed by her eyesight blurring with a complete pool of tears and finalizing with a loud, unavoidable sob.

"Yuna…" he lunged to her then, no longer concerned about penetrating her barriers, but needing to comfort her in the only way her knew how. He swept her into his arms and held her as tightly as he could against his chest, feeling his own throat begin to burn familiarly as he listened to her muffled crying. She returned the embrace equally if not more strongly, her fingers digging into his back as if holding on for dear life.

"Shhh…" he whispered into her hair, stroking it tenderly. "You'll be fine. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Everything will be fine."

She only cried harder at this, shifting herself out from beneath the blankets so that she could put her whole weight into the embrace. It wasn't a panic attack, it wasn't a rant. She just needed to vent her despair. And despite Tidus being the very object of this despair, he was also coincidently the only person she felt comfortable exposing this side of herself to.

For a few blissful moments she didn't care to blame him or even to be angry in general. She just needed someone to hold her. Someone to whisper that everything was going to be alright. Someone who was sad because she was sad, with no other logic behind it.

They stayed like that for who knew how many minutes. Until her sobbing relented to small, intermittent sucking breaths and his arms had long since become sore from supporting her frail frame against him. He continued to stroke her hair soothingly, bidding his time, waiting patiently until she had calmed down enough to answer the question they both knew was coming.

Soon her breathing steadied itself and her grip loosened, falling against him completely in exhaustion from the ordeal. He saw this as the moment. The only time that would be right to ask…

"Yuna?" he whispered softly, placing a kiss into her tangled hair as he did so.

"Yes?" she responded after a long sniff, her voice still muffled in his chest.

"Can you…tell me now? Are you ready?"

There was no getting around it now. She had all but announced that something potentially life-altering had occurred while in this suite with Rin. She wanted to tell him. She did. But she didn't want to hear/couldn't handle his reaction when she revealed her intentions towards the problem. She simply couldn't.

There were several factors that led to her decision that night, the decision she would debate for the rest of her life. A substantial part of those cons were listed under fear. Fear of being outcast. Fear of failing her mission. But, primarily, fear of disappointing him.

She swallowed the rather large lump in her throat and dared to remove herself slightly from the haven within his arms, just enough to look up at him. His blue eyes were pleading, desperate, shining themselves with unshed tears. He already knew what she was going to say.

"You know, don't you?" she asked him quietly, not as an accusation as previously considered but as a method for her hopefully not having to voice it.

He made a pathetic half nod. "I mean…I-I'm not sure but. Yeah…I think. Heh." He shrugged shyly and took a long, deep sniff in an attempt to hide the evidence of emotion. "I do hope we're talking about the same thing here. No point in having a heart attack for no good reason, eh?"

Yuna nodded slowly, still in shock herself at his so far genuinely terrified reaction. Somehow, it gave her the required confidence to elaborate. "Six weeks. That's what Rin said. I was…six weeks."

"Okay. We are talking about the same thing. Good. But not good. Six weeks. Geez…" he temporarily let go of her hand in order to run both of his through his hair and down his face. And there they stayed, blocking his expression and what was surely a new onslaught of pooled tears "Man…" he mumbled through his fingers while shaking his head, "what are we gonna do? What the hell are we going to do?"

Slowly, as if in a trance herself, Yuna reached out a timid hand towards his shoulder, wanting to console him but honestly not knowing how. She didn't know why, but this…this fear, this regret, was not the reaction she had expected. If it had been on purpose, it shouldn't have been so great a surprise. He had won hadn't he? This was what he wanted. The settling, the house, the marriage and all that. Why was he acting so…lost?

Could it be that he had the same fears, the same doubts? Could it be that he could…help her?

But no. She wouldn't ask that of him. The very thought of it was killing her conscience already. She had told him because he needed to know that it happened. And she would need his support…when the time came to mourn.

"Wakka's going to kill me…" Tidus mumbled, now bringing up his knees to his forehead so that he could hide his face there. "Like, literally, kill me. Smash my head into a wall."

Yuna's hand eventually found its mark on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "Wakka's not going to kill you," she stated factually. Even though the very realistic dream she had just experienced told her otherwise, should he find out. But it wouldn't get to that.

"Yes he is. He told me he would if I ever touched you, let alone this. Lulu too. Several times in fact. They'll double kill me…They'll kill me, bring me back and kill me again."

"Tidus…"

"But its okay!" he interrupted suddenly, whipping his head up to face her. Though his eyes still glimmered and his nose was red, Tidus lips now formed a small grin of hope. He shuffled forward and took her head in his hands, kissing her forcefully with more enthusiasm and passion than she had ever felt. So much so that when he pulled away her lips were left hanging open, having lost all motor ability.

"I'll run!" he assured her brightly, taking her still quivering hands into his. "Until they calm down, I'll run. Because they don't matter anymore. Nothing else matters."

It took her while to digest his words, still distraught by the kiss as she was. But as his new mood translated over, she slowly began to shake her head. He wasn't meant to be happy about this. He was meant to be worried, scared, realize that this meant that their futures were ruined and have a panic attack.

"Aren't you…scared?" she couldn't but ask, desperate to know how he could find any smidgeon of optimism in this relatively hopeless case.

"Of course I'm scared. I'm terrified! I hated my old man. He could have won awards for being the world's biggest jerk. And I mean before becoming Sin. Regardless of genes, we're…we're really young. We're ridiculously young. And everybody's going to be soo mad…especially the Fayth. They'll have to wait. They'll all have to wait. Ha! Who knew this could happen?" as he said all this, his grin gradually broadened. As if the additional obstacles were part of a game, a challenge which made it more fun. "This is our story now Yuna. And it will be long and rich and full of life. Real life."

Yuna could only nod, silently concluding that something in his mind had snapped. Through all the hardships they had encountered as of late he had done his best to feign apathy. Keeping a constant face of cool amusement, much more resilient than her own practiced smile, as they witnessed horror after horror. He was trying to be strong for her, trying to be supportive, but even in his rousing speech he couldn't scrounge up even one actually positive consequence to this mistake.

She silently thanked him for the effort, reaching out a hand to stroke the side of his face, his concerned and teary eyes surely a mirror of her own, though his wide smile did not match her saddened grin.

"It'll be okay Yuna…" he whispered, groping blindly to catch her hand in his, turning his head to place a quick kiss in her palm. "We fought the Bevellian army, the Guado, Yunalesca and countless other spawn. This? This will be easy. We'll be together. That's more than I could have ever asked for. I'll take care of you. Both of you. Always. I won't leave."

"I-I know," she assured him, though her confidence was lost in the shaking of her voice. "I never doubted that you would. You, Tidus…you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." It was odd to realize how strongly she meant those words, her fingers moving to gently stroke the soft hair behind his earlobe and trace the thin scar ridge she knew was there from one of the many battles he had fought defending her.

She was reminded of all the hell he had already been through for her sake, after the already traumatizing event of being pulled so cruelly from his home, his life, and from the delights of normalcy peppered with fame and fortune. As difficult as the coming months would have been for her on bed rest, his would be spent running for his life, defending himself, while desperately trying to summon the strength to support and prepare her for this unavoidably arduous familial existence. He deserved better.

After all, he obviously didn't plan on this happening; she now knew that for certain. He didn't want it to happen either. She could see it in his eyes, buried deep beneath the surface of apparent excitement. And so the decision was confirmed with his silent permission.

"It'll be fine," he was whispering to her meekly, his smile unable to mask the obvious trepidation. "I swear to you, it will all be fine."

She took a deep breath. "Yes Tidus. It will all be fine. It'll be fine because…" this was the point of no return "because…It's gone."

Tidus' eyes narrowed slightly, but the smile remained. "Gone? What's gone?"

Yuna bit her lip and gradually shimmied her hand free of his. Not a lie, not the truth. But still, she didn't dare look him in the eye. For reasons she hoped he would translate as pain.

"I'm sick. I was stressed. I hadn't been eating. It…wasn't a good environment."

"Yuna what-" she heard him swallow loudly, trying and failing to expel the nervous lilt in his tone "what are you saying?"

Her eyes and fists clenched together, unable and unwilling to say more out loud.

"You said you…were six weeks. You _were_ six weeks?…you…"

She avoided his face for fear of her resolve crumbling and yet still, the sound he made would haunt her forever. It was a sort of strangled cry, so heart wrenching in its delivery that it made her stomach flip and her heart to skip a couple of beats.

In the next instant she was in his arms, being pulled furiously against his chest which was shuddering with unsuppressed sobs.

"Yuna…God Y-Yuna…I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

She had never seen anyone so…naked before. Especially him who was always so careful to disguise any negative emotions. She could feel the wetness of his tears and leaking nose soaking into the shoulder of her gown, his cries so forceful that they were obstructing his breathing so that his words came out in fragmented pants. "I-I'm. sS. Sorry. I'm Sor. Ry. Y-Yuna. I'm. Sorry."

He chanted this sutra for minutes on end and the while holding her, oblivious to the fact that she remained stone faced. Neither crying, nor holding him in return, nor anything.

Just quiet.

"I'm sorry…" it was coming out quieter now, more desperate than panicked. The staggering pants were now few and far between but the voice had adopted a new rushed, nearly manic, lilt. "I'm sorry Yuna. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

'_It's not your fault…'_ she tried to say.

'_Its better this way…_' she wanted to affirm.

'_Once this is over, they'll be other chances. Better chances with better timing.'_

She nodded to herself, noting how almost all these comforting phrases were more for her benefit than for his. For him, it had ended like it had begun: an unfortunate and inescapable accident. A quick sting that swelled and was already receding.

To her, it was and would always be a sort of do-it-yourself amputation. A dead piece of her body that was dangling by a thread, waiting tensely while she sharpened the scissors. And when it was gone, and it would be gone soon, the phantom limb would always be on her mind…an eternally missing piece.

It was a relatively easy price to pay in exchange for the world's eternal tranquility. At least, she hoped it would be.

"We would have named him Braska…" Tidus suddenly stated in her ear, a shock to Yuna's system after a straight quarter hour of his repeated apologizing. "He would have been…a great blitzer…Or she. She would have-"

"Tidus…don't," Yuna pushed him away slightly, annoyed that he dare give any type of characteristic to it. "Don't…don't talk like that. Please. I-I can't handle it."

"Sorry." He pushed himself back into her arms, spent, his head leaning against her shoulder as his only means of support. "This…this must be a thousand times worse for you. Heh. Sorry. I'm…I'm an idiot sometimes. Sorry."

"Stop apologizing, please," having somehow regained her wits alongside his, she took the opportunity to finally return his embrace, squeezing tightly, hoping to extract every ounce of despair. "The trick is to think positive. It wasn't a good time anyway. We still need to defeat Sin. We're still far too young. Wakka would have probably killed you."

She felt the breath of his pathetic attempted chuckle on her shoulder and instinctively held him tighter. "It's for the best," she asserted, burying her own face into the crook of his warm neck. "It was an accident. This is for the best."

"I should have paid attention. I should have made you rest, sit, eat…I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have ever touched you. I-"

"I regret nothing," she interrupted him in a whisper, pressing her lips slowly against the ear closest to her. "Loving you, being with you, may have been the only right thing I have ever done in my life…so please, don't say it wasn't worth it. Every second, to me, was worth it."

It may have been painful talking to him about this, it may have been scary, but she glad she did. Seeing how equally distressed he was, sharing the pain of loss with someone and stressing the importance of the mission, it was the final confirming boost she needed to actually go through with it.

"Our legacy, yours and mine, will be the Eternal Calm," she assured him, running her hands through his soft golden hair. That feature of his was so outstanding, so beautiful, that she couldn't help but wonder if this child, the now phantom child, would have had the same coloring. Quickly she shook the thought away.

"It's our destiny to bring peace to Spira. You know that right?"

He sighed into her shoulder before turning his head toward her, his expression no longer buried. Except for the red rimmed eyes, one could hardly notice the episode he had went through not moments ago. He had truly, somehow over the past few months, become the master of emotional reigns.

"Can't escape our destiny I guess," he mumbled casually. "No matter how hard we try…"

"You'll see," she kissed the top of his head before slowly lowering herself back onto the mattress, bringing his body with her so that he rested on her chest. "I'll be out of bed by tomorrow, nothing will stop me. We'll expose the treachery of Yevon. We'll train to the max of all our abilities. We'll interview all of Spira if we have to and find a way to defeat Sin."

She felt Tidus nod against her collar bone, his arms slowly reaching across her abdomen and staying there, sighing loudly. "Soon, this will all be over."

"Yes. Yes it will." For the first time in what felt like forever, Yuna felt herself smiling. Genuinely. Though it wasn't exactly the most common type of smile spurred by _happiness,_ nor even one coaxed through self-_satisfaction _for a job well done, another disaster averted_._ Something told her that she would be feeling neither of those emotions for a long while: until after Sin was vanquished, until after she and Tidus re-married with all the guardians as witnesses and, perhaps, later on in life, tried this again. Instead, this was a smile of simple relief. Knowing that eventually, sooner rather than later, everything would fall into place once again.

'_Soon…it will be over…'_

'_Soon…we will be free…'_

'_Either in death through trying or back in the limelight, the world saviors.'_

'_Soon…'_

Her hand unconsciously went to cover Tidus' resting on her stomach, squeezing it tightly for reassurance as she felt her eyes threatening a new onslaught of tears.

Soon couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow. It's been forever guys and for that I am sorry. I actually wrote this chapter, well, several renditions of it before settling on this one, over 7 months ago. But it's such a touchy, touchy subject that I was scared of posting. Knowing that a lot of people are bound to be thinking "aw hell no! Yuna would never do that!"

That's a subject for debate as it's mentioned several times in the game and proven through her actions that Spira's happiness has always been her number one priority. This changes in X2 when the shock of Tidus' disappearance proves that there are greater things worth fighting for – which leads to her decision _not_ to let Nooj kill himself to save Spira at the end of X2. I'm just dramatizing the events that led to such an extreme personality makeover.

Anyway, now that I've introduced the sketchy subject and we all know what happens thanks to the future scenes (what's the opposite of a flash back? Flash forward?), I'm hoping to get back to regular updates so that this can be my first COMPLETED fic and I can concentrate on my FFVIII work.

Thanks again to all those who email/reviewed begging me to continue. You are truly the primary incentive. Review please, let me know what you think. I do reply to reviews that have questions and concerns so feel free to add some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Next chapter up, hopefully, very very soon.


	24. Til the End

_Inside my heart is breaking,  
My make-up may be flaking,  
But my smile, still, stays on._

**-- Queen **"The Show Must Go On"

**~*****Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 24*****~ …**_** 'Til the End**_**…**

When Yuna awoke, the curtain-veiled streams of pure sunlight gradually coaxing her eyelids to flutter open, the first thing she noticed was the coldness of the sheets. Unconsciously, her hand reached out toward his side of the bed, wanting, hoping to eventually be obstructed by a warm body. Alas… the fingers searching for him eventually hit the edge and grasped the mattress in disappointment, their owner finally forced to turn her head and witness the emptiness first hand.

Tidus was gone.

Had been for some time she imagined.

Though his absence was in no way surprising (Lulu and/or Wakka would surely be knocking on her door at any second anyway) she couldn't help but feel a pang of stabbing disappointment at his insistence on coping alone. He was taking the news more harshly than she expected. Much more harshly. The remainder of the night following her appalling confession had been tense indeed, filled with sporadic sobs and apologies and desperate embraces, each one of which made the cracks in her heart stretch a little further open.

But now was not the time to fret over the horrid yet necessary lie that was surely torturing her guardian. There was too much work to be done, too many loose ends that needed tying. So with a whispered sigh, Yuna tossed the sheets aside and slowly, experimentally, shifted her legs off the bed and onto the cold, metal floor.

The night's rest, though frequently interrupted, had still proven to be a highly valuable segment of her rejuvenation process. And as her feet gradually accepted the weight of her body and took their first shuffling steps towards the door, a smirk broke out on her cracked lips. She at least had the strength to walk today. And with that strength came the ability to meet with the leaders of Yevon and plead her case!

The very thought of the impending action made her grin widen to a near-painful level as she successfully stepped beyond the threshold and into the main living quarters. Maybe, if she found the will power to force down a few pieces of fruit, after Bevelle they'd be able to head to Luca where the large sphere screen network would allow her to spread the message of Yunalesca's evil cycle. While there, possibly, she could also visit the Zoan hospital and give aid to the healers. And after that, if they had time before nightfall, she could…

Her thoughts were interrupted as a sudden spell of queasiness overwhelmed all other senses, forcing her to stumble forward and accept the support of a strategically positioned stool.

"Dear…Yevon…" she swallowed loudly, fighting off the urge to be sick while desperately trying to regain her bearings. An attempt to get back on her feet without support proved futile, and so she reluctantly slumped into the stool seat, head leaned against the kitchen island counter top in the hopes of lessening the spinning; disappointed and annoyed that her body was still refusing to function on even its most basic level.

Obviously, it would be a while until she could make it up the long stretch of highway to the Bevelle temple. And walking in, with strength and confidence, was an essential part of being taken seriously and of promoting calm among the people.

For now she would have to settle for writing a speech, she decided, the one item on her long list of things to do that required minimal physical activity. A speech for the Luca sphere network that would give hope and spirit to the people. And tomorrow Bevelle. Maybe even tonight if she felt better. Maybe today after another hour or two more of rest.

As long as she stayed still she should be fine. As long as no one shoved any type of meat or dairy or pickled product under her nose. She had simply stood up too abruptly and thought of eating after too long a fast and that's why she was currently nauseated. A normal reaction to a normal circumstance. Any minute now it would stop…any second in fact…

…

_Yevon, why won't it stop!?_

Yuna sighed while allowing her eyelids to steadily close, rocking her forehead back and forth across the counter top as if hoping that denying the sensation's existence would make it go away. But there was no ignoring something so prominent and distracting. For several blissful minutes now she had actually been able to overlook that she was, in fact, still six weeks past ruined. And of all the social horrors that came with the situation, she had forgotten to keep in mind the physical ones; the many complaints she had heard the expecting mothers of Besaid screech on and on about. The swollen feet, the back aches, the cravings, the nausea, most of which Yuna expected to never make the acquaintance of.

But for now, after several minutes and no change later, she had to accept the undeniable conclusion that she was one of the unlucky ones; suffering from horrible, gut-wrenching, debilitating morning sickness. Or, her suggested correct term being, _all day _sickness_._ It explained everything over these past few weeks of difficult travelling. Rin was right to be surprised that she hadn't noticed what was happening earlier, for it was suddenly and shamefully all so utterly obvious.

Another wave of nausea swept from her stomach up into her throat until, begrudgingly, she had no choice but to force herself to her feet and stagger to the bathroom, mentally cursing her dire circumstances the entire time. Why women went through this by choice she would never understand, especially those brave enough to do it more than once. It was simply too hard and, obviously, way beyond what she as a person, as a human, could handle.

The pilgrimage had been nothing in comparison to the horror and discomfort of her current state: on her knees in a cold, dark room, praying for the end as her trembling body wretched and coughed. On the very dim bright side, at least she was alone with no one anxiously looking over her shoulder for once. No guardians, no Tidus, begging to know what was wrong, where it hurt. For the only answer she'd be able to presently give was _'everywhere'_.

It hurt everywhere.

Not one inch of her was spared from the agony of this event, this knowledge.

And she fathomed that it would never stop hurting, that there would be no inkling of relief. At the very least not until Sin was officially and fully eradicated.

After her stomach was apparently satisfied of rejecting its liquid remains, she allowed herself a few moments to fall back onto the floor, one quivering hand pressed against her lips and the other massaging her neck as a lame attempt at self-consolation. This was how it had to be, all day, every day, until the inevitable happened. She either learn to deal with it or give up now, announce her condition to the guardians in a fit of broken sobs and be forced on bed rest until she delivered and died like her mother before her. Regardless of her expected, horrid fate if that were to happen, think of Tidus. Barely eighteen, hated, alone and a father. He wouldn't be able to handle it. Something would snap and he'd become what he always feared most; an even more twisted version of Zanarkand's Jecht.

'_But that won't happen_,' she reminded herself sullenly. '_I won't let it.'_

Yuna let out a deep breath as the nausea tamed itself to a barely tolerable level, reluctantly grasping the edge of the sink to pull herself up. On unsteady feet once more, she turned the faucet to the coldest setting, gratefully splashing her hands and face with the icy water. Its coolness felt wonderful against her sticky, burning skin and the shock to her system functioned as a sort of mental baptism - absolving her of her many troubles. If only temporarily. But she gratefully took what little reprieve she could scrounge in these uncertain times.

What she wouldn't give to turn back the clock, if only a little, to before Rin's diagnosis and simply let nature take its course with her being none the wiser. Maybe then, even as she inevitably became weaker and weaker, every second of consciousness wouldn't be so painful. Maybe then, she wouldn't be dreading seeing him, looking into those too blue eyes, while knowing that she was intentionally and slowly killing a piece of him through trying to save the world.

'_This is more important,'_ she assured herself for what must have been the thousandth time, her white-knuckled fingers anxiously grasping the edges of the sink as she focused on the droplets falling from her wet tendrils of hair. _'You've made the right choice. You've made the only choice. Spire can't afford to let you rest yet. Spira needs you.'_

"Spira needs me," she repeated out loud, just for an extra boost to her still fragile confidence. Her voice was dry and raspy, throat still sore for the most recent attack from her condition. "Spira needs me," she said again, more strongly this time, her head nodding in enthusiastic support, swallowing in an attempt to ignore the resurfacing queasiness. "Spira needs…"

She made the mistake of looking up then, meeting for the first time in weeks her clear and magnified reflection. The last time she had looked in a proper mirror had been her wedding night. The night that had, obviously, led to this disaster of a situation. Since then, she knew she had lost some weight and coloring. Not only could she feel it but she saw it on the increasingly concerned expressions of her friends whenever they looked at her. But up until then she had waved away their worry, judging it to be a result of childish coddling and paranoia. Only now could she see that their fears were in fact more than justified.

Her skin was pale despite the weeks in the sun, almost a grey-tinged ash color, and was pulled tightly against her cheekbones, once rounded now blatantly pronounced. Not only that, but her naturally plump, dark pink lips were now closer to beige and thinned, lined with dead skin from dehydration. She looked famished. She looked skeletal. She looked terrifying. But Rin had weighed her last night as part of his checkup, she remembered suddenly. There had been no such significant change to explain this extreme of an appearance shift…

Carefully, with ever-trembling hands, Yuna pulled down the neck of her borrowed gown, noting with revulsion how much her collar bone now stuck out. Also, upon turning this way and that, she couldn't help but notice how her once relatively small and firm breasts were now bafflingly bulky and, for the first time, gravity-effected.

She hadn't actually _lost_ the weight she realized, merely relocated it to areas deemed more important. Yuna's jaw dropped open in shock as she moved forward to observe them properly in the mirror, smoothing the gown taut against her torso to survey the shape. They may not have been close to rivaling Lulu, but they were getting there. Yevon help the woman if she were to ever have a child herself.

This would only get worse before it got better she noted with a start, adding many more unwanted layers of deceit to her still far from stable plan. Her robes would have to be regularly and secretly adjusted. As difficult as hiding the weakness, the sickness, would be from everyone, the changes to her physical appearance had been a subject so far successfully avoided by her overtaxed brain. But they were undeniable now. She was simply lucky that she had so many other excuses for looking and acting strangely. But that luck would not hold out for long. Especially because of the bump: the almost imperceptible little, hard hill she felt above her pelvis even through the fabric. The final proof. As if she needed any more.

"Damn…" she whispered quietly to herself while rearranging the gown so that it hung loose, hiding these all too obvious signs. With a groan of frustration, Yuna began to viciously comb her fingers through her knotted hair. Desperate to get back to work, get back to normal, with not only everyone remaining oblivious but without those glances of distress, of pity, that she was beginning to despise so much.

After her face was washed, her nails cleaned, her hair sorted, her cheeks pinched and some jelly applied to her lips, Yuna dared to face her reflection once more, in order to practice her now infamous trouble-free smile. Her guardians would see right through it of course. There was too much heartbreak, too much pain hidden in her glassy eyes. But it was enough to fool the remaining Maesters and citizens. She could only hope that with time, with practice, she would get better. She had to get better, she had to hide it. What other choice was there?

One last glance in the mirror. One last adjustment of the mask she'd have to wear for the next several weeks. A final flick of the hair and it was as good as it was gonna get.

"It's showtime Yuna."

* * *

The Fahrenheit cafeteria was quiet.

And not the usual comfortable quiet of bustling people too busy shoveling foods in their mouths to talk. No. This was just an overlapping, repeated gentle tapping of utensils on ceramic plates, all of which were merely pushing their food around, not actually consuming it.

The tense atmosphere was nearly more than Rikku could bear, but she didn't dare be the first one to break the silence. Nor had she the stomach to be the one to attempt actually eating first. And so she was stuck in limbo, her annoyed glares going ignored by each of the present party members one by one, concentrated as they were on building castles out of their home fries. Except for Kimahri of course. He returned her stare. But a lot of good that did her except to serve as a reminder that the cat-man was notoriously stoic, even on non-emotionally catastrophic days.

So they had failed in summoning the useless Final Aeon. So they had killed Yunalesca. So Yuna was currently too sick to attempt finding an alternate method of ridding the world of Sin. So Tidus was currently… "missing" from the guest dorms. There was no reason to _panic_. No need _shut down_ completely as Lulu, Wakka and Auron seemed to be doing. They weren't _completely_ screwed for the future. The situation wasn't entirely_ hopeless. _

Heh. Yeah right.

"We're all gonna get killed aren't we?" she couldn't help but blurt out after giving the situation some honest thought, causing Wakka to begin violently coughing and Lulu to fix her with a wide-eye glower. Rikku merely raised her shoulders in response. "What? We Al Bhed aren't exactly known for our political correctness."

"We wait to hear Yuna's decision," Lulu clarified while reaching forward to grasp the sugar shaker for her tea, desperate for an ordinary distraction. "It's her pilgrimage. It's her choice."

"Right. Who knows what she's thinking, ya?" Wakka added in with a voice raspy from coughing, he too reaching for the shaker once Lulu had her share. "I mean, a lot has happened these past few days." Without looking, he measured one heaping tablespoon of the white powder and dumped it into his cup, then another. "Maybe she's changed her mind? Maybe she don't wanna fight no more? Maybe she's working on it right now? Maybe she had a plan?" A third spoonful, a fourth. Rikku was beginning to doubt he was paying attention. "Maybe she-"

He was interrupted by Lulu's gentle hand on his, stopping it from further poisoning his now nearly syrup-based cup of tea. A furrowed-brow glare of confusion was shot her way, before her nod toward the table reminded him that his tirade was doing little to settle nerves.

"Right…we wait. Yuna's decision. Patience, ya?" slowly, as if hoping that no one noticed, Wakka pushed the shaker back the center and raised the cup to his lips upon Lulu's cue of doing the same.

Rikku swallowed a groan with both her elbows now on the table and her head resting in her palms, watching them with annoyed amusement. "That was salt by the way."

Simultaneously, Wakka and Lulu spat out the long sips they had taken, the velocity of which barely avoided Auron sitting across from them. The retired monk barely flinched, just slowly shifted his seat backwards as the mess was mopped up by the mortified couple.

"Now _that_ was classy, guys," Rikku complimented with a giggle.

"You could have warned us."

"But that would have ruined my point!"

"Which is?" Auron asked tersely while wiping the dripping liquid from the bottom of his own cup.

"That there's no point sitting here on our asses, slowly losing our minds as we wait for precious, unique, delicate Yuna to make a decision. We all know she's as lost as we are and we have to stop relying on her to fix all our problems. She can't do it anymore, trust me. Your expectations are _crushing _her."

"Yuna chose this life. She prepared for its difficulties," Auron couldn't help but remind the Al Bhed, his dark-eyed expression hidden, as always, behind tinted glasses despite the dim light in this central room. "It would be presumptuous of us to rob her of the finale, the victory, she deserves after all this."

"Yeah. Yuna's strong, ya know?" Wakka tossed his saturated napkin into the garbage bin and resumed his glaring at the youngest of their party. "She needs time, we give her time. We don't go over her head. That would kill her."

Rikku shook her head passionately in response, with an angry growl rumbling low in her throat. "Making her fight and work while sick like this will _actually_ kill her! "You saw how she was these last few days. She's falling apart! And you, all of you, are merely sitting on the sidelines and letting her die. She's a human being, not a summoner god! Why don't you do something? Anything!?"

Lulu's lips that were pursed together this entire time, shaking her head animatedly at the young girl's every word, could no longer resist commenting. "You think we like seeing her like this?! You think we wouldn't do anything, _anything_ at all, during this entire pilgrimage, to get her to stop?"

"_I_ would do anything," Rikku reminded them angrily, half out of her seat while leaning on her hands flat on the table. "_I _was the only one who legitimately tried to stop her."

"By taking away her free will," Auron countered. "Your actions were no less selfish than those of the Seymour, forcing something she didn't want merely for your sake, not hers."

"Yes! What would have happened if you succeeded huh?" the black mage's eyes were flaming now, also half risen out of seat so that the Al Bhed could properly witness her fury. "Yuna would be locked in Home's basement, just as miserable and lost as she is today. And all thanks to your 'dedication'."

"At least-"

"At least nothing! Sit down now you foolish little girl and stop, once and for all, with this desperate heroine fantasy you've somehow conjured. You, obviously, have absolutely no idea what Yuna is capable of! Nor what she needs!"

Though Rikku had many other retaliations, many other specific _secrets_ of her cousin's that could prove otherwise, she wisely choose to hold her tongue and simply slump back into her seat, apparently defeated. Still, her narrowed eyes remained glued on the mage as she smugly smoothed down her corset, thinking justice well served, and arranged her skirts to return to her seat, gratefully accepting a newly poured cup of tea from Wakka.

Everyone, obviously, had their own ideas on what could be considered 'best' for Yuna. But was it really so much to hope and try to avoid her death as being part of the equation? Especially a death caused by exhaustion, dehydration or some equally pathetic condition, simply because they were too scared aka "respectful" to stand up for her? That type of end would undisputedly be considered one of the last things their summoner would want. But it was also inevitably what it would lead to if that tired, skeletal, shell of a woman she had visited the night before dared to attempt any type of heroic gesture in the coming weeks.

They expected it. She could feel the pressure surrounding her group from all sides, even from the Al-Bhed, for something to be done. There was only so long the people of Spira could hang by this thread before it would snap, letting chaos run rampant. Yuna was surely feeling it to, worst of all. What Rikku was most offended by was this unanimous decision of every citizen to simply standby and wait, knowing Yuna will come, thinking, for whatever messed up reason, that only she could save them. Her life was already forfeit, a promised price, the moment she accepted that first Aeon. That's what the people wanted. Not a hero, but a sacrifice. And most definitely not a frail, sick young girl who was unwilling or unable to even try.

It was downright repulsive.

The more she thought about it, the more angry she became, the more she despised them all for just sitting there drinking their damn tea while Yuna was without a doubt racking her brain for a solution, denying the rest her body so sorely needed.

'_Do something,'_ she wanted to insist, her fingers unconsciously squeezing the armrests so hard that she felt the metal begin to bend. _'Do something!'_ she wanted to scream.

'_She'll die! DO SOMETHING OR SHE'S GOING TO DIE! WHY WON'T ANYONE DO SOMETHING?!'_

"I…I need some air…"

Rikku jumped out of her chair and headed straight to the stairs, knowing very well that a few more seconds in their presence would have led to yet another inappropriate and fruitless outburst. Not only was she outnumbered, but the strongest proof she had of Yuna desperately desiring a normal life was far from her secret to expose. She could only imagine the look on their faces if she dared to announce that their exemplary, selfless summoner had gone so far as to get married behind their backs, if only for some minute semblance of normalcy during this circus-show of pilgrimage. Proving that none of them knew her half as well as they thought they did.

Rikku smirked in silent victory as she was reminded that she was the only non-directly involved guardian to be kept apprised of the situation. It dulled the pain of Lulu's scolding slightly, almost as much as the violently cool breeze did the moment she finally reached the airship's roof.

A deep breath. In and out. The salt tinged air whistling past her ears like a sort of serene music. Her cares and worries, most notably her anger, suddenly seemed all so pointless. Lulu didn't know anything.

What Yuna wanted, what Yuna needed, was for it all to stop. For it to end, once and for all. And she, as a guardian, could do nothing more but make sure that she received the true finale she deserved; one where she would stand up tall and alive, followed by a world-wide standing ovation for a job well, well done.

"Hey."

"Geez!" Rikku jumped practically ten feet in the air as her perfect peace was oh so randomly interrupted by a nudge to her ankle and the too-casual greeting. She landed with her hands placed over her rapidly beating heart and shot a glare down toward the aluminum flooring.

There sat Tidus, the man the guardians had just spent a good chunk of the morning unsuccessfully searching for. Her expression upon recognizing him then couldn't help but automatically fold into a scowl, cursing the blitzer's wastage of opportunity since it had taken all the tools in her deception box to discourage them from checking in Yuna's room. And yet here he was, not snuggled salaciously with the summoner but strategically slumped behind the roof hatch entrance port, hidden to all those who merely peeked their heads out. Had he not said anything, she may have very well never known he was there and would have continued to freak out every time another of their group recommended visiting their girl. That ungrateful _dumbass_…

"Jeepers creepers Ti, how long have you been out here?

Tidus scratched at his head, seemingly both disinterested and annoyed. "I dunno Rikku," he let out a long, frustrated sigh. "Like, five hours? Maybe six."

"Oh. Five or six hours huh?" she gave him a none-too-light kick in the thigh, fuming even as his face contorted into an exaggerated wince.

"Ow! What the-"

"You idiot! I just spent the better part of this morning trying to spare the group from walking in on you in several disturbing and compromising positions with my cousin. What gives?"

"I needed to be alone! Since when has that been an offence punishable by beatings?" While giving her an uncharacteristically livid glare, Tidus pushed himself to stand, violently brushing the dirt from his uniform as he did so. Without giving her so much as an apology or even an extended argument, he easily sidestepped around her, moving back towards the airship entrance with a new almost enraged stomp added to his gait.

"Hey! You don't just walk away now. Do you have any idea-"

"NO!" he whipped around to face her them, quickly closing the distance between them in a few steps with a pointed finger in her face, the speed and vehemence of which almost caused her to stumble backwards. "Don't you dare try to make me feel bad for not participating in your secrecy game. I don't care. I never cared. It's all so-soo _stupid_!"

"I agree! But that doesn't change the fact that they'll kill you the moment-"

"It doesn't matter Rikku!" he interrupted yet again, this time grabbing her by the shoulders. "_Nothing_ matters anymore. We can't stop Sin now. We'll _never_ be able to stop him. So we may as well just sit down, shut up and wait for it to come to its natural **dead** end."

Though slightly frightened by his physical rage, Rikku abstained from defending her points after recognizing the pure anxiety in his eyes. It was the same way she must have looked when yelling at Lulu those few minutes ago in the cafeteria. He too didn't want Yuna to fight any more. He wanted an ending. He needed one. And the only one available, it seemed, was the gradual degradation of Spira in its entirety.

"I know how you feel Ti," she whispered in an unexpectedly choked-up voice, her hands automatically rising to overlap the ones gripped to her biceps. "We both saw her last night. We both know how tired she is of everything. But that doesn't mean that we can just…give up!"

Tidus scoffed while shaking his head, his hands ripping themselves free of her attempted support. "You have no idea Rikku. You have no idea how…broken she is. How broken I made her." Slowly, he sank down to the floor, plopping himself in the same hidden corner she had found him in with his forehead now resting against his knees. Pensive and quiet once again, two very un-Tidus-like qualities.

Tentatively, the Al-Bhed joined him, remaining respectfully silent despite the burning desire to have him explain _and_ start discussing strategies to deal with the Sin problem. It was an obvious enough deduction that something significant had happened between him and Yuna last night. It must have. For despite their dire circumstances, Tidus had always been the beacon of bubbling optimism within the group. To see him being so…reluctant…it was more than troubling. It was like all the good feelings of happiness and enjoyment had been sucked out of the world, leaving only hopelessness and misery.

Any other time during this entire pilgrimage, she would have loved to kick some sense into him. Maybe, if circumstances were especially dire, she would have put a comforting hand on his shoulder and ensured that everything, somehow, would turn out okay in the end. But she had not one inkling of desire to do either of those things now. They all seemed…too casual, too inappropriate and too meaningless.

And so she sat there across from him, eyes fixed to his lowered head, knowing that the only thing she should do, the only thing she could do, was be there for him the second he needed comfort.

They sat there for a while, maybe five minutes, maybe thirty. He never asked her stay but he was most definitely not asking her to leave. Tidus would always be Tidus, that she knew. No matter how old he became, he would always be masking a sort of insecure little boy that would always desire the comforting presence of others regardless of the circumstances, as was proven soon enough when a long and drawn out sigh finally opened up the channels of communication.

"I'm tired," was the first thing he said, his head rolling sideways on his knees so that the words carried beyond the cave of his lap. "I just want it to stop, ya know? I want to stop hurting. I want to stop hurting her…"

Rikku nodded, pretending to be the involved and supportive friend when really she was just the oblivious accidental witness. She tried to get him to elaborate, more so that she could actually help than to satisfy curiosity. "Yuna's upset," she stated, remembering vividly the glassy and frightened multi-colored eyes that shone from behind that mask of calm when she had left last night. "Not just about the Final Aeon."

"She's had a long and stressful couple of months. And didn't exactly help," Tidus explained, rather unsatisfactorily, while finally raising his head so that their eyes met. Though his were red rimmed and bloodshot, she noticed not one trace of a tear. And yet something in his expression proved that it was probably taking all his willpower to keep an endless fountain of them from erupting. "I just…I hate seeing her like that. So…helpless."

"She's strong." It was the same pretext Lulu had given. The truth, but far from a comforting excuse. "She'll pull through."

"She's human," Tidus countered. "And she's already been through enough to make any normal person go mad. She can't fight anymore. And we'd be wrong to make her."

Another allusion to a circumstance she was unaware of. What was _really _wrong with Yuna? What horrifying consequence had led to this new palpable despair surrounding Tidus?

She wanted to know, wanted to force it out of him, but it wasn't her place. All that mattered was that they didn't let it break either of them. All that mattered was their still accessible future; happy and Sin-free.

"We'll fight _for _her then!" Rikku suddenly had to shout, slapping Tidus' knees for support as she jumped back up to her feet. "We'll find a way!"

The blitzer scoffed, still uninspired, his head leaning back on the aluminum wall in order to look up at her with that annoyingly hopeless expression. "We said that last time. We failed."

"Pft. Stop being such as downer Ti. Acting like a rock isn't going to help anyone. Besides," she dared to lean forward, their faces inches apart and he having no space to retreat, green eyes boring into narrowed blue. "Need I remind you that she _survived, _didn't she? Bask in that glory for a little while won't you? Whatever happened, whatever is happening now, this is our second chance. So get off your ass, grow a pair, and help me figure out a way to make it up to her."

His fist clenched but he said nothing. He was trying to think of a reason to defy her, she saw the cogs turning in his head, looking for a way out, an excuse to continue as is. As his lips opened to finally vocalize his reasons for it being pointless, she reached out and slapped a palm over them. After all, she already knew very well what he was going to say.

Yes, they had failed before. Yes, Yuna was hurting as a result of their perhaps misguided attempts to keep her content. Yes, even wasting the energy trying to think of a solution may be completely futile. Still…

"She deserves an ending." Rikku stated, her voice almost unrecognizable as deep and resonating authority, unable to not capture her friend's full attention. "Help me give her a good one…please."

Slowly she let her fingers trail off his lips, patiently waiting for the message to sink in. After an uncomfortable amount of tireless staring, his eyes began to fall, succumbing to neither her push into action nor his desire to defend. It was the despair that won in the end, taking over all other functions and taming his brain into submissive wallowing. He just wanted to sit there until it was over. Until he disappeared.

After all, what was the point anymore?

From somewhere beyond the wind, her heard Rikku sigh, followed by the clicking steps of her shoes on metal as she headed for the exit. She had given up, he realized with a sort of sadistic chuckle. Welcome to the club.

Life, in whatever definition he had a life, had long since become too much of a hassle, not worth the effort of protecting. And who knows what else he could do to Yuna in an attempt to continue pruning this half-existence? Not that it could get any worse. Not really.

He wondered that if Rikku knew, how would she react? Knowing that Yuna was in this state not because of the emotional stress of the pilgrimage nor the people's crushing expectations, but simply because he had been so reckless, so stupid, having put his personal desires above what she needed in order to consider her life complete.

She had almost died because of him. Technically, a part of her had died because of him. She had said it was because she wasn't eating right, hadn't been sleeping and had traveled too hard. But he knew, somehow, that it was his fault. Regardless of the fact that he should have forced her into taking better care of herself, the heart-wrenching reality remained that he wasn't exactly human. His body was a mere puppet, a mirage of something once real. He probably wouldn't age. He probably couldn't die. He most likely wouldn't be able to…create life. Not real life anyway.

Though trying to decipher the exact biology of it was beyond ridiculous, it was a fair to assume that people required both a body and a soul in order to be born in this world. Yuna's body had, for a while, accepted the physicality of whatever he was. But soon enough, not unexpectedly once consciousness began to develop, her system automatically and violently rejected the notion. For he had no soul. And half a soul was not enough to warrant existence either.

This…horrifying event was the final evidence that as anything he tried to create shouldn't exist, _he_ also shouldn't exist. It was the final nail in the coffin proving that even if he stayed, if they found another way to at least tame Sin so that he could spend the rest of his life trying to make things up to Yuna, they would never have anything close to a normal life. Nature was simply taking its course of taming the unnatural. He couldn't blame it. He also couldn't blame himself completely, for he had had no idea what he was at the time. If he had known, if he had been told just a few weeks earlier…how different things would have been on this very day?

A 'dream' Bahamut had called him.

What a ridiculous title.

If anything, he was more like a nightmare. One that arrived swiftly and suddenly, making its mark by mangling the host's sanity before hopefully, the sooner the better…dissipating. The only thing he could wish for, the only thing he now wanted, was for her to metaphorically wake up and begin to forget.

It was the only way she could ever be truly happy. For him, that was enough.

It had to be enough.

_Yuna…I'm sorry…_

_I'm so sorry…_

Despite all efforts, in one blink his vision had suddenly become completely obscured by a thick sheen of liquid sorrow.

Damn.

Hastily, he began wiping the tears away, knowing that if he didn't tame them now they would never stop falling. He wouldn't want them to ever stop. He didn't deserve to see the beauty of the world so clearly, knowing how bleak he had made it for the person he cared most for in all realties.

Jecht was right. He was such a crybaby.

"What's that?"

His head popped up to regard Rikku, still hovering near the hatch's threshold, her head pointed to the sky and thankfully oblivious to his blubbering. Or at least pretending to be. He silently thanked her for that, but also cursed her refusal to respect his isolation.

"I thought I made it obvious," he croaked out, no longer caring to hide the audible evidence of the wetness now travelling down both cheeks. "I need to be alone."

"Get over yourself Ti. I'm talking about that," she pointed to the sky which, to him, seemed to be nothing more than an endless stream of puffy white and pink clouds. "Don't you hear it?"

Despite the tumultuous desire he had to stomp off in search of true privacy, he knew that in the cramped quarters of the airship there was not one inch of space that would get any better than this. And so he remained rooted to the spot by sheer lack of options and therefore couldn't help but listen.

Gradually, over the wind and the motor, muffled voices began to surface. It was soft at first, almost indistinguishable from the hum of the engines. But then the pitch changed. Again and again. Until the words poked through the bubble as well. Familiar words.

_I-e-yu-i_

_No-bo-meno- _

It was impossible not to recognize the prayer he had been hearing over and over again for the past year. Not to mention the vague memories of his childhood in which he used to hum the very same melody.

"Its the hymn of the Fayth," he clarified, knowing that the song was still muffled enough that an Al Bhed who avoided temples was much less likely to recognize it. "We must be near Bevelle."

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

Tidus shrugged, his head still leaning back on the wall as his eyelids fluttered closed, letting the music wash over him. Somehow, despite the fact that the tears still refused to relent…it was comforting.

"Oh I get it." Again, he heard to clicking of her boots walking forward, this time towards the edge of the roof so that she could get a better acoustical perspective. "The main temple is in Bevelle, right? People are scared, so they gather there. They need hope. Everyone's just…waiting for Yuna."

Tidus nodded, though he wasn't sure if she was even looking at him. The melody was, for whatever reason, having a near narcotic effect on his body. Maybe because it was one of the rare, incorporeal items such as blitzball that linked his world to Spira, reminding him that everything, on even the most molecular level of thought, was still connected.

It was then that it hit him.

_The hymn!…Of course…_

His eyes shot open.

"Rikku?"

"GAH!" a hand suddenly appeared on her shoulder from out of nowhere, causing her to whip around with fists raised defensively, tottering on the edge of the airship's un-barricaded terrace. Tidus regarded her with an eyebrows raised smirk as she slowly shifted into a more natural stance while acknowledging that a) it was not an aggressor and b) his gloomy-eyed evil twin seemed to have disappeared. For now at least.

"You do love giving me heart-attacks don'tcha?" she mumbled in an attempt to catch her breath. "Why not just push me off and get it over with?"

Tidus laughed then. Though the reaction was a sharp contrast to his mood not two minutes prior, still, it seemed natural enough. "Would love to, _Neggi_," she cringed at the name, eyes narrowing maliciously "but then I wouldn't be able to bask in the glory of you bowing down to my brilliance. Ha!"

It was like nothing had changed. Like before he discovered Yuna's fate and was teasing her about her fear of thunder. She acknowledged the transformation with a wide grin, though still punching him in the shoulder to remind him who was boss.

"I take it you have a plan oh bipolar one?"

He nodded, the enthusiastic smile gaining vigor with every passing second. "It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner! This'll fix everything. You get Yuna to the bridge. Carry her if you have to. I'll get the others."

"Wait, wait!" she reached to grab his hand milliseconds before he managed to run off. "Do you know who you're talking to? I'm like eighty pounds with the muscle mass of a flan! _You_ go bring Yuna to the bridge, _I'll_ get the others. Kay?"

Though her request was meant to be an easy one, a simple correction to an oversight, she both felt and saw him tense at the suggestion. It was…unexpected to say the least. Not only because she was so used to him jumping at any chance he had to do as little as fetch a drink for Yuna, but because she had assumed that the plan of his would resolve whatever it was he had been mulling over these past few hours. If it was as "brilliant" as he was implying, if it would ensure the happy ending they both wanted for their summoner, then why didn't he want to share the good news himself, personally?

What did he have to hide…especially from Yuna?

"Ti…?" she asked tentatively, taking a step forward, hand still latched to his wrist. "What's going-"

"I'm fine," he interrupted, violently yanking himself free of her grip and making for the exit. "There's a lot to discuss. We need to get stronger first. Yuna can rest while we train. Just get her there for the planning session, okay?"

"Tidus! **Wait**! You can't just..."

But he was already gone, her words drowned out by the mechanical whir of the hatch door opening, then slamming shut. She was alone on the airship rooftop, her hand still extended to the place where it had gripped his wrist, feeling once again like every ounce of contentment had been sucked out of the world.

"You're a bad liar…" she whispered to the empty space, not knowing that it was far from the last time those words would follow him.

Beyond the clouds, somewhere in a world that seemed distant and cold, the hymn continued its haunting melody. Enforcing the cruel yet relieving certainty that, one way or another, the end was near.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I am so excited to have nearly completed my first full-fledged fic here on . According to my calculations, there's about three chapters to go (then again, I said that four chapters ago lol).

I know it's a little redundant now since we all already know how it's going to end, but still I hope you're all enjoying the dramatic ride that is my version of the final bits of FFX. I am setting things up for a potential sequel as you can probably tell since many questions about Tidus' "realism" now come into question, especially regarding whether they in fact can have a normal future together after the ending of X2.

Thank you again for all your reviews and support. The more I get, the faster I update of course :D. See you all next chapter!


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